issues

[convert]

As salaamu alaikum all:

I've been going through a lot of issues lately and I just need a place to vent I suppose. I may or may not be around much after this post even; I just asked Sheikh Google where I could find a forum for converts to Islam and, after sorting through the shia links, stumbled upon this one.

At any rate, like I stated above, I've been going through lots of issues. Not with my family really. Although there have been some issues since I converted, they have generally been accepting of me, alhamdulillah. I had some friends abandon me, but I guess I used my shahadah as the furqan to determine who my true friends really were.

My issues are with the community at large. I love Islam but have very little patience with muslims. I had the normal issues once I converted (i.e. the jamaat trying to turn me into an Arab or Pakistani and when I didn't, leaving me to teach myself the deen) but I was able to get through that, alhamdulillah.

The most insulted and embarrassed I have even been in my life has been now that I am trying to get married. It is absolutely unbelievable the things I have to deal with. I mean, it took some time but the uncles finally think its ok to pray next to me but astaughfirullah if I ask about marrying their daughters.

I have even had my Islam questioned, like I am not a real muslim because I am white.

There are some sisters that are interested in me but it never works out due to the above or because my knowledge of the deen isn't as strong as they'd like (sorry, if I had a teacher I wouldn't be in this problem).

I don't mean to sound unappreciative of or like I do not acknowledge the mercy of Allah but a lot of this is just ridiculous. Islam in books is mashaAllah. Islam in the masaajid is aoudhibillah.

Make dua for me.

 

[alcurad]

welcome brother
and yes, the culture is too strong for many, not to mention most people don't actually know much of their religion to begin with, it's somewhat late here, probably more replys wil be there in the morning, anyway, what you say is true for many converts.

I applaud your perseverance brother, what I'm going to say for now is keep it up, or rather don't give up, it'll get easier, joining the forum benefitted me greatly even though I was 'born' muslim.

it really takes time, but if you know the basics it should be enough, for marriage I mean, perhaps it will be much easier to look for someone who converted as you did?
then you'll help each other, and perhaps even understand what the other is going throug as well, although it isn't necessarily that, if you look hard enough you'll find a sister-regardless of race etc- who'll fit you, and you her, just keep looking, it's not an easy thing to begin with-unfortunately-, and don't let others' ignorance faze you, it is only common.

 

[GreyKode]

Assalamu alaikum brother, welcome.
There are many knowledgeable people around here who can help you out, personally I think its ridiculous how those guys try to arabize converts. May ALLAH grant you patience and increase your imaan.

 

[Intisar]

It's hard for you to get married to people that are too attached to their culture, and if they do it's sometimes because:

a) They have an inferiority complex and want beautiful mixed race children with blue or green eyes and light skin.

b) Or, they're trying to run away from their family.

To those that turn you down, perhaps it's not because of them, but because of pressure from their family? Some parents threaten to disown their child if they do marry an ''ajnabi'' (foreigner), but wouldn't mind if they married someone who doesn't even bother praying their five salats every single day just as long as they're from the same culture.

It's a double standard, and sorry to say...for some people, culture comes before Islaam subhan'Allaah. imsad You see, I've often heard that if you marry an ''ajnabi'' than your bloodline is tainted, and your lineage is not as ''nasab'' (noble).

That's the harsh reality, not every single cultured person is like that, but a lot of people that I've come across are.

If you think it's hard for a white revert, how do you think it is for a black one? They've got it even worse than you. My family, even though my extended family have no business in my personal affairs, have told me that I can never marry an African American. There are so many derogatory terms used for people from a different background. :skeleton:

You need to be aware of such things so that you can stay away from that inshaAllaah, keep on persevering in your deen, and searching for a wife. Make du'a, there are many many mixed marriages and they do work out alhamdulilah but cultural attachments are still there and I believe is one of the reasons why this Ummah isn't united I'm afraid.

Too many people have pride in their hearts, as if they're better than others (Muslim or not) based on their skin colour/background. And little do they know, that someone with a mustard's seed's weight of pride will not enter Jannah.

 

[جوري]

:welcome: aboard akhi..
be patient with yourself and others insha'Allah things will work themselves out with time..
Islam like any science is a continuing education...

I suggest when you are sick of Muslims as happens to many of us, that you simply just take time away to reflect and stay away...

and Allah swt knows best

 

[coddles76]

May Allah SWT keep you patient and remove from you all types of harm.
The society we live in causes these issues which is really really unfortunate. People these days of lost the real essence of alot of things including marriage. If only people would look back to the examples of the prophet PBUH and realise how things should be we wouldn't have the problems we do now but I guess this is the culture of humanity, we come in all different mind frames which is very challenging sometimes. Just keep patient brother, life doesn't always go our way but its always the patient that will succeed.

 

[convert]

welcome brother
and yes, the culture is too strong for many, not to mention most people don't actually know much of their religion to begin with, it's somewhat late here, probably more replys wil be there in the morning, anyway, what you say is true for many converts.

I applaud your perseverance brother, what I'm going to say for now is keep it up, or rather don't give up, it'll get easier, joining the forum benefitted me greatly even though I was 'born' muslim.

it really takes time, but if you know the basics it should be enough, for marriage I mean, perhaps it will be much easier to look for someone who converted as you did?
then you'll help each other, and perhaps even understand what the other is going throug as well, although it isn't necessarily that, if you look hard enough you'll find a sister-regardless of race etc- who'll fit you, and you her, just keep looking, it's not an easy thing to begin with-unfortunately-, and don't let others' ignorance faze you, it is only common.

Thats the thing. I know the basics. I had to teach myself how to read Arabic and tajweed rules but I got that down after like 2 months, alhamdulillah. My issues now are in regards to fiqh and the Arabic language.

I get pulled in by certain mistranslated or spotty fataawa that I have to blindly accept because I cannot understand the language. I had one guy honestly tell me that loving Arabs and recognizing them as this noble master race was part of fitrah. He brought daleel but it was all in Arabic, so I couldn't respond.

I simply cannot teach myself a language. I tried, it doesn't work. The only Arabic I know is the juz or so of Quran I have memorized and even that is touch and go.

The thing about convert sisters is that they are the ones who don't want me because of my knowledge. They are hard set on getting an Arab guy to teach them the deen, nothing else will do.

 

[convert]

It's hard for you to get married to people that are too attached to their culture, and if they do it's sometimes because:

a) They have an inferiority complex and want beautiful mixed race children with blue or green eyes and light skin.

b) Or, they're trying to run away from their family.

To those that turn you down, perhaps it's not because of them, but because of pressure from their family? Some parents threaten to disown their child if they do marry an ''ajnabi'' (foreigner), but wouldn't mind if they married someone who doesn't even bother praying their five salats every single day just as long as they're from the same culture.

It's a double standard, and sorry to say...for some people, culture comes before Islaam subhan'Allaah. imsad You see, I've often heard that if you marry an ''ajnabi'' than your bloodline is tainted, and your lineage is not as ''nasab'' (noble).

That's the harsh reality, not every single cultured person is like that, but a lot of people that I've come across are.

If you think it's hard for a white revert, how do you think it is for a black one? They've got it even worse than you. My family, even though my extended family have no business in my personal affairs, have told me that I can never marry an African American. There are so many derogatory terms used for people from a different background. :skeleton:

You need to be aware of such things so that you can stay away from that inshaAllaah, keep on persevering in your deen, and searching for a wife. Make du'a, there are many many mixed marriages and they do work out alhamdulilah but cultural attachments are still there and I believe is one of the reasons why this Ummah isn't united I'm afraid.

Too many people have pride in their hearts, as if they're better than others (Muslim or not) based on their skin colour/background. And little do they know, that someone with a mustard's seed's weight of pride will not enter Jannah.

At least our AA brothers and sisters have their own jamaat, ukhti. I would argue the Chinese converts have it much much worse than the white converts do however. I know a couple from the next community over and they get it from all angles.

 

[جوري]

Thats the thing. I know the basics. I had to teach myself how to read Arabic and tajweed rules but I got that down after like 2 months, alhamdulillah. My issues now are in regards to fiqh and the Arabic language.

