i need your advice please! cancer....recommend me a title too please!

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend

in btw, is there some kind of law i'm not allowed to see my reports...if my family doesn't want? or do i have limits to what i should be knowing? ^o)

(

I would be inclined to ask for a simple explanation that you can understand, rather than read the report, the report is going to be in a doctors language you may struggle to follow.

Eric H, posting my original pm to you
A few years ago, I had tests done for cancer, about a month later the doctor phoned and said he urgently wanted to see me, it was non – Hodgkin Lymphoma, this was a name I recognised, our friend had this cancer, and died a few months later. I prayed for the wisdom, strength, peace and serenity to do God’s will, whether the cancer was a death sentence, or just an inconvenience. I can only say that from the moment of making this prayer, I have experienced a profound sense of peace, and the thought of cancer has never troubled me for a moment.

Cancer can be a truly worrying process, you wait a month or two for tests, you wait for the results, and you wait for more tests, but the prayer to do God’s will sort of handed the problem to God, and I have never had to worry. At the age of 67, the prayer for healing was too complicated, it might or might not be my time to go, I can imagine most people with cancer would pray for healing, but they will not all live.

I could not imagine this sense of peace without a faith and trust in God. I can say, from the moment of hearing about my cancer and making that prayer, I could talk about cancer in the same way as I talk about what’s for dinner?

This can often be a time to reflect on your life, forgive those who have offended you, and ask for forgiveness if you may have offended others.

I can remember my first visit to an oncologist, my wife was nervous and worried, the doctor was fussing about, he kept wanting to know how I was. I can only remember having a sense of peace while all this was going on, the doctor wanted to give me a thick leaflet all about the cancer, but I said I would never read it. I can remember a number of visits to the oncologist over about a year, before they told me my cancer was not aggressive, so I discharged myself.

The point I am trying to make is this, even if the doctors were to say that 50 % of people with this cancer die, they can’t tell you whether you are going to be one of the 50 % that live. You will have to live with a lot of uncertainty over a long period of time, this is why I prayed for the wisdom, strength, perseverance and the peace to do God’s will, whether the cancer was a death sentence or just an inconvenience.

Be patient for a while longer, when you see the doctor in Wales, say you want to know all the details of your cancer in simple language, I am sure they will try and help you understand. But whatever they say, you will have to come to terms with waiting and all the uncertainty that goes with it.

You and your family are in my prayers, may Allah bless you all.

Eric

 

[ramen-thelegend]

thank you everyone.

i need to know one more thing before leaving for wales. its my grandfather who's going to be my legal gaurdian and be along while i'm hospitalised. he'll meet me at southamptom and then his brother will drive us to london and THEN we stay the night at their home..AND THEN fly to swansea airport and then finally drive to neath!( i know thats crazy but we had to get everything done in 3 days..)

what i need to know is, is that ok? i mean keeping in mind i'm adopted. and my mom cant come along bcz my brother has his exams until the 17th and my grandparents are divorced so no my grandmother cant come along.

i mean keeping in mind i'm adopted, which means he's not my grandfather by blood...means he's not my mahram? ( or mehr or mehran...or whatever it is)

what should i do? i'm seriously freaking out right know bcz i cant talk to my grandmother about anything any more after what she told me yesterday. what am i going to do???

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend;

i tried to talk to her yesterday. started with sorry and she straight away slapped me in the face and asked me to **** off.

Just before I was diagnosed with cancer, I believe I was unfairly sacked from a job I had been doing for ten years. I never had a day of sick, I did a lot of the jobs other people were afraid to do, caring for people with challenging behaviour and learning disabilities.

Even to this day I think it was unfair, but I feel it is better to forgive and strive to overcome any anger I have for them. So, to help me overcome my anger, I have done about fifteen hundred hours of voluntary work for the people who sacked me. I shall be going back again on Friday to do another five, and at the end of this month, I will voluntarily take a couple of the guys on holiday for a week. At minimum wages I have probably given them about £10,000 of my time. Every now and then, I come into contact with the people responsible for my sacking.

