Issues at home

[anonymous]

I live with my mother. When she's in school, she's away except for the weekends. Since summer has begun, she'll be home for the next 3 months or so.

1) Her presence affects my practice of Islam negatively. For some reason I feel so ashamed of myself and my values when I'm with her or any other member of my family. I don't have this problem when I'm at work or in school. Realizing this makes my heart so heavy, and I cry. I think she accepts my religion to a certain extent but I've heard her say bad things about it even after I reverted. She knows me, she knows I wouldn't do anything stupid - why does she think Islam is stupid? Anyway, finding the right time for prayer and trying to sneak into the bathroom for wudhu in the middle of the night are things that cause anxiety. I don't want it to be like this. During prayer all I can think about is "what if she knocks on the door and asks something/comes in right away?" and I know that's wrong. Each little sound makes my heart jump up to my throat.

2) She's dating a man. They're not married, and of course, he is not related to me in anyway. Her manfriend doesn't live here but he has keys to our apartment and has a habit of coming and going without informing me - he comes even when my mother's not home. I have nothing to say to him, he's a stranger to me. I don't want to sit around alone in my own home all day long wearing hijab just in case he happens to come in. And he even comes into my room, without knocking. I've told there's no reason to come if my mother's not home but again, no one listens to me.

3) At home my mother uncovers much more of her awrah than out in the public. I've told her to put some clothes on but she doesn't listen to me. The same with her manfriend.

4) They watch TV and listen to music and there's nothing I can do about it. There's no peace in my house and that's all I really want after work. I just kind of have to isolate myself in my room but it's not enough. And in general, it seems like I have to live by her/their rules - unless I move out.

If only moving out was the option... But right now I barely have enough money for food. I'm also afraid I wouldn't survive on my own financially (I'm working for the next 3 months after which I start a new semester and my income is reduced to student allowance) but also because I have this disease that sometimes makes it difficult to take care of myself properly. I've been told I should get married but it seems wrong to do that only as a means to have enough money for the basic things. And because of my past I don't think I'd even be ready for that. I also don't have any family, relatives or friends to ask for any support.

I'm distressed and I need to fix all of this. I'll keep praying to Allah (subhaanahu wa ta'ala).

After all of this, it seems silly to ask but I'm hoping there's something I've missed: what should I do? Is there any advice for me?

Jazaakum Allah khair

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Wa Alaaykum as'Salaam wa'Rahmatullaah wa'Barahkaatuh uktee..

Im sorry to hear about your situation and what you maybe going through only it is between you and Allaah SWT but i will keep you in my du'aas. And it isnt silly enough to ask, you came to ask for advice for your situation so it is all good, alHamdulilaah.

I would advice you continue to keep giving your mother da'wah and keep your mother in your duaa and ask Allaah to help you, be sincere, have tawakkal and sabr, it takes you closer to Allaah and make you strong insha'Allaah..

This is all I have, but remember actions and and intentions are important keep pure, so do all you are able to and trust in Allaah, do not lose hope..

I apologise if i wasnt helpful but i sincerely hope that someone else can give you better advice insha'Allaah.

may Allaah swt ease your affairs and increase you in sabr and strengh and grant you happiness in this life and the hereafter Aameen

 

[tigerkhan]

^i think its exact what i feel and want to say. will keep u in my prayers insh. allah swt ease the matters for u. maybe taking guidance from ur local imam will be helpful.

 

[Ansariyah]

:wa:

Sista can you tell your mom how much this is effecting you? You sound like you are in a lot of hardship subhanaAllah. Your mother doesn't have to be a Muslim but she should show you some respect. Sista, Allah guided you and he never burdens a soul with more then it can bear. This means you are very strong MashaAllah=).

May Allah SWT take you out of this difficulty, and grant you peace inside your heart to bear these hardships ameen.

Do you visit the mosque? Do you have any Muslim friends?

You are in my duas dear sista♥

 

[anonymous]

Thank you all for caring and making du'as for me. It means a lot to me.

I don't know any Muslims in my area and there is no mosque either. All I have is the virtual world and some Muslim friends I've met face to face a couple of times. (I've always hoped that I could have someone close to me to help with everything, someone I could share my experiences with - since now I don't even have so much in common with non-Muslims that I could become best friends with anyone. "She who has no one has Allah.")

