I need advise

[Studentofdeed]

I have been having alot of issues with waswas and depression. My waswas keeps having me guilt over my past. I was ignorant and didnt know the things about Islam much as my family hadn't told me. I learned about islam on my own. All my life I tried to be good but I feel guilty and that I'm not good enough that I dont deserve to live. People hate me...I feel bad because I was rude to someone who used to hang out with people who bullied me. I told the person to stay away and I didnt want to be friends with them. Later I apologized and realized I shouldnt have judged them but at the time i was really emotional and upset because i was being bullied. I need help...i know its Ramadan but i still get waswas and i do not know how to stop it or what to do. I keep getting thoughts to kill myself, especially since the imam said a Muslim who kills himself wont be in hell forever. I'm tempted to just get over with it since I'm scared I may never reach paradise...

 

[Physicist]

You must accept you past.
There is no your fault in your initial conditioning. It is the way Allah created you with all your bad and good sides. Embrace what you are and do your best to be better. Imagine marathon runner in the middle of the distance complaining that he is so bad runner because there is 20km between him and the finish, never mind that he already did run 20km.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

I have been having alot of issues with waswas and depression. My waswas keeps having me guilt over my past. I was ignorant and didnt know the things about Islam much as my family hadn't told me. I learned about islam on my own. All my life I tried to be good but I feel guilty and that I'm not good enough that I dont deserve to live. People hate me...I feel bad because I was rude to someone who used to hang out with people who bullied me. I told the person to stay away and I didnt want to be friends with them. Later I apologized and realized I shouldnt have judged them but at the time i was really emotional and upset because i was being bullied. I need help...i know its Ramadan but i still get waswas and i do not know how to stop it or what to do. I keep getting thoughts to kill myself, especially since the imam said a Muslim who kills himself wont be in hell forever. I'm tempted to just get over with it since I'm scared I may never reach paradise...

Assalamu Alaikum Akhee,

Firstly it is a good thing that we as Muslims feel burdened by our sinful pasts and present. But what we must realise is that our past makes us who we are today. It maybe that if we were not as sinful then arrogance would overtake us which would make us think that we are better than most other Muslims. However our sinful nature is a source of humbleness for us and we should think k of ourselves as lower in the sight of Allah as compared to others. But this should make us continue to strive and struggle against the whispers if shaythan and our nafs. But the worst thing of all is that we lose hope in the mercy of Allah. Such is the mercy of Allah that we can never comprehend it.

“… and My Mercy embraces all things.” [7:156]

Abu Hurayrah (Ra) that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “Allah has one hundred parts of mercy, of which He sent down one between the jinn, mankind, the animals and the insects, by means of which they are compassionate and merciful to one another, and by means of which wild animals are kind to their offspring. And Allah has kept back ninety-nine parts of mercy with which to be merciful to His slaves of the Day of Resurrection.” (Muslim, al-Tawbah, 6908)

Almighty Allah loves repentance so much that he would forgive an entire lifetime of sins and even convert it to good if our repentance is sincere. For losing hope in the mercy of Allah is worse than any sin we would have committed because the whole point of us having free will and a weak sinful nature is that we turn to Allah with sincerely, meekness, humility and humbleness, crying out to Allah and begging of his forgiveness. For the tears shed of the fear of Allah and for sorrow of our sins is more precious to Allah than we could ever imagine.

What better time than during these blessed days and nights to pour our hearts out and start a new beginning where we become sincere repenters. This is exactly what shaythan doesn't want. Even shaythan knows and fears that we turn to Allah seeking his mercy because shaythan knows Allah loves to forgive and will forgive all of our sins and his life work will be ruined in a matter of seconds.

So do not acknowledge the lies that shaythan is feeding you. The mercy of Allah is incomprehensible and unimaginable. If we lose hope in the mercy of Allah then we are rejecting him as the most merciful!

Do not despair of the infinite mercy of Allah

Say: My servants who have acted extravagantly against themselves still do not despair of Allah's mercy. Allah forgives all offences; He is the Forgiving, the Merciful (Az-Zumar 39/53).

 

[Ahmed.]

Brother, you are suffering from uncontrollable waswas and you need to bring it under control. Your 'guilt ' for the past is part of the waswas as that's how shaytan tries to destroy us, by making us constantly remember the past and feel despair about forgiveness

The way to cure waswas is to b3 engaged in constant zikr (as much as you can) and to be physically fit, therefore doing regular exercise as our mental health is connected to our physical health and lapse with the latter can deteriorate the former. Jogging in the park is great for curing waswas!

