i'm frustrated

[adigagirl]

salamu alikom...
i want to start by saying that i'm a very lucky person with all i have.. i have a very good family, good friends, good neighbours, good brains and everyone keeps telling me how pretty is my face too...
and yet.. i'm having a very hard time to see all that just because this one problem.. i'm very ashamed of my body... i don't want to get married because of that, cause i'm scared that my husband won't like my body... i'm so frustrated about it that i cry every night.... everyone keeps telling me how good looking but they can't really see my body cause i hide it... i feel so bad and so ungrateful to Allah for feeling these kind of feelings... i'm supposed to be very grateful but i just can't get my self to see beyond it... it makes me a very bad person, i become more agressive , not smiling to people cause i'm always down.. i don't want to go out and etc... i was always thinking of doing a plastic surgery... but always thought about it just as an illusion, something that will never happen cause it's wrong to change what Allah gave us right??... but lately i started thinking about it more often and more seriously as i am in my age of marriage ....
i pray to Allah to change my body since i was 13... and now i'm 20... i want to say Alhamdulilah and mean it but i just can't...
is plastic surgery really haram when it's causing me to feel so bad about my self?

 

[glo]

What is it you don't like about yourself, adigagirl?

 

[ragdollcat1982]

I do not know what about your body is it that you do not like and i will not ask as that is a private matter. My late uncle was a plastic surgeon and would not do any cosmetic procedure on a person until they had an in depth pysc evalutation to make sure they were doing it for the right reasons. It seems to me that you would not be a good candidate and that counsling would benefit you best, as body images issues are often a symptom of something deeper. Surgery would only be a quick fix and what if you did not like the results what then? I hope and pray that you can find peace. God makes all of us in different shapes, sizes and colors.

 

[adigagirl]

it's pretty embarassing.. i actually did V to the anonymous posting, but it didn't work... whatever though, cause no one really knows who i am.
anyway.. it's pretty embarassing to talk about it...:-[
but i know that i'm in a very very deep hole and i don't know how to get out of it.. so i need to talk about it and get help!!
i get alot of guys calling who are intrested in me... i mean , to everyone else i look pretty, and i hear it about me all the time.. i was even told that i could've compete in a beauty competetion if i wasn't muslim... but i just don't seem to internalize it. i said to myself millions of times that it's ok, u look fine, everything that Allah create is pretty... but i just CANT.... i understand how much i am suffering from complexes when i think about it... but it doesn't matter how many times i tell myself that i'm stupid for feeling like that and i feel a little better, because it always comes back to this day that i just can't lie to my self anymore and say that i look ok...
i think that if i was married and my husband would say i look pretty to him i would be fine... but i'm terrified from the fact that i will get married and he won't like me .
i'm so messed up...

ah...and if u really need to know what my problem is... it's that i think i look too much like J.lo. :\

thank u guys for answering!

 

[ragdollcat1982]

it's pretty embarassing.. i actually did V to the anonymous posting, but it didn't work... whatever though, cause no one really knows who i am.
anyway.. it's pretty embarassing to talk about it...:-[
but i know that i'm in a very very deep hole and i don't know how to get out of it.. so i need to talk about it and get help!!
i get alot of guys calling who are intrested in me... i mean , to everyone else i look pretty, and i hear it about me all the time.. i was even told that i could've compete in a beauty competetion if i wasn't muslim... but i just don't seem to internalize it. i said to myself millions of times that it's ok, u look fine, everything that Allah create is pretty... but i just CANT.... i understand how much i am suffering from complexes when i think about it... but it doesn't matter how many times i tell myself that i'm stupid for feeling like that and i feel a little better, because it always comes back to this day that i just can't lie to my self anymore and say that i look ok...
i think that if i was married and my husband would say i look pretty to him i would be fine... but i'm terrified from the fact that i will get married and he won't like me .
i'm so messed up...

ah...and if u really need to know what my problem is... it's that i think i look too much like J.lo. :\

thank u guys for answering!

