Oh brother/sister poster (If you are a sister, forgive me but I will use brother for the rest of the post as I don't know),
I posted this on another forum and it applies to you perfectly, so I hope it will make you feel better.
Do you know how common your exact complaint and note is? Do you know how many muslims are saying the exact same thing? That they are strangely denied "tawfiq" in many worldly aspirations and endeavours and just get miserable failures and problems in every turn, ESPECIALLY when they start praying and coming close to God. It is a norm of life my brother for anyone who becomes close to God and prays. You have so many sins to wash away, so much rust to pound out of your metal, steel is only made with pounding and diamonds do not form without pressure and if you are under pressure and hardship then God wants good things for you, much better than the comfortable ones.
Read Quran:
"Or do ye think that ye shall enter the Garden (of bliss) without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? they encountered suffering and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the Messenger and those of faith who were with him cried: "When (will come) the help of Allah." Ah! Verily, the help of Allah is (always) near!" (2:214);
"Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere" (2:155);
"And were it not that (all) men might become of one (evil) way of life, We would provide, for everyone that blasphemes against ((Allah)) Most Gracious, silver roofs for their houses and (silver) stair-ways on which to go up," (43:33)
My brother, be glad, for if you were happily getting everything you wanted you should have been worried. Companions used to fear comfort when it becomes too long and wonder why they weren't worthy of testing anymore, and become glad when testing and hardship comes. No one of course can withstand constant pressure, but God knows best how much to put on your shoulders and how much to relieve. Your job if you truly are accepting of God's dictation and his Qada, is to rest assured that you will not be tested with more than what you can bare. You will be relieved when you need to be relieved.
Just don't think that being a good muslim means smooth life, on the contrary, this life is made luxurious and comfortable without any hassles to those who don't believe, so they have nothing to ask forgiveness with on judgement day. They believe so much in "Karma" because it does really happen with them: They do something good and get something good coming their way. That's because there's nothing written for their good deeds. You my friend, your good deeds are for the afterlife, and any bad deeds you do are cleansed through tests and hardship, so as to come on judgement day and all your small transgressions are outweighed with your patience on the tests and you are rewarded justly with paradise.
If you weren't tested, you should be worried! Muslims true happiness lies in their faith of what to come. What you should take from all this is that God loves you so much that he wants such a high place in paradise, a place so high that you can't reach it with what you are doing right now, and therefore you are getting tests after problems after hardships after Balaa to reward you for them.
If you want to reduce the burden and get some happiness, then DO GOOD TO YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER and if they're no longer with us, then DO SOME GOOD DEEDS on your own. The prophet said in a hadith qudsy: when a person's mother passes away, God says: "The one for whom we used to provide for you and honor you for her sake has died, so do some good deeds now so we may provide for you and honor you for their sake."
So do the best of good deeds and make those two duas:
One to improve everything about your life and guide you out of depression:
يا حى يا قيوم برحمتك استغيث اصلح لى شانى كله و لا تكلنى الى نفسى طرفه عين
"Ya Hayyo Ya Qayyoum BiraHHmatika Astagheeth, AsleHH lee Sha'anee kollaho wala takelnee 'Ila nafsee Tarfata AAin."
Translates: "O Ever-Living One, O Everlasting One, by Your mercy I plead for help, mend all my matters and do not leave me for my self, not even for a blink of an eye"
There is a dua that you can use to lessen the burden:
"بسم الله على نفسي, بسم الله على أهلي ومالي اللهم أرضني بما قضيت لي وعافني بما أبقيت حتى لا أحب تعجيل ما أخرت ولا تأخير ما عجلت"
"Bismillahi ala nafsee, bismillahi ala ahlee wa malee, allahomma ardenee bema qadayt lee, wa aafenee feema abqayt, hatta la ohebba taajeel ma akhart, wala taakheer ma ajjalt."
It translates: "In the name of God on myself, in the name of God on my family and money. O God please satisfy me with what you decide for me and grant me wellness with whatever you keep for me, so that I wouldn't like to hasten what you delayed or delay what you hastened."
Every day when you wake up. Also my father taught me that Surat Al-Waqia (number 56) every night prevents poverty, and I never fail in reading it myself.
May God give you patience, wisdom, and strength to bare your burden, and reward you for it all.
