I'm having a baby that i didn't want.

AnonymousGender said:
I will ask him to speak to a Scholar and i will consider marriage if it's an option.

Thank you also, brother Hamza81.
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you would be making another sin by lying. check out bukhari hadiths the punishments for lying. the prophet mohammad pbuh said the liars will be residents of hell unless they repent. you would be making a life long lie if you were to lie about the age there grand child. do you know sister parents are not stupid especially a mother.
 
Sorry, I have to speak out. I am also parent who have a two year old son. It remind me alot of teens pregnants happening... :hmm:

I am disappointing that the way you are doing is not correct in zina. You are 18 years old and having a baby without marriage. You are away from family values and culture in which you are into western cultures, think sex is okay outside marriage for you at first place with a guy.

I am telling you, it is not going to be easy for you and your future husband, it will possible tear your apart later due to financial plans, family plans, marriages, family issues, support, more money and burden coming.

4-5 weeks is just starting...It will grow til 9 months. You will realize how big big responsible is.

It is up to you whether tell your parents or not. Be prepared for the worst. imsad

Sorry for being harsh!
 
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cat eyes said:
you would be making another sin by lying. check out bukhari hadiths the punishments for lying. the prophet mohammad pbuh said the liars will be residents of hell unless they repent. you would be making a life long lie if you were to lie about the age there grand child. do you know sister parents are not stupid especially a mother.
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I'm considering it imsad.
 
^may Allah keep your secret, forgive you and save you from any undesirable consequences, Ameen.
 
Sister,

Salams,

May Allah accept your repentance.I am sorry to hear about situation.What you have done is wrong.But its past pray for Allah's forgiveness.Thank god that your OH is ready to marry,Since marriage is only valid when womb is empty you should delay marriage till you give birth,


As another brother said, finances are going to be a big issue since child birth is not a small affair.So consider telling your parents if you are not financially independent.


Hope that your problems get solved :(.

Take care
 
AnonymousGender said:
I will ask him to speak to a Scholar and i will consider marriage if it's an option.

Thank you also, brother Hamza81.
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From the article i pasted for you previously it is apparent that you should marry this man AS SOON AS POSSIBLE and should not wait a minute more because you should be married to him at least 6 months before the birth as stated.

Sister i know you have done a big mistake and you are truly repentant and if you are truly sincere from your heart in your repentance then there is no reason why you can't be forgiven, but you should know that it is incumbant that you tell your family as soon as possible.

You could tell someone else to tell them or write to them or something so that maybe it can sink in for them for a while until you confront them but putting it off is not going to make this situation any better but it will make it MUCH worser in their eyes. From their perspective it is the worst thing in the world for a daughter to become pregnant from an illigitamate relationship but for a daughter to hide it until near the pregnancy that would make things 10 times worse! What is going to change with your parents situatuion if you tell them now?

Why put it off and make things worse for yourself? We have to try and put ourselves in their situation that if we were to have a daughter and our daughter was pregnant but decided not to tell us until near the pregnany or even after the pregnancy then how much worse would we feel?

Even though it is the hardest thing in the world to do it is better if you tell them now than later! As ive already stated you can tell someone else to tell them or write to them even but whatever you do make sure they find out and then you will have to talk to them on the phone and tell them properly what happened and then you can let it sink in for a while but whatever you do tell them my sister and marry this man as soon as you can if he is right for you and the child and if he has good character and would be a good husband to you who would fulfill your rights as a wife.

Also if you can then go to a local reliable scholar and share this issue with them. It is always better to get nasiha (Advice) from a scholar.

May Allah make your situation wasy for you and others in your siutation and may Allah keep us away from major sin. Ameen
 
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^ i think only if children are islamically obliged to tell their parents about such thing, then the sister should. otherwise theres no need.
you know, when the sister says that her parents are like they could do anything to keep the honour, chances are they might kill her.(literally). and that happens in muslim cultures. at least in pakistan, its not not known of.
 
