Oh brother....to be honest, Islam is not completely bad at all, there are a lot of wisdom in both the Quran and Hadeeth, back then I looked at them and I read them and I found absolutely EVERYTHING about Islam makes great sense with this world and my inner self (and some still is), I thought how could people not see this? I thought everything that is going on in this world aligns with the teachings of Islam, no way in hell there could be any mistake. But I realized I was only looking at one point of view, I thought that because I believed hard in Allah and was so afraid to cross the line, what about taking the neutral side?
How am I supposed to know and distinguish what Shaytaan wanted me to believe in, what myself wanted to believe in, what my family, community, government, kuffars, wanted me to believe in? So I just believe in myself. But when something goes wrong, they would say I have given myself to the devils. How am I supposed to buy that?
Why should we not look at little details? I look at the details because I want to know and understand every possible justifications/explanations that led people to believe why something is wrong or right, or why something is the way it is. I totally get that some people tend to always make effort to make sense of what they WANT to believe in by searching and looking at these little details. Though maybe because you currently believe in Allah who says these kind of people are the people who don't reason, is maybe the reason you are saying so. Aren't you a student before? I'm a science student, and if I say I only see a tree if I look at a tree, then I shouldn't be a science student anymore. A tree is NOT just a tree. If you look at it closely you'll see many combinations of living organisms to it such as fungi of various species and in fact some plants can't survive without them,and also particularly these microscopic eukaryotic and prokaryotic beings which holds the key to human survival. Also some plants if you look closely at them, they're actually animals. Do you really think that the world could have advanced to what it is today if people are only meant to see the 'tree'? Please enlighten me..Even Einstein wasn't religious. How am I supposed to buy that I'm among the people who 'don't reason' if all of my life I've been searching for reasons all over and I know I wasn't lying to myself?
Though I agree about that whole isolation part. In your mind, I'm just a little kid and you have most things figured out and I don't. Is that what you think? I've been a loner all of my life, I absolutely got that 'isolation' idea, and I think it's very important. I must stress that, even though I left Islam, not everything about Islam instantly became irrelevant to me. If I see the unbelievers insulting my muslim friends, I will still proudly defend them if I think my muslim friends are in the right. If that's what you got from atheism, I have nothing to say..
Peace
Sister, my specialties are mostly philosophy and human psychology. I ask questions such as what came before the big bang sort of stuff. I do not except "maybe this or maybe that". I look at possibilities. I have pondered a lot about what came before the big bang and ONLY 1 philosophical answer stood firm. Something must have existed before which has NO beginning. This something must have caused the big bang. This answer Islam answers it perfectly.
You have atheists who say ..multi-verse, you have atheists who say i do not know..you have atheists who say repeated cycle of exploding, imploding..exploding etc. However yet again what came before? This philosophical question is like SUPER annoying fly that doesn't leave you alone. So again, the ONLY answer to this question was something MUST already exist to make sense. Although philosophical answer, somehow science even confirmed this to me. With time and space coming in to existence with the creation of the big bang. So whatever is outside this universe isn't going by the definition of how we see time and space. When this ESSENTIAL question has been answered, the rest of ALL the questions also found their answers. Being Islam.
From how we look at the world, how we look at ourselves, how we ourselves are and behave and why things are how they are. I do not go by "blind believe" you know. I want to know things and understand things, but i always start with a humble attitude. What is this attitude? To know that what i know isn't everything and there is much more knowledge that i do not know, but willing to learn. To understand what i do not yet understand as there is MORE that i do not understand than what i do understand, and also willing to understand and keep my mouth shut and my ears open and my mind open to process, digest, ingest, be skeptical, ask questions..but always for the sake of being a student. This very simply step i see many of us human beings Muslim, atheist, christian, jew, hindu etc. somehow miss or don't find important.
I have seen Muslims act all arrogant because they KNOW more then me and just because they know more than me i should keep my mouth shut and not be skeptical by asking questions. Yet they themselves fail to understand that UNDERSTANDING is something COMPLETELY different than having knowledge. There are converts that when they read the Qur'an, they instantly UNDERSTAND a TRANSLATED aya, yet many Muslims being hafiz of the Qur'an and speaking Arabic on high level not having the understanding of the same aya as the converts.
What sheytan wants you to believe and what you want to believe are rather easy at the end. Ponder about things. Turn off everything and just ponder. Why is this this and why is that that? How come i did this and what happened to me? In the past for example the days i missed fajr prayer, i analyzed those times. When did i wake up? What time did i go to sleep? Why did i went late to sleep? What time did the sun rise and how much time was between me waking up and sun rising? Often i woke up middle in the night without alarm clock..i could do whatever i wanted, but just about 2 hours before sunrise i got very sleepy. The times that i fell asleep i woke up maybe 5 minutes before sunrise or 10-15 minutes after sunrise. The more i kept track of those times i saw a trend. This same behavior happened in the summer as well as winter..so always just around sunrise ..in other words missing the prayer.
So you see a certain trend and looking at Islamic teaching and the way sheytan works you see it clearly. Or for example, surfing on the net..no feeling of going to the bathroom..but suddenly seeing ooh time is almost up for prayer..better go and pray..suddenly feeling that i need to go to the bathroom. I have even once just out of laziness went back on my laptop suddenly the feeling to go to the bathroom went away. But when i wanted to go to pray again..it again came back that i needed to go to the bathroom.
So these are very little details but you see something is going on. Or even having the desire to look at something haram, but the moment seeking refuge from sheytan..the desire going away. Some people might say well it is something psychological rather spiritual..
I OFTEN when want something or want to know something it is within certain time period exactly given to me. For example, just last week i had the intention to want to know Christian end of times prophecies, suddenly today a Jehova Witness came at my door and i had a very respectful talk with him and he giving me certain information where i could look it up those prophecies. Or knowing something today and suddenly the next week somebody asking me EXACTLY about that thing that i read last week. Once or twice is coincidence one could say, but sister i have had this continues for the last 4 years since i entered Islam. Again coincidence is one thing, but happening again and again and again..is kind of strange don't you think? 2 years ago a woman i talked to she left Islam and she was talking about being possessed once in her life. She said every time i heard the Qur'an being recited i ran out of the house screaming. After some time we just threw all the furniture out of the house and bought new furniture. She said maybe her mother in law had done sihr on her. Yet all these things she was saying and experiencing, she did not believe in the Qur'an or came back to Islam. I find these things remarkable.
I will not benefit if you come back to Islam or even stay away from Islam. All i know is death is a fact. When we end up in our grave, whatever the truth might be there is NO way to come back. Rather ponder a lot and be skeptical, but all with honesty. Allah often in the Qur'an says about the disease in their heart, why? How? Who is to be blamed? I have had talks with people even with the Christian brother today he said going to some people's houses to spread the message some people are so angry and hateful of God because of a loved one having cancer or some sort. I mean what has logical thinking to do with anger? Nothing..ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It much resides in the heart. The heart is filled with emotion especially with women as they are emotionally stronger than men. That is why you see MORE women converting to Islam than men.
So live your life, you will see that the words i am saying aren't lies or trying to brand you as something bad, but you will find nothing there that i can PROMISE YOU. As I can say.."BEEN THERE..DONE THAT..". I have tasted the life you think is the life, but it is all emptiness. When you look in the eyes of people..you see emptiness. Their smiles are empty. Their happiness is for a moment..their joy is for a moment..the amount of suicides has been rising continuously in the west. WHY?? People have everything they desire and wish to have, yet emptiness and sadness. People have zina EVERY DAY of the week one guy to another..one girl to another..yet they are sad from within. You see guys and girls surrounded with friends and family but they are empty and lonely and sad from within.
Sister i am not trying to make things "look" bad i swear, but i have lived that live and i have lived with such people. The STARE they have, I KNOW of that stare because i had the SAME EXACT stare as them. What am i doing? Why am i doing what i am doing? Is this it? I have what i wanted it..why am i not satisfied yet? You see people being all hyped up to go to the disco, the moment they are drunk you hear their sad stories and loneliness. At the gym people are so happy they can have a chat with you that before you know they are keeping you already for an hour from doing exercise because of loneliness and sadness..find meaning in their lives.
Do what you want to do as you have free will, but you will think about my words in'sha'Allah and in'sha'Allah better soon than late.
If you want to know or understand something, you are always welcome.
Peace.