I get pulled in by certain mistranslated or spotty fataawa that I have to blindly accept because I cannot understand the language. I had one guy honestly tell me that loving Arabs and recognizing them as this noble master race was part of fitrah. He brought daleel but it was all in Arabic, so I couldn't respond.

I simply cannot teach myself a language. I tried, it doesn't work. The only Arabic I know is the juz or so of Quran I have memorized and even that is touch and go.

The thing about convert sisters is that they are the ones who don't want me because of my knowledge. They are hard set on getting an Arab guy to teach them the deen, nothing else will do.

haha soba7n Allah he said what of the Arabs..
perhaps you can quote this fellow from the Quran such verses as this

The Arabs of the desert are the worst in unbelief and Hypocrisy, and most fitted to be in ignorance of the command which Allah hath sent down to His Messenger but Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise.9:97
​

and see what he has to say..
seriously the nerve of some people..


May Allah make this easy for you insha'Allah



btw I am Arabic, and I speak Arabic, and can tell you there is no such hadith! the only time a human is favored over another is though his goodness and piety

and Allah swt knows best

 

[aadil77]

I get pulled in by certain mistranslated or spotty fataawa that I have to blindly accept because I cannot understand the language. I had one guy honestly tell me that loving Arabs and recognizing them as this noble master race was part of fitrah. He brought daleel but it was all in Arabic, so I couldn't respond.

Don't mind them brother, some arabs behave this way with all non-arabs. The arabs I saw at Dubai airport would look at me like sh*t, so don't worry about them they aint superior in any way, I'd like to see the behave that way is this country, they'd get battered.

Just take it easy, these people you've met aren't the best of muslims so don't take this as a problem with islam, its a problem with them

 

[convert]

Don't let these people dishearten you or put u down brother, rather let them increase your determination. You can achieve anything u want, and Allaah will help u insha' Allaah! You can start learning Arabic here for free, from the famous Medina books 1, 2, and 3. The videos are very good masha' Allaah, and taught nicely

http://www.lqtoronto.com/videos.html

soon u will know more Arabic than the Arab brothers!

And with nowadays technology... the honorable journey of gaining knowledge is easy! You have almost everything online. If u want, I can direct you to some authentic and beneficial sites to learn from. And read this du'aa lots and lots and lots: 'rabbi zidni ilma' 'My Lord, increase me in knowledge' and you will get ahead of everyone insha' Allaah.

I pray that Allaah increases you so much in knowledge and respect and sincerity, that the same people who are putting u down now, will come to ask u Questions abt Fiqh later on!

The Madinah books were the first thing I tried, they don't work without a teacher. I will check out those videos when I get home from work, inshaAllah they can give me a reference.

I prefer to make dua in a language I understand also (arabic is ruled out here).

Please make dua for me. I am very frustrated, almost to the point of bitterness and contempt for my fellow muslims. Its lonely out there for the converts and while people may realize that in the academic/theoretical sense, they just don't fully understand.

 

[alcurad]

may God make it easier for you brother, it will get easier too, just be patient.

 

[UmmSqueakster]

Assalamu Alaikum,

I think every convert I've ever met (myself included) goes through a period where they loathe the community.

Islam is wonderful, but I can't stand muslims
Frustrations of a Muslim Convert
My First Year as a Muslim


There is an unbalance re: marriage. I think husbands are expected to have knowledge of the religion, so it takes convert brothers longer to get married then convert sisters. Every brother seems to want a convert sister to mold into their perfect vision of a muslimah. Of course, oftentimes that doesn't work out so well for the sister. Heck, I think it would be better for convert sisters to hold off getting married until they learn a sufficient amount of the deen so they can make an informed choice in marital partners.

I don't know how long you've been muslim, but for right now, focus on learning your deen and inshaAllah once people in your community see that you're knowledgable, marriage will happen. I know a brother who converted while I was in college, and he went to Egypt to study arabic for a year. Afterwards, he got married. Now I'm not saying go to egypt to learn arabic, but try to find someone (in person or online) to learn from. While the muslims you encounter may be disapointing, there are lots of us out there who inshaAllah are not.

I have some educational opportunities listed on the converts page on my blog. I really should update it as more and more things are becoming available.

