I'm shattering inside everyday

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anonymous

anonymous

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salams brothers and sisters

it's taken me alot of courage to finally speak up about this to someone, and i came here to express the deep hurt that i'm feeling and have been feeling for a few months now.

unknowingly and unexpectedly, i've fallen in love with a brother i used to work with and talk to over the phone and net. Believe me this is not obsessive love, it's love based on how much i respect him, it didn't start off as anything like love, i had pure respect for him and he for me. Eventually he confessed he was growing feelings for me and with this he assumed the dominate role between us, assuming we'll be getting married. As time went by, his behaviour although reasonable had gotten out of hand and it placed me in a very uncomfortable spot that i stopped talking to him deliberately. I didn't inform him about this but i was close to doing it. Suddenly he might have thought i don't care and he mentioned how upset he was, and just left.

Since then i've been worried about him, but now it's come to the point where i am missing him so much, and i realize now how much he meant to me, i've lost a great friend, a great co-worker, a great potential companion, someone who kept my hopes up whenever i was feeling down, somebody who cared for me so much and i couldn't see it nor be grateful of it. I realize today i love him for the sake of Allah and i love him because of these feelings of strong attachment. But he's gone and it beats me up inside everyday. I wonder how he's doing, whether he's okay, whether he'll ever get in touch with me again. But at the rate by which time has passed by and i've not heard from him, i don't think he'll contact me anytime soon. It makes me sad. He's the only man i could appreciate and respect to such a degree. Now that he's gone, i fear i won't be able to love again, i don't want to get married, all i ever really want to do is remain stern and focus on the basic goals i had made with him while we worked together. All i can do is live for the sake of Allah and let him heal my heart slowly day by day if He wills.

But i feel so bad brothers and sisters. I feel guilty for not understanding him. I wish he would just talk to me again, at least once to let me know he's ok. I don't know how i'll move on like this. Please pray for us.

I'm sorry for leaving out so much for you to digest, but i had to let it out eventually and who else to turn to than those who can give you sound and reasonable advice and words of comfort.

massalam.
 
that is so sad sweety i feel ur pain

because i he just walked out on you (a bit nasty of him i'd say, be a man and say goodbye properly!) , what you need is closure.

So contact him.tell him exactly how you feel (yes, eat ur pride) and if he responds,this time say exactly what you want, and talk serious marriage, get other people involved, make it official.

however.....dont get side tracked by this little dream....because this is what u may want to happen, but most likely it wont, so keep an open mind.

If he doesnt reply then you tried.Nothing you can do.You say u dnt want to get married, but thats what u feel now because ur hurt, what u need is time to recuperate, and what better way than to spend your time in the company of pious people :) trust me, it works miracles.

Hes just human :), flesh and blood, with qualities that only Allah bestowed on him and whhich are of no real credit to him alone.

so why ruin your life thinking about it?, Do what you have to do, and if goood comes out of it, then Ask Allah to guide you, and if nothing comes of it, then everything belongs to Alllah, and everything will disappear and perish and only Allah will remain.

So DO NOT worry, take your kind of it by doing something actibely about it!

dont let it eat u up, talk to us about it! :) were here for u :)
 
Sahabiyaat said:
that is so sad sweety i feel ur pain

because i he just walked out on you (a bit nasty of him i'd say, be a man and say goodbye properly!) , what you need is closure.

So contact him.tell him exactly how you feel (yes, eat ur pride) and if he responds,this time say exactly what you want, and talk serious marriage, get other people involved, make it official.

however.....dont get side tracked by this little dream....because this is what u may want to happen, but most likely it wont, so keep an open mind.

If he doesnt reply then you tried.Nothing you can do.You say u dnt want to get married, but thats what u feel now because ur hurt, what u need is time to recuperate, and what better way than to spend your time in the company of pious people :) trust me, it works miracles.

Hes just human :), flesh and blood, with qualities that only Allah bestowed on him and whhich are of no real credit to him alone.

so why ruin your life thinking about it?, Do what you have to do, and if goood comes out of it, then Ask Allah to guide you, and if nothing comes of it, then everything belongs to Alllah, and everything will disappear and perish and only Allah will remain.

So DO NOT worry, take your kind of it by doing something actibely about it!

dont let it eat u up, talk to us about it! :) were here for u :)
Click to expand...

thank you sister this is indeed great advice, it's making me think. I tried to think of the same thing on my own but it's amazing how when others explain the exact thing to you, you can digest it better. Well in my case it is.

You're right, he's only human and we all belong to Allah. For this reason I am striving or at least trying to live for His will even if this hurt is eating me up inside, because there's nothing else i rather want in life than to live up to my purpose. But what i cannot do is assume it's wrong to feel attachment to someone, it's there and i can't help it, it's God at the end of the day that places these feelings in me for someone and i guess it's up to me to control them and try to forget him over time incase things don't work out. I am prepared to live by this hurt, but i'm not prepared to live without my purpose of pleasing Allah...

Having said that, i sometimes wish it can all end fast, i want to know what it's like to live my purpose in a full blast happy mood again... i know life's not as ideal as that, but will this type of stage in life come again at least for a little while if not long? I hate the feeling of being hurt, but i somehow need to accept it for various reasons. To a degree i may have deserved it, because i wasn't perfect in treatment toward him. Perhaps i should have communicated better with him, or been more clear to him about my feelings and everything else.

I really do miss him. Last night I almost stopped thinking about him so deeply and i found a bit of hope. A different element of reality became apparent to me and it's because of that, that i thought of him as someone i respect and nothing more. Suddenly, today, as i go about my daily business, he comes to my mind again and this time i'm having feelings of love and respect toward him, and i start missing him again. I've even come across certain things which remind me of the fall-out we had a few months ago and how he left without returning to talk to me.

I do feel bad about this. I don't like the on and off feelings...what can i do?

thank you, i really appreciate it.
 
The trouble is that you get to really enjoy the pain of unrequited love. Being in love is a mental illness of sorts so I think you should increase your prayers and reading. It will pass, this much I know. Peace
 
Is it really a mental illness? What if it puts mercy in hearts?

To a degree i agree that it's a mental illness because it's done me a lot of harm, but what about the fact that this very love makes me take a step back and take the blame i deserve, as a result being sincere about things? What if i develop hope out of this, what if he returns, what if things work out? Is it then, a mental illness?

I am trying my best everyday to get over this, sometimes he's not on my mind that strongly, other times he comes back very intensely. Prayers will help, but i pray to also look for a reason in life, what if the one i loved gave me a reason to a certain degree? And reading will help, among other things, but what if these activities remind me of him more than not? Whenever i engage in cooking or reading, or even any other activity outdoors, i remember him more sometimes.
 
Btw feel free to respond in a critic manner, but bear in mind dear members, it'd be better to base responses on wise thought and rationality. It has to make sense, logically. I am determined to accept what ever blame I deserve, and move on with what ever will help me improve as a person and for any future relationships. Jazakallah khair.
 
anonymous said:
Btw feel free to respond in a critic manner, but bear in mind dear members, it'd be better to base responses on wise thought and rationality. It has to make sense, logically. I am determined to accept what ever blame I deserve, and move on with what ever will help me improve as a person and for any future relationships. Jazakallah khair.
Click to expand...

Asalam alaikum Dear Sister,
I'm sorry to hear your situation. My heart goes out to you.
InshaAllah it will become easier for you as time goes by.
This makes sense why the Quran tells us not to intermingle with the opposite sex, our hearts and feelings toward someone come out, especially with us women.
Take Care Sis and may Allah guide and direct and comfort you.
 

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