I'm losing energy
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Greetings and peace be with you anonymous; this forum is a blessing; there are so many prayerful and thoughtful people here.
Life is a journey always one day at a time, and you will have to search for this inner peace and strength constantly throughout life.
Do you know why your father drinks and what makes him angry?
In the spirit of searching for a peace that surpasses all understanding,
Eric
You already had that that inner strength and inner peace; no one here gave it to you; it was yours as a gift from God. Sometimes we do not understand our gifts; take some time to reflect on how you have used your gifts. Only two days ago life was pushing you down on your knees.
Life is a journey always one day at a time, and you will have to search for this inner peace and strength constantly throughout life.
Do you know why your father drinks and what makes him angry?
In the spirit of searching for a peace that surpasses all understanding,
Eric
IbnAbdulHakim
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Alhamdulillah im happy it worked out. Alhamdulillaah
may Allaah keep your sabr and sakeena rising Ameen
may Allaah keep your sabr and sakeena rising Ameen
anonymous
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Salam
Thank you fatima, may Allah bless you so much, i will be sure to contact you if i ever need a talk.
Johan, I will keep you in my dua. i pray that Allah has given you what ever is best for yourself, your family and your deen, may He give you success in this interview if it was meant for you. ameen. On a side note, if you dont get a job, keep trust in Allah, you can never imagine the many doors He can open for His servant if you have faith and confidence.
Adeeb, you are very right. Allah is always there, and to Him belongs everything, and to Him shall return everything.
ameen to your dua ibnAbdul hakim
Eric H, i could not have said it better myself. A couple of days ago i was indeed on the verge of giving up, wondering if there is any hope left for anything. after contemplating on everyone's advice, and searching my inner faith, i realized i shouldnt give up so easily, esp at this age, i am too young, and Allah has given me good health and so much more, to give up would mean to destroy my gifts, belittle them and to never know what i could have achieved and done with these gifts. i need to look on what is on the other side of the coin, and on the other side is hope.
In answering your question, i dont know why my dad drinks, he has been ever since i was born, i grew up seeing him getting angry and all sorts, i dont want to recall, but it has been as hard as rock to watch this kind of environment and feel this kind of atmosphere as i grew up. Nevertheless, i used to carry on exploring and discovering life, and never let anything stop me in doing so, but it seems like circumstances had stopped me from discovering way too deep, it put a limit in my childhood and youth energy to explore and discover things - maybe this limit was a good thing? i dont know. but what circumstances did was make me deal with matters as though an experienced adult would, it was out of my capacity to maintain emotions of myself and others, and to look for solutions, and to maintain the welfare of the family too. from the age of 10, i began covering up for my dad's mistakes from his family and from many people. i had to think of my siblings reputation. when he made mum upset or cry, i had to be there to attend her emotions and make her smile, gradually i somehow became independent, the one maintaining the welfare, ive been doing so up to this day, and at the same time my education was getting harder, and many other factors of late-teenhood and hitting the age of 20. and that is why everything was hitting rock bottom and i was giving up, getting tired. my dad points the blame at us, he blames us for every little thing that goes wrong, sometimes i feel like im in the middle of a tug of war between mum and dad, i often choose my mum's side, but whenever i try to do justice and balance my side for both, it all comes crashing down.
i tried to find out why he started drinking, but he NEVER tells me straight, instead he blames me for questioning the parent, and being useless. whenever i am told that i am "useless", i feel emotionally down, because all that i put up with since childhood, he can't see it. just because i am not earning money yet does not mean i am useless. he does not see how much i done for him, i always forgave him and tried to ammend things between mum and him, i never decided to leave the house to go and live with my Aunt or anything, i always chose to stay right here and live to see him and mum happy, but i know he isnt happy, and i know it's probably not his fault. he will never tell me why he started drinking, and why he gets angry, and i probably dont want to know why, but what i do want to know is whether my toil and struggle is improving life for him, mum and my whole family, and whether we can together help the community more often.