For something right now that may offer you a pick me up, check out Imam Suhaib Webb's (himself a convert) current FREE online class. It's really mashaAllah very beneficial.

 

[Intisar]

At least our AA brothers and sisters have their own jamaat, ukhti. I would argue the Chinese converts have it much much worse than the white converts do however. I know a couple from the next community over and they get it from all angles.

Well what I meant was, I'm black and my family would go up in arms if I married an AA...the irony of it was what I was trying to get at.

If they have their own jamat, then maybe y'all should do the same..for reverts in general, not just culturally-based. Like a support group and such.

Akhee, remember this...marriage is not hard for only reverts, but for people in general because the shaytan constantly tries to make it seem like marriage (the halal way) is a lot harder than just dating somebody.

So be patient, after hardship there is relief inshaAllaah.

 

[julie sarri]

I am a white revert sister i know how hard it is brother Alhamdulillah i am married i had to self teach my self as well i only started going to the masjid last year and this is not every week. I pray at home and i know enough Arabic to pray even when i enter the masjid the sisters still look at me in a strange way and i am always left on my own why they stick to there groups. At first it hurt but then i said i am here to worship Allah swt and i and i didn't become muslim just for the friends and community although it is important i can do without everyone's ideas on how to practices Islam their way i got all the books by the top scholars and read the hadith books and learn for myself.The thing is to stay patient make du'a for Allah swt to inshaallah give you a good wife try and keep learning becouse the more you know the better it will be and after a while you should be able to quote hadith and interact with the community but it all takes time i have been a muslimah for almost 5 years now and i am still working on it

 

[Shah4Justice]

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ اسْتَعِينُواْ بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلاَةِ إِنَّ اللّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ (2:153

2:153 O YOU who have attained to faith! Seek aid in steadfast patience and prayer: for, behold, God is with those who are patient in adversity.

وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوفْ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الأَمَوَالِ وَالأنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ (2:155
2:155 And most certainly shall We try you by means of danger, and hunger, and loss of worldly goods, of lives and of fruits. But give glad tidings unto those who are patient in adversity

لَتُبْلَوُنَّ فِي أَمْوَالِكُمْ وَأَنفُسِكُمْ وَلَتَسْمَعُنَّ مِنَ الَّذِينَ أُوتُواْ الْكِتَابَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ وَمِنَ الَّذِينَ أَشْرَكُواْ أَذًى كَثِيرًا وَإِن تَصْبِرُواْ وَتَتَّقُواْ فَإِنَّ ذَلِكَ مِنْ عَزْمِ الأُمُورِ (3:186
3:186 You shall most certainly be tried in your possessions and in your persons; and indeed you shall hear many hurtful things from those to whom revelation was granted before your time, as well as from those who have come to ascribe divinity to other beings beside God. But if you remain patient in adversity and conscious of Him - this, behold, is something to set one's heart upon.​

So, brothers and sisters who have prostrated to Allah swt, follow only Allah swt through his BOOK and Prophet pbuh. As this is what has been told. Do Not fall into sectarianism as the Muhammad pbuh did not instruct us to do so and Allah swt clearly forbid this.

وَاعْتَصِمُواْ بِحَبْلِ اللّهِ جَمِيعًا وَلاَ تَفَرَّقُواْ وَاذْكُرُواْ نِعْمَةَ اللّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ إِذْ كُنتُمْ أَعْدَاء فَأَلَّفَ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِكُمْ فَأَصْبَحْتُم بِنِعْمَتِهِ إِخْوَانًا وَكُنتُمْ عَلَىَ شَفَا حُفْرَةٍ مِّنَ النَّارِ فَأَنقَذَكُم مِّنْهَا كَذَلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ اللّهُ لَكُمْ آيَاتِهِ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَهْتَدُونَ (3:103

3:103 And hold fast, all together, unto the bond with God, and do not draw apart from one another. And remember the blessings which God has bestowed upon you: how, when you were enemies, He brought your hearts together, so that through His blessing you became brethren; and [how, when] you were on the brink of a fiery abyss. [79] He saved you from it. In this way God makes clear His messages unto you, so that you might find guidance,​

إِنَّ الَّذِينَ فَرَّقُواْ دِينَهُمْ وَكَانُواْ شِيَعًا لَّسْتَ مِنْهُمْ فِي شَيْءٍ إِنَّمَا أَمْرُهُمْ إِلَى اللّهِ ثُمَّ يُنَبِّئُهُم بِمَا كَانُواْ يَفْعَلُونَ (6:159

6:159 VERILY, as for those who have broken the unity of their faith and have become sects - thou hast nothing to do with them. Behold, their case rests with God: and in time He will make them understand what they were doing. ​

***Besides talking to the scholars who are clearly striving in the path of Allah swt, u can always count on the support of brothers and sister in this forum, as I have seen SOME of them to be very blessed and honest masha Allah.
Please please please stick to the main sources of guidance i.e Quran and the example of the Prophet pbuh (how he practiced Islam).

One of THE most important guidance points:

وَمِنْ حَيْثُ خَرَجْتَ فَوَلِّ وَجْهَكَ شَطْرَ الْمَسْجِدِ الْحَرَامِ وَحَيْثُ مَا كُنتُمْ فَوَلُّواْ وُجُوهَكُمْ شَطْرَهُ لِئَلاَّ يَكُونَ لِلنَّاسِ عَلَيْكُمْ حُجَّةٌ إِلاَّ الَّذِينَ ظَلَمُواْ مِنْهُمْ فَلاَ تَخْشَوْهُمْ وَاخْشَوْنِي وَلأُتِمَّ نِعْمَتِي عَلَيْكُمْ وَلَعَلَّكُمْ تَهْتَدُونَ (2:150)

2:150 Hence, from wherever thou mayest come forth, turn thy direction towards the Inviolable House of Worship; and wherever you all may be, turn your directions towards it, so that people should have no argument against you unless they are bent upon wrongdoing. And do not fear them, but fear Me, so that I might bestow upon you the full measure of My blessings., and that you might follow the right path. ​

 

[anonymous]

The Madinah books were the first thing I tried, they don't work without a teacher. I will check out those videos when I get home from work, inshaAllah they can give me a reference.

I hope it will make u feel better, now that u have found a teacher. He is good alhamdulillaah.

I prefer to make dua in a language I understand also (arabic is ruled out here).

hmmm okay. However you wish brother. But just incase u change your mind and want to say it in Arabic..

Rabb means Lord
ee = my

so Rabbee = My Lord

zidni = increase me

ilma = knowledge

Because its more special when u say it in Arabic

Please make dua for me. I am very frustrated, almost to the point of bitterness and contempt for my fellow muslims.

We can't blame you for that. If just reading your post made us feel angry, then imagine the frustration of a person actually going through it (They are ignorant brother :-\ ) May Allaah guide them and ease your situation. You are in our du'aas insha' Allaah.

 

[convert]

Because its more special when u say it in Arabic

Why? I'm not an Arab and I cannot speak Arabic; it means nothing to me unless I am sure of what I am saying.

 

[anonymous]

Why?

well because if u had a friend and made an attempt to converse with them in a language that they loved and spoke in, its more special and shows how much you love them.

I'm not an Arab and I cannot speak Arabic; it means nothing to me unless I am sure of what I am saying.

Then you can say it in English bro, that's not a problem at all! Do du'aa however u feel, comfortably and willingly and do not worry or burden yourself. may Allaah help you and ease all your difficulties.

P.S. How are you finding the Madina Book Videos?

 

[convert]

well because if u had a friend and made an attempt to converse with them in a language that they loved and spoke in, its more special and shows how much you love them.

Then you can say it in English bro, that's not a problem at all! Do du'aa however u feel, comfortably and willingly and do not worry or burden yourself. may Allaah help you and ease all your difficulties.

P.S. How are you finding the Madina Book Videos?

See, you need to be careful how you word things. Converts see this as: Since when does Allah only love Arabic and does he not understand English? Am I not sincere because I cannot speak Arabic?

Unfortunately, I have been told before that my dua is not accepted because it isn't in Arabic. This is the crap I have to deal with and it honestly drives me away from muslims and the Arabic language.

I have only made it about 20 minutes into the first video... there seems to be an issue and it craps out when I stream it. I download it though and will see if that helps.