:sl:

u have to tell ur parents, unless u fear for ur safety. Just be honest, wats done is done, u'll face the consequences of ur actions its not going to be easy but u cant hide this. 4that innocent unborn childs sake pls get married, sad thing is adults make mistakes but its always the child who will pay the biggest price. May Allah guide u & protect u ameen.
 
Malaak said:
^ i think only if children are islamically obliged to tell their parents about such thing, then the sister should. otherwise theres no need.
you know, when the sister says that her parents are like they could do anything to keep the honour, chances are they might kill her.(literally). and that happens in muslim cultures. at least in pakistan, its not not known of.
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Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, so if your daughter decided never to tell you that she was pregnant illegitimately and one day you found out yourself that she has had a child for several years but never told you about it and when you confronted her about it she told you that she did'nt have to tell you because she was'nt obliged to then how would you feel?

Let us put ourselves in the position of parents then one would think very differently. Inshallah we will all be or are parents and we would NEVER want our daughters or sons NEVER tell us such as important thing as this just because they did'nt feel obliged to.

Yes they will be angry at the beginning and distraught and in pain like any parent would but in the end inshallah they will come to accept it and support her. In life we have to face the consequances of our actions. She has no other choice but to tell them because the longer she puts it off then the worse it will get.

Allah knows best
 
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I know this is the "advise and support" section, but apart from Hamza81, almost everyone else has given off-the-cuff advise when they are in no position to. Everyone loves to give advise, without thinking through its implications. What if the sister takes the advise you give her, and it was inappropriate, will you take responsibility for its consequences?

A topic as large as this, with severe outcomes, should only be dealt with by a scholar, but also one with experience of such social scenarios. All scholars are not the same! Every case is different, and the best possible help would have been putting the sister in touch with a scholar, who can give her sound Islamic advise, as well as any support she may need.

I'm not defending what sister 'cat eyes' said, but I really don't think she was trying to be horrible to the OP. However the point she was trying to make absolutely stands! These are the real dangers of not thinking about the consequences of ones actions. It may not be applicable in this particular case, but these are the end products of free mixing. What practising person starts a path thinking that they will end up committing zina? Many may think this will never happen to them, or they have "gotten away with it", but if we are not punished in this world, then we are not of the lucky ones!


To the OP:

Sister everyone makes mistakes. Some are punished for it in this world, and some are not. Those that are punished for it in this world, and seek Allah's Mercy, will find it with her Lord in the Hereafter. How much better that is, than being punished in the grave, or in the fire!

Although it may not seem that way now, this could be a blessing in disguise for you, and never lose faith in Allah's Mercy. I can tell from your post that you are sincere. We are one ummah, and the believers are mirrors of one another. If my brother or sister is hurting, than so am I. I will pray 2 rakhas for you tonight inshAllah.

I won't pretend to know what you are going through, but you will never be alone. Even if the whole world abandons you, if you have faith, then you will always have Allah, and help will come from the most amazing, and unusual places!

Take good care of yourself inshAllah, and may Allah make your road easy for you.
Ameen.
 
Hamza81 said:
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, so if your daughter decided never to tell you that she was pregnant illegitimately and one day you found out yourself that she has had a child for several years but never told you about it and when you confronted her about it she told you that she did'nt have to tell you because she was'nt obliged to then how would you feel?

Let us put ourselves in the position of parents then one would think very differently. Inshallah we will all be or are parents and we would NEVER want our daughters or sons NEVER tell us such as important thing as this just because they did'nt feel obliged to.

Yes they will be angry at the beginning and distraught and in pain like any parent would but in the end inshallah they will come to accept it and support her. In life we have to face the consequances of our actions. She has no other choice but to tell them because the longer she puts it off then the worse it will get.

