Is it okay to say NO to marriage in Islam?

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HanaDeyl

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Salam Everyone :D

I'm sort of new to this forum, I joined because I had a lot of unanswered questions. I'm hoping you guys can help.

I want to know if marriage is obligatory in Islam. When I ask people, they tend to laugh and say "Of course it is" without actually explaining why? And I was raised to believe that there are answers to everything in Islam, and if I can't understand the answer then Allah has a greater purpose with it that I am not meant to understand. But there is just one thing that I'm really confused about, I'm only 17 years old and trust me I don't plan on getting married? I've just seen how everyone is just getting married without actually considering it, and they are very young and naive. The only marriage I've seen succeed is my parents, they were married happily until my father died 2 years ago. Every other marriage, included my friends and sisters and brothers, only failed. I mean, I see marriage as a burden that is unnecessary, I do understand that there is a good side to it and a bad side. But growing up I've only seen bad marriages except my parents. So that makes 1 percent - that 1 percent is not enough to make me consider marriage.

That's why I said; "Why even get married, live life, educate yourself, and pack your bag for Jannah"? Is it wrong to think like that? Does it go against Islam? :hmm:

Sorry about the long letter, but I hope you have the answer?
 
Marriage is not obligatory but sunnah of our Prophet SAWS and one should be very certain that Prophet never spoke of his own will...everything he said was came down through wahi. So, one can deduce that marriage is Allah's command. But I've never heard that it is obligatory or failing to do so will end up in hell. However, there are some cases in which you can consider not marrying at all.

And as far as success of marriage is concerned, out of all the marriages I've seen 96.24%(dont ask me,"where did you get this figure from?":D) are successful.

Well you're just 17 and you've got plenty of time to get married (or think of getting...)...:D
 
:sl:
if you dont want to get married, dont get married and dont let people pester you about your choices either...but at the same time, dont completely cut the option out of your life. take into consideration that maybe later on you will feel you need someone to talk to, etc or you may feel that you want children.

with seeing all those terrible marriages, trust me many of us go through that, but i think its important to take it case by case and dont get too put off (if you can help it :hmm:), but just take it as it comes.
 
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wa'aliakum as'salaam,

Marriage is part of sunnah. Today people are quick to get married yet they are not ready for it. They fail to educate themselves on what the roles and responsibility each side is held accountable for in islam and at first sign of trouble they get a divorce and head for the door. Divorce rate among muslims is on the arise these days and it is all because these youngsters don't know anything about islam and only go by whatever they learned from their culture and environment in which they grew up and so like the kuffars they run for the door at first sign of trouble. There should be some kind of requirement of taking classes like Catholics do so muslims today at least know what each genders responsibility and rights are in islam.

Anyways, you are young so focus on your studies for now but don't rule out marriage entirely. Here's something for your reading inshallah: http://www.soundvision.com/info/Islam/marriage.purpose.asp
 
Ummu Sufyaan said:
:sl:
if you dont want to get married, dont get married and dont let people pester you about your choices either...but at the same time, dont completely cut the option out of your life. take into consideration that maybe later on you will feel you need someone to talk to, etc or you may feel that you want children.

with seeing all those terrible marriages, trust me many of us go through that, but i think its important to take it case by case and dont get too put off (if you can help it :hmm:), but just take it as it comes.
Click to expand...

I think you're right, different people, different views...The ummah is not united under one banner yet...:)
 
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I think the problem is that Muslim youth are willing to get married to fulfill the desires of the flesh, which is perfectly fine, but they are ignoring the spiritual aspects of marriage. Marriage is not just two bodies coming together and fulfilling their desires, I feel that Islam defined marriage something more than the lustful gluing of two humans (opposite genders). Imagine (referring to my siggy too :P). Imagine that an unmarried human will face the happiness and miseries of life all alone. It seems that Islam makes marriage a relationship in which two peoples share the happiness and miseries rather than going solo. Going solo is crazy in this crazy universe where even sometimes your best friend might reject your request to spend time with him discussing life. It might seem desire-worthy to a rough and tough man to go solo and he might take me as a sensitive new age guy (S.N.A.G) but meh, thats what Islam teaches, in my humble estimation.
 
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Asalamlikum
Since u are in teenages so many things will be cleared to you as u get matured. But one thing to be clear,,,,,it just easy to say dont marry, do good deed and go to Jannah, but practically very dificult bcz at some stage u need some spiritual support also...i mean our many physical and spritual need are connected with marrige, so without marrige i blv its nearly impossible to lead normal life....so dont think of not marrying but what i suggest is do it asap.
human changes as he grows.....blv when i was in teenages i hate children.....bcz i am bit strict and serious.....but now in my 25th i start loving children....sometime one come from busy job and he wants to play with children to get relax....so man changes with time. dont be afraid and relax, ur thinking will be changed inshallah....lol
JZK
 
Hana,

I totally get where your coming from..Im 29 in a few months, and still not married..cos i dont want to! Ive asked this question to loads of people, and so far the response is "course you hav 2"...but like you hav seen loads fail...& tbh it just seems rather than to go through the anguish of having a troubled marriage, than not to do it at all..+ most of the british boys, dont really practice, so there would be no chance of getting some1 that was a practising muslim.!
 
