Is it the Wife's Responsibility to Cook?

Khalid Saifullah

Khalid Saifullah

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*IS IT THE WIFE'S RESPONSIBILITY TO COOK?*
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[emoji395] *QUESTION:*

There is a message going around that a wife does not have to cook. A husband must provide three times cooked food for the family. Is this the ideal we ought to be living by? Any examples from the life of Rasulullah Sallahu alaihi wasalam and the Sahabah would be valued.
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[emoji404] *ANSWER:*

It is important to draw a distinction between a principle point of view and a practical point of view. A successful and blissful marriage does not come about by insisting on principle issues. In fact often principle issues may not be practical and may lead to a breakdown in a marriage.

It is also important to understand the context of the principle laid down by the fuqaha. If for example, there is a marital dispute and the dispute comes before a judge, and he has to issue a decree, then the principles would be stated to be enforced. Hence, the principles are not in an ideal and harmonious marital situation. They are to control an already acrimonious situation.

It would be short sighted for someone to propagate a damage control situation in a normal and untroubled marriage. In fact, propagating such rulings have the potential to destabilise a stable marriage. Our learned sisters who study the Aalimah course would have some insight to understand the context of such rulings especially after studying so many Ahadith on making sacrifices in a marriage.

Imagine if we have to propagate a juristic ruling that a woman does not have to cook for her husband and a husband does not have to provide for medical expenses for his wife, what would be the consequences of this?

Fatima Radhiallahu Anha the beloved daughter of Rasulullah ﷺ. If anyone deserved to be honoured by being spared with household chores and cooking, it would be Fatima Radhiallahu Anha, the queen of Jannah. However, see the following thought provoking incident and learn a lesson from that. Every woman should ask herself the following question. Do I prefer a measure and standard set by Rasulullah ﷺ for His daughter or do I prefer not to be like the daughter of Rasulullah ﷺ with another standard?

"Hadhrat Fatima Radhiallahu Anha complained about the blisters on her hand due to the usage of a mill-stone. She went to ask Rasulullah ﷺ for a servant, but she did not find him (at home) and had to inform Hadhrat Aisha Radhiallahu Anha of her need. When Rasulullah ﷺ came, Hadhrat Aisha Radhiallahu Anha informed Rasulullah ﷺ about Hadhrat Fatima Radhiallahu Anha’s need . Rasulullah ﷺ came to us when we were about to retire to bed. When I was going to get up, he said, "'Stay in your places," and sat between us, till I felt the coolness of the feet on my chest. Rasulullah ﷺ then said, "Shall I not tell you of a thing which is better for you than a servant? When you (both) go to your beds, say 'Allahu Akbar' thirty-four times, and 'SubhanAllah' thirty-three times, 'Alhamdulillah' thirty-three times, for that is better for you than a servant."
(Sahih Bukhari 70/8)

It is clearly understood from this Hadith that Fatima Radhiallahu Anha would do the household chores. It is obvious that she would also cook.

The wives of Rasulullah ﷺ would cook. The wives of Sahabah Radhiyallahu Anhum would cook. Our ideal is to follow the standard and practice of the wives of Rasulullah ﷺ and the daughters of Rasulullah ﷺ and the general womenfolk at the time when Islam was at its glory with such practices.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Huzaifah Deedat
Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
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(References omitted for purposes of brevity. For the full Fatwa refer to: http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/35240)

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*DARUL IFTAA MAHMUDIYYAH*
_Durban, South Africa_
 
My general understanding is that it is the wife's job to cook but the husband is supposed to help if she gets tired.
 
The wife needs to know how to cook. Do you expect to eat fast food everyday?
 
My husband was raised by a first-class European gourmet cook. I was raised by an American who had parents cooking during WW2, who thought that boxed and canned factory food was the ultimate of luxury. While I have learned about good nutrition and cooking skills over the years of my marriage, my family (including my husband) are happiest when he cooks. I usually take care of breakfast and lunch and he takes care of dinner. We are all happier this way!
 
As said in the first post, the issue is about principles and what is "ahsan". Principally it is not wife's duty to cook. As man is supposed to be the caretaker of her. But in the end, if we want a blissful marriage, then both the spouses should be understanding. The unfortunate situation today is that we are always asking for "Our Rights". Husband will say that it is wife duty to cook, while neglecting that he should polite with her. And I personally feel it is better that the husband and wife sit down decide what can be done in this case. If they both want happy and loving married life, then the wife will not feel problem to cook for the husband, provided that husband also help and take care of her and appreciate her efforts. But even if the husband cooks the food, it is not something that the people start criticizing it as if he is not a man. In societies like Pakistan, if a husband cooks food for wife, and listens to her, people start calling him "Salve of Wife" etc etc.
So in short, I think it is not "wife duty" to cook. But if she does, husband should be thankful to her, love her for it. But in no way it is good idea for the husband to go out, screaming why she is not cooking etc etc and make a fuss, and humiliate her.
I read something similar, even though it's health is not known, but the point made is good
'Umar ibn al-Khattab, radi Allahu anhu, said that a man came to his house to complain about his wife. On reaching the door of his house, he hears 'Umar's wife shouting at him and reviling him. Seeing this, he was about to go back, thinking that 'Umar himself was in the same position and, therefore, could hardly suggest any solution for his problem. 'Umar, radi Allahu anhu, saw the man turn back, so he called him and enquired about the purpose of his visit. He said that he had come with a complaint against his wife, but turned back on seeing the Caliph in the same position. 'Umar, radi Allhu anhu, told him that he tolerated the excesses of his wife for she had certain rights against him. He said, "Is it not true that she prepares food for me, washes clothes for me and suckles my children, thus saving me the expense of employing a cook, a washerwoman and a nurse, though she is not legally obliged in any way to do any of these things? Besides, I enjoy peace of mind because of her and am kept away from indecent acts on account of her. I therefore tolerate all her excesses on account of these benefits. It is right that you should also adopt the same attitude.
 
Well I think it is the duty of the one who is the better cook, otherwise you have to pray that you have something good to eat that day, or even maybe a waste of food suitable for the bin, if lucky the stray cats may eat it.
 

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