since i turned 20, it's been hitting me alot that, wow i've hit adulthood already, where did most of my life go? i gave most of my childhood and teenhood to my parents, i always had the choice - to either spend youth in ignoring the family and doing things that suit me best, but i gave up that normal teen life for them, and along the way i somehow grew closer to Allah. so as soon as i hit 20, i felt a little depressed that i never had a normal life, and that this is my fate, i have to remain like this, and live like this, i guess i was just thinking too deep, i have to open my eyes and see that i am getting somewhere, and conditions will change very soon.
please keep my dad in your prayer, that Allah has Mercy on him and forgives him for everything, and also brings him to justice for whatever is making him sad and angry. We are all humans, we all have secrets, and only God knows best what we're going through, i can say the same for my dad. i dont regret a minute of what happen, i dont need God to bring me to justice for putting up with his anger, it is my dad that probably needs it. i just need God to keep me strong, and to trust Him (swt) more and more.
Thank you for listening, and may Allah bless you all.
salam
Thank you fatima, may Allah bless you so much, i will be sure to contact you if i ever need a talk.
Johan, I will keep you in my dua. i pray that Allah has given you what ever is best for yourself, your family and your deen, may He give you success in this interview if it was meant for you. ameen. On a side note, if you dont get a job, keep trust in Allah, you can never imagine the many doors He can open for His servant if you have faith and confidence.
Adeeb, you are very right. Allah is always there, and to Him belongs everything, and to Him shall return everything.
ameen to your dua ibnAbdul hakim
Eric H, i could not have said it better myself. A couple of days ago i was indeed on the verge of giving up, wondering if there is any hope left for anything. after contemplating on everyone's advice, and searching my inner faith, i realized i shouldnt give up so easily, esp at this age, i am too young, and Allah has given me good health and so much more, to give up would mean to destroy my gifts, belittle them and to never know what i could have achieved and done with these gifts. i need to look on what is on the other side of the coin, and on the other side is hope.
In answering your question, i dont know why my dad drinks, he has been ever since i was born, i grew up seeing him getting angry and all sorts, i dont want to recall, but it has been as hard as rock to watch this kind of environment and feel this kind of atmosphere as i grew up. Nevertheless, i used to carry on exploring and discovering life, and never let anything stop me in doing so, but it seems like circumstances had stopped me from discovering way too deep, it put a limit in my childhood and youth energy to explore and discover things - maybe this limit was a good thing? i dont know. but what circumstances did was make me deal with matters as though an experienced adult would, it was out of my capacity to maintain emotions of myself and others, and to look for solutions, and to maintain the welfare of the family too. from the age of 10, i began covering up for my dad's mistakes from his family and from many people. i had to think of my siblings reputation. when he made mum upset or cry, i had to be there to attend her emotions and make her smile, gradually i somehow became independent, the one maintaining the welfare, ive been doing so up to this day, and at the same time my education was getting harder, and many other factors of late-teenhood and hitting the age of 20. and that is why everything was hitting rock bottom and i was giving up, getting tired. my dad points the blame at us, he blames us for every little thing that goes wrong, sometimes i feel like im in the middle of a tug of war between mum and dad, i often choose my mum's side, but whenever i try to do justice and balance my side for both, it all comes crashing down.
i tried to find out why he started drinking, but he NEVER tells me straight, instead he blames me for questioning the parent, and being useless. whenever i am told that i am "useless", i feel emotionally down, because all that i put up with since childhood, he can't see it. just because i am not earning money yet does not mean i am useless. he does not see how much i done for him, i always forgave him and tried to ammend things between mum and him, i never decided to leave the house to go and live with my Aunt or anything, i always chose to stay right here and live to see him and mum happy, but i know he isnt happy, and i know it's probably not his fault. he will never tell me why he started drinking, and why he gets angry, and i probably dont want to know why, but what i do want to know is whether my toil and struggle is improving life for him, mum and my whole family, and whether we can together help the community more often.
since i turned 20, it's been hitting me alot that, wow i've hit adulthood already, where did most of my life go? i gave most of my childhood and teenhood to my parents, i always had the choice - to either spend youth in ignoring the family and doing things that suit me best, but i gave up that normal teen life for them, and along the way i somehow grew closer to Allah. so as soon as i hit 20, i felt a little depressed that i never had a normal life, and that this is my fate, i have to remain like this, and live like this, i guess i was just thinking too deep, i have to open my eyes and see that i am getting somewhere, and conditions will change very soon.
please keep my dad in your prayer, that Allah has Mercy on him and forgives him for everything, and also brings him to justice for whatever is making him sad and angry. We are all humans, we all have secrets, and only God knows best what we're going through, i can say the same for my dad. i dont regret a minute of what happen, i dont need God to bring me to justice for putting up with his anger, it is my dad that probably needs it. i just need God to keep me strong, and to trust Him (swt) more and more.
