Im so angry at my family.

[Dua_e_Sehar]

Assalam Alaikum Brother..
Indeed it's very sad to hear what you are going through in life....I feel helpless, but I can pray for you Inshallah....Also please be patient and I know you have been...this is a test from Allah(swt)....everything comes from him, so Trust Allah(swt)...only Allah(swt) can help you and take you out of this situation...continue your prayers....as prayer(dua) is a believer's only weapon.....Also please try reading the below mentioned regularly.
May Allah(swt) help you, guide you and give you more patience to deal with this difficult time of your life and reward you for all the good work you have been doing...ameen

يا حي يا قيوم برحمتك أستغيث
" Yaa Hayyu yaa Qayyoom, bi Rahmatika astagheeth "
O Ever-Living One, O Everlasting One, by Your mercy I seek help.


In Sahih Bukhari it was reported from Ibn ‘Abbas what the Messenger of Allah(May peace be upon him) used to say, when he felt distressed:

"La ilaaha ill-Allah al-‘Azeem ul-Haleem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allah Rabb il-‘arsh il-‘azeem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allah Rabb is-samawaati wa Rabb il-ard wa Rabb il-‘arsh il-kareem "
"There is nothing worthy of worship except Allah, the All-Mighty, the Forbearing. There is nothing worthy of worship except Allah, the Lord of the Mighty Throne. There is nothing worthy of worship except Allah, Lord of the heavens, Lord of the earth and Lord of the noble Throne."


Indeed only Allah(swt) Will take Away one's Sorrow and Grief - Recite this

" Allahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi "
[O Allah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Quran the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety. ]


Also the Prophet (peace be upon him) instructed us to value the "divine medication" (supplication to Allah and dhikr). By the hadith in Al-Bukhari on the authority of `A'ishah: "Whenever the Messenger of Allah went to bed, he used to recite surahs Al-Ikhlas, Al–Falaq, and Al-Nas, holding his hands together before his mouth, spitting lightly on them, and then rubs his hands over his body." Also the hadith reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim "Whoever recites the last two verses of Surah Al-Baqarah at night, they would suffice for him (i.e. drive away evil and bad things) .


Thanks !!

 

[ayesha309]

Assalaam u alaikum
Honestly, i really really wish i could do something, but the only thing i could do is dua.
Bro, do you do qiyam al-lail? if you dont, try that. Allah listen to His slave, when he does dua, espeically in the last third of the night. so do dua at that time. and Allah also listens to the dua of a fasting person. So perhaps try fasting? and while fasting before maghrib do lots and lots of dua to Allah, ask to help you in your siutation, to ease out your problems, to guide your family, to grant you a religious, caring and understanding wife. Do dua to Allah, He is listening and Insha'Allah he will accept it. Remember, he put you in this situation only becuase He knows you have the strength to bear it. and also remember that if you pass this test (which Insha'Allah you are passing right now) Jannah will be given to you, and what could be more pleasurable then that?
Insha'Allah i will do dua for you.
Also perhaps look past your troubles and do dua for others. For example, rememebr the people of Gaza in your duas. (if you remember others in your dua Insha'Allah they will remember you)
and one more thing, despite all you are going through, always remember to thank Allah for all the blessings he has given you. Alhamdulillah you have Islam, you can read the Qur'an, you have a beaitufl mother, you have good health, etc etc. Allah writes in the Qur'an "And (remember) when your Lord proclaimed: "If you give thanks (by accepting Faith and worshipping none but Allah), I will give you more (of My Blessings), but if you are thankless (i.e. disbelievers), verily! My Punishment is indeed severe." " (7:7)
May Allah improve your situation, grant you ease, guide your family and give you happiness in this life as well as the next. Ameen

 

[syilla]

:salamext:

alot has given you the islamic advice...and it is good for us to practice.

All i can say is... akhee, before you can take care of others. You should take care of yourself first. You can't do/mend everything. Just do whatever you can and leave it the rest to Allah swt...tawakallaAllah.

