I may have a disorder. Need advice

[cuezed]

Aslamualaikum

I had just read some articles concerning "social anxiety disorder" and have only now realised that I have this.

All the symptoms like up with what I am going through since I had severe acne breakout 11 years ago.

Now I don't know what to do. My family will go nuts and what will my wife think. I didn't know I had this and now I want to try do something about it.

 

[S.Belle]

Try going to a doctor/psychologist who can actually give you the proper diagnosis sometimes when we read things we may get a tendency to say "oh my I do this" or "Oh goodness i think i may have this" when in all actuality it isnt the case. I'm sure once you are diagnosed by a pro they will lead in you in the right direction as far as treatment and other things inshallah.

Your family loves you and you can depend on them thru tough times like wise with your wife, they will support you inshallah.

 

[Alpha Dude]

Aslamualaikum

I had just read some articles concerning "social anxiety disorder" and have only now realised that I have this.

All the symptoms like up with what I am going through since I had severe acne breakout 11 years ago.

Now I don't know what to do. My family will go nuts and what will my wife think. I didn't know I had this and now I want to try do something about it.

Wa alaykum salam,

Brother, my advice would be to ignore it. Don't think of it as a disorder. You never did up till this point, so why bother now?

Just assume that your state of mind is a product of your experiences to date.

If you absolutely must seek advise, just go to a counselor of some kind without assuming you are 'sick'.

Get help in how to become more confident. That's all you need.

Don't let anyone tell you that you have a problem.

 

[Woodrow]

Reading articles about social anxiety disorder are enough to cause it. everyone of us will have many of the symptoms. It is very common, virtually every human will experience it at some time. It is generally seen as shyness. It normally is not debilitating

 

[GuestFellow]

Aslamualaikum

I had just read some articles concerning "social anxiety disorder" and have only now realised that I have this.

All the symptoms like up with what I am going through since I had severe acne breakout 11 years ago.

Now I don't know what to do. My family will go nuts and what will my wife think. I didn't know I had this and now I want to try do something about it.

:wa:

Health Matters: What is Social Anxiety Disorder?

^ This video is very useful.

I would continue to read articles about social anxiety and try to understand this disorder as much as possible. You should arrange an appointment with your doctor.

Everyone feels nervous and worried. For example, some people get nervous when they have to speak in public or attend a job interview. However, social anxiety is worse and can have a significant impact on your everyday life.

People who suffer from social anxiety find it difficult to go shopping, talking on the telephone, catching a bus and so on. Some people experience society anxiety in specific social situations. These people feel the public will evaluate them negatively. You need to ask yourself whether you are afraid of everyday social situations or specific social situations.

Usually, people suffer from this condition due to past social events, especially if it was embarrassing. Do you feel very self-conscious?

People who suffer from this disorder may experience the following symptoms: trembling, rapid breathing, sweating or blushing. Some experience panic attacks or extreme embarrassment.

The main problem is that it will lead to extreme isolation and probably depression, which will affect your family too.

This is very difficult to overcome. Ignore people who say ''snap out of it.'' You need to take a step by step approach to deal with social anxiety.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam

some thoughts:
-are you of the same social status as the people you talk with
-can you speak the same language as the people you talk with
-do you try control your emotions/timidness, etc around people
-do you recall what the cause of feeling socially anxious is (chances are you probably need to fix that up first)
-do you have the same things in common as the people you talk with?
-are you the same age/culture, etc as them?
-do people pick on you/are you seen as some kind of social outcast?
-do you feel that you can relate to the people you talk with? are you on the same wave length? do you have the same interests?

all of the above will probably affect your ability to socialize in one way or another.

 

[cuezed]

:wa:

Health Matters: What is Social Anxiety Disorder?

^ This video is very useful.

I would continue to read articles about social anxiety and try to understand this disorder as much as possible. You should arrange an appointment with your doctor.

Everyone feels nervous and worried. For example, some people get nervous when they have to speak in public or attend a job interview. However, social anxiety is worse and can have a significant impact on your everyday life.

People who suffer from social anxiety find it difficult to go shopping, talking on the telephone, catching a bus and so on. Some people experience society anxiety in specific social situations. These people feel the public will evaluate them negatively. You need to ask yourself whether you are afraid of everyday social situations or specific social situations.

Usually, people suffer from this condition due to past social events, especially if it was embarrassing. Do you feel very self-conscious?