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and if a man does not want to get to know you as a potential wife because he is shallow and superficial than he is not worth it. Ask your parents to help you find a Godly man who will want to marry you for your piety not your looks. Cosmetic surgery will not solve your problems it could just add to them.Maybe counsling would do you some good. I am a Christian who wears the hijab and my family has told me that I am too pretty to be covered up in all of that garb. I guess if I was ugly they would not mind me covering.:? I am very insecure about my nose and a little self conscious about my weight because I had my son 6 years ago. They think I am trying to hide behind hijab and abaya when in fact I am wanting too be the modest woman God wants me to be. I do not want to be judged for my beauty, but for my character and intelligence. That is where it should count not your outside appearance.

 

[convert]

Sister, everyone has their issues. Before I was a muslim, I dated. One thing I picked up on is that usually, the more attractive the woman, the more self-conscious she is about her body.

Do not stress such a thing, it is honestly not worth it. This is how people get complexes and it leads lots of women in america to anorexia, bulemia, or to seek validation from men in a haraam manner.

I am sure you are a beautiful young lady through and through. Besides, good character counts more and lasts longer, so far as most men are concerned.

If it makes you feel any better: I think I have a retarded looking smile, my beard looks like I just got zapped by 10000 volts of electricity, and I look like a big gorilla from all the weights I lift.


May Allah grant you a pious husband and may he ease your burdens.

 

[glo]

Adidagirl, God made you just as you are! Do you believe that?
Sounds to me like he made you pretty, but you don't quite believe it.

Women in our society are conditioned to scrutinise and judge their looks very harshly. The media and fashion industries tell us so!
We forget to look at our inner beauty, which - as convert says - is so much more important.

Try to learn to love yourself.
Your own creator loves and delights in you - you should try and do the same!

I wish you inner peace and joy.

 

[HopeFul]

Sister, I think sometimes I feel some things about my body too, I think this would ahve been better or that, since I have been amrried for about 7 eyars now.. things change, i am no longer 18, and perhaps alot of women feel ike you at some stage but not as intense.. and they dont say it.. they just rty and deal with it perhaps..

The important thing is, let me srtess that what kind of a person are you and it is also important to marry a man who woud love you for your inner self, not your outside.
recently aske dmy husband, do you remember how Iw as when we married? When I was only 18 and was so fresh and young etc.. and he said NO!!! now I was also known as the prettiest girl in the family and it disappointed me a litte but then I realised he remembers everything I had said, or done, he aways concentrated on my inside and also appreciated my beauty but he didn't take it that deep..

When youa re a good person and are nice to people, speak truth in a kind way you will win hearts no matter what you look like, let alone if you are pretty..

The only person who knows about your body is your husband and if you have a pretty face and a pretty heart then he wont even think twice about the things you are embarrassed about..

Apart from that make dua to Allah, nothing is hard for Him, pray for Him to change the places you want to or give yous atisfaction or sabr in what you already have. that should help.

And whenever you feel depressed try and recite

"Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Lillahi Rajaoon"

And remember that in its true meanings, To Allah we belong and to Him we will return.

Think about how we will turn into dust and go to the grave, whenever you are upset over anything when you recite this keeping its meaning in mind, it will help you forget your worry InshaAllah as your focus will turn to something more important..

May Allah give you peace and self satisfaction, ameen.

 

[Hafswa]

I agree that to ladies this is a sensitive matter but the bottom line is, not matter how many people tell you that you are beautiful, a complete knock out etc if you do not believe it in your heart, then these remarks fall on deaf ears.

Adidagirl, you are very young and have alot ahead of you as a woman. Hold you head up high and beleive that you are the best looking flower ever created and you husband will be . Busk in you face when you look in the mirror, Thank God for every tissue and vein He created to form YOU.

Resulting to a plastic surgeon will only be reaffirming yourself that you need work! Forget about this and change your attitude. Everything God created is beautiful.
Beleive it!

 

[adigagirl]

i got to say that your replies made me feel really good!!

Surgery would only be a quick fix and what if you did not like the results what then? I hope and pray that you can find peace. God makes all of us in different shapes, sizes and colors.

i guess i prefer to rely on the precent of success than to accept to live with this bad feelings about myself thank u for your prays dear!

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and if a man does not want to get to know you as a potential wife because he is shallow and superficial than he is not worth it. Ask your parents to help you find a Godly man who will want to marry you for your piety not your looks.

i think that one guy who asked for me is a good man and i'm intrested in him too... but even if he will not say what he really think.. i think it's unavoidable to see it in his face i'm afraid from that day of marriage so much that it consumes me...

