I miss him :(

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Falastineya

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Salam guys
I joined this site to seek guidance and from a problem I'm having. I don't know where to start :/.

I met a guy whose a family friend at my sisters wedding.
We started talking on facebook and I guess we just clicked.
We've been together for almost a year and planning to get engaged when the time was right and he could afford it. All of this was going on without any family members knowing.
I'm aware what I was doing was haram, talking to a guy.
but our love just grew stronger..we couldn't last a day without talking to eachother.
My parents found out and were extremely upset. My dad Is a very strict guy and took very bad. They told me cut off all connections with him. So I did. I told him that my parents found out and we just had to stop because what were ddoing is haram. He was very dissapointed and upset but understood that we had to.
I stopped talking to him in the beginning of feburary. He's calling me occasionally but I don't pick up. It's very hard for us both. He recently sent me a message telling me how much he loves me and misses me and wants to see me.
The three months of not talking to him changed me. In a good way and bad. I now pray 5 times a day, have strong faith and always keep Allah in mind. But I just can't stop thinking of him. He's constantly on my mind..I don't want to continue talking to him behind my parents back tho..they don't diserve that.
I replied to his message telling him I just can't be with him like in a bf and gf way..
And that we just had to break things off.
He felt really upset and didn't reply.

I've been thinking tho...if he really loves me like he says he does why can't he just make our relationship halal by getting engaged?

I've been asking for Allahs guidance..prayed istakhara 2 times..and asking Allah "if he's good for me and good for my future let him be in it, if not make it easy for me to forget
about him and move on"

But still I'm constantly thinking about him and missing him.
Is this a sign or what?
I'm just confused and don't know what to do.

Salaam
 
Assalaamu Alaaykum

Does the guy not want to get engaged? if not then just try to forget him and keep in mind that Allaah has someone better. i would say the best guy who fears Allaah is one who asks for your hand in marriage if not then it best to stay far away.

Also try to let your parents know you want to marry the guy insha'Allaah, let them know that you have cut all relationships with him and that you wish to do it the way that pleases Allaah and not the way that doesnt please him. And ofcourse your parents know whats best for you and so do you when you realised the wrong and the rights. make Du'aa, supplicate to Allaah and remember him constantly in the time of need and also not just in needy times but ofcourse all the time.

Trust in Allaah and all your worries will be gone uktee, put emaan and love for Allaah as the main priority and it well help you forget the guy if you cant.

I hope someone with better advice will advice you, you are in my Du'aas..
 
Falastineya said:
I'm just confused and don't know what to do.
Click to expand...
y are u confused...u just stop talking him bcz of ur parent... but do u think of our LORD, Allah SWT has more right on u than ur parent. y should not we put HIM on first no. HE love and care us and He has given us a way of life islam in which we can live happily. so be clear He has given us a halal option, so if ur ex friend is serious he should go for marriage proposal. if he dont that clearly mean he want to use u like a tissue paper.


Falastineya said:
Is this a sign or what?
Click to expand...
its just human nature and normal thing...remember time is a big healer and with passage of time man has habit to foget most severe accidents. be confident and follow a clear way given to us by islam. i hope u will be happy with what Allah SWT has written for u.
 
I really appreciate everyone advice.
Pearl or wisdom- he always talked about getting engaged and us looking into the future.
His mom knew about us and always supported us. He seemed like he was really into getting engaged..but he couldn't afford it at the moment..his dad is sick and he's the supporter of the family. His mom and siblings are in Palestine..and he's here..he told me he wouldn't want them to miss the engagement. His family is coming back to America this summer tho.

The message he sent was basically him really wanted things back to the way they were before, but I can't go back to that. I just don't seem to get it..he was so Into get engaged before..he still really desperately wants me..but hasn't mentioned getting engaged. I don't know what's holding him back..if he wants me that bad..
 
Thank you tigerkhan you are right.
Time does heal..but it's not like I can forget him..he's always going to be in my life...
When I said he's a family friend..he's actually my sister's husband's half brother...so I'm bound to see him ALOT.
 
Assalaamu Alaaykum

Falastineya said:
I really appreciate everyone advice.
Pearl or wisdom- he always talked about getting engaged and us looking into the future.
His mom knew about us and always supported us. He seemed like he was really into getting engaged..but he couldn't afford it at the moment..his dad is sick and he's the supporter of the family. His mom and siblings are in Palestine..and he's here..he told me he wouldn't want them to miss the engagement. His family is coming back to America this summer tho.

The message he sent was basically him really wanted things back to the way they were before, but I can't go back to that. I just don't seem to get it..he was so Into get engaged before..he still really desperately wants me..but hasn't mentioned getting engaged. I don't know what's holding him back..if he wants me that bad..
Click to expand...

have you asked him, if not maybe you should ask him insha'Allaah ? If he does want to 'get back with you', then tell him you are interested in marriage insha'Allaah
 
Really, no need to wait for why he hasn't asked for engagement, just flat out give him a choice - either make it halal by proposing to your parents (straight away, not after x months/years) or to leave you. It would be hard, but it's the best way.
 
Falastineya said:
Salam guys
I joined this site to seek guidance and from a problem I'm having. I don't know where to start :/.

I met a guy whose a family friend at my sisters wedding.
We started talking on facebook and I guess we just clicked.
We've been together for almost a year and planning to get engaged when the time was right and he could afford it. All of this was going on without any family members knowing.
I'm aware what I was doing was haram, talking to a guy.
but our love just grew stronger..we couldn't last a day without talking to eachother.
My parents found out and were extremely upset. My dad Is a very strict guy and took very bad. They told me cut off all connections with him. So I did. I told him that my parents found out and we just had to stop because what were ddoing is haram. He was very dissapointed and upset but understood that we had to.
I stopped talking to him in the beginning of feburary. He's calling me occasionally but I don't pick up. It's very hard for us both. He recently sent me a message telling me how much he loves me and misses me and wants to see me.
The three months of not talking to him changed me. In a good way and bad. I now pray 5 times a day, have strong faith and always keep Allah in mind. But I just can't stop thinking of him. He's constantly on my mind..I don't want to continue talking to him behind my parents back tho..they don't diserve that.
I replied to his message telling him I just can't be with him like in a bf and gf way..
And that we just had to break things off.
He felt really upset and didn't reply.

I've been thinking tho...if he really loves me like he says he does why can't he just make our relationship halal by getting engaged?

I've been asking for Allahs guidance..prayed istakhara 2 times..and asking Allah "if he's good for me and good for my future let him be in it, if not make it easy for me to forget
about him and move on"

But still I'm constantly thinking about him and missing him.
Is this a sign or what?
I'm just confused and don't know what to do.

Salaam
Click to expand...

Asalaamu Alaikum, Jazakallahu khayr for sharing your issues with us. I think you should thank Allah that by your parents finding out and you stopping all contact with him you are now closer to Allah and are fulfilling your obligations with regards to praying Salaah.

You realise now that any relations you had with him was a grave error on your behalf but now that Allah has given you guidance to go towards him you must think to yourself is this man really good for you in terms of deen? Is he practising? and will he help you in getting closer to Allah?

Just because you had relations with him it does not mean that he is good for you in terms of marriage. A lot of the time when couples have relations outside of marriage and then they get married, only then do they realise what a big mistake it was to marry such a person because in a relationship one is blind and one does not necesserily look at what is most important but one marrys them because one is "in love". But love is not enough to create a successful marriage. Ask any married person that. It takes much more than that to be happy in marriage.

As Muslims we must also consider whether the other peson is good for our deen. That should be our biggest criterion. Marriage is a big decision and just because you "fell in love" with someone ouside of marriage it certainly does not mean that they will be good for you in marriage. He has not even suggested getting engaged and is clearly wanting to cotninue relations outside of marriage. This in itself is certainly not a good sign. By you getting closer to Allah by cutting off contact with him may be a sign that he is not right for you.

What you should do in this matter is firstly remain NOT in contact with him and seriously consider whether or not he will be good for you in marriage. You should also make isthikhara a few times begging to Allah for guidance in this matter especially during tahajjud time in the latter part of the night.

Whatever happens after that will be what is best for you but you must never get back in touch with him unless it is through a mahram. If you feel that he is a suitable partner then you must tell him if he wants to do nikah immediatly or not because engagement is not marriage and it does not make it permissable for you to be in touch with him. Why get engaged when you can just do nikah. So ask him if he is willing to do nikah and if not then you got your answer. After that do not waste time but look for a good and pious partner in the right way and you will find Allah will bless you in your search and make things easy for you.

If you feel that he is not suitable for marriage then you have your answer. Whatever is best for you will happen but ALWAYS go about marriage in the right manner and you will find goodness there but go about it in the wrong way and you will find shaythan is third party in ALL of your interactions with him or any other man who is not your mahram.

This is also a sign for you to get closer to Allah so hesitate not and bring Islam FULLY into your life. Do not hold back but make the best of every second for time is too short and our death is near. NEVER be decieved into thinking we have another day on this earth for the time of our death is so uncertain.

Repent to Allah always and thank him abundantly. Do everything to please him and refrain from anything which angers or displeases him.

I pray whatever is best for you will happen. May Allah give you a good and pious partner. Ameen

And Allah knows best in all matters
 
believe me its better to stop all contact forever if u think your iman has increased now, if u start sinning again ur iman will become low again until your heart becomes black.
 
Thnx for the advice guys
I want to update on what happened.
So I prayed istakhara one last time asking to give me some guidance on whether he is right for me or not.
The next morning..surprisingly I got a new message from him (his last message was sent almost 2 months ago)
In the message he was asking how I was doing..and telling he can't stop thinking about us. He says he still wants this.
How should I reply..? We haven't talked in a while..
 
Falastineya said:
Thnx for the advice guys
I want to update on what happened.
So I prayed istakhara one last time asking to give me some guidance on whether he is right for me or not.
The next morning..surprisingly I got a new message from him (his last message was sent almost 2 months ago)
In the message he was asking how I was doing..and telling he can't stop thinking about us. He says he still wants this.
How should I reply..? We haven't talked in a while..
Click to expand...

Almost everyone in this thread has advised to say that you're interested in marriage and if that's not what he wants to leave you alone. Why don't you reply with that? :D
 
seems he is playing around with you. He doesnt talk about marriage but "he wants to get back to how things were (once upon a time far way in a fairy land!)" You should simply block every contact with such a deceptive person.
 
Falastineya said:
I don't know what's stopping me from asking..I guess I'm afraid of him saying he doesnt want too
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you are afraid of him saying that he doesnt want to marry you. But then you want him to say to you that he wants to marry you, even though you are are afraid he wont marry you. But then you miss him. hello?
 
Yes, I think you should ask him bluntly. Really sister, if you want to marry, just ASK. If he is not interested or gives and excuse, then you should leave.
 
Firstly you should only consider him for marriage if he will be good for you in terms of deen in that he is a practising Muslim who fulfills his obligations to Allah. If not then he is not even worth considering.

The fact you had any relations with him before marriage does not mean that he is right for you and certainly does not make it necessery for you to have to marry him for you are not bound in anyway in having to do so.

Think seriously about whether or not he will be good for your hereafter. That is more important that the fact you fell for him in a relationship before marriage which is not a factor in creating a successful marriage.
 
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If you are too shy to be blunt just say it indirectly, he'll get the point.

If he says no, thats going to hurt but its better than living with false hopes.

May Allah grant u strength to do this ameen.
 

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