I have no idea what is going on or what to do

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AnonymousPoster

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Salam everyone,

Right now i am at a part in my life where i am truly lost. Our family has recentely found out that our father has been cheating on my mother and we all confronted him and i really lost it i yelled at him in a way that he was at a lost of words. He then talked to me in private where i went on telling him i dont care what happenes to him, i dont want him to be part of my family and i said some pretty mean and bad things to him. My mom talked to me and told me i should have never acted the way i acted and that in islam you should never talk to you father like this. Now my father is all alone he walks around the house sad and numb, he has no life in him. After alot of people came to me and told me the way i talked to him was uneccesary i started to feel bad. He told me a while ago it is not what it seems, and everyone is trying to make him look like something he is not. In the morning i wake up and cant believe what i did and what has happened. My dad and i have always had a close relationship but now it is all gone. I told him to leave me alone and i told him to not be part of my life. I dont know if my parents will get a divorce and if they do i know it will be my fault because i told him that i dont want him here and no one else does. I kind of spoke for everyone when i should have not. Now when i pray im not consentrating i think about other things and dont care. I use to be very religious but now i have lost all my faith. I feel nothing when i pray and when i do i just want to finish it. I dont no whats wrong with me. Now alot of little things get me very very very depressed. I dont know what to do. Please tell me how to handle the situation with my father? Sometimes i feel like saying sorry but sometimes i dont care and i just stay away from him. How can i get back into islam? Have i gone astray? I just want everything to go back to normal. This is killing me inside and i get more depressed every single day. Please help me.
Thanks
 
:sl:

Very sad, just pray to ALLAH, May ALLAH SWT guide your father and you must take care your mother, as she needs someone to comfort her.

:w:
 
Asalamu Alaikum,

I would tell you that it's gonna be ok... but the fact of the matter is... it's never gonna be ok... You just have to get used to the pain... Neither will you be able to forget what has happened...

What he did is a very bad act in islam... but the matter is between him and Allah.

The only thing you do have intact is your faith in Allah... but even that.. you feel is fading away fast... what you need to do is.. concentrate on your relationship with Allah and focus on your deen... thats the first step... you have to help yourself.. in order to help anyone else...

Make duah to Allah and try your best to focus on things in your personal life... before you attempt to figure out what your going to tell your father... you need to collect your thoughts and establish a stance in the whole situation....

Once you've figured everything out... you should tell your dad what has happened is a terrible thing... but your sorry for what you have said... and if you want to forgive him for what he has done.. you can tell him at that time... I do believe that you should be merciful to others in order to receive mercy of Allah swt... even though this is a reallllllly big thing in a family..

I dunno whether you should seek professional help or not.. you decide on that matter.. because, children going through divorce need some kind of counceling... whether its from friends, forums, or professional level... but the best councelling is from Allah swt..

Don't forget, Allah is the most merciful.. so he forgives ALL sins if he wishes...

I wouldn't recommend your parents getting divorced, because it makes Allah very angry. On the other hand... its totally up to your mother and her children... I would as you guys to forgive him... in one condition.. that he makes sincere repentence and makes a promise to never do it again... but that all is up to you guys.. whether you are willing to be that merciful or not..

Think about what would happen if they did get a divorce... he will still remain your father but he'll be in a different place... and you'll have to visit two different places for eid..etc.. your family wouldn't be together ever again..

I ask all of you to take your time in thinking about the solutions... and deal with this sitaion with patience so you can make smart decisions.. and not based on what shataan has whispered in your ears..

May Allah make it easy for you... all of your family members as well, Inshallah.
May Allah forgive your father for his sins...
May Allah grant you and your family sucess inshallah...

W'salaamz,
Hamid
 
Leave the time to pass...don't remind him anything from what happened between you two.Don't forget he has a hard time with your mom, facing her negative feelings, so most of his actual feelings go to your mom, what with happen with them.
 