Maybe counsling would do you some good.

i'm starting to think that i need a psychologist imsad

I am wanting too be the modest woman God wants me to be. I do not want to be judged for my beauty, but for my character and intelligence. That is where it should count not your outside appearance.

i got to say that my respect for you is as high as the sky right now, you're a great role model!!

Sister, everyone has their issues. Before I was a muslim, I dated. One thing I picked up on is that usually, the more attractive the woman, the more self-conscious she is about her body.

Do not stress such a thing, it is honestly not worth it. This is how people get complexes and it leads lots of women in america to anorexia, bulemia, or to seek validation from men in a haraam manner.

I am sure you are a beautiful young lady through and through. Besides, good character counts more and lasts longer, so far as most men are concerned.

If it makes you feel any better: I think I have a retarded looking smile, my beard looks like I just got zapped by 10000 volts of electricity, and I look like a big gorilla from all the weights I lift.


May Allah grant you a pious husband and may he ease your burdens.

hehehe... you made me laugh alot.. !!
i think you are right.. i sometimes feel like i'm expected to be perfect cause i am being told all the time how pretty i am when i don't feel like it.. and everytime they do i get a bellyache and not a good feeling...

thank u for your prays brother!

Adidagirl, God made you just as you are! Do you believe that?
Sounds to me like he made you pretty, but you don't quite believe it.

Women in our society are conditioned to scrutinise and judge their looks very harshly. The media and fashion industries tell us so!
We forget to look at our inner beauty, which - as convert says - is so much more important.

Try to learn to love yourself.
Your own creator loves and delights in you - you should try and do the same!

I wish you inner peace and joy.

thank you very much for your prays!
my problem is that everyone says that inner beauty is so much more important.. but i never met someone who actually believed it.. i mean.. when i wasn't covered, men would approach me sometimes and tell me that they fell inlove with me... even married men!!! can you believe it?? and they're muslim!!! that's one of the things that made me feel so insecure! what if my husband will want to turn to other women cause i'm not good enough

recently aske dmy husband, do you remember how Iw as when we married? When I was only 18 and was so fresh and young etc.. and he said NO!!! now I was also known as the prettiest girl in the family and it disappointed me a litte but then I realised he remembers everything I had said, or done, he aways concentrated on my inside and also appreciated my beauty but he didn't take it that deep..

that kind of cheered me up

Apart from that make dua to Allah, nothing is hard for Him, pray for Him to change the places you want to or give yous atisfaction or sabr in what you already have. that should help.

i do, i pray alot.. but as i pray i also feel guilty for asking Him to change what He already gave me.. i mean, He chould make it worse.. out Prophet pbuh said to look at those who have less not the other way around... i know all that and yet i can't seem to find my peace...

And whenever you feel depressed try and recite

"Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Lillahi Rajaoon"

And remember that in its true meanings, To Allah we belong and to Him we will return.

that cheered my up too, thank u so much sister
and thank u for your prays, inshallah.

I agree that to ladies this is a sensitive matter but the bottom line is, not matter how many people tell you that you are beautiful, a complete knock out etc if you do not believe it in your heart, then these remarks fall on deaf ears.

so true...

Adidagirl, you are very young and have alot ahead of you as a woman. Hold you head up high and beleive that you are the best looking flower ever created and you husband will be . Busk in you face when you look in the mirror, Thank God for every tissue and vein He created to form YOU.

Resulting to a plastic surgeon will only be reaffirming yourself that you need work! Forget about this and change your attitude. Everything God created is beautiful.
Beleive it!

i tried many times.. but perhaps i can't do it on my own.. i guess i will have to tell my mother about this.. i just didn't want her to carry that burden that her daughter is not happy...didnt want to bring her misery since she can't do anything really...

thank you everyone for your support.. i pray to God that we will all meet in paradise, inshallah

 

[جوري]

