I neeh help. I feel like I am becoming bad.

[The-Deist]

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
I hope all of you are well in shaa Allah.

I see that I am turning in to something bad. As if I was losing my humanity.

I will just write this out ( but these are real problems). It won't really have any paragraps or context separation.

Bismillah.

I feel like I am losing my emotions. I see my self becoming numb. I don't really have anyone to talk to. If there's one emotion I could have it's sadness. Otherwise I am really empty. I feel like I am becoming cold. I don't feel for people. The only thing that is keeping me sane is my sense of justice. I see that I am on the road of becoming immoral. I just love being insane and love violence.

I feel like it's my life that has lead to this. No real friends. No real love (the childhood type). I was pretty much raised outside. That is also where I came to pick up bad habits (Alhamdulillah it looks like they are going away). I have always pretty much been the one to be cryied on, but I have no ones shoulder to cry upon myself.

I just don't know what anything in life is except fear and sadness (I am even starting to lose those or maybe already have). i just want to feel love. I want to be something. Not just another person. I have maybe lost the ability to love others because I don't even understand what it is.

I was considering marriage but I'm too young. I could have considered having a girlfrind, but that's haram (forbidden, prohibited). I just don't really know anything except loneliness.

I just feel like there's no true place for me in this world. I don't know my true role.

If you guys have any more further questions. Feel welcome to ask.

JazakaAllahu Khairan

 

[strivingobserver98]

Do you feel like you want to be with company? Would that help you feel a bit better maybe :ia:? You can meet friends in all sorts of ways. Such as masjids, islamic events, old school colleagues, work, through family, cousins or even a forum! Human beings are social creatures whether your a introvert or extrovert, a bit of companionship here and there can enrich a person.

Marriage won't solve all your problems Allah will. Marriage is a means for attaining the pleasure of Allah, and getting more closer to him.

What do you mean by "I don't know my true role?".

 

[The-Deist]

Marriage won't solve all your problems Allah will. Marriage is a means for attaining the pleasure of Allah, and getting more closer to him.

No as in to feel that kind of love... (never really been with the opposite sex so don't really know) I guess I'm really curious about what would happen to me.

What do you mean by "I don't know my true role?".

I really don't know what I am doing here as in that kind of sense. It's maybe because of my lack of emotion that I feel like that. Like I'm literally numb.

 

[ardianto]

Wa'alaikumsalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

Ulama say, we must avoid attitude of suudzon (prejudice) and replace it with attitude of khusnudzon (good assumption). It's mean we must avoid assumption like "no one will be kind to me", but replace it with good assumption, like "people will kind to me if I can be kind to them".

Yes, the world is not as bad as your assumption. I learned about love, compassion, friendship, solidarity, in the society. I built my sense of sympathy and empathy in the society too.

So, bro, don't afraid and don't be hesitate to leave your room. Throw away the suudzon from your heart and replace it with khusnudzon, and then start to live in society. In Shaa Allah, then you will begin to realize that you have benefit for the others.

 

[The-Deist]

So, bro, don't afraid and don't be hesitate to leave your room.

The thing is I usually stay for a short oeriod of time (just go shopping for groceries, if someone is sick get the medicine etc.) and if I stay with other people it's just sports. I have only had a few conversations...

 

[strivingobserver98]

I really don't know what I am doing here as in that kind of sense. It's maybe because of my lack of emotion that I feel like that. Like I'm literally numb.

Oh ok, I thought you meant "Role" as in life goals/responsibilities. Never heard of this numbness feeling to be honest, what is it like? Can you describe more detail?

 

[The-Deist]

Never heard of this numbness feeling to be honest, what is it like? Can you describe more detail?

You don't really feel anything. You're like empty. That's pretty much the "description" of something you can't deescribe.

 

[ardianto]

but I have no ones shoulder to cry upon myself.

Do not seek a shoulder which you can cry on it, but give your shoulder to anyone who need to cry on.

The art of human to human relationship is give, give and give, not take and give. Give something to the others without you expect anything from them. Then they will give you something without you ask for it. In Shaa Allah, it will makes you happy.

Start with giving something that you can give anytime, your smile.

 

[The-Deist]

Do not seek a shoulder which you can cry on it, but give your shoulder to anyone who need to cry on.

That awkward moment when I realize I don't have anything to cry out...

 

[ardianto]

The cause of your problem is because you draw yourself from society in the real life. It makes you feel isolated, lonely, and don't know what you must do in life.

The only way to solve your problem is involve yourself in social life with other people.

But bro, may I know why you seem like afraid to build social relationship with the others except in internet?. You feel not confident?. You don't know how to start?. Or ..... ?.

 

[The-Deist]

The cause of your problem is because you draw yourself from society in the real life. It makes you feel isolated, lonely, and don't know what you must do in life.

The only way to solve your problem is involve yourself in social life with other people.

But bro, may I know why you seem like afraid to build social relationship with the others except in internet?. You feel not confident?. You don't know how to start?. Or ..... ?.

I am not feeling lonely. The thing is people outside just don't click with me that much... I'm shy... And don't know anyone like me.

As you have read from the title the original problem is. I don't feel like I am human anymore. I don't have sympathy, feelings, emotions. I am just like a rock. In the core of the rock you find nothing except more rock... People describe me as cold dead (This is my own fathers description of me) I don't usually even move my face. People sometimes ask me didn't you feel any sympathy and I stay silent because I don't want to make people feel insignificant...

BTW the only time I really become sociable is the night. Most people treat it as a miracle if they see my face in the daytime (except if I come to eat or something necessary) You won't hear any hellos until the night time (even in that time it's rare) The only feelings I really feel are fear.

I just feel like I am turning into someone inhuman. I have never really had any real feelings towards people.

 

[The-Deist]

* bump *

 

[Abdullahh]

:wa: I'm terribly sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, brother. But, I admire the fact that you recognize the fact that you've got problems, and you've taken the first step in solving your problems: Admitting it. We've all been where you are now to some extent. You aren't alone. I speak for all of us when I say we've got your back. I suggest going to Masjid, reading the Quran more, and making new friends (in real life) and hanging out with them. Too much time alone can be harmful. Also, try to find yourself a nice girl and settle down! Blessings of Allah be upon you.

 

[Lavitz]

Wa alaykum alsalam,

Yes, seems like you need to find yourself a role to keep you focused on other things. Many people fulfill this emptiness by joining charity organizations. Try giving it a shot.