Ideal Muslim Wife

:sl: wow I never knew marriage would be so complex! here I thought all I was suppose to look for in an ideal Musim wife was a religious women and uhh that's it :X .

But why bother, I'm just a teenager anyway so moving on with life..
 
sister herb said:
Salam alaykum

My first husband behaved to me quite same like you to your wife. I lost him over 20 years ago. He died in war.
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Wa'alaikum salam

I'm sorry to hear about you first husband.

My wife knew that I'm not type of man who force his life-partner to obey him. She close to me since in highschool. In exactly, I close with her family. I sometime ate in her house with her family.

Actually this closeness happen because compassion. I was so shocked when first time I visited her home. She lived in very small house with only two bed rooms for 10 people. Her family have 8 children, and she is the 6th. And I felt compassion.

One day, me, her, and few other students in class visited a mall. When we passed female dresses section she stopped and notice a dress. Then she looked at me, shy smile, and told me "I love this dress. May I ask you to buy it for me?". I told her "Take, I will pay". She looked very happy, and suddenly I felt I wanted to always make her happy. Then I started to give her some goods that she wants. But she never asked money.

Graduated from highschool. I went to Yogyakarta to study there,while she stayed at home. Her parent could not afford to pay study cost.

Almost a year, when I back to Bandung and visited her I saw she was sad. She told me that she wanted to continue study but her parent could not afford to pay the cost. So I told her parent that I would pay her study cost. They were surprised and tried to refuse it because they afraid it would hard for me. But I urged them. Finally she chose computer course that only one year, and register there.

She looked doubt when I would pay her study cost, and she asked me "Do you expect something from me?". I told her "No!, I just want to help you". Then I paid all the cost that she need.

Then I back to Yogyakarta while she started her study and then immediately got a job with good income after she finished her study. I had back to Bandung when that's happened, but I never visited her home again. It's because I meet another girl who became the first girl who I wanted to marry.

That was the story between me and my wife.

Sister, if you notice the true story above you will know why I could love my wife so much. I realize that I'm a man that given to her.

:)
 
My wife friend is a black belt karateka too. In first marriage she married a man who look good in personality. But after getting married it turned out this person is an abusive husband. He often beat her, but she try to patient, patient, patient.

One day her husband beat her again. But that time she had ran out her patient. So she beat back her husband with karate. The husband KO! Then the husband went to sharia office to register divorce with reason: Domestic violence by the wife to the husband. ;D

But her second husband is a real good person. He is a school teacher. I have meet and talked with him few times.
 
If a man want to get married, where he can find an ideal wife?

The answer is ...... nowhere!

A woman will be an ideal wife only if her husband feel comfortable with her. And the husband will feel comfortable with her, only if he feel comfortable with his marriage life. The husband and the wife will feel comfortable with their marriage life, only if their marriage life is going well. And the marriage will take place well, only if the husband and wife can establish marriage as well together.

Ideal wife and ideal husband are the result of marriage that established well.

So, do not thinking "I should find the ideal wife" because you will not find her in anywhere. It's better if you think how to establish a good marriage life, and marry someone who think like this too.

This is based on my experience. :)
 
greenhill said:
Wow! If you look for ideal, you will be disappointed. No one is ideal and people change over time. What we should be looking at is 'compatibility'.

What makes it hard to find a compatible partner is if we ourselves are uncertain of who we are in the first place (like a shallow person or indecisive) then someone ideal one day may be not so ideal the next.

Some 25 years ago, I made a list for the "qualities' I would like to have in my partner. Better if pleasing to the eyes. Must be a muslim. Trustworthy. Carries herself well. Has a sense of humour and share of a common interest with me. Then these qualities must be cherished and maintained. Any other qualities will be a bonus!

Peace
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I'm not looking for a wife, I'm a women :) But I was hoping this thread would benefit the sisters that are married to better themselves and the ones who aren't to learn how to be a good wife before they get married:D
 
UmmuShaheed said:
Jazakallahu Khayr, thats true, Any other characteristics?
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At first, there is no universal ideal wife. A wife maybe look ideal in other people eyes, maybe because she is beautiful, great in cooking, etc. But if her husband is not pleased with her, she is not ideal wife. Another man wife maybe look not ideal in the people eyes. Maybe because she is far from beautiful, too quiet, etc. But if her husband feel pleased with her, she is the ideal wife.

Only her husband who can determine that a wife is ideal or not. If you want to know a wife is ideal or not, listen to what her husband say, not to what other people say about her.