People say I am mad, I should have sued for compensation, and I agree with them. But I cannot explain the profound sense of peace that I feel, it is beyond money. At the old age of 62, I found another job, the day after being sacked.

About six months after being sacked, another branch of the company that sacked me, asked me to come and work for them part time. So now I have been working for about four and a half years for the people who sacked me, crazy. I don’t understand life at all, I should have retired a couple of years ago.

My belief is, that the person who is able to forgive, gains more than the transgressor who is forgiven. I believe it is important to forgive, even if the other person does not say sorry.

Holding onto anger eats away at you. Anger is like picking up a burning coal, with the intention of throwing it at the person who angers you, and the person who gets burned the most is you. The longer you hold onto the burning coal of anger the hotter it becomes.

Pray for your mum, In order to forgive, you have to change yourself, you have a couple of days to try and make up with your mum. It will be one of your biggest regrets in your life if you do not keep trying. Making peace with your mum will bring you closer to Allah, I am so sorry to place this burden on someone as young as you.

May Allah bless you and your family,

Eric

 

[ramen-thelegend]

Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend;



Just before I was diagnosed with cancer, I believe I was unfairly sacked from a job I had been doing for ten years. I never had a day of sick, I did a lot of the jobs other people were afraid to do, caring for people with challenging behaviour and learning disabilities.

Even to this day I think it was unfair, but I feel it is better to forgive and strive to overcome any anger I have for them. So, to help me overcome my anger, I have done about fifteen hundred hours of voluntary work for the people who sacked me. I shall be going back again on Friday to do another five, and at the end of this month, I will voluntarily take a couple of the guys on holiday for a week. At minimum wages I have probably given them about £10,000 of my time. Every now and then, I come into contact with the people responsible for my sacking.

People say I am mad, I should have sued for compensation, and I agree with them. But I cannot explain the profound sense of peace that I feel, it is beyond money. At the old age of 62, I found another job, the day after being sacked.

About six months after being sacked, another branch of the company that sacked me, asked me to come and work for them part time. So now I have been working for about four and a half years for the people who sacked me, crazy. I don’t understand life at all, I should have retired a couple of years ago.

My belief is, that the person who is able to forgive, gains more than the transgressor who is forgiven. I believe it is important to forgive, even if the other person does not say sorry.

Holding onto anger eats away at you. Anger is like picking up a burning coal, with the intention of throwing it at the person who angers you, and the person who gets burned the most is you. The longer you hold onto the burning coal of anger the hotter it becomes.

Pray for your mum, In order to forgive, you have to change yourself, you have a couple of days to try and make up with your mum. It will be one of your biggest regrets in your life if you do not keep trying. Making peace with your mum will bring you closer to Allah, I am so sorry to place this burden on someone as young as you.

May Allah bless you and your family,

Eric

thanks a lot again.
huhhhhhhhhhhh......i'm still not taking any of this seriously...i feel like its a dream and i'll wake up soon and realise its over. i cant deal with all this different environment and circumstances.

but because you say so, i'll try to talk to my mama again.

for now, she's out with her mom for shopping! yeah she is! :heated:
you know what? currently at my home, there are a lot more important things going on than me having cancer and bleeding esophageul varices. the most important one is that my mom is meeting her mom after years, so they're enjoying their time together. then my brother has his exams and then everybody's leaving pakistan AND THEN its me who's sick.

anyways, how do i start???? i tried to start with a simple sorry and got slapped in the face. what if she slaps me again? how do i get to talk to her to me?

 

[Serinity]

@ramen-thelegend

Try to say sorry again - and if you get slapped again then say "why did you slap me?" if she responds with a slap again, "why don't you say anything?" .......... If she responds with a slap again, then....

Try to verbalise her slaps.. Like "do you feel happy slapping me?" etc.. Try to connect with her through her slaps.

But seeing that you are sick, I assume from the little knowledge I have of this sickness that your wounds heal very slowly, right? you bleed easily, etc. Right? Do you have trouble breathing sometimes?

beware of getting hurt, etc.

you should rely on Allah SWT alone. Don't expect much from anyone.

May Allah SWT forgive me if I said anything wrong.
And Allah SWT knows best.

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend;

thanks a lot again.
huhhhhhhhhhhh......i'm still not taking any of this seriously...i feel like its a dream and i'll wake up soon and realise its over. i cant deal with all this different environment and circumstances.

but because you say so, i'll try to talk to my mama again.

If you try saying sorry again, it must NOT be because of any pressure from me, it must be done for all the right reasons, if you say sorry and don't mean it, your mum will probably know. The cancer has nothing to do with your adoptive mother, it is not her genes, but she seems to be trying to help you, again I don't know her motivations.

The other thing to say is thank you, it must be costing a lot to send you to Wales with your adopted granddad. When you can feel thankful and remorseful, the words will follow. There is probably wrong on both sides, you have to make allowances for your mum, she is not to blame for ALL your troubles.

Try and put yourself in her shoes, one day you may have a fourteen year old daughter, and if you look at yourself, you can expect a rocky ride. It is only when you have children yourself, that you come to understand the problems of being a parent. You also come to understand that much of what your parents say, is right, even if they do not say it in the right way.

Pray for her before saying sorry, pray to Allah and ask forgiveness first.

May Allah bless you and your mother.

Eric

 

[ramen-thelegend]

@ramen-thelegend

Try to say sorry again - and if you get slapped again then say "why did you slap me?" if she responds with a slap again, "why don't you say anything?" .......... If she responds with a slap again, then....

Try to verbalise her slaps.. Like "do you feel happy slapping me?" etc.. Try to connect with her through her slaps.

But seeing that you are sick, I assume from the little knowledge I have of this sickness that your wounds heal very slowly, right? you bleed easily, etc. Right? Do you have trouble breathing sometimes?

beware of getting hurt, etc.

you should rely on Allah SWT alone. Don't expect much from anyone.

May Allah SWT forgive me if I said anything wrong.
And Allah SWT knows best.

i'm going to try soon inshahallah.

i still do need someone to answer this:

thank you everyone.

i need to know one more thing before leaving for wales. its my grandfather who's going to be my legal gaurdian and be along while i'm hospitalised. he'll meet me at southamptom and then his brother will drive us to london and THEN we stay the night at their home..AND THEN fly to swansea airport and then finally drive to neath!( i know thats crazy but we had to get everything done in 3 days..)

what i need to know is, is that ok? i mean keeping in mind i'm adopted. and my mom cant come along bcz my brother has his exams until the 17th and my grandparents are divorced so no my grandmother cant come along.

i mean keeping in mind i'm adopted, which means he's not my grandfather by blood...means he's not my mahram? ( or mehr or mehran...or whatever it is)

what should i do? i'm seriously freaking out right know bcz i cant talk to my grandmother about anything any more after what she told me yesterday. what am i going to do???

 

[noraina]

Assalamu alaykum

Sis, I'm no scholar but I honestly think it would be fine. This is a matter of your health. I mean it would be better if you could get a female family member to come along as well, but even though it may not be through blood-relations - he is elderly and is to you your grandfather so I don't see anything wrong in it.

And I understand how it can be difficult facing your mother's attitude at the moment, perhaps she is being a little unfair and not quite understanding your thoughts, but remember she adopted you and cared for you when you were at your most vulnerable, it may just be she is facing certain difficulties in life, and it may be really hurting her to know you are so unwell. Most importantly, make dua for her, that Allah SWT softens her heart.

Keep us updated sis, I'm giving you lots of virtual hugs right now. Don't feel disappointed with anyone - disappointment is a sign we were expecting something from them, and we should expect only from Allah SWT. It is only Him Who will listen to and answer our supplications, and be with us in our darkest moments, when the people around us may not be able to see or understand our difficulties- it is only Allah SWT Who is our constant friend and protector.

Wassalam

 

[ramen-thelegend]

Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend;



If you try saying sorry again, it must NOT be because of any pressure from me, it must be done for all the right reasons, if you say sorry and don't mean it, your mum will probably know. The cancer has nothing to do with your adoptive mother, it is not her genes, but she seems to be trying to help you, again I don't know her motivations.

