i love you but im hiding things from you

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muslima2017

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Salam alaykom everyone,

Im new here and have a question, hope i can find some answers here inshallah

If your partner says to you that they love you but they can't share everything with you about their family and current issues, because they love you and want to keep the relationship without worries, how would you feel ? and how would you respond ???? i personally feel like its putting barriers between one another ? am i being dramatic or is it normal to feel that way??

Please advice and share your thoughts, jzk
 
:wasalam:

Sometimes it's best to not share everything. It's a new concept these days that if you love each other then there should be no secretes between you. The fact of the matter is, if it does not involve disloyalty to the partner or harm to their relationship then it should not be of a concern to the partner. We all have secretes and some are best hidden since they are of personal matter. If something about his family and current issues will affect you (such as your marriage or safety) then it is something you should have a right to know. If it is just a personal family matter he's trying to deal with and wants to keep you out of that mess and protect you from it then :ia: just leave it at that. So a more relevant question to ask him might be that if it affects you or your relationship with him in anyway. Any harm that may come to him also affects you and your relationship. I hope that helps in some way.
 
Every secret has time to be revealed. . Lover put other in ease.. and also knws that its time to open his love ones their wings to fly or not...
Time changes, thing changes
Time flow people grow
 
The ideal would to be that in marriage shouldn´t be any secrets but it might be possible only with couples whose have been married very long time. They don´t need words to tell what other one is thinking and they have realised that secrets are not needed to keep anymore. May Allah gives you kind of marriage - what will last decades. You will see that then the time will wipe off all secrets.
 
muslima2017 said:
Salam alaykom everyone,

Im new here and have a question, hope i can find some answers here inshallah

If your partner says to you that they love you but they can't share everything with you about their family and current issues, because they love you and want to keep the relationship without worries, how would you feel ? and how would you respond ???? i personally feel like its putting barriers between one another ? am i being dramatic or is it normal to feel that way??

Please advice and share your thoughts, jzk
Click to expand...

Asalaamualaykum

There are two possibilities here and you have only mentioned one at hand.

1. Keeping secrets about oneself from the spouse
2. Keeping secrets about the family and others from ones spouse.

You have mentioned in your example concerning Number 2 from above so I will omit answering number 1.

To understand this part you have to have a clear definition on two concepts in Islam

a) Backbiting
b) Exposing the wrong of another muslim

They are actually inter-related in many ways.

Islam does not promote having a secrets in marriage HOWEVER at the same time Islam also does not promote backbiting and exposing the wrong of a muslim with no reason.

The problem today is that the western idea of no secrets in a marriage has been adopted in islam marriages with no limitations - hence we see that today many husbands and wives openly talk about the wrongs in their own families without realising that it is Backbiting.

The bottom line is because a couple is in nikah - it doesn't give them carte blanche to talk about anything they want. The rules of Backbiting still apply, even between information shared between husband and wife.

Nikah is not open licence that absolves the couple out of the Backbiting.
 
muslima2017 said:
If your partner says to you that they love you but they can't share everything with you about their family and current issues, because they love you and want to keep the relationship without worries, how would you feel ? and how would you respond ????
Click to expand...
:wasalamex

May Allah have mercy upon you dear sister. This is a very understandable and valid concern of your husbands and in fact shows your husbands maturity as the man and leader of his household Maa shaa Allaah. You should respect him for it, and not insist on knowing that which does not concern you. You need to understand that his relationship with his family is independent from his relationship with you and just like it wouldn't be appropriate for him to share everything concerning you with his family (and this would upset you, understandably) in the same way it isn't appropriate for him to share all matters regarding his family to you. He needs to respect their sensitives n privacies too, and this has absolutely nothing to do with his love for you being any less. Rather, this is a matter of principle and Islamic etiquette.

Relationships are maintained upon respect, trust and minding our business (which a lot of people forget to do unfortunately :hmm:) whether this be between husband n wife, or son and mother, or in laws and so forth.
 
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Firstly, welcome to the forum.

I don't know for sure what the real intention is behind keeping secrets. Personally, I believe the intention defines everything (rightly or wrongly).

Next there is the 'feeling' created when the loved ones won't share information…. I don't think I want to know certain details of the past which cannot be changed that may affect my feelings…

Hard one!

Wishing you a great stay.



:peace:
 

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