Is this hadith weak?

[AnonymousPoster]

One of the Salaf said, the meaning or less, 'Ask about her beauty first and if you are pleased with that, then ask about her religion. Then if you reject her, it is based on her religion. But if you ask about her deen and are satisfied and then reject her based on her beauty, you have rejected the one with good religion.'

If it is not, then how can you reject a woman based on her lack of beauty even though her deen satisfied you? Or am i misunderstanding it all together, its really confusing more then one brother used this hadith against me based on their reason for rejecting me.

 

[Snowflake]

Assalamu alaykum,

No the hadith is sound.

The Prophet (saw) said that a man marries a woman for four reasons; her beauty, wealth, status and piety, but he should marry the one who is pious or he will be from the losers.


Then we have the hadith where the Prophet (saw) told a companion to go and look at the woman he had planned to marry, so that he can be satisfied with her looks.

These two hadiths tell us that a person should marry the one who is religious and with whose looks he is satisfied with.


If a man sought a woman for her piety, then after he saw her, he didn’t like her looks, he’d be rejecting a religious woman. It would be wrong to show interest in a religious woman then reject her due to her looks. But if he has already seen her first and is satisfied with her appearance, then he enquires about her piety and is not satisfied with it, he will be rejecting her because of her lack of religiousness, and that is the right reason to reject a woman for. Hence, this will prevent a man rejecting a religious woman due to her looks.

If it is not, then how can you reject a woman based on her lack of beauty even though her deen satisfied you?

If a person is married for their religiousness alone, and there is a lack of physical affection, it can lead to him looking at other women and can lead to fitnah. However, that does not mean that a person should marry for beauty alone either. Rather it means that a person should marry the one who is religious and with whose appearance they are pleased with. InshaAllah, I hope I explained it alright?

 

[hanif_]

The hadith is Sahih



This is the best way to cite a hadith so the authenticity can't be questioned and a person can research the source.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:

Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

One of the Salaf said, the meaning or less, 'Ask about her beauty first and if you are pleased with that, then ask about her religion. Then if you reject her, it is based on her religion. But if you ask about her deen and are satisfied and then reject her based on her beauty, you have rejected the one with good religion.'

If it is not, then how can you reject a woman based on her lack of beauty even though her deen satisfied you? Or am i misunderstanding it all together, its really confusing more then one brother used this hadith against me based on their reason for rejecting me.

im not sure the fiqhi perspective on this, but something i must comment on that you raised, is the lack of consideration these brothers have towards you. so ok you dont tick all the boxes for them, but is it really necessary to appraoch the issue in such a blunt way. this isn't the way you speak to someone when rejecting them. its best to appraoch such issues in-directly.
i dont know, if someone is so blunt as to speak to you in that way, are they really worth it =)

 

[hanif_]

Love yourself!



Ukh Umm ul-Shaheed:

I agree with you. But the reality is that the majority of people seek acceptance from others.

Self-Esteem for women is critical in nurturing a healthy relationship with husbands, instructing children, acknowledging and refusing to accept domestic abuse in a marriage, etc

The beauty of a person is entirely subjective and varies from culture to culture and region to region.

There are woman who are considered voluptuous and considered beautiful in one side of the world and in another totally unacceptable.

A person has to accept themselves first.

The beauty contest in Islam is a persons Din.

 

[cat eyes]

One of the Salaf said, the meaning or less, 'Ask about her beauty first and if you are pleased with that, then ask about her religion. Then if you reject her, it is based on her religion. But if you ask about her deen and are satisfied and then reject her based on her beauty, you have rejected the one with good religion.'

If it is not, then how can you reject a woman based on her lack of beauty even though her deen satisfied you? Or am i misunderstanding it all together, its really confusing more then one brother used this hadith against me based on their reason for rejecting me.

ukhi cheer up. i think who ever quoted this hadith to you and then made there own interpretation on it was highly insensitive and arrogant.

what is beauty? beauty is being attractive to somebody. but being not attractive dose not mean that your an ugly duckling rather it means you could find like a million people who are attracted to you and a million people who are not and its the same for everybody.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and there are also many men in islam marry only that woman who is religious and do not care about her looks. i myself have seen that. these are wise and intelligent men because they know there wife has to raise the next generation of our ummah. there kids are not going to learn about islam by the mothers beauty lol

Also there is many people who are shallow to, so they will throw hadiths at you to hide that and make it sound that they are really following what is required of them when in fact they are not following anything thats right only what they themselves see as right for them.

and who ever chooses that woman who is not pious is a looser.
:wa:

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Scents of Jannah, jazakallahu khair you have explain it very clearly

Hanif Jazakallahu khair, i have seen the hadith many times but it never made sense to me and that is why i thought maybe it wasn't sound, and need further explanation on it.

Umm ul-shaheed, Jazakallahu kahir, no he is not worth it all and alhamdulilah i recognize that.

Cat eyes, jazakallahu khair sis, i was not hurt by him sending me the hadith at all because alhamdulilah i think iam fairly attractive i guess the brother was looking for hoor on earth or something. Its just that i became courious about the hadith because he was the second person i have seen using this hadith to reject a prospective. Not only do they use this hadith to reject, but also another one where the prophet(pbh) is asking a young man as to why he hasn't married a virgin so that he can play with her. Anyways kahir insha allah.

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

One of the Salaf said, the meaning or less, 'Ask about her beauty first and if you are pleased with that, then ask about her religion. Then if you reject her, it is based on her religion. But if you ask about her deen and are satisfied and then reject her based on her beauty, you have rejected the one with good religion.'

That's actually the statement of Imaam Ahmad, not a hadeeth:

“If a man proposes to a woman, let him ask about her beauty first. If it is praiseworthy, let him ask about her religion, if that is praiseworthy, let him marry. If it (meaning: religion) isn’t praiseworthy, his rejection will be on accounts of religion. Don’t let him ask about religion first, if it is praiseworthy he will ask about beauty and if that (meaning: beauty) isn’t praiseworthy then he will reject her, and his rejection will be due to beauty not religion.”​

If it is not, then how can you reject a woman based on her lack of beauty even though her deen satisfied you? Or am i misunderstanding it all together, its really confusing more then one brother used this hadith against me based on their reason for rejecting me.

Firstly, it's not her lack of beauty because beauty is subjective - it's just that that person wasn't attracted to the sister in question and to reject someone based on that is not wrong because one of the purposes of marriage is to basically be attracted to the spouse in order to protect oneself from fitnah (and that goes for both brothers and sisters). As for your question, then that's exactly the point - that's why Imaam Ahmad very intelligently says that a person ought to look for what attracts them first before anything else because human nature (at least for guys) is that they hold weight to what attracts them in a woman and no matter how pious a man may seem, they cannot forego their nature - it's just how Allaah has created men and so they will factor in the 'attraction level' into their decision to pursue a spouse or not.

As for the tactless, senseless methods used by some people to let their prospective spouse know why they rejected her (because they thought she wasn't pretty or w/e) where by they present these quotes and other ahadeeth - well I think that clearly shows that at the least they're insensitive to the feelings of others. It's not the right way to do it and I haven't seen any narrations where the Prophet (saw) rejected a woman and told her that he (saw) wasn't attracted to her or hurt a woman's feelings.