The other thing to say is thank you, it must be costing a lot to send you to Wales with your adopted granddad. When you can feel thankful and remorseful, the words will follow. There is probably wrong on both sides, you have to make allowances for your mum, she is not to blame for ALL your troubles.

Try and put yourself in her shoes, one day you may have a fourteen year old daughter, and if you look at yourself, you can expect a rocky ride. It is only when you have children yourself, that you come to understand the problems of being a parent. You also come to understand that much of what your parents say, is right, even if they do not say it in the right way.

Pray for her before saying sorry, pray to Allah and ask forgiveness first.

May Allah bless you and your mother.

Eric

i'm sorry. i meant to sat that i am doing this bcz u said so as in i tried to already apologise to her and got slapped in return but that i'll try again.

i dont want to sound so negetive and evil here, but let me tell you my mom is not trying to help me at all. she's always told me how much she hates me and told me my prayers are of no use since ALLAH swt hates me and everything that was happening to me clearly explained that. i used to ask her for stuff and she used to ask me to get it myself. at about 10, i stayed most of my time out, infact at times returned home after days, or even weeks. i used to stay at the old home i worked at. a day has never passed my she didn't pray for my death. i feel like her prayers are being answered. plus u know what? she never wanted i get treatment, she ignored it. she said she couldn't pay for it. plus, she's not paying for the treatment anyway, its for free. plus, i never wanted to come to pakistan. why would i want to? she forced me in here. obviously she has to pay for it! she has always punished me for every little small thing. let alone small, she punishes me for things i didn't even do. she has never told me she loves me, has always tried her best to get excuses for not going to my PTMs( but my teachers would contact her ) she has never asked me if i'm hungry or dying or sick or how was my day or anything. we're like strangers or you could say allies living in one home. and i could never complain, because then she'd start crying and blaming herself for everything which was worse than anything for me. i thought it was better i take all the blame and offence and abuse and pain. she's not the kind of mother you're talking about.

its not because i'm adopted, she's almost the same towards my brother, the difference is he talks back and everyday they argue about how bad their lives are because of each other( and when i come in between to stop them, thats when both attack me). my brother is stubborn and keeps on doing the stuff she asks him not to do. he doesn't work like i do and keeps demanding stuff from my mom, which she doesn't give him and then the arguments start. another reason is they both think they've given enough and want stuff back in return and again both disagree.

if i were my mom, i'd at least try to sit down and talk to the two people she deliberately took responsibility of, who she makes feel hated and unwanted everyday. maybe i couldn't do anything but at least i could love them, tell them i was there for them, that i care for them.

i'm not saying i hate her and dont respect her, i think i still do love her, but she doesn't and that makes me feel nothing for her. we're like homies living hatefully. i have always tried to get things better but she tells me stuff like stop trying to act like you're my mom and stay in your limits and dont impose your laws on me and let things alone the way they are!

even now she's not crying for me. she's crying and mad at me,but because my sickness is ruining her time with her mom!

 

[Serinity]

The less you expect from people the more you appreciate the blessings of Allah SWT, and the little people do. right? Idk

Allahu alam. Just don't expect from people.

 

[ramen-thelegend]

The less you expect from people the more you appreciate the blessings of Allah SWT, and the little people do. right? Idk

Allahu alam. Just don't expect from people.

thanks. thats nice. i've always told that myself!

mashahallah bro you always have something good to say!

 

[Serinity]

thanks. thats nice. i've always told that myself!

mashahallah bro you always have something good to say!

I can tell you are stronger than me, Imaan wise. SubhanAllah.

Anyways. May Allah guard me and all of us from evil. Ameen..

Think, there are times when you just want to die right? you don't care about this world anymore, right? you don't care, you just want to meet Allah SWT. you long for the hereafter.

you could care less for supercars or castles, and what not.. We become distant from this world. Which is actually a good thing, what we must realise is, to take advantage of this and make use of it, and ask Allah to keep us like this.

cuz our time here is short, This world is a fading shadow. Try to improve yourself, and keep on that feeling - be focused on the hereafter - work for Allah SWT.

