Lecture on what Women need to know about Men (Marriage)

[greenhill]

Salaam.

Interesting read. I'd like to contribute with what I came across on this topic.


Before marriage, Shaytaan does his BEST to cause two people to commit sin and have a haram relationship…
But after marriage, the same two people that Shaytaan tried so hard to tempt into doing bad things are now under attack from him so they are forced to split apart! Why? Because once a marriage takes place, the husband and wife are now halal for each other.
And because they are halal for each other, it means that Shaytaan has failed in his objective to make people sin. And on top of this, Allah SWT in all his infinite mercy will reward a husband and wife coming together!
This infuriates the shaytaan even further who will now focus his energy in destroying the home environment so that eventually the husband and wife will split apart and any children will be affected.
eace:

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

i can tell you outright now he is WRONG.


it is VERY possible for a man to love his wife so much that he looks no where else and his mind wonders no where else. Trust me - i know this


obviously this takes piety aswell.



Assalamu Alaikum

 

[greenhill]

it is VERY possible for a man to love his wife so much that he looks no where else and his mind wonders no where else. Trust me - i know this

Alhamdulillah!

Rare indeed is this. But for every one of you, many more will need to pay heed. Women is one of men's vices. Not all will have temptation here, but they may fall prey to other vices. At the end of the day, we will still need to guard against these vices.


eace:

 

[ardianto]

I still remember that moment, when my wife lay on the bed and I sat beside her. I look at her eyes, smile, and told her "My beautiful wife". I saw her eyes was getting wet, and she began to cry. That was the last time I saw her cried, just few days before she closed her eyes forever.

Beauty is in the eyes of beholder, and my eyes could not lie. It told me that my wife had lost her beauty totally. But I loved her not with my eyes, I loved her with my heart. That's why when my eyes told me that she was not beautiful anymore, my heart still saw her as the most beautiful woman in the world.

There are many things in my life that make me so grateful, which one of these is my ability to love a woman not because physical beauty. This is why I always able to control my desire when I saw another beautiful woman.

Is a man attracted to multiple women?. If he sees and attracted to women only on physical beauty, yes!. But if he is able to love a woman not because her physical beauty, he would always able to control his desire to the other women.

 

[BeTheChange]

Sister Zaria

I understand am not against marriage.

It just scares the hell out of me. I know my capabilities, strengths and weaknesses (the limited knowledge that i have/see and understand). I know i will always try my best and go the extra mile to fulfill 'soul mate' rights/wishes etc but i can't say this with full conviction about the person i will be marrying. I won't know anything apart from what he and the family tells me. I know we should do Isthikhara prayer for this and hope for the best and do our own research.

It's so hard putting your FULL trust in someone you don't know. It's a very scary thought.

I don't want anyone from my generation. I want a man from my grandfather's generation or the generation before this. I want something that i can't have.

The men that i have seen (no disrespect to anyone) have women traits and this can be said about the women too - the women now have 'manly' traits/ responsibilities. This whole world is upside down. Nothing makes sense.

This world that we live in - the generation i am from - does not make me happy. Am moaning about something that cannot be changed. I just need to focus on myself and Allah swa has a plan for everyone. In Allah swa we put our trust. Alhamdulilah. :sunny:

 

[Signor]

i can tell you outright now he is WRONG.


it is VERY possible for a man to love his wife so much that he looks no where else and his mind wonders no where else. Trust me - i know this


obviously this takes piety aswell.

Are you Sure?What happened with the strongest among men to control His desires?

Narrated 'Aisha:
The Prophet used to kiss and embrace (his wives) while he was fasting, and he had more power to control his desires than any of you. Said Jabir, "The person who gets discharge after casting a look (on his wife) should complete his fast." Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 31, Number 149

Now take a look at this hadith:

Jabir reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) saw a woman, and so he came to his wife, Zainab, as she was tanning a leather and had sexual intercourse with her. He then went to his Companions and told them: The woman advances and retires in the shape of a devil, so when one of you sees a woman, he should come to his wife, for that will repel what he feels in his heart. Sahih Muslim 3240 - 'The Book of Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah)'

So Lets not forget this balance between our physical desires residing in our very nature and spiritual needs:

حبِّب إليَّ من دنياكم النساء والطيب ، وجعلت قرة عيني في الصلاة
​

“Two things of your world were made lovely to me, perfume and women; and the coolness of my eyes is in prayer.”

