I need help

[Narwand]

Sorry where can i contact a mufti???

 

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam

got this from online :


if anyone wants to know meaning of dreams ,
Please contact Shaykh (Mufti) Zubair Dudha on:

http://www.islamictarbiyah.com/

OR email him on [email protected]

OR call him on the number listed on the site during weekdays 17:00-19:00


source :Eurosunni forum

</SPAN></SPAN>

 

[Narwand]

Assallamualaikum brothers and sisters......

Ok i did try and do any possible thing to ask for ALLAH's guidance and have been getting positive response as i just not able to take that guy out of my mind although i dont meet him at all. Ok i dont know how but a brother i was talking about that i know who is a close freind of this boy sent me a massage and said that he spoke to this guy about me that i am a nice girl and the guy (i want to marry) asked this brother to forward his number to me if i wish to. I dont know how and why this brother that i know talked to the guy i like about me (i am guessing may be because i enquired a lot about him and he guessed i am interested in him for marriege)....but i am even more confused. Should i agree to take this boy's number and may be start talking to him and give him a hint that i am only interested in marriege and then may be ALLAH make a way for it in halal way????? Although i dont know how i will have the courage to talk to him on the phone as i have never exchanged numbers with any man...not even for needful things....but lets say i do i at least that way i will get to know the intentions of this boy myself...i mean if he thinking of marriege or not. And if he wasn't i will stop it there and then and if he was then somehow make him send a proposal over to my parents. But my confusion is also that i dont want to commit a sin by talking to this boy even if my intentions are right...because i feel my family not knowing anything about this boy and i talk to him. Plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz help me guys........i dont want to make ALLAH angry with me. I think this could be a test from ALLAH to see if i go by what shaytaan is telling me to do or or or this boy is actually for me and this is the way ALLAH has chosen for both of us to be together. Pleaseeeeee help me sisters and brothers......i dont want to commit more sins.

 

[Alpha Dude]

Wa alaykum salam,

but lets say i do i at least that way i will get to know the intentions of this boy myself...i mean if he thinking of marriege or not. And if he wasn't i will stop it there

A better way to find out if he intends marriage would be to send your parents contact details. This way you don't open the doors toward being entangled.

 

[Narwand]

Wa alaykum salam,


A better way to find out if he intends marriage would be to send your parents contact details. This way you don't open the doors toward being entangled.

First of all thanks for responding.....but i guess you haven't had the chance to read my post from beginning because i have clearly stated why i can't do that.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

First of all thanks for responding.....but i guess you haven't had the chance to read my post from beginning because i have clearly stated why i can't do that.

Asalaamu Alaikum, jazakallahu khayr for sharing your issues with us. My sister it shows you have the fear of Allah and are fearful for your imaan and that is why you are not wanting to go down the haraam route. But it is clear that if he wanted the same then he would never have passed his number to you just like that for you to txt or call him. Surely if he wanted the same he would have requested to get in touch with your parents.

My sister we are allowed to marry who we want but we have to go about it within the boundaries of Islam. Those boundaries are that you can only get in touch with him through a mahram. This is not making life hard but it is safeguarding one from harm and possible hurt. You will see all around you that people are gettig so terribley hurt and scarred because they are letting themselves get into haraam relationships and i am sure that many did not intend to do so but it always starts from an innocent friendship or a couple intending to marry.

Therefore you must get your mahram involved. If you have a brother or a younger mahram who can be in the middle of any discussions between the both of you then this is best. If not then you should get an older mahram to be in the middle of any discussions you have for example they can be CC'D to your e mail conversations or be on another line listening in to your phone conversations or he can even come around and you can have your mahram present with you so that you can get to know each ohter a little bit. etc

Whatever happens you must get a mahram involved in order to go about this in the right way. If you make effort to go about this in the right way then you will gain peace and blessings in your marriage pursuit but if you don't then surely you are inviting shaythan into your interactions with him. So involving your mahram is your ONLY option.

You will have to tell your parents anyway so it is far better that you tell them now than to tell them if they found out that you have already been in interactions with him without their knowledge as this will hurt them so much more. Just be honest with them and tell them that you have heard good things about him and are wanting to enquire about marriage.

How can you wait any longer without telling them when you are going to need to get in touch with him through your mahram so they will have to find out. I know you are fearful of their reaction sister but it is better to get it over and done with now as you cannot progress without them knowing.

And Allah knows best in all matters

 

[May Ayob]

Salaam Sister Narwand

I would like to give you some advise and i would appreciate it if you read and i also hope it benefits you:
Please before hand accept my words in the best way they were intended to be:
I'll just point out what i understood from your posts.
So, i guess you're in college or a graduate, and there is a male you know from Facebook, am i correct? and somehow you think that he is meant to be with you, but you are not sure if this man wants to get married nor are you sure of pretty much anything about him.
I don't know why, and please correct my assumption but i am guessing you are an arab.
If you are then i think you should know that Facebook is not a very trustworthy website at all. You don't really know the person, how are you so sure that he will be a good husband? Do you know anything about his personality and character? Just because he lists put a few nice things here or there in his profile does not mean that this is really his truth.
Also, I hope that you would clarify a little bit because it is hard to adress your issue.
I think that you need to think this out , because i don't think that proposing to him is a good option at all, i think you are a very nice person who has much good opinion about people especially this man, but the reality is most men will not actaully accept the proposal of a female( Not because i think it is wrong , Asayidah Khadijah proposed to Prophet Muhammad PBUH) but this is the reality.
Also, i think that what you wrote was based on one-sided point of view because the Marriage can not be complete if this man is not thinking about you , let alone thinking about getting married. I would appreciate it if you elaborated more on your side, because it is as if you are talking about this stranger, that you've never met in your life.
About the dreams- dreams can be a good thing sometimes but other times they can be tricker, maybe that shaytan doesn't want you losing hope on this guy so he is making dreams for you to continue thinking about this man and May God forbid that leading you into a major sin. So it depends You should Pray and Ask Allah for guidance because he knows what is in your heart and what is in his heart and he knows the best outcome.

About the phone number- please sister i urge you to burn that paper or tear into pieces, Do NOT ever call this man , why? simply , one day he will call , one day you will call , next week you decide to meet each other , and Only God knows what will happen next , there is a big time chance of you falling into Zina through this phone number, so please again don;t call, As brother Hamza said if he was serious in any way then he would have respected you and your family in mind and would have directly asked you hand from you parents. But the fact that he handed you his phone number , is not at all good news to me.

There are many good men in this world, believe me sometime you have to patient but then never lose hope. If this doesn't work out then please don't blame yourself, there is a much better person out there for you, and insha'Allah God will lead you into finding him.

P.S- Please clarify more on your situation so that i give you a better reply
I hope this helps
Salaam

 

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam sis

as already stated , don't meet him in private or talk alone as Allah ordered us to stay away from those acts which may lead to commit fornication.

Either take help from family members i.e parents , uncle , aunty or others who can convince parent or forget about the boy totally.

keep busy urself with prayer , study , preparation for holy Ramadan.

 

[Futuwwa]

I think you people are reading too much into that guy's action of passing on his phone number to sister Narwand. Not all Muslims practice the ironclad gender separation you're advocating. Using a mahram as an in-between is a common practice, but it is not a religious requirement, and many don't see it as one either. There is nothing inappropriate about prospective spouses getting to know each other and evaluating their suitability to be together, it's quite possible to do so without getting intimate. Or even alone together face-to-face, for that matter.

Did the Prophet Muhammed, peace be on him, rely on a mahram to transmit his marriage proposals for him?

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

I think you people are reading too much into that guy's action of passing on his phone number to sister Narwand. Not all Muslims practice the ironclad gender separation you're advocating. Using a mahram as an in-between is a common practice, but it is not a religious requirement, and many don't see it as one either. There is nothing inappropriate about prospective spouses getting to know each other and evaluating their suitability to be together, it's quite possible to do so without getting intimate. Or even alone together face-to-face, for that matter.

Did the Prophet Muhammed, peace be on him, rely on a mahram to transmit his marriage proposals for him?

Asalaamu Alaikum, Brother should we reject the commands of Allah and Rasulallah (Sallallahu laihi Wasallam) just because "some Muslims" decide not to follow those commands?

We should not be following those type of people in the first place. We should follow the pious and those who do their best to implement and practice Islam as much as possible into their daily lives in accordance with the Qur'an and Sunnah.

Regarding Rasulallah's (Sallallahu Alaihi wasallam) interactions with his wives before marriage then there is no doubt that he NEVER got to know any women whilst being alone with her before marriage.

There is also NO doubt that the majority of forbidden relationships nowadays result from so called "innocent" interactions and friendships between men and women. When a man and a women are together and get to know each other then inevitabley feelings will develop because a man and a women are created to be attracted to each other and when there is unsupervised interaction between them then that is when other things can happen.

