Istikhara

[Snm]

I did istikhara for one guy and I believe it led me to another guy who is now my boyfriend. Is it possible that
Allah would guide me to my boyfriend since my boyfriend and I are together but not yet married which is
haram? I truly believe Allah helped me get over my ex which was probably the most difficult time in my life, and that Allah gave me something better which is my boyfriend. My boyfriend is religious and a genuinely good
person. I feel at peace with him and feel like he is a gift from Allah, to help me get over my ex. Within a week of doing istikhara, I began talking to my boyfriend, who is my sister's husband's brother, over the phone and we both fell in love and promised to marry each other. It seemed like that was my sign from God and I had a good feeling about it. I am concerned with if my boyfriend was given to me to help me get over my ex but not given to me to marry. I am not sure what Allah would do in this type of situation. Wouldn't He just help me get over
my ex without giving me another guy to help me get over my ex? This leads me to believe that I am destined to marry my boyfriend. We have both told our moms that we want to get married and they said they are fine with it but neither of them have talked about it for about a now year since my boyfriend and I are waiting to finish school before we get married. He is perfect for me and I feel like he is my soulmate. One night in particular I
was laying in bed and feeling unusually close to God and all I could think about was my boyfriend and how we
should both be good people so that we can get into Heaven. That night was really a spiritual and awakening
experience for me. I felt like Allah was speaking to me in a way and telling me that I am destined to marry my
boyfriend. But of course I cannot predict the future and I would like to know if it is plausible that Allah guided
me to my boyfriend to marry.

 

[Muslim Woman]

sis , u are involved in a haram relationship . If he is right for u , then wait till he establishes and can marry u . Stop talking and mixing with him NOW .

 

[Snm]

We don't talk anymore to keep it halal but based on my story would you say he is the one for me?

 

[Muslim Woman]

offer Istekhara about him . InshaAllah u will get an indication .

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

We don't talk anymore to keep it halal but based on my story would you say he is the one for me?

My sister there is no such thing as "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" in Islam. You are both strangers to each other. The reason why so many people get hurt is because they give their all to a person who is not even theirs and then when things wrong wrong between them they feel devastated like their life is over. On top of that there is no blessings in such a forbidden relationship. So if you do want that Allah helps you in your pursuit for a partner then go about things in the right manner and that means not to talk to them without the presence of a Mahram whether it is in person, over the phone or by e mail.

If you really want to know if he is the one or not then involve your family immediately and take things from there. If things go well then do the nikah as soon as possible without delay. Even if things do go well that does not give a person the right to start talking to a potential like they are already married to them. This is a deception of shaythan who is present in the interactions of two unmarried people if no mahram is present.

So go about things in the right manner and you will get blessings in your pursuit of marriage but go about it in the wrong manner and all you will gain is pain and anguish. So the best thing i would advise you is to involve family right away and always ensure that a mahram is present in your interactions. This is only for your own good. One should learn from their past mistakes and not keep making the same mistakes over and over.

So use this opportunity to get closer to Allah and know that to gain his pleasure is the best thing we can ever achieve and even more pleasurable than anything in Paradise.

10 Steps to get Closer to Allah:

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-purification-soul/134292389-10-steps-getting-closer-allah.html

 

[Snm]

Yes, but it couldn't have been a coincidence that he came into my life at the exact right time. Based on the
Istikhara namaz in which Allah guides you to the right path, takes the matter for which you are praying for
away from you if it is bad and gives you something better, could it be possible that Allah was showing me who
is really meant for me although He did not want me to speak to him until we are married? We told our moms about it right away and by their request stopped speaking until it is time for us to get married. My question is, based the namaz, would it seem that he is the one for me?

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Yes, but it couldn't have been a coincidence that he came into my life at the exact right time. Based on the
Istikhara namaz in which Allah guides you to the right path, takes the matter for which you are praying for
away from you if it is bad and gives you something better, could it be possible that Allah was showing me who
is really meant for me although He did not want me to speak to him until we are married? We told our moms about it right away and by their request stopped speaking until it is time for us to get married. My question is, based the namaz, would it seem that he is the one for me?

