If i have desire to marry.

[anonymous]

I want some advice. If we have great desire to marry, is it necessary that we should look for a pious spouse. If someone proposes us, and they are not pious, can we marry them for the sake of keeping ourselves chaste. Or is it necessary that we should wait for pious person. Will that arise problems in marriage life afterwards? Please reply. I am really confused on this matter.

 

[Predator]

Pious person is most recommended for marriage

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5JndUsLzzPk

 

[badaveil]

Q1. If we have great desire to marry, is it necessary that we should look for a pious spouse?
A: Of course not. That is just an ideal situation.

Q2:If someone proposes us, and they are not pious, can we marry them for the sake of keeping ourselves chaste?
A: That is not wise. Marry because you met someone you can get along with (eventhough there will be ups and down) and who you believe will care for you in difficult times. Under no circumstances, let anyone (AND I MEAN ANYONE) dictate you.


Q3: Is it necessary that we should wait for pious person. Will that arise problems in marriage life afterwards?
A: With Allah blessings, even non-pious people can turn into a new leaf so never discount them.

Marriage is the unification of 2 different minds so this calls for compromise to achieve harmony which is the name of the game but if neither is willing to compromise, better forget it.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

I want some advice. If we have great desire to marry, is it necessary that we should look for a pious spouse. If someone proposes us, and they are not pious, can we marry them for the sake of keeping ourselves chaste. Or is it necessary that we should wait for pious person. Will that arise problems in marriage life afterwards? Please reply. I am really confused on this matter.

Assalamu Alaikum,

We must never make the mistake of marrying someone who is not practicing Deen even if they promise to start practicing after marriage. A person may or may not change and they can even get worse after marriage as they feel they have already got you. Therefore there is no guarantee they will change for the better.

We have already been given the criteria we must look for in a potential spouse and that is that they are fully immersed into the Deen and are practicing. Practicing does not just mean to pray 5 times a day but to have Deen encompass every aspect of our lives. It is that we have Taqwa which is to have fearful awareness of Allah at all times. This awareness of Allah enables us to make and base our decisions in terms of that which pleases Allah and to stay away from that which may anger or displease him. This also manifests into the type of character that we want in a potential spouse. That they have good Islamic character and mannerisms and that they are striving to please Allah at all times. Also that they are focused more on chasing the Hereafter than chasing this worldly life.

Having a practicing spouse will also help significantly to ensure our children are brought up upon Deen and they are taught correctly so that we can ensure they become the best Muslims possible and that they will be the greatest benefit to the Ummah and mankind as a whole. It is an increasingly challenging world for the next generations and if we are not practicing our Deen nor are we on the right path then how can we expect our children to be?

It is also very important to note down the right questions to ask any potential suitors. Especially on those aspects which we cannot compromise on pertaining to Deen and character as well as anything else we deem important to us.

Most importantly we must ensure we do not fall for a potential suitor before the Nikah as this will make us blind to that which is important to us in a spouse like Deen and character. This can very easily happen especially if we begin to have private interactions in person and over the phone as well as online. Always involve a Mahram in your interactions as it is for your own good and safety. This also ensures that any potential predators do not try to take advantage by luring you in in order for them to try to get what they want.

So we must never become impatient and marry the next person we come across. We can never compromise on finding someone who is fully immersed in Deen. Otherwise this will be a source of treat regret during marriage.

 

[Imraan]

I want some advice. If we have great desire to marry, is it necessary that we should look for a pious spouse. If someone proposes us, and they are not pious, can we marry them for the sake of keeping ourselves chaste. Or is it necessary that we should wait for pious person. Will that arise problems in marriage life afterwards? Please reply. I am really confused on this matter.

assalam walaikum

simply put, please do not marry out of desperation or for the sake of marriage or for the sake of beings someone husband or wife. marriage is not as clear cut like that. If you get it wrong you'll be divorced even before you know it.

for a marriage to work, morales need to be there, compassion, ettiquette, compatibility, attraction is also good but be careful about what you ask for as they say a more higher level of inner beauty should prevail over outer beauty, a contrast between someone constantly melts your heart with actions and someone who's dazzling good looks captures your undivided attention whilst having a blackened sinful hateful evil heart.... so this is why there is dialogue before we get married. Even then you don't know until you;ve lived with that person but you do your research and sounding before making any pregression for proposals..

be careful about piousness. Some people will show you and tell you they worship and are pious... whilst hiding their mannerisms and motives at the same time and before you know it, you are married to someone who violates a lot of rules and no go areas before you know it! It doesnt make sense to me but hey ho, ive seen it happen unfortunately. It does make it scary a whole lot more ...

Due Diligence should be something you focus on in regards to these matters.

As per the Sunnah I am using your predicament and relating it to the below hadeeth :

Please tie your camel in all matters, leave the rest to Allah Swt!

Anas ibn Malik reported: A man said, “O Messenger of Allah, should I tie my camel and trust in Allah, or should I leave her untied and trust in Allah?” The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Tie her and trust in Allah.”
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2517

 

[badaveil]

We must never make the mistake of marrying someone who is not practicing Deen even if they promise to start practicing after marriage.

I beg to disagree. I recommended my relative who does not pray to marry a loving kafir simply because in my humble opinion he would do her good. Alhamduillah, they married and of course he converted, now he is an imam and she has become a devout Muslim praying 5 times daily. I knew getting her married would be a wise decision because Rasul said one who marries already covers 50% requirement of being a Muslim and I knew Allah in His wisdom would guide the way.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

I beg to disagree. I recommended my relative who does not pray to marry a loving kafir simply because in my humble opinion he would do her good. Alhamduillah, they married and of course he converted, now he is an imam and she has become a devout Muslim praying 5 times daily. I knew getting her married would be a wise decision because Rasul said one who marries already covers 50% requirement of being a Muslim and I knew Allah in His wisdom would guide the way.

You are giving an isolated example. I'm sure that has happened in a few cases by the will of Allah. But what about the many cases where that has not happened and consequently has led to marriages being destroyed or even invalid because the person didn't change/revert or they reverted only to marry the person but did not become practicing?

Guidance is not in our hands, so even if the entire world were to get together to try and guide somebody on the right path, then if Allah does not will for them to change then they will not. This is due to some fault and discrepancy of their own that is preventing them from changing. I know personally of many examples of both men and women who married people hoping they would change after marriage but they didn't and in fact many became even worse. This is also one of the reasons why pre marital relationships are condemned in Islam because once a person falls for the person then they can become blind to the fact of whether or not the person is good for them as a spouse.

So we should never advise anyone to marry someone who is not practicing in the hope they will become practicing at some point after marriage as it may or may not happen which can result in dire consequences for the couple and children involved.

Islam already gives us the criteria of what to look for in a potential spouse:

The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman; (otherwise) you will be a loser.” (Al-Bukhari)

The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “If someone with whose piety and character you are satisfied comes to you, then marry him. If you do not do so, there will be disorder in the earth and a great deal of evil.” (At-Tirmidhi and others and classed as Hasan)

The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) praised a woman with good religious qualities, saying: “shall I not inform you of the best treasure that a man gathers-A righteous wife.” [Reported by Al-Hakeem].

Allah says: “Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women.” (An-Nur 24:26)

“and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you” [al-Baqarah 2:221]

Ibn `Abidin, a famous Muslim jurist, said: “The woman should choose a man who is religious, of good character, generous and of ample wealth. She should not marry an evildoer.

A man said to Al-Hassan Al-Basri (Ra): “To whom should I marry my daughter?” Al-Hassan said, “To one who fears Allah or if he comes to love her, he will honour her and if he dislikes her, he will not oppress her when he is angry with her.