Someone I respect, brought your thread to my attention and initially I didn't want to reply to it.
Nonetheless, you seem to be suffering from BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) (think Micheal Jackson), in which case even if you underwent plastic surgery you will not be pleased, given there is nothing wrong with you as other folks perceive you, rather you are dissatisfied with what you have and what Allah swt has bestowed upon you.. May I suggest you seek counseling? I think working on your own perception of yourself and self-esteem will serve you better than chopping and tucking of your body parts.. Plastic surgeons aren't artists, miracle workers or God, there is only so much they can do for you, before you end up looking like :

and these are actually people who can afford better professionals.. consider you then pls, the real purpose of plastic surgery which is
for medical and quality of life reasons-- and look at the results of folks who actually need it, like

or

.. what ails you isn't a physical deformity but a psychological one.. I don't wish to have harsh words for you, but I'd like for you to reflect on the above deeply and carefully.. those who think they can create better than God, and those who are so unfortunate as to suffer real maladies and the outcome in both circumstances!

And let's all Thank Allah swt for giving us an abundance of blessings to which we are not simply indifferent to, we are down right ungrateful!

 

[S_87]

sis....u say u like like J-lo?????????????????
ok im pming u on that one :?

 

[FatimaAsSideqah]

Whatever it is that you do not like about yourself with regards to your body image, remember two things: First, Allah Ta'ala has proportioned you exactly the way He intended, neither one nanometer more nor one less. Second, how you feel about your body image is bound to impact how much you value yourself, eg affect your self-esteem.

Each time Satan tempts you to complain or look down upon your body image, think of people (whom you either know personally or just generally in the world) who have been afflicted with some physical challenges.

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) that Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "Verily Allah does not look to your faces (shapes) or your wealth, but He looks to your hearts and to your deeds" (Muslim). It is our hearts that need constant beautification, not our bodies.

 

[جوري]

Yanal - know that Islam teaches amongst other things respect to those who are your elders and knowledge of a topic before engaging in vain discourse!

 

[adigagirl]

salam everyone...
amani , i can't sent private messages since i didn't post 50 messages yet..
thank you so much for your message sister

thanks everyone for your warm comforting... i was pretty sure that at first everyone here will be mad at me for saying such words...but maybe i'm the one who's mad about myself.

everyone here helped me open my eyes. may Allah give you reward for that. i understand now that i am in no condition to be so judgmental to myself (especially after seeing those photos).. i should be thankful for what i got and i realize it better now. from this day on, i'll say alhamdulilah and nothing else. i did judge myself too much... i should like my body and if i will feel good about myself i believe that i will look good in my future husband's (inshallah) eyes too... it's just doing that step! switching what i think about myself from negative to positive! i got to work hard on that, i owe it to myself
inshallah i will achieve it by doing good deeds and through that having more self confidence, for this is what Allah swt wanted me to have, and so be it. this world will end so fast, and my real concern should be if i'm good enough to earn Allah's compassion and go into heaven.
inshallah i will remember this everyday and won't let shaytan make me worry about unimportant things such as this.

and again, thank you all so much, from the bottom of my heart. i was very ashamed talking about it and i kept it inside for a long time and now you opened my eyes..i couldn't do it without you!

 

[جوري]

I am happy to read your thoughts now on the matter.. I knew the reality of the before and after will make you appreciate better what you have...

May Allah swt bless you with a pious loving husband who will appreciate you for you not what you pay a surgeon to do.. I believe at some point in your life you'll recognize that there is so much more to a marriage than how your partner or you look.. as cliche as it sounds.. but most people prefer a strong likeable personality, a warm affable character to the handwork of surgeons.. the attention folks receive when having undergone plastic surgery is really the wrong sort and it will leave you feeling more empty and more miserable.. no one likes an over decorated cake.

all the best insha'Allah

 

[convert]

Sister, might I suggest to you that you pay no mind to what the tv, movies, etc tell you what beautiful is. A person like me (who is looking for a wife) is looking mainly for a pious wife and I do not think I am outside of the norm of a typical brother.

Alhamdulillah you are feeling better about yourself. May Allah bless you in whatever you do. I ask that you make dua for me.

 

[S_87]

salam everyone...
amani , i can't sent private messages since i didn't post 50 messages yet..
thank you so much for your message sister

!

thats fine, just couldnt write it here, if i did get it right then remember, its good :bump1: