You didn't answer my question. Is your "friendship" against the will of the Merciful and His Messenger SAAS? (Please read my previous post.)
I know I'm going to sound stupid, but...
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You didn't answer my question. Is your "friendship" against the will of the Merciful and His Messenger SAAS? (Please read my previous post.)
BananaPancakes
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With no disrespect intended, what you say here is nonsense and exactly the kind of reason young girls get taken advantage of by guys. The whole 'nobody understands me! :'( nobody cares about me! :'( Only HE does YAY, I'm so glad he's in my life! :statisfie' What about his vested interests in keeping you happy and saying and doing things that will keep you happy? Have you stopped to give that a thought?
Remember this: Paedophiles can make little girls feel the way you feel about him. It can and does happen. Obviously, the paedo has vested interests in making the girls feel like that. Think about it.
Bottom line: It is haram to mingle with the opposite sex. Don't flirt. Don't be lax. Keep it formal. Don't become 'friends' with guys. Preserve your modesty.[/QUOTE]
Omg, it's not like that! I'm going to say this only because I don't know any of you, and it's usually something I don't tell ANYONE. But I come from a big family and being the middle child, everybody gets treated better than I do. And it is the truth. Where my older brother and younger sisters get everything paid for for them, I HAVE to get a job making $9/hour so I can put my ass through school. I don't complain, but I think parents take that kind of thing for granted. And don't say things about pedophiles because I was actually molested as a child by someone that was very close to me. Nobody knows about this, and I try to keep it a secret. So what you said is really hard to swallow. And I am not like most other girls. I've never "crushed" for a guy, and I avoid those losers with "game". This is one person that I just feel so comfortable around, who treats me with respect, and has NEVER once said anything disrespectful to me, or flirted or any of that stuff. He just does things for me, and indirectly makes sure I'm okay. Which is so different from everybody else I know who only want stuff from ME. And I'm trying to break ties with him, but I'm not going to pretend I don't care about him, because I do. I want him to be happy and healthy and all that stuff. And sorry about saying that stuff about the people on the board, but I'm getting fed up with all those muslims who don't talk to girls but are arrogant as ****, are racist, are rude, and have never donated/volunteered for the sole purpose of wanting to help other people. Not that you guys are like that in the slightest
. I'm just saying. Anyways, I'm actually trying here, but you guys are pretty good about making me feel like some stupid girl who doesn't know what's good for her, when you really never even met me. And I'm sure if you met Gus you'd agree that he's the nicest person. He's a nerd! He only talks to ONE girl really. And he's a total Mama's boy.
Remember this: Paedophiles can make little girls feel the way you feel about him. It can and does happen. Obviously, the paedo has vested interests in making the girls feel like that. Think about it.
Bottom line: It is haram to mingle with the opposite sex. Don't flirt. Don't be lax. Keep it formal. Don't become 'friends' with guys. Preserve your modesty.[/QUOTE]
Omg, it's not like that! I'm going to say this only because I don't know any of you, and it's usually something I don't tell ANYONE. But I come from a big family and being the middle child, everybody gets treated better than I do. And it is the truth. Where my older brother and younger sisters get everything paid for for them, I HAVE to get a job making $9/hour so I can put my ass through school. I don't complain, but I think parents take that kind of thing for granted. And don't say things about pedophiles because I was actually molested as a child by someone that was very close to me. Nobody knows about this, and I try to keep it a secret. So what you said is really hard to swallow. And I am not like most other girls. I've never "crushed" for a guy, and I avoid those losers with "game". This is one person that I just feel so comfortable around, who treats me with respect, and has NEVER once said anything disrespectful to me, or flirted or any of that stuff. He just does things for me, and indirectly makes sure I'm okay. Which is so different from everybody else I know who only want stuff from ME. And I'm trying to break ties with him, but I'm not going to pretend I don't care about him, because I do. I want him to be happy and healthy and all that stuff. And sorry about saying that stuff about the people on the board, but I'm getting fed up with all those muslims who don't talk to girls but are arrogant as ****, are racist, are rude, and have never donated/volunteered for the sole purpose of wanting to help other people. Not that you guys are like that in the slightest
. I'm just saying. Anyways, I'm actually trying here, but you guys are pretty good about making me feel like some stupid girl who doesn't know what's good for her, when you really never even met me. And I'm sure if you met Gus you'd agree that he's the nicest person. He's a nerd! He only talks to ONE girl really. And he's a total Mama's boy.BananaPancakes
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Yeah, I know it's wrong. That's why I'm trying to stop it. I'm trying not to contact him (he's no longer on my phone address list), but it's hard. I just don't think its fair that people on this board are judging him...He's really a great guy. And I hate most guys out there so... Point is, I'm trying to end this relationship, but I still care and what the best for him, like I do for everyone else in the world. And some guy thinks I'm just a stupid girl who doesn't know anything and falls in love with "bad boys". If this were the case, he would have tried to convince me to do stuff with him already. He doesn't even flirt, he's just treats me better than I've ever been treated by anyone in my life, and it is genuine. I don't think of him in a sexual way or anything, just the same way I think of everyone else that I respect and care about, because he respects and cares about me. I hate those lame guys who try to take advantage of girls. Anyone who's a smooth talker is instantly avoided by me. I'm not stupid.
