anonymous
Anonymous User
- Messages
- 4,134
- Reaction score
- 133
asalamulakum brothers and sisters.
this is how i have been feeling over the past few weeks:
i feel like a nobody. last week i was thinking about how i feel. im only alive phsically. otherwise i feel dead.
i feel like an animal: eating sleeping. ibaadah...hmm....???? when i am doing ibaadah, i feel as if im not doing it proplery (see below about prayers)
i feel like a hypocrite: i tell people things i dont do. i.e i tell them that i would do siomething for them, but i dont out of laziness. this is not my intention at the time i tell them. Ive also noticed that i image if soomeone (like for eg...just anyone, depends on the sisutation) saw me doing sucha and such action, i may not do what i intended to do because they can see me. like i get embarresed because they are there. where is my fear of allah?
i feel that i need to get back to basics
sometimes i feel that i want the dunya. then i thbnk, maryasm you can get better things in jannah. eg with food. i keep getting hungry or i just feel like eating.
i find myself desireing the most forbdden things to me.
at one point i thought to myself that i just want to be someone else. i fed up with me. why can't i be like that person.
Everytrime I listen or read, it just feels like it dosn't sink in. its not just an orrdinary low level of iman, as most people will feel. i feel its something more serious than that. i feel that i can't relax during dua, without satan whiospering all thee ridiculus thoughts. And thinking to myself! lets not even go there. i cant even thibnk to myself sometimes, without satan whispering to me all these thoughts.
Sometimes i relefect on how i was like, in regards to my iman, and i feel really sad. like before i was going through this, my iman was generaslly reaaly good. well wallahu alam, but thats how i felt.
and my prayers...or should i say lack. this is where my very chronic whiswaas satrted from. like a few months back.
my problem during my prayers, is that i take too long due to the fact satan whispers to me that my joints aren't relaxed (refer to the hadtith about the man who didn't pray properly, and the prophet-sallalahu aleyhi wa salam-told him to go back and pray) so this takes me longer. then what happens next is that my muscles become tense and heavy, which takes me even longer because that causes me to loose tranquilty. so basically this is how i pray. i stand, recite, go down for rukoo, wait for as long as it takes. during this time, the above happens (muscles/body becomes heavy etc). the on top of all this, this is where the chronic wiswaas comes in. the ones about shirk etc.
is this excessiveness?
iy dosn't make sense to me that something that has to be dome 5 times a day, should be so hard.
sometimes, alhamudulilah, i break from this habit, but somehow, i manage to revert to it again. when this happens, i generally get frustrated.
i think and ask myself, shoudn't the fact that yur feeling like this, be an excuse to brerak your bad habits.
so to sum up: i want a BIG personality change and need adbice on how to go about it.
anyways, thats about it.
this is how i have been feeling over the past few weeks:
i feel like a nobody. last week i was thinking about how i feel. im only alive phsically. otherwise i feel dead.
i feel like an animal: eating sleeping. ibaadah...hmm....???? when i am doing ibaadah, i feel as if im not doing it proplery (see below about prayers)
i feel like a hypocrite: i tell people things i dont do. i.e i tell them that i would do siomething for them, but i dont out of laziness. this is not my intention at the time i tell them. Ive also noticed that i image if soomeone (like for eg...just anyone, depends on the sisutation) saw me doing sucha and such action, i may not do what i intended to do because they can see me. like i get embarresed because they are there. where is my fear of allah?
i feel that i need to get back to basics
sometimes i feel that i want the dunya. then i thbnk, maryasm you can get better things in jannah. eg with food. i keep getting hungry or i just feel like eating.
i find myself desireing the most forbdden things to me.
at one point i thought to myself that i just want to be someone else. i fed up with me. why can't i be like that person.
Everytrime I listen or read, it just feels like it dosn't sink in. its not just an orrdinary low level of iman, as most people will feel. i feel its something more serious than that. i feel that i can't relax during dua, without satan whiospering all thee ridiculus thoughts. And thinking to myself! lets not even go there. i cant even thibnk to myself sometimes, without satan whispering to me all these thoughts.
Sometimes i relefect on how i was like, in regards to my iman, and i feel really sad. like before i was going through this, my iman was generaslly reaaly good. well wallahu alam, but thats how i felt.
and my prayers...or should i say lack. this is where my very chronic whiswaas satrted from. like a few months back.
my problem during my prayers, is that i take too long due to the fact satan whispers to me that my joints aren't relaxed (refer to the hadtith about the man who didn't pray properly, and the prophet-sallalahu aleyhi wa salam-told him to go back and pray) so this takes me longer. then what happens next is that my muscles become tense and heavy, which takes me even longer because that causes me to loose tranquilty. so basically this is how i pray. i stand, recite, go down for rukoo, wait for as long as it takes. during this time, the above happens (muscles/body becomes heavy etc). the on top of all this, this is where the chronic wiswaas comes in. the ones about shirk etc.
is this excessiveness?
iy dosn't make sense to me that something that has to be dome 5 times a day, should be so hard.
sometimes, alhamudulilah, i break from this habit, but somehow, i manage to revert to it again. when this happens, i generally get frustrated.
i think and ask myself, shoudn't the fact that yur feeling like this, be an excuse to brerak your bad habits.
so to sum up: i want a BIG personality change and need adbice on how to go about it.
anyways, thats about it.
.
