JazakAllah khair for your replies, they were really great and helpful. Ramadan Mubarak everyone. I stopped posting on that forum but I lurk there very often, like a couples of times every day. I get deep urges to post and it takes a lot of effort to refrain myself from posting. My main intention of going there is mainly and solely to impress the brothers. I feel really bad saying that, but that's how it is. In the past, i would say things mainly to grab the brothers attention and make them recognise me. I noticed a few brothers on that chat board will show interest in me and speak to me privately in messages in a manner they wouldn't do openly and publicly on the chatboard in front of everyone. I honestly felt so happy from how these religious brothers would talk to me and have an admiration from me.
i know and can feel my actions are wrong, but I have difficulties to control it. I am blessed with great debating skills and I'll spend a lot of times debating about topics in religion and I can feel that many brothers were drawn into reading all my posts and applauding me for what a good debater I was. The more the brothers praised me, the more it encouraged and motivated me to continue debating. I soon started to feel that my intentions were to impress the brothers than to seek or spread knowledge. I could also tell how a lot of brothers fell in love with me and still think about me. I speak french very fluently, and i would speak it sometimes on the forum. A brother on there started making threads about how he wishes to speak french and how that's a language he wants to learn. I can sense he indirectly likes me and anything associated with me.
I even mentioned I'm 21 years and that same brother would posts on threads about how old he wants a wife, he says he wants a 21 year old one. I can sense I've affected the brothers there and felt guilty that my presence there was fitna so I left because i felt guilty in distracting the brothers. I don't post now, it's been nearly a month since I stopped posting, and I still recognise the indirect effects I've imprinted on the brothers and how they think about me. At times i still get strong urges to post but i refrain and think about the wrongness of my actions.
I want to ask the brothers here a question, I hope it's not an issue, please forgive me if it is because I don't understand how men think. Can a females post on a chat board be tempting for a brother or not? If she writes inappropriate things or describes herself will brothers feel attached to her? I just wanted to know if brothers see a females post, do they just see it as words or can it tempt them and they start visualising the female who's posting? If a brother answers this honestly, then that can scare me from going to that forum because I will understand the consequences my actions have on the brothers there.
Asalaamu Alaikum
My dear sister it clearly shows you have fear for your imaan and that is why you sense in your heart that it is wrong to post in forums with the wrong intention.
What we must realise is that men and women have been created to be attracted to one another. It is in our nature. Hence why non mahram men and women must not talk privately with one other whether face to face or via text messaging, forums, chatrooms etc. This is because when we talk privately with the opposite sex shaythan is also present and igniting desires within both men and women.
The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) warned us against being alone with a non-mahram woman, and said:
“No man is alone with a woman but the shaytaan is the third one present.” [Narrated by Ahmad, al-Tirmidhi and al-Haakim;].
It is also a big deception that many of us fall into when a so called "religious" man or woman talk to one another then shaythan tries to reassure us that it is "ok" because we are talking about Islam. This is how shaythan works his way into igniting passions and desires in the man and woman concerned. Hence we should be even more mindful of falling into the trap of talking to the opposite sex about deen or anything related to Islam. Shaythan works very cleverly and gradually. So many have fallen due to this. Even the most pious have fallen for this trap. Hence why we must never talk to the opposite sex without a mahram being present. Otherwise shaythan will be the third person.
Men and women have different natures. Men are more visual and you are correct in stating that sometimes a man may visualise a sister based on her posts and have the desire to private message. Sisters on the other hand may be quite naïve to this. But this is because many of us do not understand each others natures. Hence why if we follow Allah's commands and refrain from talking to the opposite sex privately then we will remain on safe ground.
Also realise sister that there are many predators out there. Men who pose as "religious" but in fact have different intentions and a disease in their hearts. So they may come across like the mosepious person but only Allah knows what they intend in their hearts. Many of these men are lurking in chatrooms and various social media websites and even so called "Islamic marriage sites". There have been cases where non Muslims and married men have posed as single Muslim men on these websites and have deceived many women into having relations before marriage and even married them and later on they found out they were actually not what they seemed. So sisters must be very careful indeed.
Many brothers also get deceived by people posing as sisters who have lost loved ones and are in a dire situation and request money. One of my neighbours fell into this trap on a Muslim marriage websites and lost hundreds of pounds sending money via western union to a person who posed as a "desperate sister in need who lost family etc".
So my sister we must refrain from talking to the opposite sex privately no matter where whether face to face and online because shaythan is the biggest deceiver and schemer and many have and will fall for his traps.
With regards to posting on Islamic forums then we must always check our intentions and sincerity no matter what good deed we intend to do. This is because shaythan aims to corrupt our good deeds by making us have the wrong intentions and insincerity. Many of us will lose out heavily on the day of Judgement when it becomes clear that so many of our good deeds are worthless because they were corrupted with bad intentions and insincerity. So if we feel that we are intending to do an act and have not got the right intentions then we must refrain from doing such an act. Otherwise it will go against us on the day of judgement. So if you feel that you are posting on Islamic forums or forwarding texts and posts on social media and even giving dawah with the wrong intentions then refrain from doing so until you have cleared your intentions and are sincere.
Remember every good act we do that is corrupted with the wrong intention and insincerity then it will be rejected by Allah and he will ask us about it on the day of Judgement. We must take this matter seriously.
Also when it comes to debating on forums. social media websites or even face to face then we must judge for ourselves whether it is worth our valuable time and energy or will it be fruitless. Somany people waste valuable precious time on forums and social media websites and face to face on fruitless worthless debates, particularly on fiqh matters for which we have no knowledge. Therefore we should avoid debates, arguments etc and save our time and energy on that which will benefit us.
So no matter what we are doing in our lives we must judge every situation and establish whether what we are going to do will benefit us in this world and/or the next or not. If it will not hten we should refrain from it. This month is so precious and valuable that we must not waste a single second on fruitless debates, arguments and discussions. We must use every second to benefit ourselves in this world and the next. Otherwise the time we wasted in this world will be a source of utter regret on the day of judgement.
May Allah enable us to use our time wisely and save us from the tricks and deceptions of shaythan and save us from our desires. Ameen
eace:
