Im so angry at my family.

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liono79

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Assalam o Alaikum, brothers and sisters.
I know this is not a forum to discuss private lives but I have no one, or no where to vent my frustration at most of my family members. Sometimes I wish I was a bird and could fly away so far never to see my familly again. I am a very decent, honest, kind person. My familly has put me under so much strain and stress, yet im the youngest.
I should be learning of them, but all they seem to do is bad and more bad. I pray, give charity and do good whenever I can. The last several years especially have been the worst of my life.

My father comiitted a murder when I was a young boy. He went into jail for several years. He came out sold the house, and left us, got married and had kids. He leads a normal life with his new familly and doesnt care about any of his seven kids. I get angry when I see him sometimes. I take him food and money. He has never done anything for me or my brothers and sisters or my mum.

All my sisters ran away when I was a teenager. I didnt see some of them for more than 10 years. Two of them came back. One came back and has mental health problems. Me and my mum take care of her and have been doing since 2001, but mostly she refuses to take her medication. Its very difficult when she doesnt take it. I get really depressed seeing her in a bad state.

My other sister became depressed and tried to committ suicide on many occassions over 2 years. She was placed in hospital and sectioned. She later got divorced, her house taken off her aswell as her money. Again me and my mum visited her almost every day. Most of my other brothers and sisters didnt even bother as they were too busy in their own lives. Again this made me very angry and low as I was upset with them.

For several years my brother took advantage of my mums kindness. They would bring their girlfriends in their bedrooms anytime they wanted whether day or night. I thought this was wrong and immoral and showed a lack of respect. They continue to do so. As Iam writing this he is in his bedroom with his girlfriend (01:15am). My other brother who was married and has one boy has had an affair and is now expecting a baby with his lover. I am really angry and sad about this.

I dont know what to do. I pray regualarly for my brother and sisters for them to change for the better, for health, forgiveness etc. I mortgage my mums house as non of my siblings had the courage to do so. I dont drink or smoke or mess about.
I regularly think of running away, but always back down as I know my mum would be helpless without me. Im 28, from the UK.

Please any advice such as dua's etc would be much appreciated.
 
Asallamu Aleykoum Wa Rahmetullahi Wa Barekatuh

My dear Brother I see your having a very hard time, I wish I could help you even if im 17 and you 28 but that doesnt matter All I can say is that your been tested by Allah and that you have to be patient And dont forget That Allah is with the Patient.
And what I dont understand Is that your the youngest and your 28 but your brother is still livin in your house ??
but nvrmind that, just Trust Allah And be steadfast in your prayers Inshallah and I will make Dua For you aswell and all of Us Inshallah And You will come free from the misery one day Inshallah
So dont give up Brother have patient/Sabr
 
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Salaam

I don't have much advice to offer. Not good with it

Are you muslim or your family?

If yes learn your deen learn to pray properly.

Wassalaam
 
Aslaam 3lykoum wr wb

to begin.. I really am sorry for your troubles akhi..
now let's try the systematic approach to this.
1- YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW YOUR FAMILY BEHAVES. You can only control you, you can't control them. Rest assured that there were sa7abas and prophets whose family members are abiding eternally in hell, in no way am I suggesting that you should give up on them, merely that if anyone could save someone else, Abraham PBUH would have saved his father, Noah his son, or Prophet Mohammed SAW his uncle.. each soul is held in pledge by its own deeds sura 74 verse 38... thus the best thing you can do is give advise that they may take heed.. if they don't, then you can wash your hands clean and focus on you.. rest assured that no good deed goes unrewarded with Allah swt, so if you are taking care of a suicidal sister or helping someone your reward shall be with your lord and you should do it with an open heart..

I don't know if you can get family counseling at this stage? what ever the case, just be the best you, you can be.. focus on your work, prayers (especially prayers) and try to improve the quality of your life so that, you could lead by example to your siblings and in your community...

I leave you to the care of Allah swt..

waslaam 3lykoum wr wb
 
What Skye Ephémérine Sis said, is true. I feel bad about your sisters and mom too.just why dont you all try to be each others strength. leave ur brothers alone. Wonder at your mum , she is the one bearing a lot. anyways , this is life and need to be handled systematically as sis said. Do as much as you can and try to be one ; like the sisters of the family, much of you all need a common thread which will bind and keep u together, emotionally.
 
Assalam o Alaikum, i really appreciate your replies. I am a muslim from the Uk. I just feel let down by my familly. At a very young age (after college) I took on the responsibility of the household. I look at other peoples famillies and wish my familly would have some love, affection and respect for one another. The truth is they dont and have never done so.
I have spent almost all my savings on helping my familly to an extent its put me in debt. I have not worked for a long time as all my focus and energy is put into bringing familly together or stopping people arguing from one another etc:

My mum has been through so much. I feel let down by some of my siblings. They should take some responsibilty of looking after her as she has become tired over the years especially after my stepfather died almost one year ago.

Güven: Thanks Guven and sorry im the second youngest. The youngest is 24.
Skye: Thanks for the advice. I know i am not responsible for how some of my familly behaves. But it makes angry and depressed.
 
Walekum As Salam,bro be steadfast in your prayers. That is the thing the most required.
the best prayer I know is ,

حَسْبُنَا اللَّهُ وَنِعْمَ الْوَكِيلُ

"Allah is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs.''

Surah Al Imran Ayah 173.
 
asalam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wabarakahtuhu brother,

Help your mother to stand up to your brothers and TELL them to stop bringing and commiting haram into the house. If they don't stop then your mother should tell them to leave - even if it has to involve the law. Wallahi they don't have no shame bringing girlfriends home in the presence of your mother, sisters and you who worships Allah there! When a home becomes a place where sins are openly and ashamedly committed it becomes void of Allah subhana wa ta'ala's blessings and mercy. You must help your mother put an end to it immeditately.


May Allah reward you for taking care of your mother and sisters. I don't advise you to continue allowing the haram that is going on. There is no need to be patient and wait for them to change. The haram needs to end NOW! However do continue to be patient in praying for their guidence and asking Allah subhana wa ta'ala to help your affairs, inshaAllah.


Please give your mother the encouragement she needs and make her see that she has the responsibility to stop her offspring from commiting zina in her home.


Abu Sa`id (radhiallahu `anhu) that the Prophet sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam said, "Whoever sees something evil should change it with his hand. If he cannot, then with his tongue; and if he cannot do even that, then in his heart. That is the weakest degree of faith."
Click to expand...


Once this disease is removed from your home, inshaAllah ta a'la you will find ease in other matters that you have to deal with. Please don't delay. I pray Allah gives you the strength and patience to purify your home of this filth, to grant you His help and mercy in all your affairs and to heal your hearts of the suffering you have met. Ameen


Take this first important step then we can discuss how to help your sister's depression inshaAllah. May Allah be with you. Ameen.


wa alaikum asalam wr wb.
 
You know I think I understand and any of us can relate to where you are..
It is really difficult starting over when you are chin high in debt and trouble..
But you have to believe that if you resolve to do something in your mind, you will.. all you have to do is take that initial first step.

Now what we understand to be really pressing is that you are in debt and you haven't worked in a long time.. the fact that you feel the need to help everyone else around you undoubtedly depresses you and compounds the burden...

so this is what you have to resolve to do in your mind at this moment
you sit down and make a list of things you absolutely have to do so you are not sucked into a vortex of more depression and more debts... you have to put your feelings aside for now.. I know it sounds radical and very difficult to do...
I don't want to give this example but let's say two weeks ago my uncle died.. everyone undoubtedly is overcome with grief.. but someone has to handle the setting up prayers and burial.. normally good people from the community come together to help the aggrieved but as it so happens most of the time it really is the family's burden to contact the hospital to arrange for a hearse, to arrange the funeral.. do you understand? it doesn't mean they are any less sad or that, they are happy committing a body to the ground.. No the opposite.. it means they are giving dignity to the deceased by burrying him and doing the right thing.. there is plenty of time to cocoon yourself with your sorrows and reflect, but that isn't what is going to pull you out of your state.

Now, what you must do, is find a job! that should be your number one priority.. call an agency, rev up your resume, your CV, it might take a couple of days, or get a professional to help you. You can start by working part time at first so you can have time to take care of all this other stuff on the side, but first and foremost, I think a job will really be good for your moral, you'll meet with new people, you'll have some money, you can afford better care for your sisters and mother, you dare to even dream of having a life of your own.. what your brothers do is abominable I am not going to disagree.. but you are the better person here.. it is better to be the hand that gives than the hand that receives...

Akhi.. stand up.. take a deep breath in.. and leave your sorrows, they will be there, you can afford to take a break from them.. and do what you must.. and keep us posted on your progress insha'Allah.. you can make this a public diary of your progress rather than a page to lament over your sorrows..

I wish you the very best insha'Allah
waslaam 3lykoum wr wb
 
Greetings and peace be with you liono79; I hope and pray that you might feel encouraged by everyone here. welcome to the forum.

You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, you are still struggling to do the right thing despite all the stuff that is going against you and you haven’t given up at the age of 28. I have to admire your perseverance to keep your trust in Allah.

It is easy giving advice because the person giving the advice does not have to put it into action

My dad taught me all about the evils of drinking, I watched him drink himself to death, I didn’t fully understand at the time.

My uncle has taught me about the evils of gambling; he is eighty five today and has probably lost a million pounds in his lifetime. He lost a very successful business, a huge house and his wife. Even now he still talks about finding a winning system to beat the bookies after sixty years of loosing.

Nothing any of us said could talk my dad out of drinking or turn my uncle away from gambling.

I watched my mum suffer from multiple scleroses for the last twenty five years of her life. She could not move her arms or her legs for about the last fifteen years. She had a very gentle faith and continued to try and encourage us and do the right thing despite her shell that was her body. This was whilst her husband was drinking himself to death; and her brother was gambling everything away;

Despite everything that was conspiring against her she remained a very gentle, loving and cheerful person, she is the strongest person I shall ever know.

Learn from your family members all the things that are wrong, and you will not repeat their errors.

I have to agree with skye
1- YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW YOUR FAMILY BEHAVES. You can only control you, you can't control them.
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The chances are that you will not be able to change your family and their habits, they have to do that for themselves. I believe you need to keep searching for an inner peace from God, a peace that surpasses all understanding. I believe you need to search for ways to overcome your anger by forgiving the rest of your family and keep trusting in Allah.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding,

Eric
 
:sl:

I am sorry to hear what you are going through, brother. You have been through a very tough past.

Allaah, Exalted is He, says in His blessed book, the interpretation of the meaning of which is:

And your Lord says: Call upon Me, I will answer you; [Al-Mu'min 40:60]

One important message that I'd like to add is remember that du'aa is the weapon of the believer. By praying and remaining steadfast on your deen, Alhamdulillah, that is one of the greatest things you can do. It will bring you closer to Allaah (swt) and He is the only One who can help you and your family. Keeping away from sins and being submissive in prayer are means by which du'aa is answered.

Remember that there are also things which prevent a du'aa from being answered, such as eating, drinking and dressing from what is unlawful. So take great care in where your earnings are coming from.

When you ask, ask with absolute resolve, and believe with certainty that your du'aa will be answered. Remember that Allaah responds to the distressed one when he calls Him, and that no believer makes du'aa that is wasted - either it is granted here in this world or deposited for Him in the Hereafter as long as he does not get frustrated.

Also remember the hadeeth,
"The dua of a Muslim for his brother (in Islam) in his absence is readily accepted, an angel is appointed to his side, whenever he makes a beneficial dua for his brother the appointed angel says "aameen and may you also be blessed with the same".
[Sahih Muslim]


Also, try to meet practising Muslims and keep good company, and the importance of good company cannot be over-emphasised. Go to the Masjid regularly if possible, and perhaps you will make some friends. It will be good for your own well-being Insha'Allaah. Perhaps there will be someone there that can help you in your situation.

Lastly, look after your mother and give her good company. Never give up advising and calling to goodness. Be patient and strong for the sake of Allaah (swt), and trust that He will make a way for you to get out from every difficulty.

And we ask Allaah (swt) to help you, make it easy for you, guide your family and give you the patience and strength to succeed, Aameen.

:w:
 
Assalam o Alaikum everyone. Thanks for taking the time to respond quickly. I feel really bad telling my problems to others. They are a minority when I look at the suffering that occurs in and around the world.

