I would like some help and advice please.

[Angie]

Hello to you all,
As you will see from my profile I am not a muslim. My son has recently converted to Islam and all of our family are happy with his decision. Through his work he has met a muslim woman and would like to approach her family. She is quite happy about this although when she spoke to her Sister in Law regarding my son, she was told that he was white and a convert and as such would not be welcome as a suitor for her. I was under the impression that this is not the true way of Islam, I was told that him being a convert and white should not affect the way in which other Muslims look at him. I can understand if her family have some other reasons for not allowing him to approach their family but for their reasons to be purely based on his colour and his recent conversion seem to me to be against Islamic teachings. I do not have a full understanding of the Islamic way of life but would like some one to explain to me if her family are justified in treating him this way. I thank you all in advance for allowing me to become a member of this Board and would welcome your thoughts on the matter.

 

[Abdul Qadir]

Hello to you all,
As you will see from my profile I am not a muslim. My son has recently converted to Islam and all of our family are happy with his decision. Through his work he has met a muslim woman and would like to approach her family. She is quite happy about this although when she spoke to her Sister in Law regarding my son, she was told that he was white and a convert and as such would not be welcome as a suitor for her. I was under the impression that this is not the true way of Islam, I was told that him being a convert and white should not affect the way in which other Muslims look at him. I can understand if her family have some other reasons for not allowing him to approach their family but for their reasons to be purely based on his colour and his recent conversion seem to me to be against Islamic teachings. I do not have a full understanding of the Islamic way of life but would like some one to explain to me if her family are justified in treating him this way. I thank you all in advance for allowing me to become a member of this Board and would welcome your thoughts on the matter.

this might be a case of something other than islam...for example, they might want to preserve their tradition...e.g. if they are indians, they want someone who is an indian to preserve their culture...or, in islamic terms, they might want someone with a bit more religious knowledge and zeal rather than a new convert (though personally i find converts are way more hungry for knowledge and their attitude towards the religion is better than most normal muslims)....i have seen cases like this before..i hope ur not too quick to judge...maybe someone who is more knowledgeable than me can reply to this post?

 

[Ali_008]

All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belongs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not, therefore, do injustice to yourselves.

Source

This was said by Prophet Muhammad :saws: in his last sermon. It is clear from that text that any kind of discrimination is not allowed in Islam. The problem faced by your son is pretty usual and many converts aren't welcomed by all Muslims. Muslim families have their own inhibitions about reverts. So whatever reservations, the girl's family is holding is totally their own and it is not part of Islam.

I hope and pray that this marriage takes place without much inconvenience to anyone.

Apart from directly going ahead with this girl, ask your son to perform Istikhara, If this marriage is beneficial for him then Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta'ala) will make the road easier for him inshAllah.

 

[Abdul Qadir]

This was said by Prophet Muhammad :saws: in his last sermon. It is clear from that text that any kind of discrimination is not allowed in Islam. The problem faced by your son is pretty usual and many converts aren't welcomed by all Muslims. Muslim families have their own inhibitions about reverts. So whatever reservations, the girl's family is holding is totally their own and it is not part of Islam.

I hope and pray that this marriage takes place without much inconvenience to anyone.

Apart from directly going ahead with this girl, ask your son to perform Istikhara, If this marriage is beneficial for him then Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta'ala) will make the road easier for him inshAllah.

=)...ur name is Ali, but im sure ur not a shia..coz the hadith u quoted about Muhammad SAW, abu bakr, umar Khattab and Uthman on a mountain is the hadith used to refute the Shia...

 

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam/Peace

.... he was white and a convert and as such would not be welcome as a suitor for her. .

there is no bar against marrying a white and revert . But sometimes parent fear that their daughter might not be welcomed in a non-Muslim family . And may be he accepted Islam just to marry her . In that case , he is not a Muslim . Also , there will be a cultural gap.

If she is from another country , then later if husband wants to move to his country , they won't be able to see her easily. If she faces any problem in married life , from distance parent won't be able to support her etc etc.

As already suggested , tell ur son and that girl to offer Istekhara prayer. It's a special prayer for seeking guidance from God.

