I miss him :(

get a megaphone and stand in front of the family home and shout I want to marry you
 
i say do istakhara first.
if u got some positive, then reply him that if he want to be with u, then follow the halal way of nikkah
if he refuse or just no clear answer, leave Him
life is too short and there is much more in front of us, we have to prepare for qabar, hashar, qiyama, we dont destroy our life just for one person.
 
Salam guys!
I don't know where to start now..I've got another problem on my hands. :/
Well a family friend has asked for hand. He's a great guy, religious..very kind and overall a good muslim.
Idk what to do??? What should I do know :(
I told the guy I was in love with what happened.
I told him I can't just be a gf to you..I need to know where you want to take this.
He hasn't replied yet..
The guy whose a family friend of ours is coming to ask for my hand sometime this week.
I just don't know what to do..I'm afraid I'll have regrets in the future. :( :( :(
Time to do some more istakhara
 
one person is good, religious and seeking ur hand by halal way and other just seems to have a pass-time with u, y are u going mad. things are clear, go ahead and be thankful to GOD.
miltay han naseebon say ya bahon kay saharay....(mean ppl are lucky who get good life partner)
 
Falastineya said:
Salam guys!
I don't know where to start now..I've got another problem on my hands. :/
Well a family friend has asked for hand. He's a great guy, religious..very kind and overall a good muslim.
Idk what to do??? What should I do know :(
I told the guy I was in love with what happened.
I told him I can't just be a gf to you..I need to know where you want to take this.
He hasn't replied yet..
The guy whose a family friend of ours is coming to ask for my hand sometime this week.
I just don't know what to do..I'm afraid I'll have regrets in the future. :( :( :(
Time to do some more istakhara
Click to expand...

On the one hand things couldn't have gone any better. There's nothing like competition to get the love showing. On the other hand I question if you even love the first guy. People who are in love don't really consider another guy or say "I just don't know what to do". Just my 2p.
 
Thanks guys ..I'm still torn tho :(
He just replied..the message was two pages..he said that if I knew he had the money he would ask for my hand in a heart beat. He's broke tho..is that what you call a good excuse?
Why doesn't he just ask for my..we get engaged for a year..and by the time we do get married he'd already have money saved.
The part that kills me the most is him saying how much love he has for me..two pages of that!! :(
 
Falastineya said:
The part that kills me the most is him saying how much love he has for****
Click to expand...

Assalaamu Alaaykum dear sister

I understand you have a difficult situation..

As far as i know 'love' in Islaam comes after the marriage and not before.. I dont understand exactly what love it is that you are speaking of in your posts? so the letters you said he sent you, doesnt seem to make anything clear, and so tell the brother if you cant yourself then ask your parents, but please do share this with your parents as they have the right to also..

Sis it seems you are interested in the brother, you need to explain to your parents about this brother and let them speak to him his family at the end of the day it is also you who will agree or disagree to the proposal you said you have just recieved also..But firstly you have to try not to get too attached to this other guy, because it will only make things harder for you, what if things do not go ahead? do you want to feel bad all your life? No ofcourse not..

Ask your parents that you are interested in the guy to speak to his parents and him, and then see where things go insha'Allaah..Also be patient and perform Ishtikarah salaah dear uktee.

You are in my Du'aas, i ask Allaah to guide you the best for you and also the best for you in this life and the hereafter Aameen
 
Falastineya said:
The part that kills me the most is him saying how much love he has for****
Click to expand...
sister i honestly suggest u, dont be much impressed of this emotional behaviour which ppl have mostly in their teen. u know in love marriages every couple write books of poetry for the beauty of his/her beloved but there is high ratio of failure of such marriages. real world and practical life is something other and ppl do change very soon. repent to Allah SWT for all ur mistakes and seek allah swt help in this matter through istahara and dont bother ur life with this issue.
allah swt guide u the right.
 
Salam Alaykum sis

It is only natural that you would miss this guy after having talked to him for so long.
The only reason why he keeps coming into your mind is because you have not completely cut off contact with him.

He wrote you a 2 page letter saying that he loves you and he cant marry you bc he broke.... i dont mean to sound cold hearted but big deal anyone could have done that. I apologize if i hurt your feelings but it really isnt a big deal he is just speaking (or typing) words to you. It seems he has not done anything (as in actions) to prove that he loves you. If he loved you he would have gone to your parents and not the computer and try to explain to them his situation.
If he loved you he would have done this as soon as he heard about another man wanting to ask for your hand in marriage.

You dont seem to know what you want..
Lets look at this in a different perspective. This is a job interview and these men are working to gain your hand in marriage.
You have worker number one who is a a great writer. You have history with him and love him but he just seems to be all words and no action. He has not made his intention to marry clear to you or your parents.

While on the other hand worker number 2 has came to you and your parents with his intention. You dont have any history but he is like you say "a great guy who is religious". You dont love him but that doesnt mean that later on you want.

So which worker would you choose to gain your hand in marriage? Which one seems more reasonable?
 
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Falastineya said:
Salam guys!
I don't know where to start now..I've got another problem on my hands. :/
Well a family friend has asked for hand. He's a great guy, religious..very kind and overall a good muslim.
Idk what to do??? What should I do know :(
I told the guy I was in love with what happened.
I told him I can't just be a gf to you..I need to know where you want to take this.
He hasn't replied yet..
The guy whose a family friend of ours is coming to ask for my hand sometime this week.
I just don't know what to do..I'm afraid I'll have regrets in the future. :( :( :(
Time to do some more istakhara
Click to expand...

:sl:

Sister deep down you know what the right thing is to do in such a situation. Allah has now shown you a good marriage potential so that you may stop doing haraam and do what is right. He has even blessed you with a good and pious man with a good character as a marriage potential.

He has since sent you a reply full of "sweet words" to continue to lure you in and soften your heart towards him. But surely if he was a man of substance rather than words and he was serious about marriage then he would have made every effort to marry you by now.

Sister an engagement is NOT permission for you to talk and interact with him. An engagement does not mean ANYTHING and is not marriage and therefore it is still haraam for an engaged couple to stay in touch and interact in anyway. So even if he agreed to get engaged to you then you would still be committing haraam until you actually do nikah.

On one hand you have a good and pious man with a good character and is willing to marry you straight away and on the other hand you have another guy who is not pious or practising and not even sure if he wants to marry you or not and is clearly leading you on and keeping hold of you by using deceptive words and by continuing to keep in touch with him you will continue to committ haraam and cause the anger and wrath of Allah.

So the choice is yours but i know deep down you know what is best. You have already shamed yourself and your parents by having a relationship outside marriage but at least now do the right thing by yourself and marry a pious man who will marry you straight away for if you reject him and continue to be with such a man then surely only you will be the loser in this world and the next.

And Allah knows best in all matters
 
The only thing that you can do is tell this guy to propose to your family. If your wali refuses him because of his financial situation, then you can move on. Don't get tangled up in love with him. It always gets messy.

If you marry this second guy, remove all thoughts and contacts you've ever had with the first guy. Don't even dwell on it. Forget him completely, feel guilty about it and ignore every single time he tries to contact you. It's not fair on the guy you marry.
 
thank you all..everyones advice here is helping me make a decision.
I know my relationship with the first guy was haraam..and I pray everyday for forgiveness from Allah. I regret getting Into this relationship because all the mess that comes with it is not worth it.
I've tried my best with him to let him know I'm not going to continue this haraam relationship, but to him..he thinks that's key to a good marriage which isn't. I'm not going to engage myself with him. Neither am I going to reply to his messages. I'm gonna cut all contact with him and better myself and future. I'm not going to let him lead me in a haraam path because honestly I'm over that. I've tried.. And if he really wanted me..he could have done better..atleast talk it out with my parents instead of keeping on the down low..to be honest..I don't know if it's because of the anger I have towards him..or if my istakhara has played itself out but I'm no longer feeling love towards him.
 
by the way I also thought of my family's opinions if I WERE to marry him. They wouldn't approve..and I'm on their side..my family opinions mean more to me.
Time to move on..inshallah Allah makes things more easy for me and forgives me for what I've done..everyday..I wish I can take back all the shame I've put on my parents. I won't ever let anyone like this take advantage of me again.
 
Falastineya said:
by the way I also thought of my family's opinions if I WERE to marry him. They wouldn't approve..and I'm on their side..my family opinions mean more to me.
Time to move on..inshallah Allah makes things more easy for me and forgives me for what I've done..everyday..I wish I can take back all the shame I've put on my parents. I won't ever let anyone like this take advantage of me again.
Click to expand...

:sl:

Sister you have learnt from your mistakes now. We learn from our mistakes not successes. What is done is done now and the past has made you into who you are today - A better person. So take lessons from the past so that you can do things better now and the future.

Do everything you can to make your parents the happiest, Serve them and be the best towards them. Marry someone they will also approve of as they only want the best for you.

You must change your contact details so that he never contacts you again. You must throw away anything he has given you or anything that reminds you of him.

Realise that your prayers have been answered regarding him and so you can now move on with your life a better person. Have a clear goal in your mind that your purpose in this life is ONLY to please Allah and to do everything to please him and NOTHING to anger or displease him.

Do everything you can to get closer to Allah. Time is not on our side. Death is near. There is no guarantee that we will live to see tomorrow let alone old age.

So thank Allah abundantly and make this a new and fresh start to your life where you can devote EVERY moment to Allah for he wan ts you close to him.

May Allah give you the best partner who will lead you towards Jannah and may he give you the best of this world and the hereafter. Ameen
 
Thank you brother..your advice means alot to me..and is also giving me confidence to move on and forget the passed. May Allah bless you in this world and the hearafter.
 
salaam everyone
Just like to update everyone on what happened.
I'm engaged :D
I prayed istikhara non stop..and accepted the proposal.
Thx for all the good advice from everybody..it really helped :)
 
Falastineya said:
salaam everyone
Just like to update everyone on what happened.
I'm engaged :D
I prayed istikhara non stop..and accepted the proposal.
Thx for all the good advice from everybody..it really helped :)
Click to expand...

I love it when a plan comes together

mabrook and mashaAllah
 
Mabrook sister. By you name I think you are Palestinian?

I was before married with Palestinian but he martyred.

Snif

Now going to marry with Algerian.

:D
 
congratulationssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
 

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