SafaAuditore
Senior Member
- Messages
- 93
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- Islam
Hey people.
I need help with something, pweese.
So i've writen this story, but it's not fitting right just yet.
It's starts with this girl in florence, italy, who's in the middle of a war and stuff...
Firenze, Italy
December 11, 1401
It was torture. Even though I wasn’t with them, I could feel their pain.
I could feel the throbbing of the wounds, the unbearably hot sting of the blades, the agonizing fire that burns in my skin and blood. I wasn’t there – I wasn’t one fighting – and yet it was my heart pounding and stabbing through my chest. I cried and cried, my tears hurt – each drop was a bloody flame for each life lost.
But my tears didn’t matter. They didn’t mean anything.
I walked around the room; trembling and afraid. My mother lay sick, and I was terrified of a house raid; they were getting very close.
The room was cold; even with all the candles lit, my hands were freezing. I walked towards my mother and pulled the light sheet over her and tucked it in. Then I went to the far corner and sat by the writing table.
Unconsciously, I picked up parchment and some ink. I wrote. I crumpled. I wrote more – and then crumpled more. None of the words fit. I kept trying and trying, but I didn’t even know what I was writing. I had ruined the whole stack of parchment.
There was only one sheet left; seconds to spare.
I wrote my last words; they were random and blind, but my heart wrote them. I didn’t know what they said, and I didn’t care – as long as I’d gotten them on paper.
I closed my eyes; imagined, prayed, wished, and hoped.
The door broke open – the enemies ran in.
The room soaked in blood within seconds. Something on my body stung. Silver – I could feel it. Take it out, I wanted to shout, but I couldn’t – it was unbearable. It stung, it throbbed, and it burned. Was I in hell? What did I do to deserve this torment?
I couldn’t feel myself. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t hear.
I was dead.
____________________________________________________
So the letter is the main part.
Years are supposed to pass, and someone is supposed to find that letter somewhere, coincidental. That person is in the middle of some sort of violent thing, like war or something. Something terrifying. And they add to the letter.
My next scene skips to a girl living in Liberia in 1765, and her village is raided so she runs but gets caught by the whites. She's sent to America as a slave. Eventually she finds THE letter in the cotton feild...she reads it that night and adds to it.
Everyone who adds to the letter, is making a wish. She wishes that slaves would be free one day.
Time passes, the letter floats, gets run over, caught in trees, beneath the dirt, splashed with blood and poked with things.
Someone else finds it. This time it's on 9/11. A person has just arrived at work - they open their window and the paper flies to their face. they laugh at it's goofiness. They see a plane, the plane crashes, they're under the rubble. There are seconds before the building collapses on them. THey pull out the letter, they add to it, blindly. The building falls, they die, the letter escapes.
From there, i skipped to the very last scene.
June 7th, 2401. No location - in the middle of a war. Immediately after the largest hydrogen (3000 kiloton!!) bomb fell.
THe girl is the last female on earth, everyone has already been eliminated.
She finds the note, clenches it in her hand. She decides to add to it.
A soldier finds her. He has been set to kill the enemy. She was the enemy. He snipes her out.
The last man on earth shot the last woman on earth. His mission was complete.
He finds her letter in her bloody hand. He realized what he had done. He realized what mankind had done. He cries. He couldn't add to the letter because it was too late.
His legs were being eaten by white phosphorus. He eventually dies. Letter in hand.
The point of this story was that mankind extincts itself thru their own violence. THis will happen if nothing changes though, if we don't change our ways.
Mankind became extinct, nothing lived anymore, nothing but maybe a few plants and animals. Since the beginining of time, people have wished violence would end - time ended, violence is still a poisenous haze in the air and people have dissappeared.
_______________________________________________________________________
WHAT I NEED.......
What i need from u guys is to help me with this story. I need more events becasue i jumped from 1401, to 1765 - help me fill that blank in. From 1765 to 2001, and that. And from 2001 to 2401.
I need help in getting more events. Things that are terrifying and important and sad.
What i have so far are these events, plus the triangel shirtwaist factory fire of 1911, the execution of nathan hale in 1776, aaand the whole palestine thing of ...the past 60 years.
Please add to this, because my story feels empty. It jumps to big, and i need more tragedies to fill it in.
Just give me an event, like the civil war. And maybe even the date and location. I'd still need to research it and read diaries if it was recent, but still. I'd appreciate any help.
This story is supposed to be published in july 2011 because a literary agent liked my excerpt. I need to make it perfect.
oh yea, and it's copyrighted, so don't try and steal it lol. but u wouldn't.......right? XD
Thank u =)
~Gothique
I need help with something, pweese.
So i've writen this story, but it's not fitting right just yet.
It's starts with this girl in florence, italy, who's in the middle of a war and stuff...
Firenze, Italy
December 11, 1401
It was torture. Even though I wasn’t with them, I could feel their pain.
I could feel the throbbing of the wounds, the unbearably hot sting of the blades, the agonizing fire that burns in my skin and blood. I wasn’t there – I wasn’t one fighting – and yet it was my heart pounding and stabbing through my chest. I cried and cried, my tears hurt – each drop was a bloody flame for each life lost.
But my tears didn’t matter. They didn’t mean anything.
I walked around the room; trembling and afraid. My mother lay sick, and I was terrified of a house raid; they were getting very close.
The room was cold; even with all the candles lit, my hands were freezing. I walked towards my mother and pulled the light sheet over her and tucked it in. Then I went to the far corner and sat by the writing table.
Unconsciously, I picked up parchment and some ink. I wrote. I crumpled. I wrote more – and then crumpled more. None of the words fit. I kept trying and trying, but I didn’t even know what I was writing. I had ruined the whole stack of parchment.
There was only one sheet left; seconds to spare.
I wrote my last words; they were random and blind, but my heart wrote them. I didn’t know what they said, and I didn’t care – as long as I’d gotten them on paper.
I closed my eyes; imagined, prayed, wished, and hoped.
The door broke open – the enemies ran in.
The room soaked in blood within seconds. Something on my body stung. Silver – I could feel it. Take it out, I wanted to shout, but I couldn’t – it was unbearable. It stung, it throbbed, and it burned. Was I in hell? What did I do to deserve this torment?
I couldn’t feel myself. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t hear.
I was dead.
____________________________________________________
So the letter is the main part.
Years are supposed to pass, and someone is supposed to find that letter somewhere, coincidental. That person is in the middle of some sort of violent thing, like war or something. Something terrifying. And they add to the letter.
My next scene skips to a girl living in Liberia in 1765, and her village is raided so she runs but gets caught by the whites. She's sent to America as a slave. Eventually she finds THE letter in the cotton feild...she reads it that night and adds to it.
Everyone who adds to the letter, is making a wish. She wishes that slaves would be free one day.
Time passes, the letter floats, gets run over, caught in trees, beneath the dirt, splashed with blood and poked with things.
Someone else finds it. This time it's on 9/11. A person has just arrived at work - they open their window and the paper flies to their face. they laugh at it's goofiness. They see a plane, the plane crashes, they're under the rubble. There are seconds before the building collapses on them. THey pull out the letter, they add to it, blindly. The building falls, they die, the letter escapes.
From there, i skipped to the very last scene.
June 7th, 2401. No location - in the middle of a war. Immediately after the largest hydrogen (3000 kiloton!!) bomb fell.
THe girl is the last female on earth, everyone has already been eliminated.
She finds the note, clenches it in her hand. She decides to add to it.
A soldier finds her. He has been set to kill the enemy. She was the enemy. He snipes her out.
The last man on earth shot the last woman on earth. His mission was complete.
He finds her letter in her bloody hand. He realized what he had done. He realized what mankind had done. He cries. He couldn't add to the letter because it was too late.
His legs were being eaten by white phosphorus. He eventually dies. Letter in hand.
The point of this story was that mankind extincts itself thru their own violence. THis will happen if nothing changes though, if we don't change our ways.
Mankind became extinct, nothing lived anymore, nothing but maybe a few plants and animals. Since the beginining of time, people have wished violence would end - time ended, violence is still a poisenous haze in the air and people have dissappeared.
_______________________________________________________________________
WHAT I NEED.......
What i need from u guys is to help me with this story. I need more events becasue i jumped from 1401, to 1765 - help me fill that blank in. From 1765 to 2001, and that. And from 2001 to 2401.
I need help in getting more events. Things that are terrifying and important and sad.
What i have so far are these events, plus the triangel shirtwaist factory fire of 1911, the execution of nathan hale in 1776, aaand the whole palestine thing of ...the past 60 years.
Please add to this, because my story feels empty. It jumps to big, and i need more tragedies to fill it in.
Just give me an event, like the civil war. And maybe even the date and location. I'd still need to research it and read diaries if it was recent, but still. I'd appreciate any help.
This story is supposed to be published in july 2011 because a literary agent liked my excerpt. I need to make it perfect.
oh yea, and it's copyrighted, so don't try and steal it lol. but u wouldn't.......right? XD
Thank u =)
~Gothique