I was so nervous when I was writing the post. I had to think for several minutes before I pressed the submit button. I have never taked to anyone about familly matters. I was tought to keep whats happening in the home, in home.

I had so much pressure I had to let it go someway. I guess talking can sometimes help. In my early twenties I had so much on my plate responsibility wise. I was taking responsibility for my mum, sisters, household, looking after my dad (even though he lives with his own familly several miles away, as well as my job and education.

I guess I just needed a father type figure, someone to tell me that I was doing good to keep my morals high and to put a hand on my head.
I dont show my true feelings at home as my familly's already in too much stress especially my mum. They seem to think im happy with the way things are happening at home. The truth is I am very disappointed in certain members ofmy familly.

I tell my mum to tell my brothers to act more responsible and stop doing bad. I dont do it myself as whenever I seem to try they always get angry and I dont want to break up the familly as its allready is in some sort of way. Also I dont want to put pressure on on my mum as our stepdad only recently died 15+ months ago. She been through too much in a violent relationship struggling to bring seven kids on her own. Its very difficult to explain.
Sometimes I wish we were more happy, together as one familly unit. Then again, sometimes I wish we had a father.

Ive taken alot of things on board from reading the replies. It will take me a few days to sink in. I guess I will have to be more patience, pray more to allah swt, and continue to be responsible.
Wassalaam
 
:thumbs_upSalam brother , hope you are well. I have been following your thread for a few days now, for some reason have not posted til now.


i sort of know what you are going through, it is very hard being the person in the house who seems to have stayed on the right path and who,s head seems to be screwed on, for some reason i ended up being that guy , i am no angel i assure you.

I have no father aswell and my mum seems to have so much on her plate, its not as bad now, but i had brothers come home intoxicated , another on drug addiction, two of my bros have mental problems,, seen fights happen, i seem to have escaped all this, only allah swt knows why. I always seem to have been understanding ,and bro when you see tears in your mum eyes its hard when you cant do nothing about it.:thumbs_up


You have to bite your lip for your mums sake ,coz if you say something to your siblings you dont want to start another fight. I am practising and may be i am put in the position of being the good one in the family , which in it self is hard as it adds more pressures to you. I have to stay strong for my mum.

And when you see your brothers doing bad, it seems your mum are even more kind to them. and when i do something wrong i get it, brother these are mothers for you, they never stop caring for you. yes because my mum is distracted by their problems i feel left out somrtimes.

My advice is be strong bro, your mum need you to be strong, be her rock, do little things like just sit down in the same room as her from time to time, just you and her and just chit chat.

Seeing problems around you make you see why things are made haram to us, it makes you want to stay away from these things even more.you hate drink, drugs , with a vengeance , and as for your bros bringing girls back home , i am gobsmacked , as our prophet pbuh said if you have no shame do as you wish, your mum has to be strict on that, the audasity of those girls to even set foot in your house makes my blood boil. I dont know what to say.


Question . Would i give up all those experiences i have seen, answer to that is no. its made me the man i am today, im not afraid of problems , imagine i had a stress free life and in the future something happened , iwould be scared and afraid on how to deal with it.

This will help you in your future life , inshallah when you have kids , you will show them why things are haram.

Hold in their bro , you are in my duas, i only slighty understand of whet your going through as your circomstances seem way way harder tham mine.


My way of dealing with things is to talk , dont keep things bottled up, i got a close friend to talk to and it does help. your mum is in mu duas, bro



Mums are amazing , and if Allah swt loves us more than 70 mothers, then trully allah swt is more amazing , ask allah swt , and he will help you, only allah swt knows how hard it is, take care my brother in islam wasalam
 
Assalam Alaikum

Bro what u said is perfectly understandable, but let ur emotions get out , as if u hold them up, u wont be able to move further. I am sure ALLAH TALLAH will make a way out for you, as said by bro nightstar He has love equal to 70 mothers. and He is the only one able to help us. At times we wonder why all this is happening, but believe me bro HE is well aware of what is happening, be patient and put your trust in HIM. His greatness we cant imagine.
And the thing pointed out by bro Muhammed is also important, see from where u earnings come and whether what u eat is HALAL.

