It is sinful for a someone to wish to be lifted the freedom from him?

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Nitro Zeus

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Sometimes, I just wish I never been granted freedom, but to do work like angels do: without commenting. You know why? Because, if I have freedom like all the rest of humans, then I can do whatever crosses in mind without being stopped by someone. But, after I committed couple of disbeliefs in past and then I entered again in Islam, then I started to be scared even to think of what will happen to me at deathbed time and I started to wish to be lifted from me this freedom so that I wont have to commit any sin, because committing any sin freely is risky and has sever consequences, and I dont want to deal with His Punishment. So, is it sinful for me to wish to be lfited the free will to chose? Is it really wise what I have in mind to do? Or it is agaisnt nature? Becausex I,had enouph of doing stupid things, and some of my stupid things are memorable and I dont want to suffer anymore because of my stupid mistake.
 
Anas :ra: narrated that Allah's Messenger ‏:saws: said:

“All the sons of Adam are sinners, but the best of sinners are those who repent often.”

Related by At·Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah
 
azc said:
Anas :ra: narrated that Allah's Messenger ‏:saws: said:

“All the sons of Adam are sinners, but the best of sinners are those who repent often.”

Related by At·Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah
Click to expand...
Oh, so the fact that I repent every night for each sin I made in day time whether it is intentionally or unintentionally made, then thats mean I'm the best? Because, I really do this every night in different ways. Somtimes I recite the chapter "The Purity" and sometimes I recite Istakhara for x1-2-3-4-5 or more than that until I fall asleep. And it has become to me as a habit.
 
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Repentance before sleep is always good for a momin. Why and how you do this istikhara...?
 
azc said:
Repentance before sleep is always good for a momin. Why and how you do this istikhara...?
Click to expand...
What do you mean-"why and hoe I do Istakhara"? I simply recite repeatedly even if I dont feel like I'm doing with sincerity, I do with hope that I will get His forgiveness so that I can have the honor of reciting shahada at deathbed time and to answer correctly all three grave questions.
 
May Allah :swt: keep us steadfast on deen at the deathbed. Ameen
 

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