kids

  • Thread starter Thread starter buddy1
  • Start date Start date
  • Replies Replies 21
  • Views Views 5K
B

buddy1

Esteemed Member
Messages
216
Reaction score
32
Gender
Female
Hey there guys

As u may or may not know, i have children, 3 to be precise, Jayda and jordan are my twins, and then Alyssa who is 6 months now.

Their dad left me in December and this wouldnt have affected Alyssa to much but it obviously has Jayda.

Jordan is ok, he is very much a mummys boy and clings to me, but Jayda was a daddys girl and now danyal isnt around (at all, he has dissapeared off the face of the earth) she is very emotional.

she told her teacher her surname was changing from Jayda Zakina Syed hussain to Jayda Zakina Worth (my family name) because her dad was dead - I have certainly never mentioned that word in front of her so i have no idea where she gets it from.

and now she gets put to sleep at 7 and when i go to get in bed, she will have snuck in to my room and got in my bed!

if i put her back she wakes up and climbs back in.

I dont know what to do, im becoming increasingly worried about her.

please help or advise?

Thanks
 
Hi

i have no idea what to say to this, but have you tried sitting down and explaining in her language what has happened to her dad/where he has gone? If he has literally just disappeared with no explanation i think that is what every child would think (that he is dead) especially since she was close to him.
I pray your situation eases up and you do get some answers as to where he has disappeared because that is a horrible thing to do.
 
yeah, i have sat with the pair of them and explained that he has gone on a long holiday,

the thing is, he is so selfish and i feel like say "he clearly doesnt care about us, we're better off without him!" but iknow i cant. i dont work (i had a substantial inheritance and it instructed me to pay my mortgage and stay home with jayda and jordan (i didnt have alyssa then) so that what i did, we spend hours and hours painting, colouring drawing, cooking, (CLEANING!), we go out for walks, they had a puppy for xmas so we take him on walks for miles we go to parks feed the ducks, the list is endless so it cant be i dont spend enough time on them!

im at a loss at what to do!? cthanks for your advice, maybe woodrow will have some wise words! :D x
 
How old is your daughter, buddy?
 
buddy1 said:
Jayda and jordan are nearly 4 and Alyssa is 6 mnths xx
Click to expand...
I was 3-and-a-half when my father left us (he actually did die), and it affected my life for a very long time!

I will try to pm you when I have more time.

Hope all goes well. Peace :)
 
Hi there Buddy

Maybe you could try taking the kids for counselling? The loss of a parent can have a really negative effect on kids.
 
hi there..

it's really difficult to be a single parent but you need to explain carefully to your kids about the situation. and the most important thing is not to make any promises or false hopes because children has good memories. just try to explain little by little, in simple words what really happened. but always keep in mind, there are always two roads, you don't which way your kids might take, either for better or for worse. the key is, make them feel that you are always beside them, ready to explain, ready to listen, and love them unconditionally.
 
In the name of Allah , the Most Gracious , Ever Merciful

Salaam/ Peace


buddy1 said:
...
Their dad left me in December
Click to expand...

Sis , very Sorry to hear that . Where are your parents ? In my country , when a woman faces such problem , normally they start living with parents or brothers ( joint family concept is still popular here ).

If your kids can stay with grand parents , cousins , uncles , aunts ...may be ,they will feel more secure & comfortable.

May God ease the matter for you & kids , Ameen.
 
If you don't mind me asking,why'd he leave?

Try giving most of your attention to Jayda.
 
Yanal said:
If you don't mind me asking,why'd he leave?
QUOTE]

i'd like to know too if you dont mind.

It upsets me so much to keep hearing from single mothers whose partners have just left them and their childern, and disappeared.
Click to expand...
 
it also upsets me so much nowadays that more mothers are actually leaving their children and husbands :(
 
This time it's the father leaving the mother and children.
 
Proudly_Muslim said:
Hi there Buddy

Maybe you could try taking the kids for counselling? The loss of a parent can have a really negative effect on kids.
Click to expand...

I dont want to take them to counselling, its not as though Danyal has passed away he has simply up and left, i dont think its what they need at this stage
Muslim Woman said:
In the name of Allah , the Most Gracious , Ever Merciful

Salaam/ Peace




Sis , very Sorry to hear that . Where are your parents ? In my country , when a woman faces such problem , normally they start living with parents or brothers ( joint family concept is still popular here ).

If your kids can stay with grand parents , cousins , uncles , aunts ...may be ,they will feel more secure & comfortable.

May God ease the matter for you & kids , Ameen.
Click to expand...

My mum is in UK with me, I dont speak to my dad (through choice) my mother is very good with them, she spends alot of time with us, as she lives alone, i wouldnt want to move them in with my mum tho, because they are slightly unsettle enough, moving them out of their home makes it worse! and Im not moving my mum in, I lived with her long eonough, i love her dearly but couldnt do that again!!! :D

Alpha Jr said:
If you don't mind me asking,why'd he leave?

Try giving most of your attention to Jayda.
Click to expand...

Id like to know too, he wanted children, he got children, he wanted a house, he got a house, he wanted to get married, he got married, he wanted to leave, he left....... nothing has ever been what i wanted, it was always what he wanted, he had the good life here, so im guessing a better model came along, minus the stretch marks from giving birth to 3 children! :D

Alpha Jr said:
This time it's the father leaving the mother and children.
Click to expand...
Tell me about it, we mums dont have it easy! :D
 
I dont want to take them to counselling, its not as though Danyal has passed away he has simply up and left, i dont think its what they need at this stage
Click to expand...

Hmmm, I do voluntary work at a counselling centre, We have stacks of clients bringing in their kids after a divorce or even separation. He may not have passed away but the fact that he just left could be traumatizing to them.
 
:sl:
So you getting married and having kids was forced? You didn't want those two stuff to happen?
 
Yanal said:
:sl:
So you getting married and having kids was forced? You didn't want those two stuff to happen?
Click to expand...

sorry i have only just seen this, been extremely busy! :D

no no no, my mistake i worded it in an angry way, we were young, i was 18 he was 20, we met at 15 and 17 and were TOTALLY inseperable, when i hit 18, he asked me to marry him, of course, i was head over heels in love and accepted the offer before he could finish his sentance, BUT, we got married 2 months later, and i knew straight away it was to soon, but he was so excited about it i couldnt say lets wait a year, we already had Jayda and Jordan so i knew (well, thought) i would spend the rest of my days with him, so i didnt see the point in waiting! (again I was young!) as for Jayda and Jordan, having a child at 17 years old out of wedlock, certainly wasnt my idea of bliss, but i would NEVER change my babies for the world, but i would have happily postponed children until i was financially stable, but everything happens for a reason right? admittidly my children wernt planned, but like i said, i wouldnt have dreamed of terminating my pregnancys, or changing them (well maybe the fact they dont tidy up after themselves!)

hope that clarifys it! :D
 
:sl: buddy i am sorry to hear of your troubles you are facing. You seem like a really nice woman. I don't know how any man could walk out on his own kids :'( btw i think its really cool to have kids at a young Age, u can grow with them.
 
Greetings and peace be with you buddy1;

I am so sorry to hear about your separation, I know it can be very tough for the kids, but are you coping in yourself?

Some time ago I went to a bereavement counselling course, and one thing they said made sense to me was... However much time you spent together with the person you lost, is the amount of time you need to fill with something else that has meaning.

So I guess your daughter climbing into bed with you, is her way of trying to fill that empty time in her life, that she used to spend with her dad.

Our children kept creeping into our bed, until they were six or seven, as I remember.

Some one once said you spell love…….. TIME. How ever much you love someone is measured by the amount of time you spend with them, and your children are lucky that they have a caring mum. But you must need huge amounts of energy, to keep up with three young children, I hope you are ok.

We wait for words of wisdom from our friend Woodrow.

Every blessing be with you

Eric
 

Similar Threads

Back
Top