Also you need to keep busy unless you're taking some necessary rest as the shaytan occupies an idle person.

And forget even burning in hell temporarily bro, as a verse in Quran says a person while being taken to hell and when he is still outside it, a breeze from hell will reach him and he will say 'I've never been punished so severely in my life'! I.e. just that breeze was such a torturous feeling for him! So forget even wanting hell for 1 second!:

https://youtu.be/VohzUNmlONE

And if you commit suicide knowing that it's a major sin, you never know, you might even die without any iman at all so there's always a risk you might never leave hell.

Get yourself busy bro, and smile, Allah is most Merciful!

 

[Ahmed.]

The way to deal with past sins is, do good and proper tawbah, and move on or otherwise the shaytan will play the past sins in your mind again and again and make you despair: also thinking about sins brings them awful thoughts back to mind and hampers our sense of peace, so it's essential to leave it behind, trust and hope Allah has forgiven them, and not think about it anymore

Forgetfulness of bad memories is a great blessing and one way to forget is not to think about it, if it inadvertently occurs to the mind, quickly forget about it and think about something else

 

[Studentofdeed]

Jazakallah khayran brother. Thank you again. I feel just very stressed and can not exercise unfortunately as I just recently had open heart surgery. Alhamdullah I'm fine now but my mind is crippling me and making me feel guilty. My mind is fixated on what right do I have to ask for justice from Allah from people who bullied me yet when I was young I was immature and foolish. I didnt harm people but a was young silly boy and had bad influence friends and my parents didn't inform me much about Islam. I tried my best to be a good person and a Muslim as I could in the past but I wasnt as perfect as the religious guys. I feel bad because st the time I can not say I was still young as I was older than 15 the Islamic adult age. That's why I feel its hypocritical of me and I feel ashamed to ask Allah for justice but when I was young I was foolish and childish

 

[Ahmed.]

AAAH I realise a reason why shaytan is overpowering your mind. You shouldn't want justice brother as that's the unforgiving harsh way and if you want justice, Allah would do justice to you too for your sins. Just forgive them and want good for those who bullied you and you will see Allah will relent towards you and destine good for you too.

I was much worse when I was young brother; drinking, smoking weed, blast music all day long, break into people cars and nick their speakers, attack innocent people just because of their colour because the same colour will attack our people, girls.. You name it, I done it but at the age of 19 I changed and done serious tawbah for my past and never looked back

That's what you should do too.

PS: one day I was walking down the road with my long beard and jubbah looking like a Shaykh saab, and this white boy stopped me and said, 'excuse me do you remember the day you mugged me'? :Emoji46: lol I apologised and offered to pay him back but he said 'nah it's ok' .

So another thing you should do is try to compensate anyone who you hurt or wronged and if you can't find them, ask Allah to compensate them and make dua for them

 

[Physicist]

Isn't desire of justice is a natural one?
Revenge is a necessary thing to prevent wrongdoers.
Forgiving, at least in english, literally means to not remember anymore, for something which is not important, to lost interest.
But if grievance really bothers one, forcing oneself to wish good to the enemy is a way to psychosis or stockholm syndrom.

 

[Ahmed.]

In most cases it should be a desire to forgive in line with the Islamic principle of mercy and returning good for evil

In severe cases such as unjust murders; severe oppression etc a desire for justice is fine

A vindictive nature is conducive to mental illness and feeling of unpeace.

 

[MazharShafiq]

By means of this waswas, the Shaytan tries to gain control over the believers and shake the sound belief in their hearts, and make them suffer psychological and intellectual anxiety that will affect the purity of their faith and their life, if they are believers.

This is not the first or the last time that the believers have been exposed to this. It will continue so long as there is any believer in this world. The Sahabah/Companions of the Prophet (may Allah be pleased with them) also faced this problem. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “Some of the Companions of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said to him, ‘We find in ourselves thoughts that are too terrible to speak of.’ He said, ‘Are you really suffering from that?’ They said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘That is a clear sign of faith.’” (Muslim).

 

[Physicist]

In most cases it should be a desire to forgive in line with the Islamic principle of mercy and returning good for evil

In severe cases such as unjust murders; severe oppression etc a desire for justice is fine

A vindictive nature is conducive to mental illness and feeling of unpeace.

Well, this is complicated matter.

It rooted in the fear to become "serial victim", when forgiving being seen as a weakness, encouraging offenders for further offences.

