Brother Robin...... Assalam Walaikum, hope you and your family are in good health and imaan insh Allah.
Let me be your big brother Batman (or @
Imraan if you prefer)... I know how you feel. Trust me I do. I wish I was in your situation and someone like myself came to the rescue and shared their wisdom before I was going to make one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
I'll simplify it. Whatever is good or bad and is meant for you won't miss you no matter what (depends on what path you are on and what you do to help yourself in this dunya, those on a better guided path are more likely to be protected from the pitfalls and evils in this dunya, insh Allah).
Let the
Quran be your instruction manual and let it guide your wellbeing insh Allah:
Surah An-Nahl
"Whoever does righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision); and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter). (16:97)"
What is NOT meant for you, you wont get anyway, well not in the long run anyway (accept it as the qadr of Allah swt). Why are you beating yourself up over something that doesn't seem like it is meant for you, especially if the signs are there, consider them a blessing, man up and swiftly move on!.
Read my story about what happened with me (you might need a couple of hours for this).
https://www.islamicboard.com/advice...-feel-im-nightmare-2.html?highlight=nightmare. Then we will see if you complain. Right now we know you are upset, but have you really thought about all the elements in the equation???, that should be your main predicament...
Think you need to develop your
Emotional Intelligence. This is a attribute or skill our younger or emotionally vulnerable group of people lack unfortunately and in the current climate of contact between men and women it is needed more than ever to help guide our singletons to make better decisions related to marriage.
You can't stay heart broken forever. Think of it as a blessing, (I WOULD!). Be grateful for everything you have as of this very 'Everyone is at risk of coronavirus pandemic' apocalyptic moment! Or just be grateful to continue to have all thowfiq and capabilities you have right now...!
You have to remember women are more emotionally vulnerable, she might be going through a difficult time too so her decision making thought process may have been all over the place too, did she ever make you feel guilty for abandoning her? Approach something the righteous way, both of you, or not at all, you don't owe each other anything, as in it may be better that you two stay apart vs (you two stay together because you made each other feel guilty over whats happened). Follow the sunnah in whatever you do and then leave the rest to Allah swt.
Please do take your time in reading my journey in regards to completing half my deen, I thought i'd won the lottery when i got married (given I had a challenging journey in searching for someone in the first place!)....... far from it.
To this day i beat myself up over the situation i'm in (its like a daily reminder, its one of the first things I remember when i wake up!, like you i blame my misguided naive stupidity that I used to have, i pray everyday for a way out, once i have a way out i can then move on and get on with my life.. my worry is that my circumstances is here to stay for a long long long time and that it continues to drag me down and drain me, i just can't envisage a way out of this, i'm at losses in whatever path I take, only Allah swt can help me now.
@
Robin677 , make plenty of dua, read quran, increase your knowledge in our religion, I pray it instills peace and better guidance in your life insh Allah. At the same time remember me and my family in your prayers too. Jazak Allah.