Be like a traveller who will leave this world -don't forget the feeling of wanting to meet Allah, and disliking this world, and wanting to die. Make yourself love the meeting of Allah SWT.

For if you, ramen, love to meet Allah SWT, Allah SWT will LOVE to meet you!

What I am saying sister is, don't let the want to die make you depressed, don't become depressed at disliking this life, turn it around and be happy for wanting to leave. but don't dislike this world in the way that'd make you depressed.

Be such, that you use this world, grab this world by your fangs and have Islam in your heart. Use this world to gain the other world, use this world, like a tool, your heart is for Islam, the religion of Allah SWT.

In short - use this world to gain the other world. Be a traveller, a no one in this world. But before Allah you are precious!

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend;

I am just so sad every time you talk about the hardships in your life, it is so sad that someone your age should suffer so much. In a way, when you try and make peace with your mum, you are really making peace with Allah. Maybe this poem will help you find strength and hope.

Mother Teresa's Anyway Poem


People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.


[Reportedly inscribed on the wall of Mother Teresa's children's home in Calcutta, and attributed to her. However, an article in the New York Times has since reported (March 8, 2002) that the original version of this poem was written by Kent M. Keith.]​

Praying for you to find strength and hope, blessings,

Eric

 

[Serinity]

Whether something is bad or good for you, Allah SWT knows best.

But how you percieve things is very important. It may either destroy you, or build you, In shaa' Allah.

Don't let the cancer make you depressed.

to do something, it may take a thousand attempts, now you may either view those attempts as:

1. failures.
2. steps.

How you approach a problem, may either destroy you or build you.

ALLAHU alam, tho. May Allah SWT forgive me if I said anything wrong. Ameen.

 

[sister herb]

Salam alaykum little sister

I am sure about one thing - what ever will happening, this all makes you more wise person and, as usually when we meet hardships, any kind of, more mature. When you are more mature. it will be easier to get along with complicated people (as some of your family members seems to be) as well avoid troubles.

 

[ramen-thelegend]

Salam alaykum little sister

I am sure about one thing - what ever will happening, this all makes you more wise person and, as usually when we meet hardships, any kind of, more mature. When you are more mature. it will be easier to get along with complicated people (as some of your family members seems to be) as well avoid troubles.

thanks sis.

but whatever you're talking about is the future, which is not quite promised in my case. for now, things just keep getting worse! and i'm watching! all i can do is cry, repent to ALLAH swt, do dhikr and wait for things to change.

 

[sister herb]

Dear sister,

with tears part of your distress and anguish will melt away. But I understand your pain and insecurity. Anyone in similar situation would feel the same and would to be totally upset.

 

[anatolian]

@anatolian .brother i'll tell u soon when i figure out stuff myself. my head is really all messed up right now. he didn't say i can wait, but that it would be better if i go back to wales asap and get the treatment and bone marrow transplant and stuff done there.

Salam sis. Dont rely on your mother alone. Force anybody around you who can help you to bring you back to Wales and get the treatment immediately.

I am going to make dua for you. Inshallah you'll become OK.

 

[ramen-thelegend]

Salam sis. Dont rely on your mother alone. Force anybody around you who can help you to bring you back to Wales and get the treatment immediately.

walaikum assalam bro.
i'm going back to wales on the 6th

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend;

You said you are stopping by Southampton, so just a thought here are the contact details for the four mosques in Southampton.


Southampton Mosque
www.mymosques.co.uk
189 Northumberland Road, Southampton SO14 0EP
023 8063 5941

Shahjalal Mosque
www.shahjalalmosque.org.uk
121 St Marys Road, Southampton SO14 0BL
023 8033 2979

Abo Bakar Mosque
Bing Local
8 Argyle Road, Southampton SO14 0BQ

Southampton Medina Mosque Trust Ltd.
www.mymosques.co.uk
Rowland Buildings, Southampton SO14 0BH
023 8023 1945

blessings

Eric