Its getting worst and worst everyday!!! help me!!..

[Lone_Traveler]

My last thread a bit long and confusing. I am summing up everything.

After 2 times of breaking her heart she has said yes for the third time.Now i feel extremely suffocated again and dont want to be with her but i cant break her heart again,i know its a grave sin and also as a person i cant destroy someone 3 times.

But how do I get rid of all this suffocation? I lower my gaze but I keep thinking of other girls.I keep thinking what if I married someone rich and beautiful,someone smarter,and more religious.

Why every girl seems better than her but when I had left her 2 times seems like she is better than any girl.
Am I mentally sick or what is this? Why am i so obsessed with being alone and dont want any responsability?

How do i remove this feeling please? please help me because i am going through hell.I keep comparing her to others and keep comparing me to others.This thing is eating me from inside and i cant think about Allah anymore or anything except how can I live like this!. And the weird thing is it only goes away around 5 pm and 5 am everyday for an hour.Then i start feeling extremely bad again!!

And I am sure if a miracle happens and she doesnt want to marry me then someday when I am about to marry I will feel extremely suffocated again and will always go in a loop and i can never settle.
HOW CAN I REMOVE LOVE FOR SOMEONE RICH AND BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE I COMPARE MYSELF TO NONMUSLIMS IN MY FAMILY CIRCLE AND WANT TO HAVE BETTER THAN THEM SINCE THEY ALWAYS HAVE MORE THAN ME? HOW CAN I REMOVE THIS DISEASE I HAVE? I am a normal muslim,pray 5 times a day,pray tahajjud,read Quran,listen to Quran,but nothing seems to work I keep feeling WORST AND WORST everyday!!!

please help!!!

 

[ardianto]

I was handsome guy from middle class family. It made me valuable in the girl’s eyes. But in the time when I was looking for future wife I didn’t think I must get girl like this, like that. That’s because I realized, getting life-partner is different than buying t-shirt. If I wanted to buy t-shirt I could go to the store and choose any t-shirt that I want. But if I wanted to get life-partner?. I might be interested to marry a girl. But if this girl was not interested to marry me, then what could I do?. That’s why I just expected a girl who was willing to accept me.

Okay young bro, do you want to marry rich beautiful woman?. Go ahead. Come to every single woman like this, and tell her that you want to marry her. Look her reaction. If she accept you, Alhamdulillah. But if you are always rejected, then you have to rethinking, are you worth for woman like this or not?.

Look at yourself before you making criteria of expected life-partner.

My first future wife was typical village girl from poor family in a small town. She didn’t marry me because my mother and her mother hated each other. The woman who then became the mother of my children was from poor family too who lived in same city. Why should I expect rich woman?. I didn’t want to live with my in-law money.

 

[Lone_Traveler]

I was handsome guy from middle class family. It made me valuable in the girl’s eyes. But in the time when I was looking for future wife I didn’t think I must get girl like this, like that. That’s because I realized, getting life-partner is different than buying t-shirt. If I wanted to buy t-shirt I could go to the store and choose any t-shirt that I want. But if I wanted to get life-partner?. I might be interested to marry a girl. But if this girl was not interested to marry me, then what could I do?. That’s why I just expected a girl who was willing to accept me.

Okay young bro, do you want to marry rich beautiful woman?. Go ahead. Come to every single woman like this, and tell her that you want to marry her. Look her reaction. If she accept you, Alhamdulillah. But if you are always rejected, then you have to rethinking, are you worth for woman like this or not?.

Look at yourself before you making criteria of expected life-partner.

My first future wife was typical village girl from poor family in a small town. She didn’t marry me because my mother and her mother hated each other. The woman who then became the mother of my children was from poor family too who lived in same city. Why should I expect rich woman?. I didn’t want to live with my in-law money.

It has happened before thats why.There was a very very rich girl who is going to be a surgeon too,who kept asking to marry me for 3 years!!
I rejected her cuz she was not beautiful and i felt suffocated.
I always feel suffocated when things get serious i dont know what to do!.Shaytan tells me i can do better.Also i have this habit of comparing everything to others.
Now i feel suffocated again with this girl again,more than with everyone because i dont even want to marry now i want to focus on Allah only

But this thing is completely destroying my deen and emaan i can hardly pray now all i think is how suffocated i am and how can i live with someone i dont love.
I am like shaytan,i think i am better than anyone and can always do better.Logically i know i am just a coward/looser/child but i dont know why i feel i am better than everybody.

Its like i have two different people inside me.Probably am mentally ill.This situation is making me more crazy