My sister many thngs happen in life which seem like a coincidence. Many a time we are down in the dumps and along comes a saviour. This does not necesserily mean that you will spend the rest of your life with him. But it also may be that you are meant to be. None of us can say to you "Yes this was a miracle" if that is what you are looking for. The best advice anyone can give you is the following:

1. Go about things in the right manner within the boundaries of Islam with ANY potential you come across which as i mentioned above means that you involve your mahrams throughout every interaction.

2. You do not put your hopes so high that if it is not meant to be that your hopes will come crashing down and that will devastate you. Instead you put your trust and reliance in Allah and know that if it is meant to be then it will happen and if it is not then something better will come along that is meant for you.

So if you stick to the above and make much Dua and leave the rest to Allah then that is the best you can possibly do but i advise against looking at this as "the one" because you, i and anyone does not know that yet. We will only know once the nikah has taken place. Many a time things were looking "certain" and a couple were even engaged and things did not get to marriage. So it is best not to keep hopes high but to put ones trust in Allah and know that he will do what is best for us.

May Allah do what is best for you. Ameen

 

[~Zaria~]

Assalamu-alaikum ukthi,

JazakAllah for sharing your story with us.

My sister, we should always approach any situation in life by asking ourselves the following:

Is this causing the pleasure or displeasure of Allah (subhanawataála)?
If my nabi (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) was here right now - would he approve or disapprove?

This should be done in all matters in life.

And although, we may try to rationalise certain haraam actions, by looking at the good that may come out of it - deep down in our hearts, we actually do know the answers to these questions.
We do know that engaging in pre-marital relationships is haraam and displeasing to Allah (subhanawataála).
And if our parents do not even approve of communicating with the person until marriage - would our beloved prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) ever approve?

As brother Hamza has mentioned:

No good ever comes from initiating anything in a manner that is incurring the wrath of Allah.
(this does not just involve marriage, but everything else in life as well - e.g. if you wish to start an Islamic school (which is a good deed) - what benefit is there if one has to invest haraam money into it?)

In the same manner my sister, even though you are feeling good about this relationship - this is arising purely from your own nafs and shaytaan.
Shaytaan, our worst enemy - LOVES to lead young people astray.
And he will make it feel good in the process.
And make you believe that eventually it will lead you towards Allah and Jannah.

But how can it? - when in the entire process, Allah has been so displeased with His slave?

It is only through the mercy of Allah upon us - that He choses not to snatch our lives away, right at the moment that we are engaging in something haraam - and make us accountable for it immediately.

Also, consider this:
How will it be possible to read Istikharrah - seeking guidance from Allah - when the entire time, we were not even concerned about displeasing Him in the process?

The other reason why we should not attach our hearts to anyone before marriage, is because it makes the istikarrah very difficult to interpret.
If you already have strong feelings for a person - How would you know that this is a positive sign from Allah.....or if it is your own desires that are being felt??

My ukthi, I would suggest the following:

1. Break off all communication with this man - no phonecalls, no messaging, no chatting, no secret meetings - nothing.
And you are doing this simply because you want to earn the PLEASURE and LOVE of Allah! <-- there is no greater reason than this.

2. Concentrate on your studies for now.

3. After being distanced from each - then reconsider marriage.
But this time, doing it the right way:

- The young man requests consent to meet and speak to you with the presence of you Walli.
- Prolonged communication is avoided, and only occurs in the presence of a mahram - whether this is done in person or on-line or telephonically (this all is possible, if we make the correct intention and effort in this regard).
- Then read istikharah, and insha Allah, He will guide you towards that which is better for you at the time.

May Allah (subhanawataála) make this easy for you and guide on the path of the righteous.
Ameen

:wa: