I have no idea what to do

[anonymous]

Assalamu Alaykum,

Firstly, this forum has helped me so much ma'sha'Allah, it is such a balanced, moderate place where I can learn about Islam and I often recommend it to my non-Muslim friends. I have been a lurker on here for a while now :smile:

I am having an issue with the hijab. I am 17 years old, I come from a non-practising Afghani-Muslim family, hijab is NOT observed at all and I have relatives who go to nightclubs and drink alcohol. That's fine, they're my family and I love them. When I was around 14 I just felt profoundly incomplete and that was when I turned back to my Deen, Alhamdulillah, I began to dress more modestly and read salah and fast and three years later I am by no means a particularly good Muslim but I'm trying.

Two years ago I had a strong desire to wear the hijab, my family were completely against it. I mean completely against it. I tried and tried for over a year gently persuading them until one day I snapped and had an awful argument with my parents. Now I am no closer to wearing the hijab that I was two years ago - subhanAllah my family don't understand how painful it is for me step out of the house with my hair uncovered, that I am committing a major sin and will be punished in the akhirah for it. They don't understand at all but I feel so humiliated and exposed - and it is my fault, I know I shouldn't be listening to them or obeying them but perhaps my iman is weak. I make dua in sujood that I can wear the hijab ASAP and that Allah SWT forgives me for not trying harder.

My parents are convinced I'd never get married if I wore the hijab and that I am 'oppressing' myself. I'm getting to that age where proposals are coming and I honestly don't mind getting married when I'm 19/20 as they want, I'm just worried.. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to get married and find myself with someone who has the same mentality as everyone else - anti-hijab.

Please keep me in your duas, barakAllahu fikum.

 

[ajr]

Wa Alaikom Salaam,

That is indeed sad. Allah tests us all differently and this is your journey.... Alhamdulillah.

Today we have parents begging kids to have hayya, your situation is the reverse. Sadly parents aren't always right. The one that Created you, Created your partner aswell and what is meant for you will come to you, by Allahs Decree.

What is Hayya?
Hayya itself is derived from the word hayat which means life. This term covers a wide number of concepts.
In English, it may be translated as modesty, shyness, self-respect, bashfulness, shame, honour, humility, etc.
Hayya plays a huge role in the lives of Muslims because it is a very important part of our Iman (faith/belief). If we do not have any form of haya within us then it is most likely that our Iman is very weak.
The good Hayyâ’ is to be ashamed to commit a sin or a thing which Allah and His Messenger ( Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) ) has forbidden, and bad Hayyâ’ is to feel ashamed to do a thing, which Allah and His Messenger (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) ordered to do.


Its hard to advise a person to disrespect/disregard parents, but at the same time if a parents teachings go against Allah then the task becomes easier...if we look at Nabi Ebrahim (as) we find that he respected his father, but couldn't adhere to what he ascribed to, your situation not being near ascribing partners, but the principal is the same, we are governed by rules/Laws.

*I actually find wearing hijab liberating, i feel like a precious jewel protected in a casing, much like a pearl, diamond etc*

Have you tried speaking to an elder in your family or your local sheikh/imam?

May Allah make it easy for you Ameen Allahuma Ameen

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

I started wearing the hijab around your age. No one in my family was wearing it either, and there were no Muslims at my school at the time as well. I understand that aspect of your story because you're not getting the support or that "push" that you need to finally do it. I don't know much about the Afghan community, but why not just wear it without asking first? What's going to happen if you just put it on and walk out with it?

 

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:


sis , may Allah reward u for ur struggle wearing hijab and may Allah makes it easy for u .

may Allah guide all parents .

 

[theplains]

From time to time I see some countries trying to ban the total covering of a Muslim woman.
In Canada, I see more of the case where the Muslim lady covers her hair but reveals her
face. In school or at work, this helps to facilitate a conversation. But I have sometimes
heard where a non-Muslim woman is not allowed to walk on the streets of a country like
Saudi Arabia without covering her hair because this would cause an issue for Muslim men.

Would Allah approve of societies forcing a Hindu or Buddhist woman to also wear a head-
covering when walking the city streets if it went against her faith?

Thanks
Jim

 

[ajr]

Would Allah approve of societies forcing a Hindu or Buddhist woman to also wear a head-
covering when walking the city streets if it went against her faith?

The country you speak of stipulates the rules before people actually go work there, those women accept those conditions. So its really not a case of forcing is it? Its really a case of, if you really want to work there then follow the rules.

You need to define against their religion because i have seen many buddhist and hindu women wearing scarves, for instance the sari (traditional hindu dress comes with a scarf) they wear that when they attend weddings, funerals or any social gathering...i have seen buddhist women in villages wear the head scarf... so i really don't understand. Enlighten me

 

[anonymous]

Jazakimullahu khayran for replying, and ameen thumma ameen to all of your duas,

The Afghani community is unfortunately one of the least practising Muslim communities - people expect us to be the 'strictest' perhaps because of how the media portrays Afghanistan in general. My grandmother and her relatives used to wear the niqab and burqa - only to take it off and discourage their daughters and granddaughters from wearing it :unhappy:

I have tried walking outside with the hijab on, that resulted in a colossal argument, refusing to leave the house with me. I had lots of arguments when I wanted to wear long skirts and full sleeves and that was so immensely difficult and still is that at the moment hijab is in another dimension. My family are 'upper-middle- class', very westernised Muslims and for them hijab and religiosity is a symbol of subjugation and illiteracy, being backward etc. They are convinced none of my cousins would ever ask for my hand in marriage if I wore the hijab - it is just not done in their social circle. I know they love and want the best for me, unfortunately they are just considering my success in the dunya, not my success in the akhirah which is all I want.

Perhaps this is a trial from Allah SWT, but if I can say this I wish it had not been something which caused so much difficult - I feel like crying when I leave the house and I don't feel like going out anymore. I will try to have sabr, when I get married and I am more independent I will not let anyone dictate to me how I should dress. My parents are my parents which is why I have to listen to them - after that no one else has any say in my observation of hijab, not even my husband.

May Allah SWT keep you all in the best of iman and health, and please keep me in your duas. :sunny:

 

[anonymous]

Also, do men find women who wear the hijab so incredibly unattractive that they don't want to marry them? I think hijab is beautiful, it truly enhances the beauty of a women because when she is obeying her Lord, protecting her modesty, a nur just seems to illuminate her face - I do like to dress nicely but modestly, but apparently the more skin you reveal the more 'attractive' you are - if this is what the dunya wants then I'm truly beginning to understand that in this world we are in exile - our true home is elsewhere.

 

[ajr]

my dear girl, i admire your tenacity...I too admire your convictions of pleasing Allah and that that is the cornerstone of your dilemma you find facing you.

I agree with you, a woman does have that glow upon her, maybe i feel it only because i see women who adhere to the commands of Allah as a different kind of beauty.

It saddens me much that you find yourself in such a dilemma, but at the same time knowing that you will not bear a burden that is too hard to handle and that this is your jihad...Alhamdulillah...Allah chooses certain people for certain tests. In sha Allah you will come out the victor...Ameen Allahuma Ameen...

May Allah guide your parents to haq...and may He make it easy on you Ameen Allahuma Ameen

Much love xoxo

 

[ardianto]

They are convinced none of my cousins would ever ask for my hand in marriage if I wore the hijab

Actually not the hijab itself that can make you hard to get a husband, but limitation to choose the husband which limited only in small community that do not like hijab. If you could choose a husband from outside the community, In Shaa Allah, there would be someone who interested to marry you.

But I am sorry. Since this is cultural matter, I have no idea how to tell your parents.

Also, do men find women who wear the hijab so incredibly unattractive that they don't want to marry them?

When I start thinking about marriage in late of 80's I did not consider hijabi to be my wife because I saw them as, to be honest, backward. That's why my late wife did not wear hijab when I married her.

But then the society view on hijab started to be changed. People did not see hijab as symbol of backwardness again. Many women started to wear hijab. I began to see hijabi women as beautiful. And my late wife finally decided to wear hijab.

 

[BeTheChange]

Asalamualykum,

It's very sad to read your parents are against something so beautiful, so pure and so good.

Sadly, the western's brainwashing agenda has worked on some people and negative connotations are automatically associated with the veil, hijaab, jilbaab and so on.

Alhamdulilah, it's great to hear to know you are able to see beyond the superficial and the lies.

Emaan does have a very unique way of speaking to our souls and feeds our souls with so much love that it's hard to disclose your love, even if you were to try.

If you haven't already done so speak to your parents, write a letter (if it's easier for you) or ask someone they respect to be your advocate and express your wishes.

Regardless of what your parents say wear the hijaab straight away.

Don't delay this act as the next minute isn't guaranteed and we don't want to die in major sin. In sha Allah.

Don't listen to the shaytaan by delaying the good deed for tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes!

From what you have wrote i would imagine your parents to be very angry with you and may continue to emotionally blackmail you i.e. you won't find a partner etc.

These are all worldly concerns and if you don't find a partner wearing the hijaab guess what? Say Alhamdulilah, because no believing woman wants a non-practicing husband.

Alhamdulilah to Allah swt for saving us from unknown danger and harm.

Am sure you would agree & would prefer to die believing the commandment of Allah than following the commandment of the creation.

You have to stay strong and be consistent and expect trials and tribulations as we are in dunya.

Listen to the Quraan for peace and tranquility and constantly make dua to Allah swt.

I know it will be very hard and emotionally draining for you but this experience in sha Allah will make you stronger.

True freedom is submitting to Allah swt - if only we were wise enough to understand this.


P.S - If your parents speak badly to you or start shouting and so on - Try and remain calm and try and show respect in sha Allah & make dua for your parents EVERY day. May Allah swt guide them Ameen.

May Allah swt assist you and help you through this situation Ameen.

 

[BeTheChange]

Asalamualykum again,

Please visit http://www.kalamullah.com/sisters08.html for more information.

Jazahka Allah.