I'm not going to change diapers he said!!

hmm sister this matter is indeed trivial it's nice he tried to justify it and it's nice he's sticking around considering you're telling him you don't have to do house duties since it's not obligatory in your madhab.

Alot of guys would've ran away within a nano second after you said that, like superman they would've just flied away. So sounds like you've found a good catch considering he's still around.
 
:sl: Honestly, would you be okay with letting a good brother get away because of a comment he made? I mean you're not even married (yet). He said he wasn't a chauvinist. And being a housewife is a very honourable job, in fact the most honourable. That's why mothers are so honoured in Islam, because they bring up the children of this ummah. I mean honestly, you're getting your knickers in a twist because he said changing the diapers is your job. It's a trade off, he pays for the diapers, you change them. He brings the bread home, you break it. Say alhamdulilah, pray istikhara, he seems like a nice catch. Don't waste anymore time if you feel he is good for you, and just carry on with the nikaah inshaAllaah.
 
:sl:

To add to what the others have said, I don't most men have an infatuation with babies and children that women innately have. He's not gonna sit there dreaming up some unborn kid, and then proceed to think about changing it's diapers. They have their own children, and all that changes. If he has a decent character and Islamically he's on the right track, then inshaAllah he would make a good father.

Gossamer skye said:
lol mathematician where did you come up with that? How do you compare someone's level of affection and/or its reciprocity?
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Agreed..!

On other note, that was a really careless comment to make, given the fact that there are countless women in abusive marriages, and through all the abuse if the man just says a fake "I love you" the woman's heart will be filled with sincere love for him and cling to a hope that he has changed. I'm not saying there aren't women out there who are psychotic and treat their husbands in ways that are oppressive and un Islamic, but your generalization is way off...
 
Alpha Dude said:
Narrated by Abdullah ibn Abbas: Allah's Apostle said, “I also saw the Hell-fire and I had never seen such a horrible sight. I saw that most of the inhabitants were women." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! Why is it so?" The Prophet replied, "Because of their ungratefulness." It was asked whether they are ungrateful to Allah. The Prophet said, "They are ungrateful to their companions of life (husbands) and ungrateful to good deeds. If you are benevolent to one of them throughout the life and if she sees anything (undesirable) in you, she will say, 'I never had any good from you.' "
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She's not married to him yet. She ain't ungrateul of a husband.

She's got insecurities and people are dashing out on her with insults, it's tougher than one thinks, to someone this would almost be the ideal situation, to others not.
I agree with sister Jawharah over there and to add one more thing, don't be so sure to think it'll get that far as to having children. Not to scare you! Astagfirullah, things happen. You gotta search for the Emaan and knowledge, see that he's decent and willing to compromise and listen to you.

And believe me, chauvinists can hide behind sweet sweet words and one day just surprise you with utter stupidity.

It's better he's saying out things and being honest, he's got a good point with not being able to imagine an unborn child!

And in the end, only Allah subhana we ta'ala knows how things go even with the obvious to the eyes perfect couple!
 
lol this seems like a silly reason not to marry a gd brother, big deal he wnt change diapers, im sure when u have a cute baby he'll wanna change them!
 
AlbanianMuslim said:
Wow, i just read some of the other posts.

How old are you? You dont sound ready for marriage. You sound like you need to read up on the responsibilities of a muslim woman, wife, daughter.
Control your anger and your tongue sis, i say this because i care. I am not trying to insult you or push you around, but my jaw dropped when i read the way you react to your hubby to be and the fact that you say things to "torture" him.
What on earth! My goodness!
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:rolleyes:
AlbanianMuslim said:
HAHAHA! oh my goodness.

Sister, i mean no disrespect, but WAKE UP and smell the roses, there is NO perfect man. Lower your standards a bit. I WISH, WISHHHHH i could find a man like my father, but you know what?NO two people are alike.

SO PLEASE dont screw up your chances with a great man who has the most of the package, just because he wont help you change diapers. SUCK IT UP. My goodness. What do you think marriage is gonna be? All daisies and roses?

If i met the right guy for me and the only problem i could find with him as that he thought i should do the housework and change all the diapers, id TAKE IT IN A HEARTBEAT.

You think its gonna be "the worst mistake of your life" to marry a man who wont change diapers?
My dad never changed a diaper in his entire life, but he provided us with multiple roofs over our heads, yes multiple, we have 3 homes alhamudullah. We have food, we have clothes, we are getting education, all because my father worked hard and Allah swt rewarded him.