Don't let the Shaytan use your emotions against you. Remember, you still have to worship Allah and in time He will ease your pain.
 
salamz bro/sis

to be quite frank i don't know why you're pegging your faith onto people's actions, just because your dad done a mistake, doesn't mean you should lose your iman over that...

life is a test, parents are part of them, i'm not defending your dads actions... but you should never lose hope in Allah regardless what happens to yourself or family... compare yourself to the prophets, what you are expereincing is nothinggg compared to the hardship and problems they went through.

As for what you should do, do your best to reconcile yourself with your dad... if you find it hard to go upto him and say 'look im sorry about the way i spoke to you', perhpas you could write him a letter apologising and at same time giving him advice and asking him for forgiveness...

i think that's a very effective way of going about it.... If your dad repents, don't discourage him, encourage him and maybe because of your actions he will become a better person inshaAllah and your relationship will be re-installed.

take care all the best!
salamz

i disagree with tania's advise, from experience, letting time pass can be catastrophic, it just adds to your misery.
 
sis/bruv all i can say is patients and never lose hope in Allah swt, thats tehbworst you can do! your father did wrong but he didi bring you up, and you still have to respect him. what he did may been for a reason, it doesnt make it right but hear him out, and apologize for what you said because it maybe to late and you'll regret it. swaloow you prid and do right in the eyes of allah swt! all the best!
 
lolwatever said:
i disagree with tania's advise, from experience, letting time pass can be catastrophic, it just adds to your misery.
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Than take action:) make a coffee or something what he like and give it to him..he will understand thats your first move
 
Unlike Digital Storm, I will tell you that things will be okay!
That doesn't mean that things will be as they were before, or that there won't be wounds and hurts that need healing ... but time is a great healer, and once you and your family have gone through the process of working through this situation, things will settle down and you will find a new balance.

I agree that you should try to be respectful to your father, even when he committed a serious wrong. But equally it may be useful for your father to see how much pain his actions have inflicted - not just on his wife, but also to the wider family!

I admire your mother for seemingly being so calm, understanding and forgiving - but sometimes we need to show our hurt and anger, just to let others know and understand how their actions affect us!

As for your blip in your faith, that may be a normal reaction as well!
Seek God as much as you can, but don't wory too much if he seems distant. Chances are, you are distracted by other things at the moment, and cannot truly give yourself to God.
Trust that God will keep you and carry you trough this - even if it doesn't fell like that right now!

I wish you and your family peace. :)
 
Salam sis,

You must talk to your father. if he is feeling sad after your outburst, it may be that he is cursing himself for putting his family through this hell. If you talk to him openly about why he had an affair he may tell you what made him do it. Not that there is an excuse for it, but if your father is unhappy in his marriage then at least those issues can be brought into the open and discussed. They can then even be resolved InshaAllah.

If every turns against your father now, he will be pushed further away. Take it upon urself to find out why he acted so foolishly. All is not lost yet. This awful experience may even bring the family closer together. Sometimes spouses take each other for granted and get slack into fulfilling each others rights. This creates a distance and a doorway to such actions. You must encourage your father and mother to talk about why your father did this.

As for you being blamed for divorce if it happens, in no way will it be your fault. Any person blaming you will be nothing more than a coward who will try to shift the blame on you. Refuse to accept it.

lolwatever said:
salamz bro/sis

to be quite frank i don't know why you're pegging your faith onto people's actions, just because your dad done a mistake, doesn't mean you should lose your iman over that...
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It's easier said than done bro. Ideally it shouldn't be that way, but depression is a very hard thing to fight. Make duaa for the sister. A broken heart takes time to heal.

wa' alaikum aslam.
 
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^^ it may be so, depression is not what we're suppose to avoid, but the test is whether we'll give up our deen over depression or feelings like that.

may allah help the sis (i got a feeling its a sis too lol)
tc salamz
 
lolwatever;456292]^^ it may be so, depression is not what we're suppose to avoid, but the test is whether we'll give up our deen over depression or feelings like that.
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I know bro ur right. But it happens. I think the reason is that when your so full of pain you can't concentrate on salah or anything else. Then cuz of that you can't pray. It's like ur just going thru' the actions and aren't even aware you're in Allah's presence. It's a horrible thing to go through. Been there.

may allah help the sis (i got a feeling its a sis too lol)
tc salamz
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oops same here : ) & Ameen to ur duaa
 
:sl:

I feel really bad for you, because of what has happened.
I will give you the same advice as some other here did;
Do NOT loose your faith in Allah (swt). Pray to Allah (for help) and He will help you, do not let this thing with your father destroy your faith. I believe it won't if you just would realise, that in times like these, there is nobody else than Allah (swt) who can give you strenght, help you and whom you can rely on completely. Because Allah (swt) doesn't make mistakes. Everything happens for a reason.