 

[Angie]

Thank you for your replies, it appears from what my son has been told, that her family is bangladeshi, and her father died four years ago, so her elder brother is now the head of the family and they are apparently concerned about what the bangladeshi community in which live will think, they have told her that she will shame them

 

[Angie]

My son is trying so hard, he is studying every night and even though Islam is alien to me I admire his hard work and dedication so much. I am proud of my son following the path that has been shown to him.

 

[Angie]

Dear Muslim Woman,
My son is white and english, she is bangladeshi but was born in England along with her brothers and sisters, and has attended main stream schools and works in a multi cultural environment. Could her family disown her if she does decide that this is the right path for them, I am sorry i am asking what may seem riduculous questions, but as I have said I am trying to learn but have no one that i can ask these questions.

 

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam/Peace

...they are apparently concerned about what the bangladeshi community in which live will think, they have told her that she will shame them

if he really is a Muslim , then there is no shame for any Muslim girl marrying him .

In my country ( Bangladesh) , at least in one case I know , the boy became a Muslim before marriage and after returing to England , he became Christian again.

 

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam/Peace

.. Could her family disown her if she does decide that this is the right path for them,.

In my country , this is considered as a very bad behaviour if a girl ( even a boy ) goes agianst family about marriage . Arranged marriage is still very common and leave home and marrying secretly is unaccepted .

There is an opinion that if a girl marries secretly ( without the permission of her guardian) , then it's not a valid marriage.

And God knows Best.

 

[Angie]

He had already reverted before he met her, so she is not the reason for him choosing Islam.

 

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam/Peace

QUOTE=Angie;1275508]He had already reverted before he met her, so she is not the reason for him choosing Islam.[/QUOTE]


then his all sins are washed away and now he is like a sinless angel

There should be no problem for any Muslim family accepting him as son- in- law. Specially if they are settled down in the west and don't want to come back here .

 

[aamirsaab]

It might be better to find another candidate. There's nothing worse than having horrible in-laws.

Well apart from a divorce.

Oh look a penny.

 

[UmmSqueakster]

Angie, welcome to the board! I'm so happy that you're being supportive of your son. My parents like to pretend my conversion never happened, and that was almost a decade ago :hmm:

Just from casually observing the muslim community, I do believe convert brothers have a harder time finding spouses among born muslims than do convert sisters. But, don't lose hope, there are sisters out there for him! My husband and I are friends with two couples. The husbands are both white converts and the wives are both somali sisters.

I think if he works to learn the religion, and becomes more known in the community as a good brother, inshaAllah more sisters will give him a chance :statisfie

 

[Ali_008]

=)...ur name is Ali, but im sure ur not a shia..coz the hadith u quoted about Muhammad SAW, abu bakr, umar Khattab and Uthman on a mountain is the hadith used to refute the Shia...

I'm not a Shi'a at all. I'm a complete Muslim who believes in all the Prophets and all the Caliphs. Ali is just half of my name. 95% of the people call me Ali and so I used it here and I love it as well. And Hadhrat Uthman (RadhiAllahu Anhu) is my mosttttttttttttt favorite Sahabi to say a little more.

 

[Insaanah]

Welcome to the forum Angie.

Actually this is completely a cultural issue rather than a religious one. People are so used to marrying within their culture, that it feels "wrong" to them to marry outside of the culture.

As the brother quoted above:
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood..."

It might be an idea to ask if her brother would be willing to spend time with your son to see what he is all about?

Islamically, the girl will not be able to marry without the approval of her guardian (in this case, her brother), so her brother needs to see what your son is really like. Is it possible to suggest that to him? Also, this will give your son a chance to see what they would be like as in-laws.

I can't suggest much else, I'm afraid.

 

[Angie]

Thank you all for you kind help, I will pass your comments to my son and they may help him although I believe he has his heart set upon this lovely young lady, and he truly feels that she is the one for him. With a little help and understanding from above he may succeed. I know he will make a fine husband for her if they are just given the chance. Once again many thanks to you all, if there is any news I will pass it on and possibly we may all be able to celebrate together.

 

[Insaanah]

Certainly, please do let us know. Also do let us know if there's any other help or advice that we might be able to offer to you or your son. We're all here to help.

 

[Muslim Woman]

...
Islamically, the girl will not be able to marry without the approval of her guardian (in this case, her brother), .

what if mother gives permission ?

 

[syilla]

^^^ i don't think so, because now the wali is her brother. So she needs to seek his permission.