(This hadîth is related in Musnad Ahmad and Sunan al-Nasâ'î al-Kubrâ, among other sources. It is an authentic hadîth. It has been authenticated by al-Hâkim in al-Mustadrak and by Ibn Hajar al-`Asqalânî in Fath al-Bârî.)

So the hadith has two halves, the first half is “your world” and the second half is “Allah’s world.” Regarding the first half, the Holy Prophet, upon him blessings and peace, says that he was given a character such as he valued cleanliness, neatness and purity represented by perfume, and on the other hand he prized marriage and sociability with women rather than shunning them, the way other religions look down on women as nonspiritual. On the contrary, our Prophet said the best Muslims are those who treat their womenfolk best; i.e. those who beat their wives or disparage women have pagan-like or non-Muslim characters. This is not to say that the Prophet was sensual or was transfixed by women; on the contrary our Mother A`isha, Allah be well-pleased with her, said he possessed full self-control.

Allah Most High said “Beautified for mankind is love of the pleasures from women and offspring, and stored-up heaps of gold and silver, and horses with their marks, and cattle and land. That is the comfort of the life of the world. Allah! With Him is a more excellent abode” (3:14).

There is no end to appetites and we were not created to feed our appetites like animals but to know Allah and go back to Him. The Prophet (s) is teaching us balance and proportion. Hence we are ordered to cast our gaze downward and not dwell on the beauty of the other sex, or indeed of this whole world which is destined to perish. So the prayer is mentioned in the second half of this hadith and described as the “coolness of the eyes of the Prophet” i.e. the recipe for true happiness, lasting peace of mind and the soul’s rest which is an otherworldly value. Hence in another saying the Prophet said: “O Allah! I seek refuge in you from a nafs that is never sated.”

The direction of the hadith and the whole point of the Prophet’s message is: try to be a little less fascinated by this transient world and do not notice it too much; find a way to strengthen your spirit because it is the only eternal part of yourself; the rest will perish.

Source

Learning never ends!

 

[greenhill]

The eternal question . . . .

Allah gave us istikaharah but hardly anyone uses it (or at least strive towards getting to know it better and start practice). Yet we hope to find answers and guidance elsewhere. (Me guilty of this too!)

I have found people who have lived the longest without companion will find it very difficult to adapt to living with people. People used to living with people will find living by themselves lonely hence can fall into a trap of too quickly finding a partner..

eace:

 

[greenhill]

. . . . . but back to the topic,

It is also something to note that prior to the moment quoted in the Qur'an, marriage was 'guarded' by Allah but after . . .

"Solomon who disbelieved, but the devils disbelieved, teaching people magic and that which was revealed to the two angels at Babylon, Harut and Marut. But the two angels do not teach anyone unless they say, "We are a trial, so do not disbelieve [by practicing magic]." And [yet] they learn from them that by which they cause separation between a man and his wife. But they do not harm anyone through it except by permission of Allah . And the people learn what harms them and does not benefit them. But the Children of Israel certainly knew that whoever purchased the magic would not have in the Hereafter any share. And wretched is that for which they sold themselves, if they only knew. (2:102) Sahih International

So the trials are many. We can have all kinds of reasons for everything. Nothing is guaranteed, what we strive for is the best results for the hereafter. There is man, there is woman. And the two 'ought' to pair up. It could be good, it could be bad and it could be anything in between and it could swing from good to bad and back again and again.

The thing is, we 'should' find a suitable partner. The main problem arises from expectations or total incompatibility.

eace: