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Sex outside of marriage under no circumstance is permissible EVER no matter how desperate/deprived you feel.
Islamically what should a man do if they will never find marriage?
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Sex outside of marriage under no circumstance is permissible EVER no matter how desperate/deprived you feel.
xboxisdead
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I LOVE DEEN OF ISLAM SO MUCH!! It puts boundaries and restrictions of what you can and cannot do! Even eating there are certain things you can or cannot eat!! IT LIBERATES HUMANITY TO HIGHER LEVEL VS if we are left to our whims and desires will be worse than animals! Al-hamdollilah I am Muslim and Al-hamdolillah Islam is a growning religion!!! Allah Akbar! Allah Akbar! Do not have sex outside of marriage!
Obey and submit. Exercise patience and know that for every hardship there is ease and for every hardship you get rewarded and clean your sins!! ;D;D;D;D
Its sad to see how some of these posts are somewhat void of any empathy towards the OP. Just because some of us have no experienced in what he is going through doesnt give us the right to belittle his lack of self-worth or usefulness. The problem of self esteem is a real one and is something that can drive people to suicide. It wouldnt be insignificant if it didnt.
As for the OP's questions, there is nothing specific in islamic texts (That i know of) that specifically addresses this problem. There are a few hadiths that encourages fasting and patience until Allah graces you by his blessings with a lawful spouse. But this shouldnt be the only actions you take. You have to work on yourself and improve your self esteem if you ever plan on getting marriage cause no girl is probably gonna settle for a man who thinks too little of himself. We all know that there is no halal way to have sexual relations with a person expect through the sacred bond of marriage (AKA nikaah). So if you really do intend and have strong desires to have relations with the opposite gender, then work hard on yourself to make yourself appealing and worth marrying to all the girls out there. And dont worry if it takes time for you to build yourself from the ground up. Its never too late to start!
As for the OP's questions, there is nothing specific in islamic texts (That i know of) that specifically addresses this problem. There are a few hadiths that encourages fasting and patience until Allah graces you by his blessings with a lawful spouse. But this shouldnt be the only actions you take. You have to work on yourself and improve your self esteem if you ever plan on getting marriage cause no girl is probably gonna settle for a man who thinks too little of himself. We all know that there is no halal way to have sexual relations with a person expect through the sacred bond of marriage (AKA nikaah). So if you really do intend and have strong desires to have relations with the opposite gender, then work hard on yourself to make yourself appealing and worth marrying to all the girls out there. And dont worry if it takes time for you to build yourself from the ground up. Its never too late to start!
xboxisdead
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The problem with these men who are lacking in self esteem is that they don't have fathers on their lives that instill self esteem on them when they are boys. All these boys deal with is that everything they do is wrong because they are boys. They get beaten up, don't talk so loudly, stop moving too much, don't do this, don't that, why can't you b behave well, how come you do so bad in school on and on and on. So this self esteem moves on to these men in other factors in their lives that they believe they are losers because they are taught at young age they are losers simply because they are born boys. So yeah...no doubt the OP have self esteem issue, but this is almost impossible to repair when they reach adulthood. Personally...I am not attacking him for his self esteem..nor am I attacking him period...I am just pointing out to him he cannot do haraam by committing Zina and my love to this superb deen is THAT IT PUTS restrictions and boundaries. I love boundaries and limits.....it is hard to believe...but it gives me ease in life knowing there is limit to what a human is allowed to do and how he does it VS going out of the bounds. We human being can destroy anything and especially ourselves...we can wipe ourselves from the face of the Earth and take Earth with us and the only way such thing can be stopped is that there are boundaries that stops us from doing it.
I havent mentioned names nor am i going to, so dont feel like im directing my previous post towards you. I just want people to be leaner in their approach of advice and choose their words wisely, so that their naseeha/advice can have a chance to sink into the hearts of those in need instead of being rejected because it was too dry and void of sympathy. The only time harsh words or force is needed would be when dealing with arrogance, not ignorance and not despair.
