Jealousy....

[AnonymousPoster]

Hi all my brothers n sisters. I'm a sis first of all. I've a problem and I hope that you'll be able to help me. Well the problem is that I am very jealous of people. I don't like to share my stuff with others. I am a selfish person though my parents and my brothers are not like me, they help people, they share their stuff. When I'm at home with my family I hate when a relative comes to visit us. I get angry very quickly and use foul languagues mg:. I hate myself and I don't even trust myself anymore. Recently I'm going to get married and I'm very jealous of my would-be-husband. I don't like to be like this. I want to be someone good, with good qualities. When I pray, I ask Allah to make me good.

 

[*~Sofia~*]

Salam sister,

Im sorry to hear of your problems.. but with the will of Allah(swt) it can be fixed

I found the followin.. i hope it helps inshallah

Praise be to Allah.

What every Muslim is obliged to do, as you mentioned, is to love for his brother what he loves for himself of good things, and to hate for his brother what he hates for himself of bad things.

This does not mean that he cannot like for himself what he likes for others. If he sees that his brother has something that he does not, and he wishes that he had it too, this is ghibtah (envy that is free from malice); if he wishes that the blessing would be taken away from them, this is called hasad (destructive jealousy).

The Muslim needs to strive against his own self (jihaad al-nafs) so that his heart will be free of jealousy towards his Muslim brothers.

If he sincerely loves his brothers and sisters, most of these problems from which he is suffering will disappear.

When the Muslim realizes how great his virtue and status will be when he loves his brothers and loves good things for them, and when he knows how great his reward will be if he treats them well, this will motivate him to treat them well in all ways, and to strive to benefit his brothers instead of being preoccupied with jealous thoughts of what they have and he doesn’t.


You have to think long and hard about the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):

“That is the Grace of Allaah which He bestows on whom He wills

[al-Maa’idah 5:54]

“It is We Who portion out between them their livelihood in this world, and We raised some of them above others in ranks, so that some may employ others in their work

[al-Zukhruf 43:32]

Hasad (destructive jealousy) causes a great deal of harm in this world and in the Hereafter. Al-Tirmidhi narrated from al-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awaam that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“There has come to you the disease of the nations before you, jealousy and hatred. This is the ‘shaver’ (destroyer); I do not say that it shaves hair, but that it shaves (destroys) faith. By the One in Whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I not tell you of that which will strengthen love between you? Spread (the greeting of) salaam amongst yourselves.” (A hasan hadeeth. Jaami’ al-Tirmidhi, 2434).

Concerning the meaning of the phrase “it shaves (destroys) faith”, al-Tayyibi said: “i.e., hatred takes away faith like a razor takes away hair.” (Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi bi Sharh Jaami’ al-Tirmidhi).

Here are some solutions for you sister

1- Make du’aa’ (supplication) to Allah and ask Him to rid you of this problem.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say in his du’aa’, “Wa’hdi qalbi wa’slul sakheemata sadri (guide my heart and remove ill will from my breast).” The phrase “guide my heart” means to the straight path, and “remove ill will from my breast” means take away all insincerity, rancour and hatred.

2-Pondering the meanings of the Qur’aan and reading it frequently,

especially the verses which speak of hasad (destructive jealousy), because reading the Qur’aan brings one a great deal of hasanaat (reward for good deeds). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds

[Hood 11:114]

3- Reading the seerah (biography) of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him),

seeing how he kept away from hasad and how he loved good for others, even for his enemies. Among the useful books on seerah is Noor al-Yaqeen fi Seerat Sayyid al-Mursaleen.

4- Reading the biographies and stories of the Sahaabah

in books such as Suwar min Hayaat al-Sahaabah by ‘Abd al-Rahmaan Ra’fat al-Basha)

5- If any such thoughts (of hasad, etc.) cross your mind, then seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan, and keep yourself busy with something that will make you forget these insinuating whispers and thoughts.

6-If the Shaytaan manages to instil hasad in your heart, then beware
lest you say or do anything which will show that hasad. Every person has his or her share of hasad. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: “Nobody is free from hasad, but the noble person hides it whilst the base person shows it.” (Amraad al-Quloob). A person will not be brought to account for whatever crosses his mind, but he will be brought to account for what he says and does. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah will forgive my ummah for their mistakes, what they forget and what they are forced to do.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2033).

7- If you feel that you are jealous of a specific person, then buy him a gift and shake hands with him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Shake hands, for this will dispel rancour, and exchange gifts and love one another, for this will dispel hatred.” (Narrated by Maalik in al-Muwatta’, 1413). Hasad is the result of hatred, whose opposite is love, the way of which is giving gifts and spreading (the greeting of) salaam, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “You will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I not tell you of that which will strengthen love between you? Spread (the greeting of) salaam amongst yourselves.” (Narrated by Muslim, 81).



“Whoever find in himself any hasad towards another has to try to neutralize it by means of taqwa (piety, consciousness of Allaah) and sabr (patience). So he should hate that (the feeling of hasad) in himself… But the one who does wrong to his brother by word or deed will be punished for that. The one who fears Allaah and is patient, however, is not included among the wrongdoers, and Allaah will benefit him by his taqwa.”

And Allah knows best.

Sister, I really hope that your jealousy dissapears as soon as possible.. I will remember you in my du'as inshallah.

Don't despair sis, Allah (swt) is always with you, and if you ask of him anything you wish, believe me, he will not let you down..

Just try ur best sis with following the above rules, and keep smiling

I hope I helped even if it was jus a lil bit.. love you fisabillilah

W'salam
xxx

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah

sister everyone has bad qualities so lets learn how to tackle this inshaAllah.

we know that jelousy burns away at good deeds like fire burns away at wood, so in order to preserve our good deeds we really need to get rid of this ill feeling.


best way to get rid of it is to increase your faith (emaan) and to imitate the best of role models, and the best way to do that is to increase salaah/dhikr/recitation of quran and to read the lives of the sahabis and sahabiyats (companions of the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam).

Please check the biogrophies section of this site, i hope it makes you feel better inshaAllah.

 

[Re.TiReD]

:salamext:

http://www.islamicboard.com/general/49731-jealousy.html

hope that helps Insha'Allah

 

[AnonymousPoster]

jazakillah khairan for ur advices.
may Allah reward you all my dearest brothers & sisters for your wonderful job.
Remember in ur duas n pray that i change very quickly ameen..

 

[sevgi]

Hi all my brothers n sisters. I'm a sis first of all. I've a problem and I hope that you'll be able to help me. Well the problem is that I am very jealous of people. I don't like to share my stuff with others. I am a selfish person though my parents and my brothers are not like me, they help people, they share their stuff. When I'm at home with my family I hate when a relative comes to visit us. I get angry very quickly and use foul languagues mg:. I hate myself and I don't even trust myself anymore. Recently I'm going to get married and I'm very jealous of my would-be-husband. I don't like to be like this. I want to be someone good, with good qualities. When I pray, I ask Allah to make me good.

salams.

well,

firstly..it aint so bad to be jealous of ur husband to be
secondly...try doing this to adverse the effects...force urself to go on a sharing, helping frenzy...mass help....that way ur mind will get ova it..and you'll start to feel the pleasure of doing such good.

fake it till u make it.

w/s.

 

[جوري]

I suspect you are none of the things you describe.. I imagine you are overly harsh and critical of yourself.. girl learn to love yourself pls.. whatever bad habits you think you might have, if you are this conscious of them, then little by little pinch yourself when you find yourself conceding to a less than noble quality.. learn to make a conscious effort to stop yourself when someone asks to share with you that slice of cake...

and it is true, we all have bad qualities.. I suppose the reason I am answering this, is because I too have short comings that are so obvious to the naked eye, which probably make me less than an ideal person not just an ideal muslimah...

 

[yashal]

be practical,have positive attitude to life,when u try to share this problem......it means u want a positive approach that is good....try to communicate more and more people,ignore their behaviors,i think that is what make you selfish and u dont want to open ur ideas....bt ur question is very blunt.........no one here accept that he/she is selfish and jealous of others.....
I wonder.......

 

[Abida]

SubhanAllah.. Im recognising myself in some things u said. Im trying to be pacient and change my behaviour.. I hope ill suceed..

 

[tigersabre]

Hi all my brothers n sisters. I'm a sis first of all. I've a problem and I hope that you'll be able to help me. Well the problem is that I am very jealous of people. I don't like to share my stuff with others. I am a selfish person though my parents and my brothers are not like me, they help people, they share their stuff. When I'm at home with my family I hate when a relative comes to visit us. I get angry very quickly and use foul languagues mg:. I hate myself and I don't even trust myself anymore. Recently I'm going to get married and I'm very jealous of my would-be-husband. I don't like to be like this. I want to be someone good, with good qualities. When I pray, I ask Allah to make me good.

LOL! If you don't change this soon, believe me you, you WILL drive your husband crazy.

Go on a "Withholding" fast - give anything and everything you can, covet nothing, and never look back for the next month, and see what happens, and see how you feel after forcing yourself to do it for that long.

 

[chosen]

My mother is a very wise women..and she always told me when I start to become jelous of anyone else..I should look at what I have in my life and remember it is more than what most people in this world have..always count your blessings..and the fact that you say "you hate yourself" means that you recognize you have a problem..everyday when you wake up take a few minutes to count your blessing..everything..do you have a roof over your head???food ??? two good arms and legs??? can you see or are you blind??? If you do this every morning without fail..then take a few seconds to remember all the people in the world with nothing it will soften your heart and change your attitude in life..maybe not right away but over time..