I have a problem with my brother

[Ramadan90]

,

I have a problem with my brother. He is 22 and I am 21 years old. Two years ago my mother and my 6 younger siblings moved overseas to learn the deen so I live with my dad and my older brother. I am a med student, my father is a taxi driver and my brother is unemployed right now. When my mother moved, someone had to take her roll and it was me because I was the younger. I am the one who cleans the house, I am the one who do the food, I am the one who do the laundry EVERY DAY and on top of that I go to university. My father works long hours so I am more than willing to help my father, we works really hard for us.

The thing is that my brother doesnt do ANYTHING than eat, sleep and sit infront of the computer. I have said to him that he is addicted to computer games but he denies and that makes me so angry. He is NEVER thankful for everything I do and he makes the house even more dirty. This has led to that I cant even stand to see his face. I just had an argument with him today and I dont want to have an argument with my brother all the time. But it wont stop until he CHANGE himself. I am thinking of stop speaking to him until he changes himself. I will still do the house chores and food for him, because I dont want my father to be hurt.

Sorry for my bad english but I am not native english.

Any advice?


Thanks

 

[Abz2000]

same here bro,
i got a kafir brother who God knows why, but he acts crazy, and argues with everyone so we all do stuff just so mum doesn't have to,
be assured that Allah sees it and will reward you.
what's better? Allah's good pleasure or missing a few choirs?

 

[Ramadan90]

same here bro,
i got a kafir brother who God knows why, but he acts crazy, and argues with everyone so we all do stuff just so mum doesn't have to,
be assured that Allah sees it and will reward you.
what's better? Allah's good pleasure or missing a few choirs?

May Allah make him a muslim. It must be difficult.


I wish my other siblings were here so life could be a little more simpel, but I dont like to complain. The least thing I want from my brother is to be thankful, but he is not. He is taking everything for granted and it makes me so angry. I will do me and stop talking to him until he changes himself. I dont know what more I can do. My parents have talked to him and he always says "yes yes, I will change". I will not speak to him again until I see him change. I dont want to argue or getting high blod pressure from being angry, but enough is enough. He makes it VERY hard for me to respect him.

 

[Endymion]

Subhanallah,i wish you were my brother :hmm: do all the home chores,sigh...

First of all i want you to take it easy and know that you are not alone with such a problem.Majority of people have such burdens of earth in their houses who irritate them in some way.Its not easy to convince such a man but if you really want him to change,then let me tell you doing everything for him and stay quiet won't work.Have a sitting with your father and bro,tell them you have now become over burdened as you are a medical student and you need time for your studies.Divide the work between you and your bro and if he doesn't do that,stop preparing meals for him.Don't do his laundry just do your and your father's.Also,don't hate your brother in spite of not working for him.Pray for him, brother.The one who deserves your best attitudes is your family.Allah swt promise a never ending reward for patient ones.Inshallah you will get good reward for your good deeds but this is also a good deed if you try to change your brother and make him a useful being.

And if you can't go with any practical solution,then ignore his bad behaviors and pray for him.

 

[Ramadan90]

^^ Thanks sister! Me and my father have tried to talk to him multiple times, but it doesnt work.

Sometimes I am just tired of being " the responsible" and "favourite" child. I cant be perfect all the time. Too much responsibility. I swear without Islam I would go crazy. It makes life so much easier.

 

[Endymion]

Alhamdulillah you have the connection with Allah SWT.Thats the most precious one,brother.Noone elase can console you like Quran can Subhanallah.And in hard times,its a divine help,a blessing that you connect yourself with Allah swt.I know its hard to change a person but my little brother,never get tired of advicing him.Keep trying to convince him and keep trying to make him work and Inshallah,you'll see a change.May He SWT ease your affairs and reward you abundantly.

The people live behindus have 13 kids and the youngest boy is my bro's friend who have to do lots of work even cleaning the bath rooms.One day he came to my bro and told him,"there is a Persian saying,God make one a dog but not the youngest brother,its hell right ;D

sorry

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

,

I have a problem with my brother. He is 22 and I am 21 years old. Two years ago my mother and my 6 younger siblings moved overseas to learn the deen so I live with my dad and my older brother. I am a med student, my father is a taxi driver and my brother is unemployed right now. When my mother moved, someone had to take her roll and it was me because I was the younger. I am the one who cleans the house, I am the one who do the food, I am the one who do the laundry EVERY DAY and on top of that I go to university. My father works long hours so I am more than willing to help my father, we works really hard for us.

The thing is that my brother doesnt do ANYTHING than eat, sleep and sit infront of the computer. I have said to him that he is addicted to computer games but he denies and that makes me so angry. He is NEVER thankful for everything I do and he makes the house even more dirty. This has led to that I cant even stand to see his face. I just had an argument with him today and I dont want to have an argument with my brother all the time. But it wont stop until he CHANGE himself. I am thinking of stop speaking to him until he changes himself. I will still do the house chores and food for him, because I dont want my father to be hurt.

Sorry for my bad english but I am not native english.

Any advice?


Thanks

Jazakallahu khayr for sharing your issues with us. It seems as though your brother feels comfortable because he has no responsibilities. He is used to this type of lifestyle because this is the way things have been for so long and he is comfortable the way he is. Much of the time a person will not appreciate what they have until it is gone.

I think you should have a word with your father on his day of to speak to him and the both of you should work together to try and get him to take more responsibility. If you only take action then your brother may still not see any need to change his ways but if you and your father both urge your brother to take action and also you begin to stop doing things for him in order to push him to start being more pro active then this may urge him to begin changing his ways.

What i would advise you is not to be forceful or attack or argue with him but use wisdom and tact. Your father should have a word with him to tell him to begin acting more mature and taking more responsibility because the longer he remains like this the harder it will be for him to change. So have a word with your father about this situation and the need for your brother to become more mature and take more responsibiity. Both of you need to make him realise how hard your father works for your family and the fact that he should at least appreciate that knowing the fact that your father is older in age and he is younger yet despite his youth he does not even lay a finger in the house and that such a thing is shameful. He needs to be told this by his father as you saying it may get him defensive and you will only start an argument with him which is counter productive.

Also make much dua for him and for your father and family and i hope things work out for the best inshallah.

 

[Ramadan90]

Thank you so much for your replies!

Update: Last week me, my brother and father talked. He promised that he would change. What happened? Nothing. Lol. As I suspected. I dont know what to do anymore than stop talking to him. He needs to realize that I am serious. I have forgiven him TOO many times. I am willing to forgive him anytime, but he has to change first. I dont know what else to do. We had arguments again and he says that I think I am perfect and all that. I am not trying to be perfect, I am just doing my best in everything I do. I dont know what to do. :/

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

assalamu alaikum


dont forget bro that he is still your brother, mashAllah for everything you do but you should never stop communicating with him.


help him ,Allah has helped you and given you the tawfeeq to do the amount you do. For some reason Allah has not given him the same tawfeeq hence he is stuck in this sluggish spiral that you speak of.

Help him, talk to him, give him the encouragement needed.

I have 5 brothers myself and if any of us say anything to the other we feel greatly embarassed, im sure your brother feels the same. It all depends on how you speak, and how you behave.


Trust me bro, he is probably struggling with inner dimensional issues, make dua for him.



May ALlah reward you for what you do, are doing and have done.

 

[Ali_008]

:wasalamex

All brothers grow up to have issues with each other. Other than the Prophets like Ismail-Is'haaq & Eesa-Yahya (peace be upon them) and Sahaba like Hassan-Husain (RadhiAllahu Anhum), I'm yet to see brothers who have zero problems between them. Although I do know two brothers in my area who are very active in deen mashAllah, but I have never seen them talk. I'm not implying that they don't, but I think even they have minimal communication.

You can choose to stop doing his chores, and ask him to do it himself. You'll make him a lazy a** if you keep letting him just sleep and spend time on the computer. I know a person very close to me who suffers from this disease of laziness and is in great pain because of it at the moment. Not for your frustration, get him to work for his own good.

 

[Ramadan90]

assalamu alaikum


dont forget bro that he is still your brother, mashAllah for everything you do but you should never stop communicating with him.


help him ,Allah has helped you and given you the tawfeeq to do the amount you do. For some reason Allah has not given him the same tawfeeq hence he is stuck in this sluggish spiral that you speak of.

Help him, talk to him, give him the encouragement needed.

I have 5 brothers myself and if any of us say anything to the other we feel greatly embarassed, im sure your brother feels the same. It all depends on how you speak, and how you behave.


Trust me bro, he is probably struggling with inner dimensional issues, make dua for him.



May ALlah reward you for what you do, are doing and have done.

He will always be my brother and I love him, but he needs to realize that he is a grown up. Not a child. I am not trying him to feel embaressed, he is my brother. I am telling him the truth(even if it hurts) because he is my brother. I dont want to be a "yes man". I am worried for him.

Brother, I have talked to him in good manner so many times and it ends with that he promise that he will change. But nothing never happens. Maybe he is naturally lazy, but that isnt an excuse though.

 

[Ramadan90]

:wasalamex

All brothers grow up to have issues with each other. Other than the Prophets like Ismail-Is'haaq & Eesa-Yahya (peace be upon them) and Sahaba like Hassan-Husain (RadhiAllahu Anhum), I'm yet to see brothers who have zero problems between them. Although I do know two brothers in my area who are very active in deen mashAllah, but I have never seen them talk. I'm not implying that they don't, but I think even they have minimal communication.

You can choose to stop doing his chores, and ask him to do it himself. You'll make him a lazy a** if you keep letting him just sleep and spend time on the computer. I know a person very close to me who suffers from this disease of laziness and is in great pain because of it at the moment. Not for your frustration, get him to work for his own good.

I have tried it, but my father became angry and said that I should do food for all of us. I dont want to drag my father into this mess. If I keep doing everything for him, when will he take responsibility? How will he be responsible for his family? I am even harming him more because I am giving him everything.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Brother, I have talked to him in good manner so many times and it ends with that he promise that he will change. But nothing never happens. Maybe he is naturally lazy, but that isnt an excuse though.

like i sed bro, it is a really hard struggle, so I say keep making dua, keep trying.

he may never break out of it, believe me im in a bit of a sticky situation myself at home which I wont even talk about lol, but this is life my brother

 

[Ramadan90]

like i sed bro, it is a really hard struggle, so I say keep making dua, keep trying.

he may never break out of it, believe me im in a bit of a sticky situation myself at home which I wont even talk about lol, but this is life my brother

I will keep making dua.

Lol, believe me bro. Its ALL about habits. If you force your self then you wont become lazy anymore. Its all about self discipline.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ what I find is that once you start somethin, ur body and mind kinda takes over. ... its that initial push tahts so difficult

 

[Ramadan90]

^ what I find is that once you start somethin, ur body and mind kinda takes over. ... its that initial push tahts so difficult

That is very true. If you keep pushing yourself for a month or more, it will come very natural to you. Like second nature. My productivity level has increased a lot because I have pushed myself for a longer time.