I'm very sorry to hear that. Parents should treat their children justly.
But in Allah's sight you are valuable.
Alpha Dude
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Sister, I don't believe he's a 'bad' person. I make no judgement on him. I intend not to, but if from my last post it seems that way, then I apologise.
The problem I see is with your current perception and mentality. It's quite 'typical' of teenage girls, I've noticed. They yearn to be appreciated.
That's all well and good, but you shouldn't seek appreciation from unlawful sources.
Just because your own close ones don't give you the attention/love that you crave, doesn't mean they don't love you. In fact, they love you unconditionaly.
The fact is, your family have known you your entire life. They take you for granted, in a sense because you're not new to them. They've known you long enough and gotten used to you so much that they don't shower you attention etc that you want. They have every right to be like this.
They don't have the time or resources to spend every waking moment into making you feel good, loved and appreciated. You're not new to them.
Whereas, in the case of this guy, you're a new thing to him and so inevitably he's going to be enthusiastic about pleasing you. Imagine for a second that you guys got married and 10 years down the line, he got used to you too and stopped being the attentive and appreciative guy that he was? What if another guy came to you at that time and started giving you the attention that you wanted? Would you think only this new guy cares about you?
For the record, I don't think you're stupid. I'm trying to advise you. Not patronise nor judge.
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I'm glad to hear that. May Allah reward you for your deed and your pure heart and make it easy on you.
Sister, please read the following:
Prophet Muhammad's Last Sermon
This sermon was delivered on the Ninth day of Dhul al Hijjah 10 A.H. in the 'Uranah valley of Mount Arafat.
After praising, and thanking God, he SAAS said:
"O People, listen well to my words, for I do not know whether, after this year, I shall ever be amongst you again. Therefore listen to what I am saying to you very carefully and take these words to those who could not be present today.
O People, just as you regard this month, this day, this city as Sacred, so regard the life and property of every Muslim as a sacred trust. Return the goods entrusted to you to their rightful owners. Treat others justly so that no one would be unjust to you. Remember that you will indeed meet your LORD, and that HE will indeed reckon your deeds. God has forbidden you to take usury (riba), therefore all riba obligation shall henceforth be waived. Your capital , however, is yours to keep. You will neither inflict nor suffer inequity. God has judged that there shall be no riba and that all the riba due to `Abbas ibn `Abd al Muttalib shall henceforth be waived.
Every right arising out of homicide in pre-Islamic days is henceforth waived and the first such right that I waive is that arising from the murder of Rabi`ah ibn al Harith ibn `Abd al Muttalib.
O Men, the Unbelievers indulge in tampering with the calendar in order to make permissible that which God forbade, and to forbid that which God has made permissible. With God the months are twelve in number. Four of them are sacred, three of these are successive and one occurs singly between the months of Jumada and Sha`ban. Beware of the devil, for the safety of your religion. He has lost all hope that he will ever be able to lead you astray in big things, so beware of following him in small things.
O People, it is true that you have certain rights over your women, but they also have rights over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under God's trust and with His permission. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Treat your women well and be kind to them, for they are your partners and committed helpers. It is your right and they do not make friends with anyone of whom you do not approve, as well as never to be unchaste...
O People, listen to me in earnest, worship God (The One Creator of the Universe), perform your five daily prayers (Salah), fast during the month of Ramadan, and give your financial obligation (zakah) of your wealth. Perform Hajj if you can afford to.
All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over a black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belongs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not, therefore, do injustice to yourselves.