If a husband feel pleased with his wife, he must be feel comfortable with her and feel happy when he see her. Of course the pious Muslim husband will be pleased if his wife is a salehah woman.

No need special characteristic like humorous, talkative, etc, if you want to become the ideal wife. What you need is the ability to please your husband. You can learn how to please the husband from experienced wives among you, and also from the husbands. In example, maybe your uncle ever told you "your aunty is great, when she knew I interested to a food recipe in magazine, she tried to cook it for me".

But, every man is different. So, do not imitate a woman in pleasing your husband because her husband must be different than your husband. Use knowledge to please the husband that you get, and adjust it with your husband characteristic.
 
UmmuShaheed said:
Asalamu Alaykum
So I haven't seen a thread about the traits of an ideal muslim wife, (if there is one 3afwan mods can delete this thread)
What do you think are characteristics of the ideal wife?
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Alaykum Sallam, the most important is of course that she is Muslim, but then just as important would be that she has a sense of freedom to love her husband, those 2 make everything else easy even if it takes some work, other things that would be nice is that she dresses modestly (but decent is a must), is content with her marriage (so that the husband isn't always worrying if she is happy or on the other hand that she does not get lost in her own world within the marriage), that she disregards and forgets any guys that may know her from the past (for example if they walked up to her she should refuse to talk to them like she has to be nice because they remember something about her.. her husband should be one that doesn't care about any of it, so she can then tell anyone who approaches her to buzz off =X), she must be one that keeps on falling in love and a good mother.. many more things o.o ask if u want lol .. peace
 
ardianto said:
At first, there is no universal ideal wife. A wife maybe look ideal in other people eyes, maybe because she is beautiful, great in cooking, etc. But if her husband is not pleased with her, she is not ideal wife. Another man wife maybe look not ideal in the people eyes. Maybe because she is far from beautiful, too quiet, etc. But if her husband feel pleased with her, she is the ideal wife.

Only her husband who can determine that a wife is ideal or not. If you want to know a wife is ideal or not, listen to what her husband say, not to what other people say about her.

If a husband feel pleased with his wife, he must be feel comfortable with her and feel happy when he see her. Of course the pious Muslim husband will be pleased if his wife is a salehah woman.

No need special characteristic like humorous, talkative, etc, if you want to become the ideal wife. What you need is the ability to please your husband. You can learn how to please the husband from experienced wives among you, and also from the husbands. In example, maybe your uncle ever told you "your aunty is great, when she knew I interested to a food recipe in magazine, she tried to cook it for me".

But, every man is different. So, do not imitate a woman in pleasing your husband because her husband must be different than your husband. Use knowledge to please the husband that you get, and adjust it with your husband characteristic.
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Well said,
Jazakallahu Khayr Uncle.
 
IbnAbdulHakim said:
Ideal:

Looks (as per Imam Ahmad rahimahullaah's recommendation)
Family (as per the recommendation of many ulama)
Religion (As the most important aspect)
Wealth (to me not very important but has been outlined in some cases for many reasons - mainly islamic benefits)


If none of the above are present except Religion then that will suffice.
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Look
We don't need to looking for beautiful woman, but we need to looking for a woman who her appearance is acceptable in our eyes although she is not physically beautiful. This is what "look" mean. I agree with it because I myself didn't want to marry a woman who look like a man.

Try to find and then marry a woman with good religious commitment, character, personality and behavior. If she is also beautiful, Alhamdulillah. If she is not beautiful, still Alhamdulillah, because this is better than marry a woman who beautiful but has bad behavior that will make us sick.

Family
There is a misunderstanding in this matter. I found some people regard it as social status. It's not true. We must consider her family behavior. Are they polite people? have good religious commitment? materialistic or not?, etc. This is not about wealth, caste, or the father job. It's okay if she is from family with lower social status.

Religion
Of course we must choose a woman who has good religious commitment.

Wealth
Wealth is not important. I myself came from middle class family that categorized as wealthy. But I married a woman from family that not wealthy.
 
ardianto said:
Look
We don't need to looking for beautiful woman, but we need to looking for a woman who her appearance is acceptable in our eyes although she is not physically beautiful. This is what "look" mean. I agree with it because I myself didn't want to marry a woman who look like a man.

Try to find and then marry a woman with good religious commitment, character, personality and behavior. If she is also beautiful, Alhamdulillah. If she is not beautiful, still Alhamdulillah, because this is better than marry a woman who beautiful but has bad behavior that will make us sick.

