I need a change.........

[anonymous]

i come from a very disfunctional family, my parents are sepperated, my mom lives in the same country as me but she lives with my second eldest sister who is married in another city. because i cannot freely live where my mom lives due to my brother inlaw always being there and me almost always being in hijab they had a family meeting and decided i live with my eldest divorced sister in another city. living with my sister has been hell for me, shes not practising and seems to be only using me for her own benefit. Mys ister has always claimed she wants whats best for me that shes like my mom but her true colours have begun to show when i started looking for work, when i didnt work she always use to leave me with her children go off to places, while i sit at home look after them which i dont mind but not at the cost of having no life at all.

now that im working i get weird looks when i come back home, tension is obvious she wont even greet me. In our most recent fight she insulted me, called me names. I really didnt understand what i have done to deserve this treatment except that she can only be jealous that im doing something with my life & seeking independence. I asked her why shes treating me this way her answer was 'this is my house' i was quite shocked, that she can stoop so low to threaten me wit a house. Then she said that i would be nothing without her. When i wanted to pack my things and leave, i didnt care where i was going i am not going to beg to stay, allah is sufficient..she called my mom told her im leaving packing my things, my mom believes only in one thing 'the eldest is always right the younger has to apologize' instead of dealing with the problem & hearing me out my moms yelling at me to apologize to my sister, that if i leave her home she will not make dua for me. basically emotionally black mailing me, how can i go against my own mom?

she kept saying to me promise me you wont leave, i promised her. now my sister and me are still living together, im working. but my heart is not the same, im often down, i have lost complete trust in her after she told me to get out of her house, then had the guts to call my mom and lie that i wanted to leave putting all the pressure & blame on me. She wanted to show me how powerful she is, that no matter what happens she can always shut me up with 'get out'/ how am i suppose to pretend like this is my home when she told me to get out, she also never apologized. Was i only born to be tossed around, tortured, abused? Im sick and tired of living with depressed people who only bring me down.

what are my islamic rights? besides listen to your big sister!

 

[cat eyes]

what bad thing you did that she told you to leave?. are you helping her around the house? are you helping with the rent and electricity and other bills such as food etc? people do not get angry for nothing you know maybe she dose not feel any support from you living as a divorced woman herself and having to raise kids is not easy sister

there is no reason why two sisters should fight unless its that thing which i mentioned it can cause a lot of tension

 

[Sampharo]

There are no rights beyond Silatu Rrahem. Older brother/sister are not like parents.

However, God bless you your mum did put you in a corner, and you're right you can't do anything. But if you want relief and guidance in life and for God to reward you greatly in this life and the next, you will maintain that.

It would be a prudent move however to not indicate to your sister that you are too strongly bound by honouring your mother's wishes, otherwise it might be used again and again.

Your patience is your delivery sister and may God reward you for it.

 

[alcurad]

once you get enough money to be independent, do so.
bear with it for now though, and keep in mind that one day you'll be able to be somewhere better, with better company, and I mean in this life. bettering your situation is entirely up to you, and you can do it, you already started working.

she is afraid that you'll leave, and doesn't want you to, but perhaps doesn't know how to express herself. try to remain calm and collected, and avoid conflict when you can but don't 'give in' to pressure or when your rights are infringed.

work hard, and move out is all that matters though, sorry if this sounds harsh, but family fights/feuds are the worst, and we all need our space as well as peace of mind. may Allah make it easier for you.

 

[Muslim Woman]

..are you helping her around the house? are you helping with the rent and electricity and other bills such as food etc? .... raise kids is not easy sister

some good points ; OP sis , pl. think about these . Also try to help ur sis and her kids as much as possible. U will get rewards from Allah on the final day.

 

[ژاله]

may Allah reward you for your patience, and make you independent Ameen.
recite the dua. Rabbi innie limaa anzalta ilayya min khairin faqeer.

 

[anonymous]

what bad thing you did that she told you to leave?. are you helping her around the house? are you helping with the rent and electricity and other bills such as food etc? people do not get angry for nothing you know maybe she dose not feel any support from you living as a divorced woman herself and having to raise kids is not easy sister

there is no reason why two sisters should fight unless its that thing which i mentioned it can cause a lot of tension

you are actually wrong we never fought over helping out or bills. i do help her alot and go even beyond im not going to list here all the things i do but i know that i have been a sister to her in ever way. i dont have any problem helping her im quite happy to do all i do.

i love my sister but she doesnt have my best interest at heart that became quite apparent how she reacted when i told her i have a job the same reaction when i do well at anything else i do it seems to put a downer on her.

my mothers 'if you want my dua or blessings you will not leave' threats

is the only reason keeping me here or else i would have been gone long ago. i can bear any ordeal when it comes to my mothers word.

once you get enough money to be independent, do so.
bear with it for now though, and keep in mind that one day you'll be able to be somewhere better, with better company, and I mean in this life. bettering your situation is entirely up to you, and you can do it, you already started working.

she is afraid that you'll leave, and doesn't want you to, but perhaps doesn't know how to express herself. try to remain calm and collected, and avoid conflict when you can but don't 'give in' to pressure or when your rights are infringed.

work hard, and move out is all that matters though, sorry if this sounds harsh, but family fights/feuds are the worst, and we all need our space as well as peace of mind. may Allah make it easier for you.

jasakllahkhyr you seem understanding to my hardship. i will take your advice.

ameen

There are no rights beyond Silatu Rrahem. Older brother/sister are not like parents.

However, God bless you your mum did put you in a corner, and you're right you can't do anything. But if you want relief and guidance in life and for God to reward you greatly in this life and the next, you will maintain that.

It would be a prudent move however to not indicate to your sister that you are too strongly bound by honouring your mother's wishes, otherwise it might be used again and again.

Your patience is your delivery sister and may God reward you for it.

ameen

my sister knows who besides Allah i hold high, thats why she ran to the phone to call my mother when she saw me pack. i swear would i have not heard my mothers voice i would have left that night. i will be patient for now, Allah might show me why hes keeping me.

may Allah reward you for your patience, and make you independent Ameen.
recite the dua. Rabbi innie limaa anzalta ilayya min khairin faqeer.

ameen i will try to learn that dua.

 

[zakirs]

:Sl:
Sister.. its nice you respected you mom;s words.

Do bear with your sister.. who know after some time she might finally lose the inferiority complex and be nice to you,May be she is just frustrated because she is in a bad situation (being divorced is difficult i guess? )


Hoping Allah help you both in your difficulties