Allah knows best
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Brother, thank you so far for all of your support. I'm afraid you have to understand where Malaak is coming from. Different people have different views and approach things differently. My family are not in a position to sit and think of MY well-being. Unfortunately, we have all heard of the crazy stuff people in the world do, because the fact is, we are all simply different. You or I or somebody else might have the same approach if we put ourselves in the shoes of the parents but others may not. I think i have expressed that point enough?
However, i have decided that i must let my parents know. When i will let them know and how, i do not know. But, i don't think i can face them and i don't think they would want to keep in contact with me ever again.

Many have rasied the issue of "financial status", i live in England, i have spoken to a number of professional people who advised me that i should be getting a lot of financial support, especially as i am a young mother looking to continuing my education. My OH has also spoken to me about this saying he will support us. He is working at the moment.
 
AnonymousGender said:
Brother, thank you so far for all of your support. I'm afraid you have to understand where Malaak is coming from. Different people have different views and approach things differently. My family are not in a position to sit and think of MY well-being. Unfortunately, we have all heard of the crazy stuff people in the world do, because the fact is, we are all simply different. You or I or somebody else might have the same approach if we put ourselves in the shoes of the parents but others may not. I think i have expressed that point enough?

However, i have decided that i must let my parents know. When i will let them know and how, i do not know. But, i don't think i can face them and i don't think they would want to keep in contact with me ever again.

Many have rasied the issue of "financial status", i live in England, i have spoken to a number of professional people who advised me that i should be getting a lot of financial support, especially as i am a young mother looking to continuing my education. My OH has also spoken to me about this saying he will support us. He is working at the moment.
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Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, i myself am from a Pakistani background and i know how difficult it can be in our families with regards to marriage and issues like this but regardless of ethnicity this is still a very sensative and major issue in any Muslim family.

I would urge you to get in touch with a local reliable scholar as soon as you can so that you can get more clarity as to what your next steps should be especially in regards to marrying your OH as soon as you can because as was mentioned in the article in my first post the marriage should not be delayed until after the birth but should take place as soon as possible.

I know it is the hardest thing in the world for a Muslim daughter to tell her parents that she is pregnant illigitamatley but unfortunatley in life we have to face the consequances of our actions. There is no other way.

As ive already mentioned you should tell another member of your family whom you trust and can confide in so that they can tell your parents or you can even write to them but however you tell them don't delay it because the more you delay it the worse it will get.

I know in life when we are facing a major situation it is always easier to put it off and not think about it but what will that achieve? Putting it off will make it MUCH worse. Let them know somehow as soon as possible and then let it sit with them for a while and sink in. Trust me the sooner you tell them the sooner you will feel a big weight off your shoulders.

They will be very angry but Inshallah sooner or later or at some point they will come around.Go towards Allah now and continue to repent sincerely with all your heart and even cry to Allah to help you through this situation and these tough times.

May Allah make it easy on you and anyone else in a tough position. Ameen
 
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:sl:

amid all that is happening, let me ask a question. WHY are you waiting to get married?

if you didn't get pregnant BUT still had sex, marriage is the "cure" for that. you ARE 18, after all. the baby DOES complicate things, but the original problem is that you are having sex outside of marriage. the remedy is simple, nikkah.

NIKKAH, ASAP! ASAP! assuming your OH is the father, i've never seen a Hadeeth that would indicate that you had to wait.

you aren't a minor so there is NO REASON to tell your parents. MAYBE if you were left on your own. but if ALLAH helps you cover up a sin, keep it covered.

being a revert, my worry would be that your family would be more concerned about "their honor" than "your situation." Alhumdulillah, if i am wrong. and Astargfirrullah!

i must admit to being as surprised[or horrified] as anyone else that it was a Muslim sister who had to title a thread as such. don't be mad at those who can't "handle" the situation, it's not a common occurrence. at least not here.

:wa:
 
Raphael said:
I know this is the "advise and support" section, but apart from Hamza81, almost everyone else has given off-the-cuff advise when they are in no position to. Everyone loves to give advise, without thinking through its implications. What if the sister takes the advise you give her, and it was inappropriate, will you take responsibility for its consequences?