Remember, one day you will appear before God (The Creator) and you will answer for your deeds. So beware, do not stray from the path of righteousness after I am gone.
O People, no prophet or messenger will come after me and no new faith will be born. Reason well, therefore, O People, and understand words which I convey to you. I am leaving you with the Book of God (the Quraan) and my Sunnah (the life style and the behavioral mode of the Prophet), if you follow them you will never go astray.
All those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others and those to others again; and may the last ones understand my words better than those who listen to me directly. Be my witness O God, that I have conveyed your message to your people."
BananaPancakes
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Sister, I don't believe he's a 'bad' person. I make no judgement on him. I intend not to, but if from my last post it seems that way, then I apologise.
The problem I see is with your current perception and mentality. It's quite 'typical' of teenage girls, I've noticed. They yearn to be appreciated.
That's all well and good, but you shouldn't seek appreciation from unlawful sources.
Just because your own close ones don't give you the attention/love that you crave, doesn't mean they don't love you. In fact, they love you unconditionaly.
The fact is, your family have known you your entire life. They take you for granted, in a sense because you're not new to them. They've known you long enough and gotten used to you so much that they don't shower you attention etc that you want. They have every right to be like this.
They don't have the time or resources to spend every waking moment into making you feel good, loved and appreciated. You're not new to them.
Whereas, in the case of this guy, you're a new thing to him and so inevitably he's going to be enthusiastic about pleasing you. Imagine for a second that you guys got married and 10 years down the line, he got used to you too and stopped being the attentive and appreciative guy that he was? What if another guy came to you at that time and started giving you the attention that you wanted? Would you think only this new guy cares about you?
For the record, I don't think you're stupid. I'm trying to advise you. Not patronise nor judge.
Yah I know. I love my parents, and I know that they love and care about me. But I also know that they care about my other siblings more than they do me because my whole life I got the short end of the stick. When they're stressed, they take it out on me. When they go through hard times (really hard times), I get blamed. When we were kids, my sisters used to get all these toys, and I honestly didn't have anything! I know it's stupid, and I don't think about it, but that's the stuff I remember. I also remember that when my sisters did something wrong, I would get punished for it because "I didn't tell them not to do it". But they do love me, I know that, and they do care about me, but it's not the extent that they do everyone else. And I also sometimes feel that I love and care more about them then they do about me. I go out of my way to make them know it too. Last time I've gotten a birthday present from either parent was when I was in grade 4, and it was this book I really really wanted. But I still buy them really expensive things every year because I know it makes them happy. I think it's because my parents know I can take care of myself, they don't have to try as hard as they do for my other siblings. But I get tired sometimes. I get tired from doing all that work, and trying so hard to maintain my life and keep my parents happy, and then it all goes unnoticed. It's nice to be treated special, hahaha. It's a stupid mentality, I agree, but it is nice. Anyways, point is, I'm not trying to do anything haram so I'm doing my best to avoid this one guy. He honestly is the nicest person I know, so I'm going to be sad when I won't hear from him anymore
. Thanks though! :smile:. Sorry for the loooong posts and it's a little out of topic (ha ha) but it's just to clarify what I'm trying to say.BananaPancakes
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Thank you for posting that. It really helped put my life into perspective. I wish everybody was like the prophet (PBUH).
chacha_jalebi
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elo sister pancakes 
i completely understand where your comin frooom, adding to the advice above,
you gotta think of it this way, even thou your not doin anythin directly "haraam" is the way your hangin round and stuff completely halaal?
like in uni, in many cases its hard to avoid mixin with the opposite gender, but you can put restrictions on it, just hang around when it involves group work or in lectures or even in a group, hangin around just you two, is askin for trouble, like the hadiths, "when a man and woman are alone, shaytan is their third"
my advice to you is, take a step back, please Allah (swt) make him happy, and he will sort you, and maybe when you take a step back dont mix as much, you can pray do istikhara and ask if this guy is for you if you get the right signals, then why not approach your rents and ask him to do the same? then you can be married and go uni together, how cute would that be 
but for the momento seriously take a step back, shaytan can mislead anyone at anytime, ask him not to text and call and if you need to speak just make sure its about uni and stuff, tell him this is what islam teaches you! and if he is so serious then he should approach his rents and if he is not ready then take a step back and see how it goes, when he is ready
ive known many people in exactly same situation as yourself, known each other, then they have begun practicing thus drifted apart and then some of them have actually ended up not talkin again and some subhanAllah have even ended up gettin married
so inshallah, make sure you do the right thin and follow what islam teaches us, as it is best for us
i completely understand where your comin frooom, adding to the advice above,
you gotta think of it this way, even thou your not doin anythin directly "haraam" is the way your hangin round and stuff completely halaal?