And to be completely honest, I think your reaction is fully understandable. You are only human, and you love your father and he hurted you so bad, by hurting another person you love, your mother, so how can people even think that it was bad of you to react like you did? I know I would do the same...
What I want to say is, it was OK for you to react so strongly and let's be honest, you told your father what he did to you has hurted you really badly and this on the other hand shows how much you love him...

Now when you told him how you felt, go and listen to what he has got to say.
I beg you to do so, because if not, you will regret it. Pray for strenght from Allah (swt) and confront him. Ask all questions you have, he will have no choice but to say at least something. You NEED to hear him say something, because without that he has talked to you, you will not get over this depression.

Allah (swt) gave you two ears and one mouth, so listen more than you talk.

Listen to him... And inshallah, things will be better soon.
Also, I'd like to add, when you have talked with your father, you must talk with your mother. No, even better, ask her how she feels, how she is doing and if you can do anything. She is also suffering. You are suffering together, so make sure you both will help each other get through this...

May Allah (swt) help you and your family!

Aameen to all the duas.

:w:
 
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If I was in ya shoes I dunno Wat Id do but since I have a very very VERY short fuse I probably wud have reacted twice as badly as U think U have, at the end of the day ya dad shud have thought about what he was duin and who wud be affected by his actions, call me stone haerted but i have absolutely NO SYMPATHY for men who commit adultery or cheat on their wives, they deserve everythin they get. Me and my dad have a VERY VERY VERY TYT bond but despite this I dont think Id ever be able to luk at him again if he ever did sumthin like that NEVER....not that my dad wud ever do sumat like that in the first place. I dunno ya mum seems to be on ya dads side depsite what hes done and Id probs feel bad like U 2 if i was you, maybe you shud jus Text him sorry lol thats what i do if ever I need to tell my dad sumat and I cant say it face to face lol but then dats me lol. Also depends on the actual situation between ya parents too and this third person involved, my cousin da KUTHA (yh that means dog) went off with this other woman now lives with her and has children with her, has no contact with his family watsoever and his children absolutely DESPISE him they HATE him, obviously I hope more then anythin that your situation isnt like this and if it is I think you shud make ya dad aware of the consequences and give him examples like the one I provided.

I pray that everythin works out for you and ya family, take it easy many duas cumin ur way
 
^lol I've just gone blind :shade: sis cant read ur post.. it's way too pink!
 
Assalamualaikum,

what a sad thing for your parents that this has happened. All I can say is that your own decision as to what is right in your own interactions with them must only be that which enables your mind to stay focused in Prayer, InshAllah, that is your best providence to a solution for your parents, wasalam
 
Salam
If your parents get divorced it's not by your doing..so please don't put that extra blame upon yourself. Also, I can definitely understand how you reacted as you did. No offense, but it's good that your dad is feeling bad-it means he has some sort of a conscience. Don't feel bad that you reacted how you did. It's better that your dad fully sees the repercussions of his actions, rather than your family being fake and him not feeling bad.
 
Im sorry u r family is experiencing this difficult,but remember,never let ur relationship with Allah to suffer coz ur`s with ur dad is suffering.shaytaan has gotten a fat chance in ur anger.

for once,put ur self in ur fathers shoes,how horrible he must be feeling.with everyone hating him for his actions,losing da respect and honour of those he loves da most.imagine how ur mums anger is tearing him apart? just think abt it.i`m not excusing his actions,give him a chance to expalin his side of da story.let Allah judge him.
u need to talk to him,listen to him.u might be surprised of wat he has to say.dont shun him before a fair dialogue.
 

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