So, let me see if I got this right?

Marriage is not obligatory in Islam, but it's Sunnah? And I'm not forced to anything whatsoever....(Hmm, that sure does sound good in my ears)
I think the main thing is that I don't want Allah to be disappointed in me if I rejected marriage. But if it's only Sunnah, then I don't go against Allah's words. Right?

Some of you said that I need to mature more, and eventually I will change my mind - I hope you're right, because as for now I see marriage as a negative thing. I will not rule out marriage just because of my negative surroundings and how they display marriage. I think that I'll just take my time, enjoy life and educate myself. And when I find my soulmate then that's when I'll (atleast) consider marriage. As for now, it's all about enjoying life :D

Thanks for the advice. :statisfie
 
:sl:
im not sure what the status of marriage is in the Sunnah (i.e whether its obligatory or not), but what i i do know is that force marriages are a no-no...i dont know if thats of help.
 
mad_scientist said:
I think the problem is that Muslim youth are willing to get married to fulfill the desires of the flesh, which is perfectly fine, but they are ignoring the spiritual aspects of marriage. Marriage is not just two bodies coming together and fulfilling their desires, I feel that Islam defined marriage something more than the lustful gluing of two humans (opposite genders). Imagine (referring to my siggy too :P). Imagine that an unmarried human will face the happiness and miseries of life all alone. It seems that Islam makes marriage a relationship in which two peoples share the happiness and miseries rather than going solo. Going solo is crazy in this crazy universe where even sometimes your best friend might reject your request to spend time with him discussing life. It might seem desire-worthy to a rough and tough man to go solo and he might take me as a sensitive new age guy (S.N.A.G) but meh, thats what Islam teaches, in my humble estimation.
Click to expand...
That's a good point mad_scientist (nice sig btw :b), I think the lust (physical attraction) is a way to keep the marriage on, it's not the purpose of the marriage. As you said, the marriage will give you a support to face your life that will be difficult to face it alone, and the marriage is intended to keep the human race survial, so if you get married, you will be realising Allah's will in the earth (that can be realised through someone else if you don't get married).
So we have just to look to the big picture. If every one doesn't get married, we will be extinct in 100 years max.
 
HanaDeyl said:
So, let me see if I got this right?

Marriage is not obligatory in Islam, but it's Sunnah? And I'm not forced to anything whatsoever....(Hmm, that sure does sound good in my ears)
I think the main thing is that I don't want Allah to be disappointed in me if I rejected marriage. But if it's only Sunnah, then I don't go against Allah's words. Right?

Some of you said that I need to mature more, and eventually I will change my mind - I hope you're right, because as for now I see marriage as a negative thing. I will not rule out marriage just because of my negative surroundings and how they display marriage. I think that I'll just take my time, enjoy life and educate myself. And when I find my soulmate then that's when I'll (atleast) consider marriage. As for now, it's all about enjoying life :D

Thanks for the advice. :statisfie
Click to expand...

You have got the answer.It is sunna do it when your ready but don't say i will never get married cuz Allah create man for women and your not like everyone.Seeing a lot of marriage which fail doesn't mean your will fail as well.
 
happy said:
You have got the answer.It is sunna do it when your ready but don't say i will never get married cuz Allah create man for women and your not like everyone.Seeing a lot of marriage which fail doesn't mean your will fail as well.
Click to expand...

You're right. I need to look at the positive things and not the negative things. But I'll just stick to my studies now, and when I'm older I'll consider it. :D
 
:wa:
There's no point in thinking about marriage since you can't really know how your stance will be later in life. Let's just concentrate on our studies until the actual moment comes when you have to say yes or no.

:welcome: to the family :)
 
I don't think marriage is obligatory anywhere.
Marriage is not a failure, it's people who fail at marriage. You can't blame marriage because of partners who don't understand its meaning.
Everything is made of the way you manage it. It depends on the couple.
If there was no point in marriage, then every marriage in the world would fail.

Also, never say never!
 
By the way, I'm watching a few videos of Yasser Fazaga and I like the explanation he gives about love, relationships, marriage ... self-respect ..etc.
 
EllyDicious said:
By the way, I'm watching a few videos of Yasser Fazaga and I like the explanation he gives about love, relationships, marriage ... self-respect ..etc.
Click to expand...

the explanations you like are islamic explanations.......this is islam not what you hear on the western media channels
 
EllyDicious said:
By the way, I'm watching a few videos of Yasser Fazaga and I like the explanation he gives about love, relationships, marriage ... self-respect ..etc.
Click to expand...

Also listen to Yassir Birjas...:D and particularly listen to 'Men are from Mecca and women are from Medina' by Yaasir Birjas, Yassir Qadhi and Yassir Fazaga...yes the Yassir trio...:D
 

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