Grow up, stop behaving like a spoiled little child, and take him the way he is. You like him up until that moment, and that moment was just that, a little itsy bitsy thing you blew up out of proportion.




Heres what i would do in your situation:
First, i wouldnt react the way you did. Thats disrespect right there what you said to him. IMO, it gives me an impression that your not ready for marriage if at the first sign of something you may not like, you jump and spit things out like that. Control your tongue sis! it could land you in hell!
So as i was saying...first id take a deep breath.

Second, id explain to him that maybe we could compromise and he could help me out with the kids. Not necessarily diapers, but maybe help out during bath time, or dinner etc.

Third, id do this all RESPECTFULLY. If you dont respect your husband to be, HE may change his mind about YOU and find someone else.
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ho·li·er-than-thou:rollseyes


if he changes his mind so be it, only whats meant to happen happens anyways. I came here for advice not to get mocked @ and insulted from left and right. You are so heart'less, wouldnt want to be you.
 
anonymous said:
and you are proud of that? shame.
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Please don't abuse the Anonymous Account to insult people's parenting skills.

Also, general note to all participants, please do not abuse the person using the Anonymous account in the first post. She is seeking help rather than insults.
 
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Muezzin said:
Please don't abuse the Anonymous Account to insult people's parenting skills.

Also, general note to all participants, please do not abuse the person using the Anonymous account in the first post. She is seeking help rather than insults.
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I didnt insult him, I asked him a question but thanks for aknowledging the rest.
 
anonymous said:
and you are proud of that? shame.
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but im not ashamed of putting food on the table, working 40 hours per week, providing shelter for them providing them clothing, ensuring there get a education, whilst providing time to ensure Islam is number 1 in there lives

what is shameful in your eyes is completly different in others, so dont think your mindframe is how the world works
 
now now..

good advice all over, it's a minor issue, you're new to this, so is he, so it's expected that you'd be worried, he Does seem like a really good person though, just take it easy, don't give in to too much assumption, and Inshallah it'll work out.

long story short: compromise, love and other stuff I can't remember right now,,=_=
good luck sister :)
 
alcurad said:
now now..

good advice all over, it's a minor issue, you're new to this, so is he, so it's expected that you'd be worried, he Does seem like a really good person though, just take it easy, don't give in to too much assumption, and Inshallah it'll work out.

long story short: compromise, love and other stuff I can't remember right now,,=_=
good luck sister :)
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^^^Very wise indeed..

besides that (OP) who is to say Allah swt will bless you with children? You are making an assumption based on what? Perfectly fertile people out there have difficulty and spend thousands of dollars going from one doctor to the next to buy a little hope and a chance at a bundle of joy..
It is as if you are having quarrels over an imaginary assumption that your husband to be won't let you play with the yellow bucket during the vacation you both will take at bali in 2015 because he hates the color yellow...

come on pls get real.. consider that there are bigger problems in the world than changing a poopy diaper... I hate changing diapers too, but changed plenty of my nieces and nephews and I was under positvely no obligation to ... When you focus on a human being you won't get lost in demands made or expected of you and I suspect your husband to be will feel the same.. you can't expect someone to have an emotion toward a an imaginary being or situation that hasn't yet come to pass...

with that I think this thread has truly run out of value.. good luck with all of that insha'Allah

:w:
 
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i think you should let it go...but ofcourse you are free to do as you please :). You are at liberty to leave him....but judging from your posts,despite your apparent annoyance at his words....i dont think you will be leaving him.your only taking out your annoyance. end of story:)
 
on the one hand is just diapers come on, but on the other hand it could be a lot more. dont take it too much sister, if you like him then know you will NEVER find the 'perfect' man....

as for the children, 8 lol wait till he has a couple and see if he changes his mind but again, what if it were you who wanted 8 and ur husband denied you the right? if you have 8 then you are blessed if you have 4 then you are still blessed...
 
Alpha Dude said:
I didn't say she was. I posted so that she could keep it in mind for the future. If she's thinking like this now, then chances are she will turn out to be ungrateful when married.
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That's quite a weak assumption, but it's your right.

No harm in a little passing on some knowledge. No need to assume I'm insulting, sister.
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I wasn't directing it at you, brother. Seeing as I did put space between the comments, only the first sentence was directed at your post. The rest was for general.
 
Don't marry him. A man incapable of changing diapers is a man incapable of making a woman happy; even though he wants to make "lots of babies with you".

Apparently, that line is romantic.
 

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