like in uni, in many cases its hard to avoid mixin with the opposite gender, but you can put restrictions on it, just hang around when it involves group work or in lectures or even in a group, hangin around just you two, is askin for trouble, like the hadiths, "when a man and woman are alone, shaytan is their third"
my advice to you is, take a step back, please Allah (swt) make him happy, and he will sort you, and maybe when you take a step back dont mix as much, you can pray do istikhara and ask if this guy is for you
if you get the right signals, then why not approach your rents and ask him to do the same? then you can be married and go uni together, how cute would that be but for the momento seriously take a step back, shaytan can mislead anyone at anytime, ask him not to text and call and if you need to speak just make sure its about uni and stuff, tell him this is what islam teaches you! and if he is so serious then he should approach his rents and if he is not ready then take a step back and see how it goes, when he is readyive known many people in exactly same situation as yourself, known each other, then they have begun practicing thus drifted apart and then some of them have actually ended up not talkin again and some subhanAllah have even ended up gettin married
so inshallah, make sure you do the right thin and follow what islam teaches us, as it is best for us
Ummu Sufyaan
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just to add to that sis, (also, no disrespect intended)the reason why people make you feel like crap and make you feel the way you do, is because YOU cant stand up for yourself. people wouldn't treat you like a door mat if you didn't let them. ceratin things has happened in my own life, where i have come to the realixation that the reason why people treat others the way they do, is because they simply see that they can. i dont mean this necessariy in a bad way, but if you think about it, peopel treat you how you teach them-good or bad.
no one makes you the way he feels? have you let them? have you made yourself emotionally independent of people so that you find yourself not depending on them in that way so much? i dont mean cut all emotional contact from people (i dont think its even possible) but at the same time you need to dig deep and find it in yourself to be strong and stand tall. you need to teach yourself to be a leader, not a follower because when you are a follower, people aren't going to respect you as much and if they are ill minded, may even go to the extent of using you.
no one makes you the way he feels? its funny you say that because you dont even like him, he likes you and no matter what you intended if you joke around with him, etc he is going to take it seriously...he is going to take it to heart.
he doesn't see your intentions or he doesn't see whats in your heart that has lead you to joke around with him, etc, so he will take you messing with him as if you like him because well, why else would you joke around with someone if you didn't like them (that's the he'll be thinking) so you have to think about this from his perspective as well...cos to be honest, you may be leading him on, and he'll get hurt. badly.
Italianguy
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Alright, thanks guys, you've confirmed everything I already knew (but kinda just ignored!). I don't really see anything else coming out of this. If something happens, then great, but likely that is not the case. Because, to be honest,[ nobody in their right mind would EVER marry me (and that is a fact)]
, so he'll probably end up happily married with someone less crazy than I am, and I'll be genuinley happy for him. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I see him as a person that I'm glad I've gotten the chance to know, but I don't feel that way about him at all_ and by that way, I mean, you know thaaaaaaaaaat waaaaay. I've taken the care to delete his number off my contact list, about a week ago, and I haven't texted him since!
Why would you say, nobody would ever marry you and thats a fact? That is very untrue. God has already chosen a mate for you, one who is perfect for you and will love you and treat you like a queen! It's just not time yet, finish your studies, become more familiar and stronger in your faith. When you realise that the relationship is wrong and that if he is willing to pursue you in an unIslamic way, .....why would you want him?:hmm: Clearly his intentions are...ummmm....less than honorable.
Don't be so down on your self. Be strong, be faithfull, give all glory to God!....Not this guy whom is leading you away from Gods path. When you become stronger in your faith, God wil see this and along will come your mate, it will fall into place if you leave it up to God.
God be with you sis.
zakirs
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Why would you say, nobody would ever marry you and thats a fact? That is very untrue. God has already chosen a mate for you, one who is perfect for you and will love you and treat you like a queen! It's just not time yet, finish your studies, become more familiar and stronger in your faith. When you realise that the relationship is wrong and that if he is willing to pursue you in an unIslamic way, .....why would you want him?:hmm: Clearly his intentions are...ummmm....less than honorable.
