I'm not convinced that a chador or jilbab is mandatory, but should I wear one if my husband wants me to?

[Revert_Muslima]

Hello everyone,

I'm a 24-year-old woman, and I converted to Islam through the testimony of my then North African boyfriend, who became my husband.

He's now 32 and much more mature in his faith than I am. He's great and caring and shows me selfless acts of love very often.

I come from a typical secular white European family.

We're both now conservative Muslims; however, we aren't fundamentalists in that we believe there are quite a few cases where the Quran and the Hadiths are hard to interpret and where honest and sincere Muslims can agree to disagree.

He teaches me a lot of things but often points out that he's not infallible and that I should read the Quran, Hadiths, and sources for myself and that he can be wrong.

I want to follow Allah's will, and if something is clearly written, I accept it even when I don't understand it, as God's understanding and wisdom totally transcend mine.

In the case of the headscarf, I believe that the Quran and Hadiths are rather clear that a Muslim woman ought to dress and cover herself in a way that does not attract men who aren't her husband. Unlike what I thought when I was an atheist, I no longer think this is a sexist double standard, as men are much more visual than women.

I also accept that while my husband has duties towards me and must treat me kindly, I ought to submit to him when we have a disagreement.

While we were talking about the headscarf, I told him that I wasn't convinced that the Prophet (peace be upon him) taught that women ought to wear a head covering that conceals everything and that the texts are somewhat ambiguous.

He told me something like this (not his exact words):

"- I accept the fact that you don't yet share my interpretation. However, on a personal level, I really want you to cover your whole body with a chador or jilbab. You're an attractive woman, and I know that many men desire you. I know that you want to be faithful to me, but human beings are weak when facing temptation. You may not think this is required of other Muslim women, and that's fine. However, I am your husband, and you must submit to me."

I told him I'd think about it and asked the opinion of two Muslim women who wear the hijab.

Malika (not her real name) said: "No, it's wrong for you to wear a chador just because your husband wants it. You should only do it if you believe that Allah wants all women to wear it."

Rachida (not her real name) said: "Yes, even if I don't think that a chador or jilbab is required, this is what your husband told you to do. And whenever your husband wants you to do something that doesn't violate the Sharia, you must obey him."

I agree with Rachida that I must obey him, which is why I've now been wearing a jilbab. I think it is both elegant and very modest, and there are no longer any men approaching me, which my husband really likes, but I have to face islamophobia.

However, do you think that Malika might be right and should I no longer wear a jilbab if I'm not convinced it is required for all Muslim women?

P.S: in this thread, I don't want to debate about the proper headscarf, that would be the topic of another post.

 

[Wood Pigeon]

Sister, it sounds like you’re trying sincerely to please Allah and respect your husband, and that’s commendable.

Since you said you don’t want to debate the headscarf itself, I’ll just answer your main question:

If you wear the jilbab only because your husband asked, and not because you believe Allah has required it of you, then it may be worth reflecting on whether this is something you can embrace willingly rather than out of pressure. A husband can advise and request, but your own conviction matters too.

If you find the jilbab modest and you’re comfortable with it, there’s no problem continuing. If not, then it may be better to revisit the issue calmly with him and seek a solution based on mutual understanding, not just command and submission.

As Salaamu Alaykum!