Thank you for listening, and may Allah bless you all.
salam
Greetings and peace be with you anonymous;
Your struggle or possibly jihad in life is taking you along a good path; you talk of your continued faith, you understand you have gifts from God to be used, you have hope. You do voluntary work, you help at the masjid, you are trying harder with your education, you help at home, you try and bring peace and forgiveness into your house. You end your post by giving a blessing to everyone on the forum
Some people would have caved in under the same circumstances and given up their education, taken to drinking and promiscuity.
Parents should be giving their children advice and it is not normal for children to have to try and correct their parents. But it seems life is never straight forwards, I can understand the huge problems it must cause trying to live with your father.
Your father seems to blame everyone except himself for his problems; if he is a Muslim he is feeling very guilty for drinking. Possibly he cannot forgive himself, possibly he does not believe that God will forgive him the things he has done. Possibly he blames God or someone else for his problems and he cannot forgive.
Prayer and forgiveness are at the heart of the solution.
Eric
Your struggle or possibly jihad in life is taking you along a good path; you talk of your continued faith, you understand you have gifts from God to be used, you have hope. You do voluntary work, you help at the masjid, you are trying harder with your education, you help at home, you try and bring peace and forgiveness into your house. You end your post by giving a blessing to everyone on the forum
Some people would have caved in under the same circumstances and given up their education, taken to drinking and promiscuity.
Parents should be giving their children advice and it is not normal for children to have to try and correct their parents. But it seems life is never straight forwards, I can understand the huge problems it must cause trying to live with your father.
Your father seems to blame everyone except himself for his problems; if he is a Muslim he is feeling very guilty for drinking. Possibly he cannot forgive himself, possibly he does not believe that God will forgive him the things he has done. Possibly he blames God or someone else for his problems and he cannot forgive.
Prayer and forgiveness are at the heart of the solution.
I have copied this prayer from the forum and used it several times because it sum up beautifully how Allah works. I believe the prayer is understandable to people of all faiths. Sadly at the time I did not copy the name of the person who posted them or were they came from.
In the spirit of praying that you find a peace that surpasses all understanding,
Eric
Greetings and peace be with you Souljette;
Thank you, BUT....
You must be very careful in how you listen to any advice given. The person giving the advice does not have to suffer any consequences if things go wrong, you carry the full burden yourself.
I say this in the hope annon may find some inner strength, and in a way to reinforce the notion that it is by her efforts and with God’s help that she will find a solution and peace.
In the spirit of praying for peace
Eric
Thank you, BUT....
You must be very careful in how you listen to any advice given. The person giving the advice does not have to suffer any consequences if things go wrong, you carry the full burden yourself.
I say this in the hope annon may find some inner strength, and in a way to reinforce the notion that it is by her efforts and with God’s help that she will find a solution and peace.
In the spirit of praying for peace
Eric
Amat Allah
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Asalamo Alikom
you are quite right my dear brother....
sister anonymous:
we are all with you my dear ,we won`t forget you in our dua`a inshaa Allah ,just be strong and I know you are inshaa Allah.
Allah says:"Verily,along with every hardship is relief " sura Asharah (5)
so,don`t worry cause everything is going to be OK.inshaa Allah..
I am asking Allah (SWT) to guide you and your family to the right path and give you more and more strength to be patient to solve all your problems...
and may Allah (SWT) ease your pain and protect you and your family from the torment of the hell and reward you with Al Jannah and make you the happiest by seeing his magnificent face...
praise be to Allah and peace and blessing be upon his messenger Muhammad...
Ameeeeeen
your sister:
Amat Allah
you are quite right my dear brother....
sister anonymous:
we are all with you my dear ,we won`t forget you in our dua`a inshaa Allah ,just be strong and I know you are inshaa Allah.
Allah says:"Verily,along with every hardship is relief " sura Asharah (5)
so,don`t worry cause everything is going to be OK.inshaa Allah..
I am asking Allah (SWT) to guide you and your family to the right path and give you more and more strength to be patient to solve all your problems...
and may Allah (SWT) ease your pain and protect you and your family from the torment of the hell and reward you with Al Jannah and make you the happiest by seeing his magnificent face...
praise be to Allah and peace and blessing be upon his messenger Muhammad...
Ameeeeeen
your sister:
Amat Allah
Danah
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Al Salam Alykom every one
I was follwing what was written from the begining, but sorry I dont have anything else better than what my sisters and brothers said before. all of them did great may allah grant them and us Jannah in sha allah
sister I am really happy that you are feeling better now. may allah increase your happiness and make you stronger in sha allah.
may allah grant you Sabr in sha allah. sister if you have a look around you, you will find that there are many many people who are suffering worse than you. that will make you feel a little bit relax and will make you thank allah that you are better than those.
sister, thank Allah hardly that you are not having trouble with your emman. the worst kind of testing is if Allah put you in fitnah with your deen and emman.
Alhumdulilah that your emman is not affected with what happened to you. you are very concerned whether allah is pleased to you or not. even when you are on this hard situation you are working very hard to insure that you did not anything wrong to Allah (thats in my opinion is the most important reawrd from allah). many people easily gave up when they faced small problem, many of them lose their faith and eman and become disobedients only becuase they thought that Allah hates them and they are not satisfied with him, but for your case I think that you are still asking Allah for forgivness, you are very careful to be a good beliver . Alhumdulilah for that
be strong sister and always know that there are many people who are in worse situation
I was follwing what was written from the begining, but sorry I dont have anything else better than what my sisters and brothers said before. all of them did great may allah grant them and us Jannah in sha allah
sister I am really happy that you are feeling better now. may allah increase your happiness and make you stronger in sha allah.
may allah grant you Sabr in sha allah. sister if you have a look around you, you will find that there are many many people who are suffering worse than you. that will make you feel a little bit relax and will make you thank allah that you are better than those.
sister, thank Allah hardly that you are not having trouble with your emman. the worst kind of testing is if Allah put you in fitnah with your deen and emman.
Alhumdulilah that your emman is not affected with what happened to you. you are very concerned whether allah is pleased to you or not. even when you are on this hard situation you are working very hard to insure that you did not anything wrong to Allah (thats in my opinion is the most important reawrd from allah). many people easily gave up when they faced small problem, many of them lose their faith and eman and become disobedients only becuase they thought that Allah hates them and they are not satisfied with him, but for your case I think that you are still asking Allah for forgivness, you are very careful to be a good beliver . Alhumdulilah for that
be strong sister and always know that there are many people who are in worse situation
anonymous
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Thank you Eric H my brother in humanity, your post is very uplifting for me. I guess I really need to concentrate on how to deal with this problem efficiently. It is true what they say, prayer is the weapon of the believer, there is nothing like prayer. I felt the warmth and confidence in my heart whenever praying for any person, troubled or not. It definitely makes humans understand one another better.
I will keep both of those quotes in mind, and I will try my absolute best in growing confidence, determination and wisdom in this situation, so that I can replace what ever anger or weakness I carry with compassion and strength.
Amat Allah my sister, thank you for your advice and kind words of encouragement.
SAYA, thank you very much for your words of encouragement and good advice. There are indeed many people out there in worst positions than me, and I really would like to put them first, but how can I if I am not victorious of my inner journey and situation? Maybe this very problematic situation that I've been seeing in the past 19 years is a test from Allah to prove something to myself, to see if I will ever be a safe, generous and decent helper for mankind? That is why your prayers mean a lot to me, so that I can overcome this dilemma and strengthen myself in my own problems, in order to give a helping hand in empathy for those that are suffering more than me. My suffering is NOTHING compared to the many that are suffering in the world, and even compared to my father, who has bottled up a lot of suffering in his life... Thank you everybody once again.