Don't be so down on your self. Be strong, be faithfull, give all glory to God!....Not this guy whom is leading you away from Gods path. When you become stronger in your faith, God wil see this and along will come your mate, it will fall into place if you leave it up to God.
God be with you sis.
sister ,I agree with what italian guy has said. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG OR SHAMEFUL IN PROPOSING a marriage. I believe its better than asking out for a date
. Anyways we are happy that you realise what is important. But please don't think its bad or people would imagine you are lame because you are different. I you like this guy and you admire him for his religiosity then may be put him out of misery and propose for marriage ( may be after graduation , if you are uncomfy ). Its not for you to judge yourselves , its others job
. If he rejects it don't worry , there are a lot of fish in the pond and you have a noble prize to win too!.Bye
Italianguy
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I agree with what italian guy has said. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG OR SHAMEFUL IN PROPOSING a marriage. I believe its better than asking out for a date
I you like this guy and you admire him for his religiosity then may be put him out of misery and propose for marriage ( may be after graduation , if you are uncomfy ). Its not for you to judge yourselves , its others job
Bye
LOL.....put him out of his misery;D
Marriage is putting him in it;D I'm JUST KIDDING ladies!
zakirs
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Well its misery because , if A likes B
A cannnot talk to B because it is forbidden
A cannot completely let go of thoughts of B because of his age and the world we live in
A feels guilty that he is thinking too much about B which he knows is wrong.
Your on slippery ice her brother! ;D
And ItalianDude: Your looking for trouble aint ya?? Hope your wife aint a member. No samosa for you!;D
Sis you should be more ASSERTIVE. Seriously I recognize a lot of stuff from your behaviour. I was the same as you. Inshallah you will get loads of hasanaath for being there for people. But you should also take care of yourself. Usually people taking advantage of you results in you ending up as a doormat. You should gard your boundaries else it can be disadvantuous for you. AND you can be assertive and friendly/sweet at the same time. Being assertive doesnt mean you have to change in a total witch. When somebody asks you something (like a sister) and you dont want to do it you could just say: "I love your very much but I am not gonna do that". This message says two things 1. You saying no will not effect your relationship with your sister (atleast not for you) 2. You will not do it. Use it on my lil sis too sometimes and it helps. She just feels dissapointed for a little while and after that she understands and all is good
Take careSalaam alaikom
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BananaPancakes
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Ok, so _muslim_ pm'ed me and asked me how I was doing, and it turns out I couldn't reply because I need to be a full member! So I've decided to bump up this thread hoping that she'll see it, hahaha.
Well, to answer that, the weekend is done and I'm not ready for Monday! It's a strange feeling to have, but even though I like talking to him, I really really REALLY don't want to see him at all. I'm a little sad because I kind of miss him, even though I shouldn't. We IM'ed each other a couple times over the weekend, but it was nothing sentimental. There was just something I needed to tell him (it was nothing sentimental! Just a small family issue_ his not mine). And I've taken into consideration what everyone has said on this thread, and although it's sad to admit it, it's the truth...He doesn't care about me as much as I thought he did. It's just that I've been so used to being ignored by everyone else, that I assumed his attention was genuine caring. I re-evaluated the situation, and I realize now that he's just as caring as everyone else in my life (if not less haha). It's a nice dose of reality, so I'm not going to complain! Hahaha, right now I'm just going to focus on school (well, try to) and work and whatever else I need to get my life moving in the direction I want it to. Again, thanks for the advice everyone! You guys are awesome <3
Well, to answer that, the weekend is done and I'm not ready for Monday! It's a strange feeling to have, but even though I like talking to him, I really really REALLY don't want to see him at all. I'm a little sad because I kind of miss him, even though I shouldn't. We IM'ed each other a couple times over the weekend, but it was nothing sentimental. There was just something I needed to tell him (it was nothing sentimental! Just a small family issue_ his not mine). And I've taken into consideration what everyone has said on this thread, and although it's sad to admit it, it's the truth...He doesn't care about me as much as I thought he did. It's just that I've been so used to being ignored by everyone else, that I assumed his attention was genuine caring. I re-evaluated the situation, and I realize now that he's just as caring as everyone else in my life (if not less haha). It's a nice dose of reality, so I'm not going to complain! Hahaha, right now I'm just going to focus on school (well, try to) and work and whatever else I need to get my life moving in the direction I want it to. Again, thanks for the advice everyone! You guys are awesome <3
