Is being merciful and helping others a sign of weakness?

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Studentofdeed

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I am trying my best to truly be a good Muslim and please Allah. They say Allah loves those who benefits others. All my life I have been trying to help others. Yet often more than numerous times people use me and then throw me away. Many people religiously and emotionally blackmail me. When I help someone, I do it because I want Allah to be happy with me. The other day I lended someone money and now he refuses to pay me back. Then I help someone else with homework and that guy accuses me of being bad Muslim and says I didnt do anything that special. Someone I knew backbited me but then before exams asked me for my help then afterwards backstabbed me. I keep helping and forgiving yet I do not know If am being a fool for trying to be honest and help others. I am truly trying to be like Prophet Saw but sometimes I just feel like I really am a fool and Allah is angry and I am cursed. Is helping others and being forgiving a sign of weakness? Am I really weak fool?
 
wa alaikum assalam,

The best approach I can suggest would be to do things only for Allah's sake. So, if someone used you (previously) but required your help at a (latter) then the best thing to do would be to give this person their needs (provided you are in a position to do so) Everything that I have read about Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h it would seem that leniency has always been recommended; then there is the saying "Show mercy so that Allah will show mercy" but beyond this, Allah Himself is a very merciful creator. Alhamdulilah.

On the otherhand, there is a need not to allow others to be oppressive towards and allowing them to do this by "using you" ought not be permissible. Sometimes, it's about setting boundaries, other times it's about becoming distant/not readily available to that individual (without cutting ties). For the first regarding setting boundaries - maybe make it definitely clear that you do not like this behaviour. "So, sure I'll give you the help for exams like last time, no worries, but are you going to backbite me again this time?". I believe, it's necessary in giving people chances too, so that they duly recognize their mistakes and redeem themselves. About becoming distant/not readily available, I suppose it is to make them aware of what went wrong with the relationship.

I am certain there might be prophetic ways to deal with these situations but maybe someone else can assist, my mind blanks.

Maybe someone else could have a better answer too :)
 
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Depends really on the circumstances:


'I comment that thereafter this Abn 'Azza broke the pact he had made with the Messenger of God (SAAS), and he fell under the influenceof the polytheists and rejoined them. At the battle of Uhud he was again taken captive, and he again asked the Messenger of God (SAAS) to set him free. But the latter replied, "I'll not let you stroke your beard and say that you deceived Mubmmad twice!" And so his head was cut off at Uhud, as will be related in the account of that engage-ment. It is said that it was of he that the Messenger of God (SAAS) spoke as fol-lows, "A believer will not be bitten twice from the same lair." This is one of thoseproverbs uttered only by the Messenger of God (SAAS).

(The individual fought the Muslims at Badr and wasn't able to pay the release fine and begged the Prophet :saws: for clemency, the Prophet :saws: took a solemn oath from him that he would never fight the Muslims again, then he was caught fighting the Muslims at Uhud - and again begged for clemency - i think it was az-zubair or 'aasim ibn 'umar who was instructed: "Qaddim hu yaa 'Aasim wa adhrib 'unuqahu").


Commentary ~ The Believer is not stung from the same Hole twice
March 31, 2009 by Salaat Time
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

After the Battle of Badr, Abu ‘Azzah Al-Jumahi, a poet, was a prisoner in the hands of the Muslims. He was from Quraish and through his poetry he would incite battle against the Muslims. After his capture, he said to Prophet Muhammad (SAWS), “Indeed, I am poor and I have many dependents that are needy and you know this, so please have mercy upon me and may Allah have mercy upon you.” The Prophet (SAWS) did so and released him. Before the Battle of Uhud[1], Safwan bin Umaiyyah, one of the leaders of the Quraish, said to the poet before they were to fight the Muslims, “O Abu ‘Azzah, indeed you are a poet, so help us with your words to incite men to battle.” Abu ‘Azzah replied that the Prophet (SAWS) had bestowed a favor upon him by giving him his freedom and he did not wish to go against that kindness. Safwan said, “Help us and if you return alive from this battle, I will make you rich and if you are struck down, I will make your daughters partners with my daughters in my wealth.” So, Abu ‘Azzah went forth with them and was taken as prisoner by the Muslims for a second time. Again he pleaded with the Prophet (SAWS) asking to be pardoned. The Prophet (SAWS) said to him, “By Allah, your cheeks will not touch Makkah and you will not be able to say that indeed, you have deceived Muhammad twice. Indeed the believer is not stung from the same hole twice. O Zubair, strike his neck!” Zubair struck his neck and he was killed.

SAWS: May Allah exalt his mention and protect him from imperfection

[1]: Audio lecture on the lessons from the Battle of Uhud can be found here.

Gems and Jewels
Compiled by: Abdul-Malik Mujahid
Publisher: Maktaba Dar-us-Salam
ISBN: 9960-897-59-1
Page 57


https://www.salaattime.com/commentary-the-believer-is-not-stung-from-the-same-hole-twice/
 
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By Allah, when we go back to Al-Madinah, the most mighty will expel the weak from it.'' He then addressed his people who were sitting with him, saying to them, "What have you done to yourselves You let them settle in your land and shared your wealth with them. By Allah, if you abandon them, they will have to move to another area other than yours.'' Zayd bin Arqam heard these words and conveyed them to Allah's Messenger. Zayd was a young boy then.

`Umar bin Al-Khattab was with the Messenger and he said, "O Allah's Messenger! Order `Abbad bin Bishr to cut off his head at his neck.'' The Prophet replied,

«فَكَيْفَ إِذَا تَحَدَّثَ النَّاسُ يَا عُمَرُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا يَقْتُلُ أَصْحَابَهُ، لَا، وَلَكِنْ نَادِ يَا عُمَرُ الرَّحِيل»

(What if people started saying that Muhammad kills his companions, O `Umar No. However, order the people to start the journey (back to Al-Madinah).)

When `Abdullah bin Ubay bin Salul was told that his statement reached Allah's Prophet, he went to him and denied saying it. He swore by Allah that he did not utter the statement that Zayd bin Arqam conveyed. `Abdullah bin Ubay was a chief of his people and they said, "O Allah's Messenger! May be the young boy merely guessed and did not hear what was said correctly.'' Allah's Messenger started the journey at an unusual hour of the day and was met by Usayd bin Al-Hudayr, who greeted him acknowledging his prophethood. Usayd said, "By Allah! You are about to begin the journey at an unusual time.'' The Prophet said,

«أَمَا بَلَغَكَ مَا قَالَ صَاحِبُكَ ابْنُ أُبَيَ؟ زَعَمَ أَنَّهُ إِذَا قَدِمَ الْمَدِينَةَ سَيُخْرِجُ الْأَعَزُّ مِنْهَا الْأَذَل»

(Did not the statement of your friend, Ibn Ubay reach you He claimed that when he returns to Al-Madinah, the mighty one will expel the weak one out of it.) Usayd said, "Indeed, you are the mighty one, O Allah's Messenger, and he is the disgraced one.'' Usayd said, "Take it easy with him, O Allah's Messenger! By Allah, when Allah brought you to us, we were about to gather the pearls (of a crown) so that we appoint him king over us. He thinks that you have rid him of his kingship.'' The Messenger of Allah traveled with the people until the night fell, then the rest of the night until the beginning of the next day and then set camp with the people. He wanted to busy them from talking about what had happened. The minute people felt the ground under their feet, they went to sleep and Surat Al-Munafiqin was revealed.

https://quranx.com/tafsirs/63.7
 
When you give always give with the intention that you will never get it back iA
 

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