I was intended to my friend of 10 years then all of a sudden he marries someone else

[Nikki1234]

I am heart broken. I was introduced to Islam by a male who used to be my "best-friend" of 10 years. He went to jail, converted to islam, came home, encouraged me to convert to islam, I took my shahada in february of 2017, he proposed to me, cheated on me with other women, claimed he wanted to change and we were going to get married and do things the right way. But then, all of a sudden he tells me he's married. I am devastated. How could he call himself my friend. Make me all sorts of promises and break all of them? Now, I just feel like I don't want his marriage to work. I wanted to marry him. He has suggested that I should be his second wife. I was supposed to be the first wife -_-. But, I feel very used. I feel betrayed. I wanted to be the first to give him a family. Now, all of a sudden he's married to someone he claims to not even know. Any advice? Comments? I need help. Should I marry him? How do I deal with the jealousy? Do I just move on?

 

[muslimah_B]

I am heart broken. I was introduced to Islam by a male who used to be my "best-friend" of 10 years. He went to jail, converted to islam, came home, encouraged me to convert to islam, I took my shahada in february of 2017, he proposed to me, cheated on me with other women, claimed he wanted to change and we were going to get married and do things the right way. But then, all of a sudden he tells me he's married. I am devastated. How could he call himself my friend. Make me all sorts of promises and break all of them? Now, I just feel like I don't want his marriage to work. I wanted to marry him. He has suggested that I should be his second wife. I was supposed to be the first wife -_-. But, I feel very used. I feel betrayed. I wanted to be the first to give him a family. Now, all of a sudden he's married to someone he claims to not even know. Any advice? Comments? I need help. Should I marry him? How do I deal with the jealousy? Do I just move on?

Asalam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatahu sis

Erm im gonna be very real with you, if he cheated on you with other women then why would you want to be with someone like that i.e make them your husband and father to your children when your kids will look to him for what a man should be like,
If he proposed to you then just oft and married someone who he claims as "random" why would you even consider accepting a proposal from such a person, he is not serious about you at all my dear sister if he was you would have been married with none of this drama or heartbreak.
Please do not get sucked into all the sweet nothings he will say to you to hold onto you its all rubbish and just a rouse to hold onto everything he can some men are just like that while there are 100% better brothers out there who would not act in such a appalling manner.

I would hold onto your deen your islam, improve your emaan, make dua to Allah to grant you waaay better than that.
Move on dear sister and do not even give this a second more of your time or energy it will cause you nothing but bitterness which is beneath you as a sister in Islam and a woman, you deserve so much better you are a Queen in islam do not let yourself be treated any less especially by someone like that.

I know it must hurt and your in alot of pain, but it will fade and you will get over it with time YOU DODGED A BULLET THERE SISTER honestly thank Allah for being shown his true colours before you was stuck in a marriage with him

 

[crimsontide06]

Focus on Islam, this will lead you to the right answer

Here are some resources I hope inshAllah help you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0SBoGwh6o8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdFGAo_zETE

Some good Islamic speakers you can find on youtube are; Yasmin Mogahed, Nouman Ali Khan, Omar Suleiman, Abdul Nasir Jangda.

https://quran.com/
https://sunnah.com/

Seerah/biography of Muhammad (peace be upon him) http://www.qalaminstitute.org/seerah/#.V2CQmfkrIdU

prayer times; https://www.islamicfinder.org/


How to pray; http://islam1.org/how_to_pray/index.htm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKblG-Zoagk

Tons of vids to inspire you: https://www.youtube.com/user/YasminMogahedOnline/videos

 

[eesa the kiwi]

I think you dodged a bullet sister

 

[Nikki1234]

As-Salaamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Thank you so much for your feedback to my thread." Intended to my 'best friend' of 10 years." It means a lot being as though I don't know many muslims and I still consider myself new to islam. Barakallahou feekum.

Shukran,

Nikki

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walaykum salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

 

[muslimah_B]

As-Salaamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Thank you so much for your feedback to my thread." Intended to my 'best friend' of 10 years." It means a lot being as though I don't know many muslims and I still consider myself new to islam. Barakallahou feekum.

Shukran,

Nikki

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walaykum salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

Its ok sis we are all here for you and eachother thats what sisterhood/brotherhood is about looking out & after eachother.

If you need any help with anything else please don't be shy in asking, i will gladly help you in sha Allah
Feel free to pm me anytime if you do feel shy/embarrassed to ask infront of everyone.

And just a note as you still consider yourself a new muslim, i would definately stay away from entering into a marriage JUST FOR NOW, so you can find your feet islamicly, learn about your rights as a wife & understand the basics of your deen.

