I'm an extremely worthless human being

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Aswrwb

my dad always tells me that I'm worthless, good for nothing, impure and many hurtful things. He is very foul mouthed towards me and threatens me that if he's not pleased with me, my life would be messed up. Every small mistake I do, he says "don't let me make dua to Allah swt that you never become successful".

he made dua in the past that I become paralysed and usually ask Allah swt to get rid of me. I feel so horrible and my self esteem and worth is completely eroded. I feel extremely bad about myself and like an object. I get treated worse than garbage and trash. I fear falling into fitna because I'm starting to look elsewhere for a boost to feel better about myself from other men. I'm very weak and have easily fell prey to men's sweet words before in the past.
 
...yep I know what that feels like.

my dad's done that to me before..

although I think it may be reverse psychology o_0


...and I remember him as he used to be.


Imo they won't make men like him again.

..depends on how you see the world.
 
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No one is worthless...hang in there... My family used reverse psych too...life get's better...you must make it better though.
 
وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته​

In life, Allaah Ta`aalaa puts different people through different tests and trials. Each person experiences some trials and tribulations of their own. In your case, you are being tested with obedience to your father. It is compulsory upon you to maintain respect for your father regardless of the things he says. This is your test. If you maintain that respect and continue to be dutiful to him as a child until either he or you leave this Dunyaa, you will have passed that test and acquired such Thawaab (reward) in the Aakhirah which you cannot fathom at this point in time. The reward is proportionate to the difficulty of the hardship you are undergoing.

Have Sabr and ask Allaah Ta`aalaa to safeguard you from the curses of your father. In Shaa Allaah they will not affect you.

May Allaah Ta`aalaa make things easy for you, Aameen.

والسلام​
 
when you feel you've hit rock bottom, there's only one way to go - UP... so climb.

Scimi
 
Beware of turning to other men, not only for the sake of Allah, but also because at this time in your life you will be likely to turn toward men much like your father in actions. I know it is what you are trying to avoid, but that's the way it happens . . . people in abusive households (and you are being mentally and emotionally abused) often, without realizing it, turn to people who end up being abusers themselves. So take the direction of Allah and lower your gaze, for your own sake.

*offers a hug* (I am assuming that you are female since you said that you were turning toward men, but if you happen to be gay, then I put my hand over my heart in feeling for you)

Are you of an age and/or financial situation where you can move out on your own, or could you move in with another family member?
 
Your father lives with himself 24/7, imagine how much he suffers.

The most important thing is to understand is your father is suffering, more than you.

This has helped me a lot to deal with my mentally ill parents, who act similarly to yours it seems.
 
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anonymous said:
Aswrwb

my dad always tells me that I'm worthless, good for nothing, impure and many hurtful things. He is very foul mouthed towards me and threatens me that if he's not pleased with me, my life would be messed up. Every small mistake I do, he says "don't let me make dua to Allah swt that you never become successful".

he made dua in the past that I become paralysed and usually ask Allah swt to get rid of me. I feel so horrible and my self esteem and worth is completely eroded. I feel extremely bad about myself and like an object. I get treated worse than garbage and trash. I fear falling into fitna because I'm starting to look elsewhere for a boost to feel better about myself from other men. I'm very weak and have easily fell prey to men's sweet words before in the past.
Click to expand...

:sl:

Brother, sister

I cant give a verdict unless i had listened to your father. But the Norm is that if he had not loved you he would n't have taken care of you to bring you up, fed you, took you to doctor when you were ill , sent to school etc.

Only the one really loves you will tell your mistakes on your face WITH AN INTENTION TO CORRECT YOU , though his mistake is using rough rude words. And this might happen when you never pay heed and follow his orders advice which is an order of Allah too , untill if he does not order anything haram, YOU MUST OBEY HIM and there is your jannah after your mother. Its not easy to enter Jannah but through such hardships of sabur or patience and service. So if you dont listen to his soft words he will start using Harsh words with a thinking those harsh words will work better and bring a change in you towards good.

My suggestion as a father is try to listen and follow his advice and you will become the most loved sibling amongst your family. When your father is in good mood you must express yourselves with tears how he has hurt you very much . Pray to Allah that he makes your father more poliete with you.
 
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It's OK to feel hurt. Yes, on one hand you have to respect your father, but that doesn't mean you have to like what he says. Prophet Abraham [peace be upon him] preached to his father, who was a pagan, and he threatened to stone Abraham to death. Death by stoning is a horrible way to die; there's a lot of pain and blood involved. It's OK to feel hurt. You're not weak and you don't deserve to be treated in the way he's treating you. Allah is making you more like Abraham, who is one of our most important prophets.

Often times, what Allah will do is He'll make someone's life emulate a prophet. Our prophets encountered suffering, too, but Allah still loves them. If you are a muslim, He loves you. You are following in the footsteps of prophet Abraham, which means that, like him, you have a big reward waiting for you in Paradise.
 
Wa alaykum assalam,

As everyone has said, try to exercise sabr with your father. I can't understand directly, but someone I know went through a similar experience with their mother - and it still going through it, actually.

Allah swt is Just and Merciful, He does not accept or complete a dua if it is requesting injustice or oppression or bad for someone else who doesn't deserve it - your father's curses against you will not come into any form of reality inshaAllah. And your father or his words don't define your worth or value - your worth and value come from within yourself and should be independent of what anyone says. No way are you a worthless human being, in fact I think it's really admirable you have been living with and handling this for so long.

This is definitely a trial, and a difficult one as well, in the form of your father. Sometime's it can be hard to feel any love for him, but always respect him as the one who helped bring you into this world and protected you when you were a vulnerable child.

And most importantly, don't turn to others for refuge or relief. Only Allah can provide that so turn only to Him. With people, expectation only turn into disappointments - and with Allah swt, expectations are always fulfilled and then surpassed. :)
 
it seems many here and elsewhere are dealing with what is known as TOXIC PARENTS

on my blog i comment on this ..im 48 years old with 3 teenagers and 1 older

let children be children,good parenting doesnt mean giving them money then sending them out
.good parenting is to spend time with them,even with awkward and moody teenagers
take them to the countryside,for walks,go shopping together.eat together sit together at least once a day
.ask them about college,school etc
.have a weekly family meeting where they can even criticize your parenting without any fear.
listen to them .dont be toxic manipulating parents.
dont always be telling them"im your father,im your mother",they already know that
.teenage is a tough time,you were there once
.be understanding of how the world has changed that you must adapt too.
your children have it tough so be the support and parent they need.
dont put the fear of god or hell in them .
teach them the love of god and love of mankind
.love them and they will learn love .
if you emotionally manipulate them and make them feel worthless and small you will be destroying your own child.
THEN YOU ARE STUPID.

dads.. spend time with your daughters too not just your sons.
dont be ashamed to go shopping and for walks with them.
remember there will be a day when they will leave you.to be with their husband
value your time and opportunities with them.

great parenting takes time and energy and thought too

if they dont want to sit with you,ask yourself why
if they dont want to eat with you ask yourself why

be honest about your failings and mistakes too..as a parent
 
Maybe I'm too honest but your dad sounds like a moron and why should you listen to a moron?
Definitely do not go and look for comfort in men as you are building yourself up.
Work on yourself. In a positive way.
Eat healthy, work out, read good books... do something meaningful for yourself.
Get yourself in a good place and then make some decisions.
 
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:salam:

One advice: Do NOT seek men.

I have learnt from psychology (Idk if it is true, but it seems to be) that if one doesn't get the right affection from his parents, in this case your father. When you grow up as a teenager, you will, subconsciously, seek that attachment you didn't get as a child. So what is perhaps driving you to other men is the lack of attention and love and affection you haven't recieved, especially from your father.

Usually, I am sure you don't seek men because you want to, rather there is something that which your father should have filled, i.e. care and affection as a FATHER.

I am sure, Allah, the creator of all, can fill that hole, so seek Allah.

Allahu alam.
 
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wa'alaikum as'salaam,

I do not know your situation or upbringing to give the advice others gave. I will say this inshallah. Try to avoid being in the presence of your dad as much as possible. Read the Quran with translation for answers and comfort when you are upset. Find good Muslim sisters to associate with and build a friend circle, they will help you a lot inshallah. Avoid getting too friendly with men as it will make it easier to fall astray and do not seek men for comfort. They don't know your inner battle, they will only see the outside package and reciprocate as such. And come here often to keep in touch with us so you have someone to talk to about your problems and situation for when you need an outlet to let it out.

may Allah ease your affairs, protect you and keep you safe and give your dad hidaya inshallah. ameen
 
Don't dishard because you are an human beings and be positive about all the things.parents are not enemy of child but they have deference technique to advice their child . I know that some of them have little sense and they not know how to advice their child so we should always polite against their parents .Don't treat them as they treat you because dad is the door of jannah and one day he himself will feel that he was wrong and all the things will be normal....we pray that may Allah Tala help you to solving your issues ..jazakAllah
 
Also remember to try to set a good example. No matter what someone says to upset you or what you say back people are more influenced by actions.
 
Respect your parents and trying to communicate with them, show your love and respect towards them.
 
AayanKhan said:
Respect your parents and trying to communicate with them, show your love and respect towards them.
Click to expand...

they also have to love and respect and understand him..

let children be children,good parenting doesnt mean giving them money then sending them out
.good parenting is to spend time with them,even with awkward and moody teenagers
take them to the countryside,for walks,go shopping together.eat together sit together at least once a day
.ask them about college,school etc
.have a weekly family meeting where they can even criticize your parenting without any fear.
listen to them .dont be toxic manipulating parents.
dont always be telling them"im your father,im your mother",they already know that
.teenage is a tough time,you were there once
.be understanding of how the world has changed that you must adapt too.
your children have it tough so be the support and parent they need.
dont put the fear of god or hell in them .
teach them the love of god and love of mankind
.love them and they will learn love .
if you emotionally manipulate them and make them feel worthless and small you will be destroying your own child.
THEN YOU ARE STUPID.

dads.. spend time with your daughters too not just your sons.
dont be ashamed to go shopping and for walks with them.
remember there will be a day when they will leave you.to be with their husband
value your time and opportunities with them.

great parenting takes time and energy and thought too

if they dont want to sit with you,ask yourself why
if they dont want to eat with you ask yourself why

be honest about your failings and mistakes too..as a parent
 
This is a test for you and your patience with him will make your life very easy in the future
This is how every parson obey his parent his life will be easy after time
And all what your father say he doesn't mean it
He just want to help you and to make you strange ... every one of us has his own way of treating
Some people act with ease and other think that when you act hardly is a good way
But he still want the good for you
Its your jannah and your blessing and think of him as a good thing you make to worship Allah and to strive in his way
Life changing and one day your father will change his thinking
He loves you even his actions look the opposite of that
 

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