Just look around you and you will see the amount of people being hurt and scarred from the result of haraam relationships result from "innocent" interactions. There is NO such thing as an innocent interaction between a man and a women because shaythan is ALWAYS third party to those interactions.

Uqba ibn Amir (Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah said: “Beware of going near (non-mahram) women.” A person inquired: “What about in-laws?” The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) responded, “The in-laws are death.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

The Prophet of Allah (Allah have mercy on him) compared male in-laws to death. This means that one should be even more careful with in-laws with regards to interaction as there is greater risk for fitna, especially given the comfortable, social atmosphere in which both parties may lower their guard and forget lowering their gazes.

Imam Muslim narrates from Jarir ibn Abdullah (Allah be pleased with him) who says: ”Iasked Allah's Messenger about the sudden glance on a Non - Mahram. He commanded me that I should turn away my eyes.

Buraida reported that the Messenger of Allah said to Ali [Allah be pleased with him]: “O Ali! don't allow your glance to follow a glance, because the first [glance] is forgiven and not the second. [Narrated by Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud and Imam Ahmad].

The above mentioned [and other] verses of the Qur'an and sayings of the Prophet [Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam] indicate the importance of observing the proper limits of gender interaction.

So there is no dispute or difference of opinion regarding the fact that It is not permissable for a non mahram women and man to be alone together or to get to know each otheralone without a mahram being present in their interactions. For you to say otherwise is clearly going against the teachings of Allah and Rasulallah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam). The best thing for you to do is to try and understand why these rules are in place in the first place.

According to Maulana Sultan regarding the topic of male and female interaction:

One of the main purposes of this separation is to safeguard people from immoral acts that occur because of unnecessary interacting and intermingling of certain males and females. Allah the All-knowing, the Most wise, knows the causes of corruption and shameless acts and helps people safeguard themselves from these by setting rules in place. Society struggles to deal with corruption, immoral acts and problems such as arguments, affairs, trust between husband and wife, attacks on women and so on. Whereas Islam tackles these problems from their root i.e. unnecessary interacting and intermingling of certain males and females, which without doubt is the cause of many problems in society. For example, many arguments are caused through unnecessary interacting and intermingling of certain males and females. Likewise affairs occur due to unnecessary interacting and intermingling of certain males and females. Also, often a lack of trust between husband and wife is created because of things that happen during unnecessary interacting and intermingling of certain males and females. Then later on, a lack of trust leads to arguments. Similarly, attacks that are carried out on women are mostly brought about through unnecessary interacting and intermingling with males. People constantly search themselves for a way or system that they think will solve these problems and fail to follow the system given by Allah that actually deals with these problems since he is All-knowing, Most wise.

Another purpose and wisdom behind separating ‘Mahrams’ and ‘Ghayr Mahrams’ is that it protects the honour and chastity of women. Through unnecessary interacting or intermingling of women and men, if a woman falls prey to corruption and commits a shameless act, then this will be the cause of her losing her real honour and chastity. In this modern day and age, society wishes to grant women freedom, honour and rank but fail to realise that real honour is not achieved by granting women freedom but rather by protecting them from the corruption and shameless acts of life, which Islam does, if followed. Even women themselves have fallen for this false idea of honour and try to fight for more freedom and rights, thinking that this will give them honour and rank. Islam is often criticized for its degrading and lack of honour of women, but as shown above, this could not be any further from the truth. Women want honour and rank and it is what Allah wants for them also but their idea of how to achieve it is different from that of Allah’s. If women wish for honour and rank, then remember that honour lies in the obedience of the laws of Allah, who himself is the one who gives honour.

“…and you (Allah) grant honour to whom you will and you disgrace whom you will.”(Surah: 3 Al-Imraan, Verse: 26)

Lastly, another wisdom behind this separation is that it serves as a boundary to maintain a balanced and pure society and religious life, which in turn will help a person focus on his or her sole purpose in life i.e. the obedience and worship of Allah. Wherever the unnecessary interacting and intermingling of genders is found, then one will clearly see that without doubt, this is something that diverts a person’s attention from the purpose of life and the fulfilment of one’s Islamic duties as well as from the remembrance of Allah. Hence, by creating these restrictions, Allah aims to help us focus on the reality of life and bring this to our attention. Once a person understands this then these restrictions no longer seem like restrictions but rather a mercy from Allah.

Will One Then Not Take Heed?