Its really heart pleasing , to see sons loving their mothers and steadfast on ISLAM, inspite of all these obstacles. What all i can say is , u all r the strength of ISLAM, keep on moving, time - time is passing and will pass by, nobody will live forever in this world, and all the agonies will come to end and there is the final abode . dont loose heart , HE is ever watching and with you all. Just run towards HIM. May ALLAH love you, and forgive all your sins, and rectify all your affairs and grant you the highest positions in Jannah. Ameen
 
may Allaah reward you for the way your taking care of your mother.

at least she has a son whos been tryin to keep her happy, Alhamdulillaah.

there are mothers who are left with no one...


bro just hope for jannah and keep at it... one day you'll get your relief.


you'll get it bro but in the meanwhile keep praying and be patient.. keep trying to change your family...





IF i was in your shoes bro.. i would probably regularly talk to my brothers hoping to touch their hearts... what more can i do?


learn your religion... be patient..
 
Assalaam O Laikum, brothes, sisters and all.
I really appreciate all the advice given, I relly do deep down. Im currently updating my cv (almost completed). It has quite a large gap. Im worried employers will be put of by this.
Im not not on any benefits and have never done so. Most of my savings have well been used up. My confidence is also down. Would it be best to leave the gap as it is and explain to any prospective employer that I have been caring for my sisters. Please any advice appreciated,
waslaam.
 
liono79 said:
Assalaam O Laikum, brothes, sisters and all.
I really appreciate all the advice given, I relly do deep down. Im currently updating my cv (almost completed). It has quite a large gap. Im worried employers will be put of by this.
Im not not on any benefits and have never done so. Most of my savings have well been used up. My confidence is also down. Would it be best to leave the gap as it is and explain to any prospective employer that I have been caring for my sisters. Please any advice appreciated,
waslaam.
Click to expand...

I think you would write something in your profile like: 'I am now seeking employment after blah blah circumstances, having to look after my sisters'

Because a cv is personal and you can include things like that in profile
 
asalam alaikum wr wb,

I agree with what Bro Aadil said. Do state your circumstances in absence of employment. I am sure any prospective employer would like a caring person like you, who put the needs of his family before his to work for him. It shows commitment. :)

All the best inshaAllah.


wa alaikum asalam wr wb.
 
:sl:


i hope ur in the best of health and imaan. you have been through so much, May Allah SWT reward for your efforts brother. Serious, Allahs SWT is watchig u in this struggle,ur not alone he is their for u and he knows. You helping ur mother and sister, is a beautiful act , May Allah reward u abundantly inshallah, give u patience against all that is going on, which angers u. Indeed this must hurt when u see bad and wish u can control it . Do what u can , like bro Muhammad quotes, i fink it was him, if u see anyfing bad change it with ur hands- sorry if i quoted that wrong. Inshallah ur prayers will make u stronger and remember Allah SWT is testing u , Dont give up now, u have fought so hard, Mashallah , in the end u will succeed inshallah. 'After difficulty there comes Ease/relief'.. ( I think thats a hadith or /Quranic verse)... running away from ur problems only makes the situation worse, neva better

Allah promises to answer inshallah, be patient.. i know easier said than done, but remember his Rasul SAW, he went through so much in his life, but he trusted Allah SWT, u do too..ur prayers will be a source of strength inshallah.

Your mun and sister are going through so much... there blessed they have u and one day inshallah ur efforts will reflect inshallah, Allahs watching, he is neva unjust, he will help inshallah.. like others have said, your not responsible for ur siblings behaviour, do ur best as a muslim to guide and advice, you can only do ur best, May Allah SWT guide ur siblings inshallah and bring ease to ur family. Ameen.

It must be hard and challenging, but remember how ever hard things are, keep going and one day the reward will come. Best wishes wid ur CV, and employment,the advice from others is really good.. Go for it.. inshalalh u will learn to be a better and stronger person from this situation, even though at the moment its not clear, The Rasul SAW said, all the affairs of the believer are good for him( just paraphasing), Allah SAW does things for a reason, and he loves to test his believers, its just a matter of time when things will get better inshallah.

I hope this advice has helped inshallah, MAY Allah SWT, bring peace and ease and happiness to ur life and to ur family.Ameen.
May Allah forgive me for my mistakes in the message.
Best wishes wid everfin,:)

:w:
 
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