May Allah prosper you all, bless you so much and make you helpers of mankind, and grant you a great hereafter. ameen
I will keep both of those quotes in mind, and I will try my absolute best in growing confidence, determination and wisdom in this situation, so that I can replace what ever anger or weakness I carry with compassion and strength.
Amat Allah my sister, thank you for your advice and kind words of encouragement.
SAYA, thank you very much for your words of encouragement and good advice. There are indeed many people out there in worst positions than me, and I really would like to put them first, but how can I if I am not victorious of my inner journey and situation? Maybe this very problematic situation that I've been seeing in the past 19 years is a test from Allah to prove something to myself, to see if I will ever be a safe, generous and decent helper for mankind? That is why your prayers mean a lot to me, so that I can overcome this dilemma and strengthen myself in my own problems, in order to give a helping hand in empathy for those that are suffering more than me. My suffering is NOTHING compared to the many that are suffering in the world, and even compared to my father, who has bottled up a lot of suffering in his life... Thank you everybody once again.
May Allah prosper you all, bless you so much and make you helpers of mankind, and grant you a great hereafter. ameen
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yesss Alhamdulillah that you realise that! ALHAMDULILLAAH!
Assalamu Aliakum
Danah
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your welcomed any time sister, as the others said we are here to help each other
and remembered that even when you are in this hard situation you are better than many becuase you know that this is a test and you still very careful to be a good beliver and obedient to Allah.........Alhumdulilah
other just dont care if they have any problem faced. they will said if God does not give me what I want why I still have to obey him (A' aoth beallah )
May allah support you to be a god beliver in this dunya test and keep Satan away from your path in sha allah
you are in my duaa in sha allah
and remembered that even when you are in this hard situation you are better than many becuase you know that this is a test and you still very careful to be a good beliver and obedient to Allah.........Alhumdulilah
other just dont care if they have any problem faced. they will said if God does not give me what I want why I still have to obey him (A' aoth beallah )
May allah support you to be a god beliver in this dunya test and keep Satan away from your path in sha allah
you are in my duaa in sha allah
Greetings and peace be with you anonymous, I pray that you are well today.
You seem to have found a coping mechanism for life, when everything around you is beating you down. Spend some time reflecting how you were changed from just three days ago, maybe if you can understand your new found strength; you might then be able to help your dad find it too.
Some months ago I volunteered to be a Street Pastor, this involves walking around in the community on a Friday night from 8 until midnight. Our hope is to bring about some kind of care in the community, it can seem a daunting task, our average age is around fifty five.
We go out in two groups of two amongst troubled people. We come into contact with gangs, drunks, drugs, vandals family brake ups and violence.
The prayer for peace and serenity is at its most powerful when coming into contact with conflict and trouble. The prayer helps me to find a peace and calmness in my own heart when I am surrounded by drunks in a park.
I do not fully understand how the prayer works, but somehow it helps me to concentrate on myself; and search for an inner peace when I should be feeling panic and fear. Somehow when I become at peace with myself under these situations; it almost feels as if I can become like a sponge and absorb some of the anger and rage from other people.
I have found with angry people they tend to talk loudly and fast, my response is to reply slowly and almost in a whisper. It almost seems that when people have to struggle to hear what you say, they seem to pay more attention.
One conversation with a drunk youngster who said that drinking was not a problem for him, and he could handle it; even though his mates seemed to think otherwise.
My reply was to say, you do not have to tell me the truth, you do not have to tell your friends the truth; but you do need to be truthful to yourself. Unless you can be truthful to yourself, you will always fool yourself, you will never help yourself and drink is a downward spiral. My father died an alcoholic.
Can you say something similar to your father at a time when he is slightly calmer?
You might think along the lines of saying how you are struggling to keep up with your studies because of all the turmoil at home.
Does your father have a faith, would he listen to an imam?
From what you have said your dad has carried this anger and drink since you were a child. The chances are he goes to bed and lives with this anger on his own, he wakes up believing there is no hope.