And with regards to the rest of your post ... There is a fair amount of truth behind it, but i feel like a lot of it is irrelevant to his case. Its true that being raised by a single mother can have a significant impact on a persons self esteem even on daughters too, but i feel like you think this is the only cause to this problem when its not. I personally was blessed with having a father (Alhamdu lillah) but i still suffered from self esteem issues in the past, mainly because of bullying and racial segregation in school, but thankfully i was able to break out of it despite the fact that i still suffer problems with my speech. So lacking a father isnt the only cause to self esteem issues, there are alot more causes than i care to mention. Regardless though ... trying to pinpoint the source of this issue is irrelevant and is of little to no benefit (partially because the problem is now probably rooted in his personality).
The main way (that i can think of) a person can affect his faulty foundation of his personality is to force himself into situations that would make him question and build up his core in the skills he doubts himself in. If its socializing that he has a problem with then he should force himself in situations where he would have to complete a social interaction with others in order to achieve something ... say for example marketing. If its the presence of a woman that makes him tremble then he should force himself to interact with mean sharp women like ones in a business environment to see that there is nothing scary about them nor is he expect to be at any kind of standard to talk with them. No body cares about imperfections or anything like that so long as you get the job done! If its insecurity about how he looks then he should subject himself to more criticism to know that these words wont add to or reduce anything in his looks whatsoever. All these things will cause a shake in his founded misconceptions in his personality and will cause it to change significantly for the better. That how you subliminally affect and alter an entire personality without much effort.
xboxisdead
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Assalaam ‘Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu
Imam Ahmad (21708) narrated that Abu Umaamah said: A young man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, give me permission to commit zina.” The people turned to him to rebuke him, saying, “Shh, shh.” (The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)) said, “Come here.” So he came close to him and he told him to sit down. He said, “Would you like that for your mother?” He said, “No, by Allaah, may I be sacrificed for you.” He said, “Nor do people like it for their mothers.” He said, “Would you like it for your daughter?” He said, “No, by Allaah, may I be sacrificed for you.” He said, “Nor do people like it for their daughters.” He said, “Would you like it for your sister?” He said, “No, by Allaah, may I be sacrificed for you.” He said, “Nor do people like it for their sisters.” He said, “Would you like it for your paternal aunt?” He said, “No, by Allaah, may I be sacrificed for you.” He said, “Nor do people like it for their paternal aunts.” He said, “Would you like it for your maternal aunt?” He said, “No, by Allaah, may I be sacrificed for you.” He said, “Nor do people like it for their maternal aunts.” Then he placed his hand on him and said, “O Allaah, forgive his sin, purify his heart, and guard his chastity.” And after that, this young man never did anything. (Imam Ahmed)
In another narration, the Prophet said to him, “Then hate what Allah has hated, and love for your brother what you love for yourself.” (Imam Ahmed)
You do not have a concession for committing zina.
As for being a loser, then If you seek to please Allah by reforming your character, you won’t be a loser.
"Successful indeed are the believers. Those who with their Salaat (prayers) are Khashi'oon. And those who turn away from al-Lagw (vain speech). And those who pay the Zakaat. And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts). Except from their wives or (captives and slaves) what their right hands possess, - for then, they are free from blame; but whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors; those who are faithfully true to their Amanah and to their covenants; and those who strictly guard their Salaat. These are indeed the inheritors. Who shall inherit the Firdaus, they shall dwell therein forever." (al-Muminun: 1-11)
If you strive to acquire these characteristics (including guarding your chastity) then no one will have a right to call you a loser, not even you.
The true loser is the one who anger’s Allah. Sins lead to a loss of Iman which leads to humiliation and disgrace in this life and the hereafter.
The sin of zina specifically has been mentioned as one which expels a person from the ranks of the Mumineen. This is mentioned in the ayah listed above as well as elsewhere.
“No fornicator/adulterer is a believer at the time when he is committing fornication/adultery.” (Bukhari & Muslim)
“If a man commits zina, faith comes out of him and hovers over him like a cloud, then when he stops, faith returns to him.” (Abu Dawud & at-Tirmidhi)
Bro, let me ask you, do you think that if you were to go ahead with this, then everything would be easier? If you were to actually commit zina (wa ‘Authoobillah), what then? Everything would be just fine and wonderful? You would finally breathe a fresh air of relief? Your desires and longing would finally be completely satisfied for the rest of your life? Nah! Your desire would be more than before. You’re going to want to do it again even more, like the next day. If there is anything that I have learned about the sexual desire is that it is a beast that needs to be kept on a short leash.
You’re not going to find solace from a prostitute or fornicatress. The only solace you could ever hope of having a chance of finding in this arena is a good righteous Muslim wife. You can kiss that righteous wife goodbye (which is the only kind of kiss you will ever get from her) if you went through with committing zina:
"The fornicator does not marry except a [female] fornicator or polytheist, and none marries her except a fornicator or a polytheist, and that has been made unlawful to the believers." (an-Noor: 3)
As far as finding a good righteous wife is concerned, then it should be understood that women are a part of this Dunya:
“Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire - of women and sons, heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allah has with Him the best return.” (al-Imran: 14)
And as a part of Dunya, they follow the same rule that goes with the rest of Dunya:
Zaid ibn Thabit reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever makes the world his greatest concern, Allah will confound his affairs and make poverty appear before his eyes and he will not get anything from the world except what has been decreed for him. Whoever makes the Hereafter his most important matter, Allah will settle his affairs and make him content in his heart and the world will come to him although he does not want it.” (Ibn Mājah)
Sex is not the best thing that a human can experience in this life. Far from it.
On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (RadhiyAllahu ‘anhu) who said: The Messenger of Allah (SallaAllahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said,
“Verily Allah (Glorified may he be) has said: ‘Whosoever shows enmity to a wali (friend) of Mine, then I have declared war against him. And My servant does not draw near to Me with anything more beloved to Me than the religious duties I have obligated upon him. And My servant continues to draw near to me with nafil (supererogatory) deeds until I Love him. When I Love him, I become his hearing with which he hears, and his sight with which he sees, and his hand with which he strikes, and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him; and were he to seek refuge with Me, I would surely grant him refuge.’ ” (Bukhari)
Ibn Taymiyyah said, "Truly, there is a Heaven in this world, [and] whoever does not enter it, will not enter the Heaven of the next world."
And the statement of Ibn Qayyim who quoted from another:
"If kings and the sons of kings knew what we had, they would try to take it from us by the sword!"
Be patient ya Ikhwan! Be patient!
Imam Ahmad (21708) narrated that Abu Umaamah said: A young man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, give me permission to commit zina.” The people turned to him to rebuke him, saying, “Shh, shh.” (The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)) said, “Come here.” So he came close to him and he told him to sit down. He said, “Would you like that for your mother?” He said, “No, by Allaah, may I be sacrificed for you.” He said, “Nor do people like it for their mothers.” He said, “Would you like it for your daughter?” He said, “No, by Allaah, may I be sacrificed for you.” He said, “Nor do people like it for their daughters.” He said, “Would you like it for your sister?” He said, “No, by Allaah, may I be sacrificed for you.” He said, “Nor do people like it for their sisters.” He said, “Would you like it for your paternal aunt?” He said, “No, by Allaah, may I be sacrificed for you.” He said, “Nor do people like it for their paternal aunts.” He said, “Would you like it for your maternal aunt?” He said, “No, by Allaah, may I be sacrificed for you.” He said, “Nor do people like it for their maternal aunts.” Then he placed his hand on him and said, “O Allaah, forgive his sin, purify his heart, and guard his chastity.” And after that, this young man never did anything. (Imam Ahmed)
In another narration, the Prophet said to him, “Then hate what Allah has hated, and love for your brother what you love for yourself.” (Imam Ahmed)
You do not have a concession for committing zina.
As for being a loser, then If you seek to please Allah by reforming your character, you won’t be a loser.
"Successful indeed are the believers. Those who with their Salaat (prayers) are Khashi'oon. And those who turn away from al-Lagw (vain speech). And those who pay the Zakaat. And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts). Except from their wives or (captives and slaves) what their right hands possess, - for then, they are free from blame; but whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors; those who are faithfully true to their Amanah and to their covenants; and those who strictly guard their Salaat. These are indeed the inheritors. Who shall inherit the Firdaus, they shall dwell therein forever." (al-Muminun: 1-11)
If you strive to acquire these characteristics (including guarding your chastity) then no one will have a right to call you a loser, not even you.
The true loser is the one who anger’s Allah. Sins lead to a loss of Iman which leads to humiliation and disgrace in this life and the hereafter.
The sin of zina specifically has been mentioned as one which expels a person from the ranks of the Mumineen. This is mentioned in the ayah listed above as well as elsewhere.
“No fornicator/adulterer is a believer at the time when he is committing fornication/adultery.” (Bukhari & Muslim)
“If a man commits zina, faith comes out of him and hovers over him like a cloud, then when he stops, faith returns to him.” (Abu Dawud & at-Tirmidhi)
Bro, let me ask you, do you think that if you were to go ahead with this, then everything would be easier? If you were to actually commit zina (wa ‘Authoobillah), what then? Everything would be just fine and wonderful? You would finally breathe a fresh air of relief? Your desires and longing would finally be completely satisfied for the rest of your life? Nah! Your desire would be more than before. You’re going to want to do it again even more, like the next day. If there is anything that I have learned about the sexual desire is that it is a beast that needs to be kept on a short leash.
You’re not going to find solace from a prostitute or fornicatress. The only solace you could ever hope of having a chance of finding in this arena is a good righteous Muslim wife. You can kiss that righteous wife goodbye (which is the only kind of kiss you will ever get from her) if you went through with committing zina:
"The fornicator does not marry except a [female] fornicator or polytheist, and none marries her except a fornicator or a polytheist, and that has been made unlawful to the believers." (an-Noor: 3)
As far as finding a good righteous wife is concerned, then it should be understood that women are a part of this Dunya:
“Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire - of women and sons, heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allah has with Him the best return.” (al-Imran: 14)
And as a part of Dunya, they follow the same rule that goes with the rest of Dunya:
Zaid ibn Thabit reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever makes the world his greatest concern, Allah will confound his affairs and make poverty appear before his eyes and he will not get anything from the world except what has been decreed for him. Whoever makes the Hereafter his most important matter, Allah will settle his affairs and make him content in his heart and the world will come to him although he does not want it.” (Ibn Mājah)
Sex is not the best thing that a human can experience in this life. Far from it.
On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (RadhiyAllahu ‘anhu) who said: The Messenger of Allah (SallaAllahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said,
“Verily Allah (Glorified may he be) has said: ‘Whosoever shows enmity to a wali (friend) of Mine, then I have declared war against him. And My servant does not draw near to Me with anything more beloved to Me than the religious duties I have obligated upon him. And My servant continues to draw near to me with nafil (supererogatory) deeds until I Love him. When I Love him, I become his hearing with which he hears, and his sight with which he sees, and his hand with which he strikes, and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him; and were he to seek refuge with Me, I would surely grant him refuge.’ ” (Bukhari)
Ibn Taymiyyah said, "Truly, there is a Heaven in this world, [and] whoever does not enter it, will not enter the Heaven of the next world."
And the statement of Ibn Qayyim who quoted from another:
"If kings and the sons of kings knew what we had, they would try to take it from us by the sword!"
Be patient ya Ikhwan! Be patient!
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