So, on one hand, this vindicative principality one uses as a threshold increasing cost of offences to offenders.
On the other hand it increases chances of heavy offences, because he is notorious for vengeance and may be manipulated by third parties.
Notorious criminals and dictators are known to be extremely vengeful, which brought them to their position.

Better to leave justice to Allah (in some cases victim may still deliver that revenge but for the sake of Allah, simply by doing what is right in that situation).
Leaving justice to Allah mean also to detouch from situation personally, to see that bully was offending his perception, having no idea about real personality of the victim.

I like how that white guy reacted, perhaps he couldn't forgive being mugged till the moment. But when he sow true change and repentance there left no place for grief.

 

[Studentofdeed]

Of course I understand about forgiving and all that stuff. But I just hate every moment of my life. I am grateful for all my blessings but I still feel miserable. I pray and do all the best I can. I still need to improve. But the things I did were like small insults like ur stupid or me being young and foolish. I feel guilt and I was ignorant then. These people know what they are doing is bad yet they do not care. The people in my college really did a number on me. I have been bullied before but to be broken down to the point where I lose my sanity is hard to forgive. I have given these people numerous chances but they do not even care. Because of them I became a laughing stock in my class. I lost my reputation. I used to be known as a smart nice guy. Now everyone thinks I'm a bad guy because rumors got spread about me. I had to quit my job because I got bullied there. I cant go to the library because those very same people are there. People in the mosque look down upon me and it's so hard to fit in especially when I'm not an Arab but a Pakistani. So tell me? What should I honestly do?

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Any I would not even say anything to these people. The fact that I would remain quiet and not retaliate or doa anything back...makes them even more want to bully me. Alhamdullah they have stopped but one of them has really done really bad on me and I desperately want to see them pay for it.

 

[Ahmed.]

Don't worry bro, keep on zikr, Quran tilawat and salah and ensure the window is always open in your room as long as not too cold or nighttime to ensure a fresh supply of air which helps keep away stress and worries, and you'll be ok

Sometimes, time is the biggest healer and all you need is time...

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Well, this is complicated matter.

It rooted in the fear to become "serial victim", when forgiving being seen as a weakness, encouraging offenders for further offences.

So, on one hand, this vindicative principality one uses as a threshold increasing cost of offences to offenders.
On the other hand it increases chances of heavy offences, because he is notorious for vengeance and may be manipulated by third parties.
Notorious criminals and dictators are known to be extremely vengeful, which brought them to their position.

Better to leave justice to Allah (in some cases victim may still deliver that revenge but for the sake of Allah, simply by doing what is right in that situation).
Leaving justice to Allah mean also to detouch from situation personally, to see that bully was offending his perception, having no idea about real personality of the victim.

I like how that white guy reacted, perhaps he couldn't forgive being mugged till the moment. But when he sow true change and repentance there left no place for grief.

It's not that complicated when you understand a bit of metaphysics and I think that's what you're lacking in. In Islam, it's no good being just a physicist, you need to be a mataphysicist too!

A bit of school boy bullying from guys who you're probably not going to see anymore should definitely be amongst the things a Muslim should be able to forgive rather than want Allah to zap them

 

[Al_Ghazali]

I have been having alot of issues with waswas and depression. My waswas keeps having me guilt over my past. I was ignorant and didnt know the things about Islam much as my family hadn't told me. I learned about islam on my own. All my life I tried to be good but I feel guilty and that I'm not good enough that I dont deserve to live. People hate me...I feel bad because I was rude to someone who used to hang out with people who bullied me. I told the person to stay away and I didnt want to be friends with them. Later I apologized and realized I shouldnt have judged them but at the time i was really emotional and upset because i was being bullied. I need help...i know its Ramadan but i still get waswas and i do not know how to stop it or what to do. I keep getting thoughts to kill myself, especially since the imam said a Muslim who kills himself wont be in hell forever. I'm tempted to just get over with it since I'm scared I may never reach paradise...

The past only exists in your mind. Tune in to the present, and your mind will occupy itself with what is, rather than what should have been. Be grateful for this moment, and praise Allah in this moment. This is your prerogative as a believer.

Everything has already been decreed by Allah, so there's no logic in hating the past, for Allah is the Creator of Everything, including the events that occurred in your past. His creation is perfect, but the devil is using your emotions to blind you from this Reality.

You need to be aware of this, and expend the necessary energy that will reorient yourself to perceiving the Love and Mercy of Allah in all things.