In general talking about myself and my life with my mother is difficult. Something happened to both of us a few years ago, at separate times, and communicating became very odd. I don't know how I can tell her what I want to do with my life if she doesn't have the ability to focus and listen, let alone accept that I have a mind of my own, that I make my own decisions.

In sha Allah, things will get better.

But I want to ask, how should I approach my mother? How can I make her focus on what I want to say, and also believe that I have chosen this path (deen, not just religion) for real? Sorry, I need such practical help - I'm really not a people person. May Allah reward you.

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Thank you all for caring and making du'as for me. It means a lot to me.

I don't know any Muslims in my area and there is no mosque either. All I have is the virtual world and some Muslim friends I've met face to face a couple of times. (I've always hoped that I could have someone close to me to help with everything, someone I could share my experiences with - since now I don't even have so much in common with non-Muslims that I could become best friends with anyone. "She who has no one has Allah.")

In general talking about myself and my life with my mother is difficult. Something happened to both of us a few years ago, at separate times, and communicating became very odd. I don't know how I can tell her what I want to do with my life if she doesn't have the ability to focus and listen, let alone accept that I have a mind of my own, that I make my own decisions.

In sha Allah, things will get better.

But I want to ask, how should I approach my mother? How can I make her focus on what I want to say, and also believe that I have chosen this path (deen, not just religion) for real? Sorry, I need such practical help - I'm really not a people person. May Allah reward you.

Assalaamu Alaaykum sis

Ameen to the Du'aa and may Allaah reward you too Aameen

you are welcome and true that the one who feels they have noone, they have their creator..

Approach your mother in a way you would want her to approach you. I mean do as much as you can for her, instead of trying to focus on what you want to say, maybe you show her by actions (but yes also focusing on what you say just speaking words of good ofcourse since she is your mother)..Islaam is a way of life, so live it with her so she also becomes aware of how a muslim is and what a muslim does in their day to day stuff..tell her you love her and just try to be patient if she has negative to say about it, if there is something that needs to be corrected regarding what she says, insha'Allaah try correct her if you can..

I guess maybe moving out wasnt the option because just 'maybe' how Allaah wanted it to be, because it is a good way to give dawah to your mother, and also since soo many people have negatives views about muslims or even Islaam, maybe that doubt will go away also. And also it is adviced to give dawah to those whom you are close to first i.e.your family etc..Become close to your mother and get to know her and insha'Allaah it will become easy so you will understand each other and hopefully take each others advice also.

Do what you can and Allaah knows your intentions of what you do..i hope i made sense also :-\

 

[Flame of Hope]

"She who has no one has Allah."

That's me. I consider myself the most fortunate person on planet earth..... for whosoever has Allah has need for no one else.

So don't feel disheartened or sad because you have no one in your life who seems to care. It's enough to know that Allah cares. Say, "Alhamdulillah" ! And put on a real big smile.

Sorry, I need such practical help - I'm really not a people person.

When I was growing up, I had a motto that I followed: "It's better to be alone than to be in the company of fools." Because of that motto, I was never afraid of being alone. I preferred to be alone than mix with people who would only make matters worse for me.

I can understand the difficulties you are facing right now. Having gone through similar experiences myself, I believe I can offer you some practical advice:

1. Realize that you are going through a phase and this phase isn't going to last forever. So look ahead and hope for a better tomorrow. Remember Allah's promise: With every difficulty there is relief. Believe it with all your heart and look forward to receiving relief. Until then, be patient.

2. Count your blessings. Think of the biggest blessing you have received..... Islam. If you have that, you have everything. That's what I tell myself whenever I face any hardship. I'm always on Cloud Nine, no matter what situation I may be in.

3. As for how to deal with your mother.... never forget that she is your mother. Treat her with kindness and affection, no matter how she might behave. Be tolerant and forgiving if she is unkind to you or doesn't understand you. At the same time, try to express how you feel about her man friend. It's important that you communicate to her about this. If she doesn't know that you are uncomfortable around him, she won't be able to do something about it, would she?

4. Keep busy. Do the things you love. This will help to keep your mind off the problems you are facing at home. An idle mind is indeed the devil's workshop.

Hope this helps in some way.