Family
There is a misunderstanding in this matter. I found some people regard it as social status. It's not true. We must consider her family behavior. Are they polite people? have good religious commitment? materialistic or not?, etc. This is not about wealth, caste, or the father job. It's okay if she is from family with lower social status.

Religion
Of course we must choose a woman who has good religious commitment.

Wealth
Wealth is not important. I myself came from middle class family that categorized as wealthy. But I married a woman from family that not wealthy.
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Just to add on to this brother's points:

Looks: As people get older, everyone's beauty will deteriorate. You can marry the most beautiful girl when she is 20 years old. As she gets older, she'll eventually lose her beauty etc. will you still love her? Take care of her? See her as the same person she was when she was 20? This is why I believe we shouldn't marry the most beautiful woman thinking she'll always be beautiful, marry a woman who is beautiful now but remember that she'll get older and will eventually lose her beauty.

Family: Try to find a woman who will get along with your family. My Mom loves to talk to family, so Inshallah I find a woman who enjoys talking and listening to my Mom blab and blab and blab and blab.

Religion: If I can find a woman who can wake me up for tahajjud, and splash boiling water over me if I don't wake up, I would be happy of her religious commitment. Even if my face is all red.

Wealth: For men to look at a woman's wealth is not as important. My Dad came from a wealthy family, Mom was really poor could only afford to eat twice a day. Alhumdulillah my Dad chose to marry my Mom even against his families wishes. In my opinion, they're a wonderful couple.
 
If your wife need to splash boiling water over you because you don't wake up for tahajjud after she tried many other ways to wake you up, ........ I must questioning your religious commitment.

:D
 
Iceee said:
Looks: As people get older, everyone's beauty will deteriorate. You can marry the most beautiful girl when she is 20 years old. As she gets older, she'll eventually lose her beauty etc. will you still love her? Take care of her? See her as the same person she was when she was 20? This is why I believe we shouldn't marry the most beautiful woman thinking she'll always be beautiful, marry a woman who is beautiful now but remember that she'll get older and will eventually lose her beauty.
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I know what you mean. I was a handsome guy!. It made the girls looked at me and gave attention. Even few of them tried to approach me. But I didn't want to be liked by handsomeness because I was worry I would not be loved again after I lose my handsomeness.

Wealth: For men to look at a woman's wealth is not as important. My Dad came from a wealthy family, Mom was really poor could only afford to eat twice a day. Alhumdulillah my Dad chose to marry my Mom even against his families wishes. In my opinion, they're a wonderful couple.
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Not only my wife. The first girl who I wanted to marry was coming from poor family too. So, not only once, but twice I chose girl from poor family as my future wife.
 
UmmuShaheed said:
I was hoping this thread would benefit the sisters that are married to better themselves and the ones who aren't to learn how to be a good wife before they get married
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We must always strive to better ourselves. Things change, people also change and it is quite important to also try understand what 'caused' the change and to enroll your partner to also make the change (if it is for the better) ;D

Your earlier question about 'characteristics' will be very subjective and will definitely vary greatly between people. A perfect wife for someone may not be anywhere near adequate for another. What may be considered a good characteristic may also vary.

It is important for you, as an individual, to consider what characteristic you would want in your partner to compliment you and to seek from there rather than to work from the opposite side to figure out what it is you 'think' your partner may want from you and change your characteristics for that. You will end up 'losing' yourself and if does not work, your self-worth too! That would not be good.

In other words, find someone who is naturally 'compatible' with you rather than trying to make yourself 'compatible' with that someone. It may take sometime, but well worth it in the long run.

Peace
 
Good imaan and practicing and ofcourse good behaviour and i would like that she would be a bit shy :)
a wife with patience, so she becomes a comfort for me. Ofcourse women like this are very rare, but not impossible to find.
 
Jedi_Mindset said:
Good imaan and practicing and ofcourse good behaviour and i would like that she would be a bit shy :)
a wife with patience, so she becomes a comfort for me. Ofcourse women like this are very rare, but not impossible to find.
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Women like this is not as rare as your assumption. Some of my friends sisters are women like this. If they look rare it's because they are type of introvert women and like to stay at home when they were girls.

Yes, those women are in my generation that now around 40-50 years old. But I think girls like this are still exist and not so rare, at least in my place. I noticed it from my friends daughters.
 
Husband and wife are the partners and companion of life. wife should spend her wife according to her husband. she should take care of him and trying to obey every order of her husband.
 

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