(Alot of sisters new to islam jump straight into marriage before learning about their deen & their rights as a wife, they end up getting used/abused hurt etc which could have been avoided if they would have learned the basics of everything first found their footing,- not all happen this way but its just a precaution for new sisters so they understand the seriousness of understanding the basic concepts of their deen so they know what is acceptable and unacceptable requirements to base on what a husband should be, when your new you won't know what to look for or warning signs that are red alerts to avoid like the plague lol.

when your new you just need to focus on yourself, learn how to pray properly, learn surahs, learn basics of manners, etiquette, dealing with opposite sex, hijab, etc etc theres so much to take in that marriage shouldn't be anyones priority who is new, their relationship with Allah should be the focus, then when you feel you know enough your emaan is good then maybe think about marriage but always remember that your relationship with Allah will always be the most important thing so never let go of that.

(This was meant for anyone in your position not directed only at you lol but i just hear this story so many times from so many sisters its unreal
Its just sad that there are "brothers" that take advantage of sisters in such a disgusting way and act oh so pious, no not all brothers are like this but its a shame as it tarnishes the good ones.

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Nikki1234;

Your story is very sad, but it is within your power to get your life back again.

I just feel like I don't want his marriage to work.

You have the right to feel angry about the way you have been treated, but anger can eat away at you and destroy you. Anger is like picking up a burning coal with the intention of throwing it at the person who angers you, but the person who gets burned the most is you. The longer you hold onto this burning coal of anger the hotter it becomes. Search in your heart for a way to forgive him, because the person who angers you also controls you, they control what goes on in your head.

It is within your power to take back control of your own mind and thoughts, he should not control what you think, all you have to do is let go.

How do I deal with the jealousy?

Your jealousy will not hurt him at all, it will only hurt you, why would you want to hurt yourself even more?

You sound like you are a kind and caring person, but anger and jealousy will prevent you from being the kind and caring person you want to be. You may be feeling an emotional wreck, this could make you vulnerable to any man that shows you some empathy. Pray for help and guidance to do the right thing.

Blessings
Eric

 

[Nikki1234]

Walaykum salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh, Thank you. It feels good to be able to talk to someone who seems to care and understand. And I can be open with. Although, it's painful and I have alot of mixed emotions. Alhamdullilah. I'm okay. The feed back you all gave was very very helpful. I've been watching the youtube videos that were suggested. They remind me of Allah and who I am living for. I have found some stregnth in the videos and comments received from you all who have responded. Subhanallah! It reminded me that the love that I felt for my ex is where Allah should've been. I made the mistake of not putting Allah first. So I feel some self blame. But, I will continue to strive to correct my intentions and make Allah first in all my affairs. May allah reward you all for the kindness you have shown me. I'm really struggling adjusting to life as a muslimah and it really helps to have support. Baraakallahu Feeki.Shukran. Also, I can not send private messages because I am a new member.

 

[muslimah_B]

Walaykum salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh, Thank you. It feels good to be able to talk to someone who seems to care and understand. And I can be open with. Although, it's painful and I have alot of mixed emotions. Alhamdullilah. I'm okay. The feed back you all gave was very very helpful. I've been watching the youtube videos that were suggested. They remind me of Allah and who I am living for. I have found some stregnth in the videos and comments received from you all who have responded. Subhanallah! It reminded me that the love that I felt for my ex is where Allah should've been. I made the mistake of not putting Allah first. So I feel some self blame. But, I will continue to strive to correct my intentions and make Allah first in all my affairs. May allah reward you all for the kindness you have shown me. I'm really struggling adjusting to life as a muslimah and it really helps to have support. Baraakallahu Feeki.Shukran. Also, I can not send private messages because I am a new member.

Wa iyyaki...Ameen[emoji173][emoji171]

Its ok sis we just want the best for you.

Ofcorse its going to hurt, it will feel like the pains not going to get better and your life wont get better but worse if hes not apart of it, but then you hate him for what hes done to you, but then you still "love" him and you feel like a bundle of mess because not even you know how you feel lol girl trust me i know alot of us know the feeling lol BUT believe me the pain will go, it will get better without him there, it will be better without him, you may feel lonely (you have us now lol so no excuses [emoji41][emoji39]) BUT it will go and you will move on and when you look back you will laugh at yourself that you spent so much time mopping over this situation, TRUST ME.

so right now all you need to do is focus on YOURSELF and your relationship with Allah, like you are already doing mashAllah, so if your not praying start, if you don't know how to then learn, just get back your love for Allah & islam the pain will go quicker than you think sis, take from this experience, strength, by accepting you made a mistake, that you made the wrong choice, learn from it by understanding where YOU went wrong so that you don't go through it again,


Ok so just to put it into perspective im also a revert so i understand being new is a extremely rough time with the whole transition to a muslimah from non-muslim life especially when that brand new emaan feeling starts to wear off and shaytan starts breathing down your neck like no-ones bidness lol

Your not alone at all, you can message here with anything you need help with & advice or just someone to talk to and i will help you in sha Allah and so will everyone else in sha Allah, Don't be shy and don't be a stranger either [emoji4]

As for private messaging you have to make more posts (i forgot how many sorry lol ) then you can pm if you need any help or advice n feel too shy or embarrassed to post here for everyone


Hope you feel better soon sis in sha Allah

 

[cinnamonrolls1]

Im gonna say- if he cheated then marrying him is a nono, however its up to u