Allah the All-knowing, the Most wise, out of his mercy has given us these laws to follow only for our benefit and success and so that we do not stray from the straight path and fall into corruption as people before us have done. Should we then not be truly grateful? If so, then we should show our gratitude through our actions by obeying Allah. Whether we take heed and become obedient to him by following the laws set by him or not, Allah will not be affected the slightest. He does not need nor depend on our obedience nor does he benefit from it. The only ones who will benefit will be ourselves with success in this world and the hereafter…if only we knew.

“Indeed, this is no less than a reminder to mankind, for whomsoever wishes to walk straight.”(Surah: 81 At-Takweer, Verse: 27-28)

Who is more merciful to mankind than one who continues to help those who are obedient to him as well as those who are disobedient to him but gains nothing from it?

Have you not heard of the hadith which stated that when an unmaried couple are alone then shaythan is third party? In Islam there are clear guidelines with regards to the interaction of men and women and these guidelines are only there to safeguard ourselves from possible evil.

Source: http://www.muftisays.com/viewarticle.php?article=mahram

And Allah knows best in all matters

 

[Narwand]

Thank you brother Hamza and Futuwwa, sister May Ayob, sister muslism woman for your all response and thanks for making an effort and writting to me in detail. I just need to clarify a few things.

Brother Hamza; that the guy i like doesn't know much about me thats why he cant just come and propose. I am guessing that the brother i know must have told him that i am interested in him and he asked the guy to get in touch with me....so here i can't just put a stemp on his personality or intentions. Brother i know that everything needs to be done in islamic bounbdries....if i didnt by now i would already directly propsed to the guy on website because this issue has been going on from past four months. the problem is my family and the culture they follow...its like a shame for them if a girl is even talking about a man randomly forget saying to them openly about wanting to get married to him. I know they will never understand.

Sister May Ayob; i am not an arab i am afghani and sister i know that account is this boy's real account. and i am not going by a few nice things he puts on fb. I have seen him once or twice in a function and he seems to have alot of manners plus he posts show alot of manners too. He can't be so fake all the time on fb...if a person has major flaws he won't be able to hide it for sooo long. You know sister i could see some nice qualities that is why i am considerng him for marriege....i know marriege is not a joke that i will consider anyone just because i fancy them especially withthe kind of family i have and the culture we follow. Sister that is my question if in islam we allowed to propose to a man through a mahram than why is our culture stopping us??? Whats my fault in all this??? What i want according to ALLAH or Islam not a bad thing at all we convey a massage to the boy that i am inetrested in marriege with them and if they don't mind and we can know more about each other and then if things worked out we get married if not then leave it.

You know what i dont want happening is my parents telling me about some guy to get married to and then i will just have to convince myself for the sake of it. I have had a few brothers asking for me before and 1 or 2 my parents did consider and i told them i didn't wanted to so they didnt happen...but but that was because they themselves weren't 100% sure thats why they didnt force me to think deeply about it. I am afraid if they tell me about someone else now and they think now its my time to get married and i am forced to think and accept the proposal because they will say there is no one else asking for you and this guy is good for you. But life can be as long as it can be short...i dont know how long i am gona live....then how would i be able to spend my entire life with someone who i don have feelings for or think that my marriege happened with a guy who i didnt wanted to get married to but did it because he seemed good at that time. Then what i answer would i have for them??? Can i tell them that i am interested in some other guy that they dont have a clue about??? NOOOO. So i was thinking if i can just speak to him on fb once and see what he thinks about marriege....i know our culture doesn't doesnt allow it at all but may be ALLAH has made it this way for us...we never know. I just want to finish it...eaither the way i want it to finish or against my wish. Don't worry i know my limits and i have a fear of ALLAH and know he is watching me every second and i can't lie to him about anything.

Well may ALLAH help me and all other muslims in similar situations or other...and keep guiding us to the right path and forgive our sins.

 

[May Ayob]

Sister May Ayob; i am not an arab i am afghani and sister i know that account is this boy's real account. and i am not going by a few nice things he puts on fb. I have seen him once or twice in a function and he seems to have alot of manners plus he posts show alot of manners too. He can't be so fake all the time on fb...if a person has major flaws he won't be able to hide it for sooo long. You know sister i could see some nice qualities that is why i am considerng him for marriege....i know marriege is not a joke that i will consider anyone just because i fancy them especially withthe kind of family i have and the culture we follow. Sister that is my question if in islam we allowed to propose to a man through a mahram than why is our culture stopping us??? Whats my fault in all this??? What i want according to ALLAH or Islam not a bad thing at all we convey a massage to the boy that i am inetrested in marriege with them and if they don't mind and we can know more about each other and then if things worked out we get married if not then leave it.