Allah the Almighty says: "... Victory will be yours; and put your trust in Allah if you are believers indeed." (Qur'an 5:23)

And for those who fear Allah, He (ever) prepares a way out. And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if any one puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is ((Allah)) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish his purpose: verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion.Surah Ath -Thalaaq, 2-3

And put thy trust in Allah, and enough is Allah as a disposer of affairs. ( Q.S Al-Ahzab 33 )

Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, .( Q.S Al-Baqarah 155 )

Take care of yourself akhee...take care of yourself first.

 

[Zamtsa]

Innallaha Laa Yakhfa

Abdul Musa'ir's Avatar

Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Bandung, INA
Posts: 832

Love Which Gonna Substitute Your Sadness
This is very easy, Rasulullah said " No person who is feeling the difficulty and sadness then he pray, "Allahumma I am your worshipper, child of your worshipper, the crown of my head is on Your grasp, which been destined long ago in Your law, justice in your Qadha, I ask Thee with all the names which you name yourself with those, or names which Thee told to your servants, or which Thee sent down in your books, or which Thee make it as a secret in your unseen 'ilm (knowledge). I ask Thee with all that, so you will make Al Qur'an as light of my heart, light to my shuduur, eraser of my sadness, and calmer of my worries." Then he (Allah) will SUBSTITUTE IT WITH PLEASURE. (HR.Ahmad I:131).


Jannah (Heaven) In Hadits
- Sources : Books of hadits by: syaikh ibn Qayyim Al Jauziyyah (Hadiil Arwah), 2 books by tsaniyatun mudarrisun: Husain bin Audah Al Awayisyah and Ali Hasan al Halabi al Atsari.

- The principle in reading this is ibn Abbas ra (shahaba) words "IN HEAVEN EVERYTHING IN IT IS SAME ONLY IN THE NAMES."

I. They eat, drink and Jima'

From Zaid bin Arqam Radhiyallaahu 'anhu who said an ahli kitab came to Rasulullah Shalallahu 'Alaihi wa Sallam while saying "Yaa Abul Qasim (Muhammad), do you say that the denizens of Jannah will eat and drink? He spoke "Yes, by Dzat who Muhammad soul in His hand. Verily that the denizens of Jannah are being given the power of 100 males in eating, drinking and jima' (sexual intercourse)."

That man said "Every people who eat and drink will excrete, isn't in Jannah (Heaven) there is nothing dirty?"

He spoke "Their excrement is their sweat which flow from the skin like drops of Misik, so their stomach become empty". (HR.Ahmad, Nasa'i, and Thabrani, with shahih sanad, Shahih Targhib wa Tarhib (3739).


The similar hadits in HR.Ibn Hibban and Hakim. Look Shahih Mawarid Azh-Zham'an (2230)

I look this hadits in Husain bin 'Audah Al 'Awayisyah's book about Qiyamat, Hellfire and Heaven.

And about "the sound from the mouth who has fullstomach" in the book by Ali bin Hasan Al Halabi Al Atsari, I've forget where the book is now.


II. They will have palaces from Ya'qut and pearls, it' s all types of emeralds and pearls and diamonds.

III. They will have palaces from gold and silver

IV. They will have many trees from saying "Laa haula wa laa quwwata illa billah", and "MasyaAllah,laa haula wa laa quwwata illa billaah," when they are fil ardhi.

V. The clothes will be make from the fruits of the trees.

VI. In there there will be horses from Yaqut that could fly.

VII. Mukminin and syahid will be in inside the stomach of birds which fly around Jannah. They dwell in there before doomsday

VIII. The first that will be eaten by them are a cow and the flesh that is in the heart of a whale.

IX. In the day of Resurrection, everyone who are ahli Qur'an, will be given eternity and glory and will be given to their parents :the crown.


In Hadits, there is a description about the palace from emeralds and diamonds, inside that palace there is 70 doors. In each doors there are another palaces made from red emeralds and diamonds.

For someone who like to fill Jum'at with 'ibadat, will be given to them a shade in the hereafter which is the day of Jum'at himself, which is white and there are two person watching them. Look at Silsilah Hadits Ash Shahihah no.3.

And offcourse, Muslmin will never forget the ZIYADAT meant by Qur'an verse, because watching Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala where He will ask us to talk to Him, said in a Hadits will be as the most undescribeable of all that are in Jannatul ma'wa.
See Mukhtashar 'Al 'Uluw of Adz Dzahabi by Abu Abdurrahman Muhammad Nashiruddin Al Albani bin Nuh Najati, where one of the hadits in there said that the denizens of Jannatu 'adn see a lot of KARAMAH, when seeing ALLAHU TABARAKA TA'ALA.

From Hadits in Ali bin Hasan Al Halabi Al Atsari's book there are hadits which tell us:

In 'Adn, the denizens will do DZIKIR like as they are breathing. It's done because it's in Heaven and because they love Allahu Ta'ala so much.

Actually there is no divorce there at all, and the men have many wives as minimum of two, hadits said.

I personally hold the opinion that why they have a lot of wives is because Allah wants them to have 2 in the earth but they couldn't do it on earth and because Allah's knowledge of what's best for Muslimin.

For your information, choose the best Muslim and marry him and never divorce with him and never marry again, unless thy found better husband. WHY??? Because HADITS said that the last husband (na'am: fid dunya) will be the HUSBAND in Jannatu 'Adn.

Actually to clear it all, in there we could change our looks. It was narrated in Hadiil Arwah, from Rasulullah Shalallahu 'AW, that there will be market in Jannatun na'im where the denizens could buy anything. The story goes where one of the denizen buy a painting and want himself to look alike as the guy in the painting, and suddenly he look as that guy.

And every men in there getting a wind from the NORTH and they become handsomer everytime they get it.
While the wifes become prettier also, but it is not known how.

Read HADIIL ARWAH by Syamsuddin ibn Qayyim Al Jauziyyah, Husain bin Audah Al Awayisyah's book and Ali bin Hasan Al Halabi's book about Barzakh, Qiyamah, Jannah wan Naar.


Assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh.

 

[Zamtsa]

Description of Paradise

In the Name of Allâh, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful


by Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim, Rahimahullaah
Ibn al-Qayyim said, in regards to the description of the Paradise and the delights that it contains:

"And if you ask about its ground and its soil, then it is of musk and saffron.

And if you ask about its roof, then it is the Throne of the Most Merciful.

And if you ask about its rocks, then they are pearls and jewels.

And if you ask about its buildings, then they are made of bricks of gold and silver.

And if you ask about its trees, then it does not contain a single tree except that its trunk is made of gold and silver.

And if you ask about its fruits, then they are softer than butter and sweeter than honey.

And if you ask about its leaves, then they are softer than the softest cloth.

And if you ask about its rivers, then there are rivers of milk who's taste does not change, and rivers of wine that is delicious to those who drink it, and rivers of honey that is pure, and rivers of water that is fresh.

And if you ask about their food, then it is fruits from whatever they will choose, and the meat of whatever birds they desire.

And if you ask about their drink, then it is Tasneem mix with ginger, and Kaafoor.

And if you ask about their drinking cups, then they are crystal-clear and made of gold and silver.

And if you ask about its shade, then a fast rider would ride in the shade of one of its trees for a hundred years and not escape it, where they could have Sex there.

And if you ask about its vastness, then the lowest of its people would have within his kingdom and walls and palaces and gardens the distance that would be travelled in a thousand years.

And if you ask about its tents and encampments, then one tent is like a concealed pearl that is sixty miles long.

And if you ask about its towers, then they are rooms above rooms in buildings that have rivers running underneath them.

And if you ask about how far it reaches into the sky, then look at the shining star that is visible, as well as those that are far in the heavens that the eyesight cannot possibly reach.

And if you ask about the clothing of its inhabitants, then they are of silk and gold.

And if you ask about its beds, then its blankets are of the finest silk laid out in the highest of its levels.

And if you ask about the faces of its inhabitants and their beauty, then they are like the image of the Moon.

And if you ask about their age, then they are young ones of 33 years in the image of Adam, the father of humanity.

And if you ask about what they will be hearing, then it is the singing of their wives from among the Hoor al-'Ayn, and better than that are the voices of the Angels and the Prophets, and better than that is the Speech of the Lord of the Worlds.

And if you ask about their servants, then they are young boys of everlasting youth who resemble scattered pearls.

And if you ask about their brides and wives, then they are young and full-breasted and have had the liquid of youth flow through their limbs; the Sun runs along the beauty of her face if she shows it, light shines from between her teeth if she smiles; if you meet her love, then say whatever you want regarding the joining of two lights; he sees his face in the roundness of her cheek as if he is looking into a polished mirror, and he sees the brightness from behind her muscles and bones; if she were to be unleashed upon the World, she would fill what is between the Heavens and the Earth with a beautiful wind, and the mouths of the creation would glorifiy, praise, and exclaim greatness, and everything between the East and the West would be adorned for her, and every eye would be shut from everthing but her, and the light of the Sun would be outshone just as the light of the Sun outshines the light of the stars, and everyone on the face of the Earth would believe in the Ever-Living, the One who Sustains and Protects all the exists.

And the covering on her head is better than the World and all that is in it, and she does not increase with age except in beauty; free from an umbilical cord, childbirth and menses, and pure of mucous, saliva, urine and other filthy things; her youth never fades, her clothing is never worn out, no garment can be created that matches her beauty, and no one who is with her can ever become bored; her attention is restricted to her husband, so she desires none but him, just as his attention is restricted to her so she is the sole object of his desire, and he is with her in utmost safety and security, as none has touched her before of either humans or Jinn.

And if you ask about the Day of Increase (in reward) and the visit of the all-Mighty, all-Wise, and the sight of His Face - free from any resemblance or likeness to anything - as you see the Sun in the middle of the day and the full Moon on a cloudless night, then listen on the day that the caller will call: 'O People of Paradise! Your Lord - Blessed and Exalted - requests you to visit Him, so come to visit Him!' So they will say: 'We hear and obey!'

Until, when they finally reach the wide valley where they will all meet - and none of them will turn down the request of the caller - the Lord - Blessed and Exalted - will order His Chair to be brought there. Then, pulpits of light will emerge, as well as pulpits of pearls, gemstone, gold, and silver. The lowest of them in rank will sit on sheets of musk, and will not see what those who are on the chairs above them are given. When they are comfortable where they are sitting and are secure in their places, and the caller calls: 'O People of Paradise! You have an appointment with Allaah in which He wishes to reward you!' So they will say: 'And what is that reward? Has He not already made our faces bright, made our scales heavy, entered us into Paradise, and pushed us away from the Fire?'

And when they are like that, all of a sudden a light shines that encompasses all of Paradise. So, they raise their heads, and, behold: the Compeller - Exalted is He, and Holy are His Names - has come to them from above them and majestified them and said: 'O People of Paradise! Peace be upon you!' So, this greeting will not be responded to with anything better than: 'O Allaah! You are Peace, and from You is Peace! Blessed are You, O possessor of Majesty and Honor!' So the Lord - Blessed and Exalted - will laugh to them and say: 'O People of Paradise! Where are those who used to obey Me without having ever seen Me? This is the Day of Increase!'

So, they will all give the same response: 'We are pleased, so be pleased with us!' So, He will say: 'O People of Paradise! If I were not pleased with you, I would not have made you inhabitants of My Paradise! So, ask of Me!' So, they will all give the same response: 'Show us your Face so that we may look at it!' So, the Lord - Mighty and Majestic - will remove his covering and will majestify them and will cover them with His Light, which, if Allaah - the Exalted - had not Willed not to burn them, would have burned them.

And there will not remain a single person in this gathering except that his Lord - the Exalted - will speak to him and say: 'Do you remember the day that you did this and that?' and He will remind him of some of his bad deeds in the Worldy life, so he will say: 'O Lord! Will you not forgive me?' So, He will say: 'Of course! You have not reached this position of yours (in Paradise) except by my forgiveness.'

So, how sweet is this speech to the ears, and how cooled are the righteous eyes by the glance at His Noble Face in the Afterlife...

{Some faces that Day will be shining and radiant, l ooking at their Lord...} (al-Qiyaamah:22-3)
[from the amazing and beautiful book Haadi al-Arwaah ilaa Bilaad il-Afraah by Ibn al-Qayyim, pg. 193

 

[noorseeker]

May Allah swt help you dear brother.

 

[MO783]

Sorry to hear of all you problems. May Alla make it easy for you.

Are your family muslim ?

 

[liono79]

Assalaam u alaikum brother and sisters. Thanks for taking the time to reply. Im crying at the minute looking at the replies I have received. I guess there are people in this world that care about others. Im fighting my depression all the time. I hate it soo much. I dont want to be in this state as my mum and sisters are all poorly and they do rely on me to be strong but i find it so difficult. I guess I miss my past soo much. Ive had to look after my family for so long now ive forgotten about my life and what I wanted to achieve.
My friends are all long gone and I dont go out much. This has destroyed my confidence. I thanks Allah everyday for what he has given us, food on our plate, shelter and in some ways health as well as the best mum in the world.
I feel angry at my dad really angry. Up until a few months ago I was visiting him and bringing him food, money and whatever he needed. I was the only one in my family visiting him. Now I dont visit because everytime I see him I feel he let us down especially as my mum had to financially support seven of us from young ages. He's forgotten there's a few of his children left that want to marry but are unable to do so due to financial constraints. Maybe its just me being angry. Ive always been close to my mum ever since my dad left. I deal with most of the stress in the family like i am the 'father' in the house. I've taken aboard a few Dua's other brother and sisters have left me and hope and pray that we have health and happiness; Ameen.
Wasalam.

 

[Dawud_uk]

Assalam o Alaikum, brothers and sisters.
I know this is not a forum to discuss private lives but I have no one, or no where to vent my frustration at most of my family members. Sometimes I wish I was a bird and could fly away so far never to see my familly again. I am a very decent, honest, kind person. My familly has put me under so much strain and stress, yet im the youngest.
I should be learning of them, but all they seem to do is bad and more bad. I pray, give charity and do good whenever I can. The last several years especially have been the worst of my life.

My father comiitted a murder when I was a young boy. He went into jail for several years. He came out sold the house, and left us, got married and had kids. He leads a normal life with his new familly and doesnt care about any of his seven kids. I get angry when I see him sometimes. I take him food and money. He has never done anything for me or my brothers and sisters or my mum.

All my sisters ran away when I was a teenager. I didnt see some of them for more than 10 years. Two of them came back. One came back and has mental health problems. Me and my mum take care of her and have been doing since 2001, but mostly she refuses to take her medication. Its very difficult when she doesnt take it. I get really depressed seeing her in a bad state.

My other sister became depressed and tried to committ suicide on many occassions over 2 years. She was placed in hospital and sectioned. She later got divorced, her house taken off her aswell as her money. Again me and my mum visited her almost every day. Most of my other brothers and sisters didnt even bother as they were too busy in their own lives. Again this made me very angry and low as I was upset with them.

For several years my brother took advantage of my mums kindness. They would bring their girlfriends in their bedrooms anytime they wanted whether day or night. I thought this was wrong and immoral and showed a lack of respect. They continue to do so. As Iam writing this he is in his bedroom with his girlfriend (01:15am). My other brother who was married and has one boy has had an affair and is now expecting a baby with his lover. I am really angry and sad about this.

I dont know what to do. I pray regualarly for my brother and sisters for them to change for the better, for health, forgiveness etc. I mortgage my mums house as non of my siblings had the courage to do so. I dont drink or smoke or mess about.
I regularly think of running away, but always back down as I know my mum would be helpless without me. Im 28, from the UK.

Please any advice such as dua's etc would be much appreciated.

first of Allah may Allah protect you and look over you and help you for your kindness to your family and especially your parents, being good to the parents and keeping the ties of kinship are some of the best deeds.

2ndly i am not sure if you aware of this, but mortgages are haram, they involve riba which is a forbidden form of transaction and Allah declares war on the one who deals in riba in the Quran so as you continue to practice and learn more about the deen, give up this mortgage and seek forgiveness from Allah.

my own thoughts are not that you should run away, but i would say your family is taking advantage of you, so why dont you take your mum and your mentally ill sister and find a rented place and give up your mortgage and put some space between you and those who are dragging you down?

this doenst mean you cut ties with them, still keep up ties and talk with them and try to get them to practice but anyone living in such a corrupted environment is bound to have their imaan knocked back several times a day.

may Allah swt help you in your times of difficulty, ameen and remember Allah remembers you more in times of need when you remember him in times of ease so keep making du'a and salaah and nufl fasts whenever times are easier or harder.

finally, regarding problems of not enough money to marry, that depends how you do the nikkah and walima, you can do this very cheap if you find the right partner who doesnt want to show off to the world. i know one brother who when he married, did so in a masjid, one brother bought pizza, another some breads, another some sweets, i bought a big 6x2litre pack of fizzy drink and that was the walima! remember Rasoolullah (saws) said the most blessings are in the simple marriage.

 

[liono79]

Brother & sisters im in a difficult situation. Ive been asked through my parents that some girls wants to marry me. I knew this girl in college where we studied together. I like her alot, and she likes me alot. She prays, reads Quran. Its like a dream come true for me. The problem is several things. Im depressed at the moment and am finding it hard day to day. I suppose im improving day by day. Im not working and this depresses me alot being a man, not able to provide (am living off savings). My confidence is low as well as my self esteem. I just want to be normal and work and be happy and get married. She told me her parents did an Istikhara and it went extremely well with regards to us getting married. I dont know what to do. I dont want to loose her as I would be devastated. I care for her alot and want to marry her and look after her but the above is preventing me from doing this. I am praying as is she. Please brother and sisters could you give me advice and pray for me. I want to be happy and she makes me happy. We have very similar personalities, same foods and same hobbies. She is three years older than me but I wouldnt care if she was ten years older. Her and my parents give us permission to speak to each other when they are present etc and over the phone.Please please any advice and or prayer would be so much appreciated. Allahafiz.

 

[~Taalibah~]

Assalam o Alaikum, brothers and sisters.
I know this is not a forum to discuss private lives but I have no one, or no where to vent my frustration at most of my family members. Sometimes I wish I was a bird and could fly away so far never to see my familly again. I am a very decent, honest, kind person. My familly has put me under so much strain and stress, yet im the youngest.
I should be learning of them, but all they seem to do is bad and more bad. I pray, give charity and do good whenever I can. The last several years especially have been the worst of my life.

My father comiitted a murder when I was a young boy. He went into jail for several years. He came out sold the house, and left us, got married and had kids. He leads a normal life with his new familly and doesnt care about any of his seven kids. I get angry when I see him sometimes. I take him food and money. He has never done anything for me or my brothers and sisters or my mum.

All my sisters ran away when I was a teenager. I didnt see some of them for more than 10 years. Two of them came back. One came back and has mental health problems. Me and my mum take care of her and have been doing since 2001, but mostly she refuses to take her medication. Its very difficult when she doesnt take it. I get really depressed seeing her in a bad state.

My other sister became depressed and tried to committ suicide on many occassions over 2 years. She was placed in hospital and sectioned. She later got divorced, her house taken off her aswell as her money. Again me and my mum visited her almost every day. Most of my other brothers and sisters didnt even bother as they were too busy in their own lives. Again this made me very angry and low as I was upset with them.

For several years my brother took advantage of my mums kindness. They would bring their girlfriends in their bedrooms anytime they wanted whether day or night. I thought this was wrong and immoral and showed a lack of respect. They continue to do so. As Iam writing this he is in his bedroom with his girlfriend (01:15am). My other brother who was married and has one boy has had an affair and is now expecting a baby with his lover. I am really angry and sad about this.

I dont know what to do. I pray regualarly for my brother and sisters for them to change for the better, for health, forgiveness etc. I mortgage my mums house as non of my siblings had the courage to do so. I dont drink or smoke or mess about.
I regularly think of running away, but always back down as I know my mum would be helpless without me. Im 28, from the UK.

Please any advice such as dua's etc would be much appreciated.

Brother in Islam, i can but make Dua for u and i will.
You are brave and Allah Ta'aala is watching you, your efforts will not be in vain.

For the marriage, i'm not knowledgeable enough to give advice but as a personal opinion i would think that you could get married.
I remember vaguely some saying/hadith concerning marriage and income etc, but cant remember.... InshaAllah someone will give you better advice.

Wassalam

 

[liono79]

Assalam o Alaikum, brothers and sisters.
Ive had to turn down marriage to someone I so dearly wanted to marry. I thought long and hard about it and eventually came to that decision. My reasons being again family. I have too much responsibility at home with looking after mum and two ill sisters and dealing with my brothers problems. If I married that girl I think I would get divorced. I want her to see her happy, but my familys problamatic and always has been and it doesnt seem to change ever. Im soo sad, soo sad. Life just gets harder and harder. I dont see a future for me and am so desperate to have one. I feel like running away every day but cant do that. My familys made me weak and sad and lonely. I hate living this way. I keep thinking I must sabr. But its been the same for years. Im the second youngest out of seven and non have them have matured except one of my bros who i look up to who mashallah is happy in his marriage and working and praying along with his wife. I really dont no what to do. It affects me so badly Wassalam.

 

[cali dude]

Assalam o Alaikum, brothers and sisters.
Ive had to turn down marriage to someone I so dearly wanted to marry. I thought long and hard about it and eventually came to that decision. My reasons being again family. I have too much responsibility at home with looking after mum and two ill sisters and dealing with my brothers problems. If I married that girl I think I would get divorced. I want her to see her happy, but my familys problamatic and always has been and it doesnt seem to change ever. Im soo sad, soo sad. Life just gets harder and harder. I dont see a future for me and am so desperate to have one. I feel like running away every day but cant do that. My familys made me weak and sad and lonely. I hate living this way. I keep thinking I must sabr. But its been the same for years. Im the second youngest out of seven and non have them have matured except one of my bros who i look up to who mashallah is happy in his marriage and working and praying along with his wife. I really dont no what to do. It affects me so badly Wassalam.

Hey brother, first of all, congratulations, it's really great that you have been taking care of all this so far.

Someone said, "Khudi ko kar buland itna, ke har takqeer sei pehlay khuda banday sei poochhay teri raza kya hai" meaning be so determined that even God asks you for your wish before writing your destiny.

I know it's tough and you have to sacrifice a lot and if you leave all this behind, you will feel guilty. But I think you set your priorities right. You really have to see what's the most important responsibility for you? Is it your mom, sisters or brothers? Then you go from there. If brothers' problems are not that important, then leave it. Let them take care of their own problems. You have to take care of yourself as well and you should for your family what you can do while also taking care of yourself.

Of course, this is only my opinion. You know yourself better than me...

Have a good day

 

[AnonymousPoster]

assalam alaikum brother, i totally feel for you and can i say what a strong person you are.dont give up, do whatver you can for your mother, your sis and brothers tell them straight what you think they are doing wrong. live your life and be happy. Dont stress yourself tooooooo much over your sis and bros why should you? just carry on being strong and enjoy your life :smile:

 

[muslimah 4 life]

Brother I make dua Allah gives you sabr and rewards you for everything you do.

You mention you have a brother who is married and happy with his wife. could you not do the same? Your mum and sister could live with you and your wife.

As for your brothers do dua for them Allah guides them on Siratul mustaqeem.
I think you need to make positive changes in your life don't sit there waiting for everything to change.

You deserve to be happy and Inshallah maybe getting away from the enviroment you are in will help.

 

[The Ruler]

It's been quite a while since I've been touched by a post.

Assalam o Alaikum, brothers and sisters.
Ive had to turn down marriage to someone I so dearly wanted to marry.

Was that what your conscience told you to do?

I have too much responsibility at home with looking after mum and two ill sisters and dealing with my brothers problems. If I married that girl I think I would get divorced.

I always thought that when one married, they married into the family of the husband. And not just the life of the husband, bu the lives of those intertwined with the husband's. If you think she couldn't handle your family and it's affairs, you made the right decision.

I dont see a future for me

Oh, but you do have a future. Everyone does.

I keep thinking I must sabr.

except one of my bros who i look up to who mashallah is happy in his marriage and working and praying along with his wife. I really dont no what to do. It affects me so badly Wassalam.

Can you not talk to that brother of yours? Tell him what you told us here... Maybe he'd understand?

Since you're living in the UK and jobless, why don't you contact the Citizens Advice Bureau or the jobcentre plus? I think they might be able to help.

 

[alcurad]

can't you get engaged and then marry when matters are better God willing?