if you cant date how can you meet?

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yusuf18

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as salam alkum i findeing hard to overcome this concept not alowed to date then how do you possibly go about getting married if you not alowed to meet them. so what is the islamic way of meeting and getting married and were you meet them ?clubs are out of the question eh :uuh:please help me out here
 
Re: if you carnt date how the hell can you meet

In the presence of a mahram.
 
Heh, you make it sound like some hook-up place. In which case, it's wrong. Not everyone that goes to a mosque goes there to submit to God (side note: I know it's not the only place to submit to God).
 
The Ruler said:
Heh, you make it sound like some hook-up place. In which case, it's wrong. Not everyone that goes to a mosque goes there to submit to God (side note: I know it's not the only place to submit to God).
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but you have to admit its happening doe lots of brothers picking them up there
 
Re: if you carnt date how the hell can you meet

yusuf18 said:
why do so many brothers go to mosque and pick up women from there why not somewere else
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:sl: I changed the title.

Now on to your question, it's not about ''picking sisters up'', that's actually quite disrespectful imho. ^o) Dating is a very pointless activity because at the end of the day you can literally choose to date someone else at the same time, or dump the person with no remorse. I've also not mentioned that fact that the shaytan is present because it's pretty obvious. There's enough temptation without even dating a sister, I mean if Allaah swt ordered both men and women to lower their gaze then why would he allow us to date? Seems a bit contradictory, no?

Perhaps these brothers that you speak of meet sisters at the masjid because the believe that they can find a good sister there and that they can get the imaam of the masjid involved. A lot of brothers don't really look for sisters at the masjid, some of them through family, friends, co-workers etc. At the end of the day, they don't just go up to a sister, and ask her out a date because it is haraam. They find a sister through family and friends and get to know her with the presence of a mahram. Personally, for me, I find that it protects a sister's feelings as well.
 
Re: if you carnt date how the hell can you meet

Ameena* said:
:sl: I changed the title.

Now on to your question, it's not about ''picking sisters up'', that's actually quite disrespectful imho. ^o) Dating is a very pointless activity because at the end of the day you can literally choose to date someone else at the same time, or dump the person with no remorse. I've also not mentioned that fact that the shaytan is present because it's pretty obvious. There's enough temptation without even dating a sister, I mean Allaah swt ordered both men and women to lower their gaze then why would he allow us to date? Seems a bit contradictory, no?

Perhaps these brothers that you speak of meet sisters at the masjid because the believe that they can find a good sister there and that they can get the imaam of the masjid involved. A lot of brothers don't really look for sisters at the masjid, some of them through family, friends, co-workers etc. At the end of the day, they don't just go up to a sister, and ask her out a date because it is haraam. They find a sister through family and friends and get to know her with the presence of a mahram. Personally, for me, I find that it protects a sister's feelings as well.
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sorry sister i was to blunt you made a very good point aswell
 
I was thinking the same, it's looks wierd when a the parent or brother of the girl is between both of you. You need to be given some more time, alone so you get to know each other better, im sure when the parent or brother is around you are restricted to what you can discuss, cos it won't feel okay to talk about those things while they are there.
 
maj232 said:
I was thinking the same, it's looks wierd when a the parent or brother of the girl is between both of you. You need to be given some more time, alone so you get to know each other better, im sure when the parent or brother is around you are restricted to what you can discuss, cos it won't feel okay to talk about those things while they are there.
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exactly know days the mosque is like a meeting place for sisters and brothers dont know y doe
 
maj232 said:
I was thinking the same, it's looks wierd when a the parent or brother of the girl is between both of you. You need to be given some more time, alone so you get to know each other better, im sure when the parent or brother is around you are restricted to what you can discuss, cos it won't feel okay to talk about those things while they are there.
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:sl:
Like what kinds of things? Chances are that if you can't talk about "these things" in front of her mahrams, then you should also be too shy to talk about "these things" in front of shaytaan. Whatever "these things" are.


:w:
 
:sl:

bro it sounds like your going about this the wrong way, which is really counter productive because if you speak like this in your own community then pretty soon you'll get a rep and that will make marrying young even harder for you.

ok it works like this...

you here of a family who has a sister with the right qualities in a wife, then you contact her wali (almost always father) and ask to arrange a meeting.

at this meeting you can sit down and discuss with the girl about marriage, what you both want out of life, the father will be there and will almost certainly have 5001 questions for you as well.

then after this you all go away and make a discussion on whether you want the nikkah to go ahead, if you havent made up your mind on the first meeting it is acceptable to ask to meet again as long as this isnt done too often.

so if you are looking at the masjid as a place to pick up girls, to free mix, chat to a few and see which ones you like then really this is wrong and isnt going to help you find a pious wife.

you should be using the masjid to ask the brothers there and the imam if they know of any practicing sisters, firm upon the deen and then to maybe ask the imam to go ask the girls father to speak to you if you are too shy to do this yourself.

:sl:
 
My masjid is totally restricted I'll never see a girl when I go there. And if someone was talking to girls there the sheikh would put him in his place in a sec. lol i dont know what type of masjids u guys go to but my masjid is definitely not a place to talk to girls.
 
meet in a public place, then there is no 'khulwa', if both of you can indeed not go overboard. and I agree, this artificial separation of the sexes is not helping, rather driving what used to be 'normal' interaction underground, increasing room for wrongdoing.
simply look at Khadija, the wife of the prophet, did she meet him in the presence of a mahram, or follow all the rules we have now,,

although I will say this: marriage is NOT about love and so on, you love each other for maybe the first two years, then the hormones subside, it's loyalty and having a real relationship that count, thus 'dating' and whatnot is not going to help that much.
 
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Dawud_uk said:
:sl:

bro it sounds like your going about this the wrong way, which is really counter productive because if you speak like this in your own community then pretty soon you'll get a rep and that will make marrying young even harder for you.

ok it works like this...

you here of a family who has a sister with the right qualities in a wife, then you contact her wali (almost always father) and ask to arrange a meeting.

at this meeting you can sit down and discuss with the girl about marriage, what you both want out of life, the father will be there and will almost certainly have 5001 questions for you as well.

then after this you all go away and make a discussion on whether you want the nikkah to go ahead, if you havent made up your mind on the first meeting it is acceptable to ask to meet again as long as this isnt done too often.

so if you are looking at the masjid as a place to pick up girls, to free mix, chat to a few and see which ones you like then really this is wrong and isnt going to help you find a pious wife.

you should be using the masjid to ask the brothers there and the imam if they know of any practicing sisters, firm upon the deen and then to maybe ask the imam to go ask the girls father to speak to you if you are too shy to do this yourself.

:sl:
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yea suppose/nah i rather go straight up to the girl or she comes to me and id convert woman to marry
 
yusuf18 said:
yea suppose/nah i rather go straight up to the girl or she comes to me and id convert woman to marry
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bro such marriages dont always work, and if it doesnt and you are living in the west often when the girl who converts just to marry then when the marriage breaks down so does her islam and then you have to see this woman you love raise your children as kuffar, something which will tear you apart.

just find a good practicing family who have a sister looking to get married and ask, the imams should know if there are any revert sisters available, no need to approach the sister directly at all.
 
Why Has Islam Prohibited Dating?
=========================

"Dating" as it is currently practiced in much of the world shall not exist among Muslims -- where a man and a woman (or boy/girl) are in a one-on-one intimate relationship, spending time together alone, getting to know each other in a very deep way. A man and a woman are not allowed to be alone together, and any physical contact before marriage is forbidden. Hence, Dating is not permitted in Islam.

Allah has prohibited girl/boyfriend relationships in the Qur'an

"(Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends. ... ” - Al-Ma'idah 5:5.

If a Muslim man has the desire and willingness to assume marital responsibilities, and he doesn’t have anyone in mind, he might ask his friends, family, and relatives if there is a lady that might be suitable for him among their acquaintances and relatives, and then the couple can meet with their family members.

As a result, many marriages in the Muslim world were traditionally arranged marriages, though this is not a religious requirement. However, both couples can not be forced to accept an arranged marriage and if a man likes someone (with the intention of marriage) that he knows from work, neighborhood or acquaintances, etc… he shall propose to her.

Islam also encourages Muslims to marry persons for whom they have special feelings and are comfortable with. Thus, Islam recommends that potential marriage partners see one another before proposing marriage. Explaining the reason for such a recommendation, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said:

“That Would Enhance/Foster the Bonding.”

However the prospective couple shall not meet in private, this might lead to extremely unwanted situations, as Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said :

“Whenever a man is alone with a woman, Satan is the third among them” (Reported by At-Tirmidhi) ..

At all times, Muslims should follow the commands of the Qur'an

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. "​
 
:salamext:

akhee...the tips are all about "recommendation" :D
 

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