Salaam my dear sister

Thank you very much for your reply, and My bad please pardon me for mistaken you for an Arab , it's just that i always hear these types of scenarios from the former..

Into the point , again I am sorry for not understanding what you had to say , i thought you only knew him from computer.
If you feel that this man is good in character as he seems and you feel that he will be a devoted husband then I Hope you marry him and God blesses your Marriage.
By proposal i meant- to directly say : Will you marry me? ... But if you will ask him or indicate in an indirect way then go for it I hope everything goes in you favor.
As for your family i think what parents really want for their daughters is their happiness and safety , so if this man is in such moral state as i assume then i wouldn;t worry much about it .. Insha'Allah when he proposes , your family will accept him.

my question if in islam we allowed to propose to a man through a mahram than why is our culture stopping us??

You said it yourself sis, It is culture and society that is stopping us , let one of us say something about her basic rights you are going to find a mob of people accusing her of things she didn't commit , but i wasn't talking about the cultute or family i was talking about him the guy himself .. Maybe it's not true but i always thought Men "disregard" honorable women how ask them for marriage directly.

Whats my fault in all this???

You have absolutely no fault, but many people in this world had to carry heavy burdens they are not responsible for .. i am not making excuses but we have to face hard realities sometimes.

Believe me we all trust you , you are good person and nobody insha 'Allah questions that but we all care for your safety many sisters had similar problem but the end was disasterous because they ended up indulging in a sin , we don't want that happening to you that is why we ought to tell you to be careful.

Ameen and Thank you for your Duaa ... Best wishes in this life and the here after

Salaam

 

[DippedinJannah]

Forgive my ignorance, but if he is on Facebook, couldn't you also see who his parents are by looking at his friends?

 

[Narwand]

No his parents are not on facebook. I think ALLAH gives ight to everyone to try things in life especially things for marriege. ALLAH is watching me so i hopefully can't lie about anything. I am going to inshallah find out if this bor is thinking of marriege if he was then i will ask him to come and ask my parents and will take things further from there when its in front of my family.....if he was thinking of marriege then i will try to stop thinking about him and stop any contact because i know it won't mean anything then.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

No his parents are not on facebook. I think ALLAH gives ight to everyone to try things in life especially things for marriege. ALLAH is watching me so i hopefully can't lie about anything. I am going to inshallah find out if this bor is thinking of marriege if he was then i will ask him to come and ask my parents and will take things further from there when its in front of my family.....if he was thinking of marriege then i will try to stop thinking about him and stop any contact because i know it won't mean anything then.

Asalaamu Alaikum, My dear sister none of us here can give you permission to do that which is not permissable. If that was the case that we gave you permission to do so then it would give the "green light" to all brothers and sisters to freely interacting with the opposite sex "for marriage purposes".

Just because the intention is right it does not make the action right. The right way to go about any matter is to go about it in the permissable way. At the time the permissable way may seem difficult but there is NO doubt that it is the BEST way to go about ALL matters because in the permissable way shaythan does not have a say. But as soon as one goes about any matter in the impermissable way then that is when the doors to shaythan are open.

How many brothers and sisters had the right "intention" and spoke to and "got to know" the opposite sex for marriage purposes and consequantely opened the doors to shaythan and ended up committing sin. I am not saying this will happen to you but the point i am trying to make is that MANY genuine and practising brothers and sisters that end up committing zina end up doing so having NO intention of such a thing happening.

There are many that have even come here for advice in that situation where they were so pravctising and only had intention of getting to know the opposite sex briefly but ended up falling into sin which is the result of opening the doors to shaythan and that is when one is vulnerable to attack.

Therefore go about this matter in the permissable way if you want the blessings of Allah as no one here can tell you to go ahead and do that which is not permissable.

Have full faith in Allah that whatever will happen with this will happen for the best.

And Allah knows best in all matters

 

[flowergarden]

.......

I just realized the date hahaha

 

[~Zaria~]

^ Ahhh.....you got me to read this entire thread, thats over a year old : )

JazakAllah khayrun for bumping it in any case - theres excellent advices provided here, that all should read.

May Allah (subhanawataa'la) make it easy for all our brothers and sisters who are seeking marriage, to do so in a manner that would be most pleasing to Him.
May He make our intentions sincere in doing so, and may He forgive our short-comings.
Ameen.

Truly, His pleasure is all that really matters....