Can you ask him if he still sees himself being angry and drinking in five or ten years time.
Is it fair that all around him should suffer? Can he ever get justice, does he have to let go and forgive and trust in God?
If you start a conversation along any of these lines it may well bring anger and confrontation. Do not judge or blame your father, and do not expect solutions after one conversation, try and end the conversation in a way that leaves it easy for you to bring it up again.
In the spirit of praying for an inner peace
Eric
You seem to have found a coping mechanism for life, when everything around you is beating you down. Spend some time reflecting how you were changed from just three days ago, maybe if you can understand your new found strength; you might then be able to help your dad find it too.
Some months ago I volunteered to be a Street Pastor, this involves walking around in the community on a Friday night from 8 until midnight. Our hope is to bring about some kind of care in the community, it can seem a daunting task, our average age is around fifty five.
We go out in two groups of two amongst troubled people. We come into contact with gangs, drunks, drugs, vandals family brake ups and violence.
The prayer for peace and serenity is at its most powerful when coming into contact with conflict and trouble. The prayer helps me to find a peace and calmness in my own heart when I am surrounded by drunks in a park.
I do not fully understand how the prayer works, but somehow it helps me to concentrate on myself; and search for an inner peace when I should be feeling panic and fear. Somehow when I become at peace with myself under these situations; it almost feels as if I can become like a sponge and absorb some of the anger and rage from other people.
I have found with angry people they tend to talk loudly and fast, my response is to reply slowly and almost in a whisper. It almost seems that when people have to struggle to hear what you say, they seem to pay more attention.
One conversation with a drunk youngster who said that drinking was not a problem for him, and he could handle it; even though his mates seemed to think otherwise.
My reply was to say, you do not have to tell me the truth, you do not have to tell your friends the truth; but you do need to be truthful to yourself. Unless you can be truthful to yourself, you will always fool yourself, you will never help yourself and drink is a downward spiral. My father died an alcoholic.
Can you say something similar to your father at a time when he is slightly calmer?
You might think along the lines of saying how you are struggling to keep up with your studies because of all the turmoil at home.
Does your father have a faith, would he listen to an imam?
From what you have said your dad has carried this anger and drink since you were a child. The chances are he goes to bed and lives with this anger on his own, he wakes up believing there is no hope.
Can you ask him if he still sees himself being angry and drinking in five or ten years time.
Is it fair that all around him should suffer? Can he ever get justice, does he have to let go and forgive and trust in God?
If you start a conversation along any of these lines it may well bring anger and confrontation. Do not judge or blame your father, and do not expect solutions after one conversation, try and end the conversation in a way that leaves it easy for you to bring it up again.
In the spirit of praying for an inner peace
Eric
Blessings and peace be with you anonymous, I pray that you are coping with your family pressures and studies today.
I am a grandfather and probably one of the more important lessons that I am starting to understand in life is ‘ persevering with loving kindness’ If you find a strength today, you need to find it again tomorrow, and the day after and the weeks after and the years after. We journey through life until our death to this world, in the hope of finding peace with our God.
My mother had multiple sclerosis, she gradually lost the use of her arms and legs; she was confined to a wheel chair for the last thirty years of her life. I could never really understand how she endured all that suffering without complaining. She couldn’t do anything for herself for the last ten years, eat, go the toilet, get dressed, get out of bed, she could only sit in her chair for a couple of hours. She had a very gentle faith in God, and never blamed him for any of her problems. She always seemed more concerned about our problems than her own, she has been a great inspiration to me when things go wrong.
My dad sadly was not able to cope, and looking back all those years to when my mum started to loose the use of her legs, dad started drinking. We did not really see the signs until it was too late, he seemed to drink himself into oblivion. He lost a lot of weight, he lost his job and suffered an early death.
My mum survived in a wheelchair for another twenty years after the death of her husband.
I look back at my parents and family, I look back and see how little I was able to influence any change in what transpired.
I look back and remember the strongest person I shall ever know personally, and that is my mum and how she persevered with loving kindness all those years.
The only thing she had control over was her heart and mind, everything else for her was out of her control.