A topic as large as this, with severe outcomes, should only be dealt with by a scholar, but also one with experience of such social scenarios. All scholars are not the same! Every case is different, and the best possible help would have been putting the sister in touch with a scholar, who can give her sound Islamic advise, as well as any support she may need.

I'm not defending what sister 'cat eyes' said, but I really don't think she was trying to be horrible to the OP. However the point she was trying to make absolutely stands! These are the real dangers of not thinking about the consequences of ones actions. It may not be applicable in this particular case, but these are the end products of free mixing. What practising person starts a path thinking that they will end up committing zina? Many may think this will never happen to them, or they have "gotten away with it", but if we are not punished in this world, then we are not of the lucky ones!


To the OP:

Sister everyone makes mistakes. Some are punished for it in this world, and some are not. Those that are punished for it in this world, and seek Allah's Mercy, will find it with her Lord in the Hereafter. How much better that is, than being punished in the grave, or in the fire!

Although it may not seem that way now, this could be a blessing in disguise for you, and never lose faith in Allah's Mercy. I can tell from your post that you are sincere. We are one ummah, and the believers are mirrors of one another. If my brother or sister is hurting, than so am I. I will pray 2 rakhas for you tonight inshAllah.

I won't pretend to know what you are going through, but you will never be alone. Even if the whole world abandons you, if you have faith, then you will always have Allah, and help will come from the most amazing, and unusual places!

Take good care of yourself inshAllah, and may Allah make your road easy for you.
Ameen.
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Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, i agree with what you say that a lot of people in here don't "think before they write".

I think one should read what they are going to send twice before they press the send button just to be sure that it is appropriate. I also think that this section should be moderated more so that the questioner does not get misleading advice from innappropriate posts. Some advisors in here give advice that does more harm than good.

I do feel a lot of issues that are brought up in here should definatley be dealt with by scholars, however getting hold of a reliable scholar nowadays is very difficult and i think their should be more scholars who are easier to get in touch with so that the majority of people needing urgent advice can go to them rather than having to get their answers from lay people.

But for some people getting advice on the internet can be easier because they are anonymous but it does'nt come without its risks and it can be dangerous because someone may give the wrong advice and mislead the person.

I get disgusted when i see SO many Muslims going to yahoo answers to get advice on Islamic matters and on sensative issues like this. I read one question from yahoo answer similar to this case where a Muslim girl wanted advice what to do because she was pregnant from an illigitamate relationship and her family were very strict and she did'nt know what to do so she asked for advice on her situation.

What happens is that the person who asks the question has to at the end choose the best answer out of the lot and she chose the best answer from a non Muslim who advised her to run away from home!

I would urge anyone reading this to NEVER ask any question on an Islamic matter on yahoo answers because you will get the worst advice from there because of the fact it is open to all kinds of people including non Muslims who give very anti Islamic advice and can mislead a person greatly.

The problem is that a lot of people not only in this forum but a in a lot of forums seem to get all emotional an angry towards the sin doer who is asking for help and advice and come across is a condescending and derogatory manner making lewd unneccesary remarks which will not benefit anyone.

One should look at ones self and ones own household before judging others. Yes a lot of people do a lot of big mistakes but we are not here to put them down or to judge them but we are here solely for the pleasure of Allah to advise and support them.

So lets leave the judging to Allah and try our best to check again and again what kind of advice we are giving people in here because we would not want to mislead our brothers and sisters.
 
Hussein radi said:
Is it me or are people starting to ignore the main topic due to personal disagreements?
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I agree.lets not make this thread into a "I am right and I can lecture about who is wrong" thread lets stick to the topic.Cats eyes sis has apologised and lets just stop here.

@poster: Sister Istikhara on what to do next.To tell parents or not and in general about how to over come this issue.
 
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