People who suffer from this disorder may experience the following symptoms: trembling, rapid breathing, sweating or blushing. Some experience panic attacks or extreme embarrassment.

The main problem is that it will lead to extreme isolation and probably depression, which will affect your family too.

This is very difficult to overcome. Ignore people who say ''snap out of it.'' You need to take a step by step approach to deal with social anxiety.

wa alaykum us-Salaam

some thoughts:
-are you of the same social status as the people you talk with (yes and no, i have to speak to random people daily as part of my job)
-can you speak the same language as the people you talk with (yes)
-do you try control your emotions/timidness, etc around people (yes)
-do you recall what the cause of feeling socially anxious is (chances are you probably need to fix that up first) (dont really know, but i fear socialising with any stranger)
-do you have the same things in common as the people you talk with? (yes and no, i talk to random people when i have no choice)
-are you the same age/culture, etc as them? (not always)
-do people pick on you/are you seen as some kind of social outcast? (no)
-do you feel that you can relate to the people you talk with? are you on the same wave length? do you have the same interests? (yes)

all of the above will probably affect your ability to socialize in one way or another.

the red text is my reply to the points above.

the thing is it has affected my life quite seriously. i can see it now. almost all the symptoms of this disorder line up to what i have been going through since i had the skin problem long time ago.

here are some situations which get me all stressed and fearful (from one of the many sites i have read http://helpguide.org/mental/social_anxiety_support_symptom_causes_treatment.htm):

• Meeting new people
• Being the center of attention
• Being watched while doing something
• Making small talk
• Public speaking
• Performing on stage
• Being teased or criticized
• Talking with “important” people or authority figures
• Being called on in class
• Going on a date (obviously not dating and never have done. but must keep in mind the first to speak on the wedding night was my wife (i know crazy))
• Making phone calls (especially in front of other people. most definitely i will leave the room and call alone)
• Speaking up in a meeting
• Attending parties or other social gatherings

 

[Alpha Dude]

Brother, it is not a disorder in the sense that you have an illness. It's simply a problem you have due to your life experiences. It's not like you were born shy like that.

Most of those things you listed apply to me too. I would never in a million years assume I have a disorder/illness. Don't make yourself weak. Be positive. Have conviction in yourself.

Your only problem is that you are shy/have low self confidence and as a result, the above mentioned things are true for you.

My advice, is that you ignore anything or anyone who says you have a mental sickness of some kind and simply take steps to improve your self-confidence.

Work out, do vigourous exercise and join help groups associated with gaining confidence. Do stuff like that. No need to make it a bigger issue than this.

 

[cuezed]

Brother, it is not a disorder in the sense that you have an illness. It's simply a problem you have due to your life experiences. It's not like you were born shy like that.

Most of those things you listed apply to me too. I would never in a million years assume I have a disorder/illness. Don't make yourself weak. Be positive. Have conviction in yourself.

Your only problem is that you are shy/have low self confidence and as a result, the above mentioned things are true for you.

My advice, is that you ignore anything or anyone who says you have a mental sickness of some kind and simply take steps to improve your self-confidence.

Work out, do vigourous exercise and join help groups associated with gaining confidence. Do stuff like that. No need to make it a bigger issue than this.

jazakAllah khair for your supportive advice. i do not wish to make this into a big issue. the only reason why i am is because i do have a major problem socialising. i can even count how many friends i have right now. only around 2-3. there are reasons why i am linking this problem/disorder/etc to me. i can give many examples

once i went to a islamic lecture and all brothers sat on chairs in a small class. i was in the second row but i didnt feel right. i was nervious and worried because there were many brothers who were sitting behind me. i knew that those brothers obviously will not look or care about me, but i always feel awkward, it's too difficult to explain.

another is about fitness. i wish to go gym to become fit and i know of a good gym but am not going there. i'm nervous as to what will happen, what to say, i never been there before, they will think i'm stupid.

as an electrician i'll be in a room with other tradesmen and i will fall into a situation where i'll have to make an order for materials over the phone. i'll end up making an excuse that my signal is low and walk out alone before making the call.

i really hate meeting strangers. i'll be working onsite and a delivery, lets say, for the plumbers will come. someone has to open the door and call the plumber. but i'll run to the back of the site and pretend i was busy there and didnt see the delivery van/driver.

these are only a few things that i always go through. this is the way i am and was. and i think it is a problem. and reading those sites about social anxiety disorder has made me understand that the problem is common and there is help out there.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

jazakAllah khair for your supportive advice. i do not wish to make this into a big issue. the only reason why i am is because i do have a major problem socialising. i can even count how many friends i have right now. only around 2-3.

some people are like this though. they are only really satisfied with one or two close friends as opposed to a group of people they share things with, only dont have a proper relationship with.

once i went to a islamic lecture and all brothers sat on chairs in a small class. i was in the second row but i didnt feel right. i was nervious and worried because there were many brothers who were sitting behind me. i knew that those brothers obviously will not look or care about me, but i always feel awkward, it's too difficult to explain.

when you go out, etc, do you notice what people are doing? do you pay attention to it?

another thing to think about is that if you dont have the confidence THAT is what people will realize. us people we always think that people are watching us, etc and sometimes that will make us act in a certain way or talk in a certain way which causes people to turn their heads even though that's what we were avoiding.

you have to be at ease with yourself in your own mind otherwise if you dont, that's what will show and that's what will turn peoples attention to you. this isnt to make you paranoid, but to highlight what you make yourself fall into, believing something, whilst embarrassing yourself could have been avoided.

and who cares if they were looking anyway? you're not any of their business.

if you are having trouble socializing, it may just be that you haven't found the right person to socialize with. some people get scared of socializing becuase they dont know the situation/it isn't familiar to them and likewise the people arent on the same wave length as them. so it could just be that you haven't found anyone you "click" with.

but with basic things in life as you said your work, you must realize that this will get affected badly. instead of getting scared, let it be a medium where you build your confidence. just take the bull by the horns because with this problem, there is no other way.

work in steps. this problem wont go overnight so you have to start small such as learn to smile at people, then when you feel comfortable with that, learn to be greet them, etc.

you have to know how to converse. this what could be your problem. its like people who are physically strong, but dont eh the ability to fight. strength and technique are 2 different things and likewise being around people and socializing with them are also 2 different things so ensure that you know how to converse with people. and this isnt difficult either but it may take practice.

sometimes also it helps to stick to one person until you get used to the "know how" of socializing.

 

[Alpha Dude]

once i went to a islamic lecture and all brothers sat on chairs in a small class. i was in the second row but i didnt feel right. i was nervious and worried because there were many brothers who were sitting behind me. i knew that those brothers obviously will not look or care about me, but i always feel awkward, it's too difficult to explain.

Lol. I've felt like this too. I do understand what you mean.

For fitness, there is a lot you can do at home without going to a gym. What I am trying to stress by this is that while becoming physically strong, you are also able to improve mentally. Your confidence can increase inshaAllah.

From what I am led to believe, increased levels of testosterone brings about higher levels of confidence.

Aside from testosterone supplements, there are other things you can do to boost healthy levels in your body as you focus on improving low self esteem with testosterone. Try intense anaerobic exercise as part of your daily routine. Stair running, squat jumps, and circuit training can help your body feel much better. Changing your diet is a good idea too. Look for foods that reduce depression and fatigue. The right combination of supplements, diet, and exercise can lead to a happier healthier life.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Improving-Low-Self-Esteem-With-Testosterone&id=2264797

For the time being, buy some weights for home use. Use it as a means of relieving stress and building physical and mental strength inshaAllah.

these are only a few things that i always go through. this is the way i am and was. and i think it is a problem. and reading those sites about social anxiety disorder has made me understand that the problem is common and there is help out there.

I understand brother. InshaAllah you find a relief from this soon. I honestly would never advise you to think you are deficient or ill in any form. You are simply behaving this way due to the experiences in your life that have shaped your personality. There are many alternative 'cures' for low self confidence without having to resort to psychological help.

Watch your food and diet and match it with intensive workout. Doesn't have to be in the gym either.

 

[nature]

i do have a major problem socialising. i can even count how many friends i have right now. only around 2-3. there are reasons why i am linking this problem/disorder/etc to me. i can give many examples

there is nothing wrong with having limited friends. I think theres more chance of you staying grounded, and not getting led astray. + its prob different with blokes, but as a girl i find there is less *****iness/gossip. as long as you trust them it doesnt matter how many.

once i went to a islamic lecture and all brothers sat on chairs in a small class. i was in the second row but i didnt feel right. i was nervious and worried because there were many brothers who were sitting behind me. i knew that those brothers obviously will not look or care about me, but i always feel awkward, it's too difficult to explain.

I used to anxious wen in assembly at school, & i know the reason why. Now i hardly give it any thought unless theres a yob sat behind me on the bus.

another is about fitness. i wish to go gym to become fit and i know of a good gym but am not going there. i'm nervous as to what will happen, what to say, i never been there before, they will think i'm stupid.

you dont need to say anything..do your workout, and go home. once people see you as a regular someone might strike up a conversation, upto you whether you want to converse.

as an electrician i'll be in a room with other tradesmen and i will fall into a situation where i'll have to make an order for materials over the phone. i'll end up making an excuse that my signal is low and walk out alone before making the call.

I hate taking calls in public. Ive got a loud voice even though i try and be quite..its nothing to worry about, most people are like this on the fone. When you increase your confidence things will hugely improve...I know exactly where your coming from, but it does get better as you get older and grow as a person.

For the time being, buy some weights for home use.

or just use 2 bags of sugar?.better still make yourself go the gym, try and be a bit more social, you dont have to talk to everyone,at first if you dont want to, but you'll prob start conversing with people of your own accord, without even realising... just dont hide yourself away and make this into a big issue.

:wa:

 

[cuezed]

there is nothing wrong with having limited friends. I think theres more chance of you staying grounded, and not getting led astray. + its prob different with blokes, but as a girl i find there is less *****iness/gossip. as long as you trust them it doesnt matter how many.

walaikumsalam. you are right. alhamdulillah because of this i kept my distance from bad people in school and college. this saved me from going astray and i had time to study islam (alone though) and believe in Islam. the few friends i have i trust very much. but i am lacking good practicing friends. only have 1 pious friend who is always keeping my faith up (my wife)

I used to anxious wen in assembly at school, & i know the reason why. Now i hardly give it any thought unless theres a yob sat behind me on the bus.

this is a minor issue for me. i had this problem first because i was worried about what others would think about the way i look (acne). now i'm slowly reminding myself that i am cured now alhamdulillah

you dont need to say anything..do your workout, and go home. once people see you as a regular someone might strike up a conversation, upto you whether you want to converse.

i think i just need to push myself to go gym and feel more confident around strangers. doing workout in front of many others might help my anxiety and social probs inshaAllah

I hate taking calls in public. Ive got a loud voice even though i try and be quite..its nothing to worry about, most people are like this on the fone. When you increase your confidence things will hugely improve...I know exactly where your coming from, but it does get better as you get older and grow as a person.

there are times i have to make calls infront of others, but i become very nervous and fearful.

or just use 2 bags of sugar?.better still make yourself go the gym, try and be a bit more social, you dont have to talk to everyone,at first if you dont want to, but you'll prob start conversing with people of your own accord, without even realising... just dont hide yourself away and make this into a big issue.

:wa:

i have some weights. again it might help me if i do go gym, and masjid more often

(and jazakAllah khair for advice and reply)

 

[nature]

but i am lacking good practicing friends. only have 1 pious friend who is always keeping my faith up (my wife)

What better friend to have ? Make yourself known at the masjid-problem solved. when your confident enough, then get involved in community based activities.

there are times i have to make calls infront of others, but i become very nervous and fearful

When your confidence improves, then these sort of things will become non existent.

Good luck.

:wa:

 

[GuestFellow]

i am lacking good practicing friends. only have 1 pious friend who is always keeping my faith up (my wife)

I have no friends too in real life. I have people that I might talk to sometimes and have a laugh, but we are not necessarily ''friends.''

Your wife is the best person to keep company with.

 

[The Ruler]

Would I be wrong in assuming that this is self-diagnosis?

 

[GuestFellow]

once i went to a islamic lecture and all brothers sat on chairs in a small class. i was in the second row but i didnt feel right. i was nervious and worried because there were many brothers who were sitting behind me. i knew that those brothers obviously will not look or care about me, but i always feel awkward, it's too difficult to explain.

So, when you are in crowded places, you feel as though some people may be watching and judging you, even though it is not the case in reality? Does this happen all the time when your in a crowd?

another is about fitness. i wish to go gym to become fit and i know of a good gym but am not going there. i'm nervous as to what will happen, what to say, i never been there before, they will think i'm stupid.

You can buy a small gym set at home.

as an electrician i'll be in a room with other tradesmen and i will fall into a situation where i'll have to make an order for materials over the phone. i'll end up making an excuse that my signal is low and walk out alone before making the call.

There will be a point when you have to make a call in front of others.

i really hate meeting strangers. i'll be working onsite and a delivery, lets say, for the plumbers will come. someone has to open the door and call the plumber. but i'll run to the back of the site and pretend i was busy there and didnt see the delivery van/driver.

Again, this cannot continue.

these are only a few things that i always go through. this is the way i am and was. and i think it is a problem. and reading those sites about social anxiety disorder has made me understand that the problem is common and there is help out there.

This will have to stop at one point. The more you avoid this problem, the worse it will get. You should see a doctor. The sooner you deal with this, the better.

Would I be wrong in assuming that this is self-diagnosis?

No.

 

[serena77]

there is a social anxiety disorder ... problems w/ percieving how others see you.. that people are talking about you behind your back or laughing at what you are doing..etc.. however .. all that said... if you feel you have a disorder ...l while there is nothing wrong w/ asking for people's feedback... it is a licensed professional you should be asking...
Salaam
Serena

 

[Aishath]

Assalaamu alaykum,

I hope you are well brother, insha Allah.

I'll admit, I had to google what Social Anxiety Disorder was just now so please forgive me if I have judged it wrongly by what I have quickly skim read through.

How bad would you say are the symptoms? Do you have a lot of trouble being with other people and interacting with them? From what I understand, the severe cases of this disorder can mean that the feelings of social anxiety and fears can make it extremely difficult for one to be around people and can make everyday tasks extremely difficult. Would you say this was the case for you?

Also, if you don't mind me asking such a personal question; how long have you been married to your wife? Surely by you reading some articles and coming across theses symptoms and realizing that you might have this disorder might not change how your wife views you? Forgive me if I am stepping over the line, but perhaps you could try to talk to her or someone from your family you feel confident in talking about this with so that you may not feel like you are having to deal with this on your own too much. You might find them to be quite supportive. Obviously, this would be a judgmental call though based on what you feel comfortable with.

How would you feel about going to a therapist? Do you think this might be something you might be able to deal with because it seems to be one way to treat such disorders. Also, if you feel like your acne breakout might have been one cause for the disorder to develop further, perhaps seeing a doctor who might be able to prescribe to you an acne treatment might be of help? I went through really bad acne when I was going through puberty but insha Allah, for me it has cleared. It takes longer for some people and could be any number of factors that lead to it's cure. For me, I think it was being in a different climate which meant less oily skin. Perhaps, you could talk to a doctor (or if you feel more comfortable, you could perhaps even check online or ring someone) to get some advice on this.

I am sorry if I haven't been of any help. I do think perhaps considering a therapist if you feel like you can face that might be of help.

May Allah (swt) forgive me if I've said or given any wrong advice and may He help you through your struggle. Ameen.

 

[Dagless]

another is about fitness. i wish to go gym to become fit and i know of a good gym but am not going there. i'm nervous as to what will happen, what to say, i never been there before, they will think i'm stupid.

as an electrician i'll be in a room with other tradesmen and i will fall into a situation where i'll have to make an order for materials over the phone. i'll end up making an excuse that my signal is low and walk out alone before making the call.

i really hate meeting strangers. i'll be working onsite and a delivery, lets say, for the plumbers will come. someone has to open the door and call the plumber. but i'll run to the back of the site and pretend i was busy there and didnt see the delivery van/driver.

From these quotes it's clear to see it's having an impact on your life. This is not simply being nervous in front of others (as many people are), this is a step further because it's stopping you from doing things you want to do. I don't think it's a good thing that people are advising you to not think of it as anything bad or simply work out at home. This is only feeding your issue and will be worse for you in the long term.

If you think you can handle it alone then try setting targets for yourself. Aim for things you want to do/will push yourself to do during the week. Then make sure you do them. In time they will become easier. Make a note of the ways in which you react and try to think of more helpful ways to react. Read some books on cbt and see if this passes in time with self help. If it doesn't then I definitely think you should seek professional help. These types of things happen to plenty of people and there's no shame or weakness in it. Don't keep sweeping it under the carpet. You're a young guy with many years ahead (insha'Allah) so why not make the most of them?