In the spirit of searching for a peace that surpasses all understanding.
Eric
I am a grandfather and probably one of the more important lessons that I am starting to understand in life is ‘ persevering with loving kindness’ If you find a strength today, you need to find it again tomorrow, and the day after and the weeks after and the years after. We journey through life until our death to this world, in the hope of finding peace with our God.
My mother had multiple sclerosis, she gradually lost the use of her arms and legs; she was confined to a wheel chair for the last thirty years of her life. I could never really understand how she endured all that suffering without complaining. She couldn’t do anything for herself for the last ten years, eat, go the toilet, get dressed, get out of bed, she could only sit in her chair for a couple of hours. She had a very gentle faith in God, and never blamed him for any of her problems. She always seemed more concerned about our problems than her own, she has been a great inspiration to me when things go wrong.
My dad sadly was not able to cope, and looking back all those years to when my mum started to loose the use of her legs, dad started drinking. We did not really see the signs until it was too late, he seemed to drink himself into oblivion. He lost a lot of weight, he lost his job and suffered an early death.
My mum survived in a wheelchair for another twenty years after the death of her husband.
I look back at my parents and family, I look back and see how little I was able to influence any change in what transpired.
I look back and remember the strongest person I shall ever know personally, and that is my mum and how she persevered with loving kindness all those years.
The only thing she had control over was her heart and mind, everything else for her was out of her control.
In the spirit of searching for a peace that surpasses all understanding.
Eric
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I can't really say that I know what you mean, but I can sense that you really feel overwhelmed. Just remember though, after going through this hardship, Allaah will give you ease (and inshaa Allaah even expiate you of some sins). You'll probably end up being happy that he put you through this situation and that you persevered and had sabr. Allaah Ta'ala tests those whom he loves, so think of that to keep you motivated. Stay positive sis and always think that other people are in a far worse situation than you are and always say ''alhamdulilah'' to yourself inshaa Allaah. Here is an article that may be of benefit to you inshaa Allaah.
"Shaykh Uthaymin: Accustom Yourself to Harsh Conditions"
Commenting on Shaykh Bakr Abu Zayds words in Hilyat Talib al-Ilm
...And do not indulge in luxury and comfort...
Shaykh Muhammad bin Uthaymin (may Allah have Mercy upon them both) said
"This is a piece of advice that should be given to both the student of knowledge and other than the student of knowledge. This is because indulging in these things contradicts the guidance of the Prophet, as he used to forbid excessive luxury, and would sometimes enjoin others to be barefoot. The person who becomes accustomed to comfort will find it difficult to face various situations, as he will face things that do not correspond to the luxury and comfort that he is used to.
Let us take an example, and it is the example we mentioned of the hadith enjoining occasionally being barefoot. Some of the people do not leave their feet bare at times. They always have to have socks, khuffs, or shoes, and you never find them walking much. Such a man, were you to suggest to him that he walk 500 meters without anything protecting his feet, you would find this to be extremely hard on him. His feet might even start bleeding from the harshness of the ground! However, if he makes himself accustomed to harsh conditions and avoids constant comfort, you would find that he would be blessed with much good.
If the body is not accustomed to such conditions, it will not have immunity to pain. So, you would find such a person feeling pain from anything, while if he possessed immunity, he would pay it no mind. This is why you find the hands of laborers to be much stronger and firmer than the hands of students of knowledge. There is nothing to deter or prevent a laborer from doing anything since his hands have become accustomed to these conditions. This is to the point that if you touch the hands of a laborer, it is as if you are touching a rock because of the roughness and harshness, and if he were to wrap his fingers around your hand, it would hurt a lot. This is due to his long hours handling mud and bricks, and because he has accustomed himself to this.
So, when a person accustoms himself to comfort and luxury, there is no doubt that this will harm him greatly."
Sharh Hilyat Talib al-Ilm; p. 43
May Allaah grant you sabr and ease in this tough situation that you're going through. Ameen!!
i hope ur well inshallah and things are getting better for you. be positive and keep trying ur best inshallah. May Allah SWT make it easy for us all inshallah, in the challenges we face inshallah.
Take care. keep smiling
