letting go...

[sevgi]

everyone,

yes its sumeyye...but now im using my real name..urghh i felt like such a fake with 'sumeyye' but theres a story behind that...no time for it now..i have a serious issue. time for you guys to help me inshallah

the thing is, i thought about starting this thread as an anon, bt then thought that maybe people who knew me could give me more accurate advice...i always hate it when people use anon when they dont really need to hide their identity.

for those who do not know i am a muslim of turkish decent. i was born in Australia and am a final year student at uni...

my problem is that i am having issues letting go of somethings. i know all the theory behind it..but putting things into practice is hard.

i was brought up in a very bad way...for reasons i can now see through, i fear letting go of situations. i feel that i need constantly be doing something in order to keep track of a situation.does that make sense?

this doesnt usually bug me but at the moment i am having some issues in the realm of love/marriage. and when u have a controlling issue in this feild, i dont think God likes it very much...and things just dont flow the way they should...

i mentioned in another thread that i think i have feelings for a brother. i realised this when i felt that he had the potential to bring me closer to Allah and at the end of the day, that is all that matters. im still very unsure about him though. im not the type to get caught up easily, nor would i judge him emotionally so i feel confident when i say that i think he feels the same way too.

while keeping everything halal is of key notice for me, i have a controling issue. i feel as though i need to contact him etc in order to be certain that things are progressing in a healthy manner. i do not see him often, so contacting him through other means is always a possibility for me.

the greatest issue is that he is not turkish. see that is an issue with the parentals...well, my dad anyway. i am thus very very scared to actually progress with this person. what if i do love him and i have to go through all that trouble etc with my family?

thats why i always tell myself...sevgi...let go..leave it to Allah...and if its meant to be, it will be...if not, then it wont..Allah will keep it far from you. easier said than done.

letting go and just leaving him alone will leave him far from me. we will not get closer etc etc...

how do i just let go, while knowing that refraining from contacting him will leave us apart...?

 

[------]

:salamext:

Sis have you performed Istikharah?

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

how do i just let go, while knowing that refraining from contacting him will leave us apart...?

assalamu alaikum

u kno my MSN comment is:

"im always happy because i believe in Qadr"

^ think about it sis. Qadr is the knowledge of everything that will happen, the pen has lifted and the ink has dried. Whats to come shall come and only sincere dua' can change Qadr.

Who you shall be with and marry has indeed been written, my mum always says "the knot is tied, its just a matter of time".

If i was in your position right now i would just take every feeling as a test of patience hoping that Allah will grant me understanding to better cope with these situations.

Longing for a brother your mahrams wont agree with is dangerous.. im sure your aware of how important your wali is for your marriage.

but thats not your question... you want to know exactly how to let go.
by this question im guessing you've already decided to let go? in which case i say mashaAllaah.


for me relying on Qadr always helps... you can strain all your effort and cry your eyes out but whatever is written shall take place, so why not be smart about it and just be happy? lol that way Allaah will see your patience an reward u inshaAllaah.


stick to the halaal always sis.. may Allah help you overcome this test.


inshaAllaah you'll be granted a pious and devout husband

Ameen



Assalamu Alaikum

 

[sevgi]

assalamu alaikum

u kno my MSN comment is:

"im always happy because i believe in Qadr"

^ think about it sis. Qadr is the knowledge of everything that will happen, the pen has lifted and the ink has dried. Whats to come shall come and only sincere dua' can change Qadr.

Who you shall be with and marry has indeed been written, my mum always says "the knot is tied, its just a matter of time".

If i was in your position right now i would just take every feeling as a test of patience hoping that Allah will grant me understanding to better cope with these situations.

Longing for a brother your mahrams wont agree with is dangerous.. im sure your aware of how important your wali is for your marriage.

but thats not your question... you want to know exactly how to let go.
by this question im guessing you've already decided to let go? in which case i say mashaAllaah.


for me relying on Qadr always helps... you can strain all your effort and cry your eyes out but whatever is written shall take place, so why not be smart about it and just be happy? lol that way Allaah will see your patience an reward u inshaAllaah.


stick to the halaal always sis.. may Allah help you overcome this test.


inshaAllaah you'll be granted a pious and devout husband

Ameen



Assalamu Alaikum

i hear what u are sayn...and i was all like yeh yeh deffo...

and just then..i think he tried to tell me that he likes me...and im all emotional again!!! ufffff i dno what to do...

ur so right bro. im so scared of letting go...and im scared of not letting go...

:salamext:

Sis have you performed Istikharah?

hey...

well no. i dont think there is any need for that at the moment. we are just frends...i dont want to get caught up this time...

if i start doing istikhara and stuff, he will be on my mind all the time..i dont thinks healthy...

ps: (remember all our nights talking hun...time flies..people move on...its all about dua)

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ how old are you sis?


is he capable of taking care of you?


why not get married?


if marriage is NOT an option then forget/erase/move on... seriously

 

[Al-Zaara]

Selam aleykum we rahmetallahu!

my problem is that i am having issues letting go of somethings. i know all the theory behind it..but putting things into practice is hard.

Don't we all. *sigh*

while keeping everything halal is of key notice for me, i have a controling issue. i feel as though i need to contact him etc in order to be certain that things are progressing in a healthy manner. i do not see him often, so contacting him through other means is always a possibility for me.

i was brought up in a very bad way...for reasons i can now see through, i fear letting go of situations. i feel that i need constantly be doing something in order to keep track of a situation.does that make sense?

Yes it does.

What I first would say it seems as lack of really relying on Qadr. You may say and yes, believe it, but there is still some.. Not doubt, but you could almost call it that.. Maybe you should read more about Qadr and such, increase your knowledge in those matters? Also, if what I say is near the truth, then it all begins from small things.

Rome wasn't built in a day, neither is fake-tan built in day, you gotta give it time and begin from smallest first.


Astagfirullah, I don't wanna put words in your mouth, I just say how it seems to me! InshaAllah I have not offended you. :-[

and things just dont flow the way they should...

I smiled at this point. What I've learned from life in this short time I've lived in it, is that I never know the "shoulds" and "should nots". Things may not flow how I would want them to, but they definitely always flow the way they should because Allah does it all, and what God says, that's the should. Get me?

the greatest issue is that he is not turkish. see that is an issue with the parentals...well, my dad anyway. i am thus very very scared to actually progress with this person. what if i do love him and i have to go through all that trouble etc with my family?

Exactly, there you go. You got the answer, I guess you've just not accepted it yet (or even realized it).

Ask your parents what they think of marrying someone who is not Turkish. That's step one, and you must take it because if they are absolutely against it, imagine now what happens if you get more attached to that dude?! I know you know yourself that it would be a very very hard posoition to be in. So do that first.

Explain that you would like to get married, and you know this brother whom you're currently friends with but you could imagine yourself being with him and ask for their advice. In this point, don't make yourself think or make them think that you're taking their advice only, just that you've got suggestions but want theirs too. What I mean is don't bring yourself in the position of being a "slave", they are not your masters, but close-to-the-hearts advisors and friends. In short, don't let yourself get pushed and said what you think is not right, etc.

When you show great concern about your parents' thoughts and suggestions it usually "melts the ice", they get more "accepting of new ideas".


InshaAllah I could help somehow and if I got it all wrong I'm really sorry! Wallahi I know how hard it can be to explain complicated feelings and situations to be people, so please don't get frustrated with me if I don't get it so fast. :-[

 

[sevgi]

^ how old are you sis?


is he capable of taking care of you?


why not get married?


if marriage is NOT an option then forget/erase/move on... seriously

im 20..hes 24..

he has studied and finished and has a really good job. he has the coolest car in the world i think he can take care of me...

i wud love to marry him..but he is eqyptian...and i know that my dad would rather die...

besides, there was a crazy turn of events yesterday...

he was intrested in a girl before me..i know her..she is my very good frends best frend...

she continously rejected him..and when i met him he said he hated her due to some events...he said he was so over her and wud never go back...

i got my good frend to ask the girl how she was and how she felt in regards to the guy leaving her alone..

she replied "we are in a cooling off period and im not gonna let this guy go"

shes got her backup plan.

i told him this and he went all weird..he was all...well that changes everything...i might have a chance...


i knew he wasnt over her..he was just fooling himself and me...

 

[TrueStranger]

Try this sis

Don’t run after anyone or anything….let it all come to you in due time. It is patience in practice. Leave him alone and if you two are meant to be together you will, if not then Insha’allah someone else will come to you flying half away.


I need to start taking my own advice :-[

 

[arabianprincess]

salam wa 3lykom

well to be honest... i dont think u should get ur self involved with a guy who is in the process of likin/love a gurl... now i must say that most guys at the point might put u .. like a back up plan,, n as they say if he realllly wants u .. he ll find u... so the best way.. for any gurl once she starts feeling a person more than a friend.. JUST STAY away.. thats how i see it... n if he is meant for u.. then it will .. no need for the haram ways.. well datin.. im not talkin about u.. im sayin in general. ... n i do have the same problem... my parents dont want me to marry outside my ppl.. n to me .. if it gets down btw him (as in any future guy) n my parents then i will choose my parents... no matter wat... so i always stay away.. cuz i know there isnt hope.. maybe one day my parents will have open minded about this../// well good luck salamz

 

[------]

:salamext:

Think with a clear heart and mind, rather than the one blinded with love, like ur looking down and advising someone else about the situation. [advice to my self foremost before anyone else] =)

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

then Alhamdulillaah sevgi, Allah has shown you whats what.


so inshaAllaah leave this man, leave ALL MEN BEFORE MARRIAGE, and stick to the pure and halaal islaam till ALlah causes you to enter jannah. inshaAllaah


Assalamu Alaikum

 

[sevgi]

ok people..woohhh..so much to clarify in here..

about his old girl thing..omg..cud i have been any more off track. i misunderstood everything and run a muck. he is very much over her and she didnt say anything like that...her bestfriend was being a lil too protective blahbalh...

so i know this is wrong...but he keeps confusing me. one day im like..'he loves me' and the next im like 'he doesnt'..i feel like those freak girls who sit with the daisies and 'he loves me/ he loves me not' away...lol.

heres the last straw. we spoke. everything seemed like it was going well and i was just gonna have to face my parents...

but the thing is ..he is a self confessed "picky person"..he recently joked to me about me being too short for him and if it werent for that, he wud 'totally dig me'...

i was offended coz hes like the one who is a bloody giant...1.88m...its nt my fault...

well anyways, i thought this was immensly shallow, even tho he was joking...it was a lil put off...

maybe some of the guys..which is like only bro ibnabdulhakim, can help me decode wat the hell he is thinkn?

 

[sevgi]

Selam aleykum we rahmetallahu!




Ask your parents what they think of marrying someone who is not Turkish. That's step one, and you must take it because if they are absolutely against it, imagine now what happens if you get more attached to that dude?! I know you know yourself that it would be a very very hard posoition to be in. So do that first.

Explain that you would like to get married, and you know this brother whom you're currently friends with but you could imagine yourself being with him and ask for their advice. In this point, don't make yourself think or make them think that you're taking their advice only, just that you've got suggestions but want theirs too. What I mean is don't bring yourself in the position of being a "slave", they are not your masters, but close-to-the-hearts advisors and friends. In short, don't let yourself get pushed and said what you think is not right, etc.

When you show great concern about your parents' thoughts and suggestions it usually "melts the ice", they get more "accepting of new ideas".


InshaAllah I could help somehow and if I got it all wrong I'm really sorry! Wallahi I know how hard it can be to explain complicated feelings and situations to be people, so please don't get frustrated with me if I don't get it so fast. :-[

ajla..uve done it agen hun..thanks a bunch...

ur a smart cookie..mashallah...

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

too much pre-marital fre-mixing going on sevgi! you know better then that !! *older brother tone* !



*sighs* if you can marry him make istikharah, if not then fear Allaah


what more advice can we give sister


as for his statement of digging, ultimately it doesnt matter. If he is willing to marry you tell him to MAKE IT CLEAR or leave you alone.


Be strong, dont get messed around (ie ur heart, even if he dnt intend to it HAPPENS so be smart about it)


Assalamu Alaikum

 

[sevgi]

too much pre-marital fre-mixing going on sevgi! you know better then that !! *older brother tone* !



*sighs* if you can marry him make istikharah, if not then fear Allaah


what more advice can we give sister


as for his statement of digging, ultimately it doesnt matter. If he is willing to marry you tell him to MAKE IT CLEAR or leave you alone.


Be strong, dont get messed around (ie ur heart, even if he dnt intend to it HAPPENS so be smart about it)


Assalamu Alaikum

you know what bro..everything u say seems to happen just before i get to read ur posts and reply to u..

i realised that there was too much pre-marital free mixing going on...so i was like.."meh..leave me alone" and he was like.."ur rite..i dnt wana bring u down with me.."

so now..hes gone. he knows where to find me...if hes seriously intrested..he can either make a real move or find another girl to drag down.

im so sick of guys...theyre everywhere...grr...i just wana finish my undergrad and start my research on my real passion: the Armenian 'genocide'...

remind me of that next time i start a thread or anything abt marriage.

im sorry for being bad. pray for me *lil sister tone*

w/s

 

[------]

:salamext:

so i was like.."meh..leave me alone" and he was like.."ur rite..i dnt wana bring u down with me.."

so now..hes gone.

WHAT?!?!?! He's gone?! Just like that?!?! :muddlehea

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

mashaAllaah!


inshaAllaah this good deed of yours will open doors for better prospects.

and sis we all fall , we're all in need of dua's.

tis the pre-marital fitnah.. may Allaah save this us from it.


Ameen


Assalamu Alaikum

 

[north_malaysian]

i wud love to marry him..but he is eqyptian...and i know that my dad would rather die.

Many Egyptians have Turkish ancestry... maybe you should ask this guy to do DNA test....

 

[Cabdullahi]

My advice for you is to relax dont get too attached to someone be patient and inshallah you will be happy when allah blesses you with a righteous husband, patience is the key if you cant wait just forget it:skeleton:

 

[sevgi]

:salamext:



WHAT?!?!?! He's gone?! Just like that?!?! :muddlehea

if he wants to stay he can.just do it the right way..my feelings havent changed..and i was never clear on his feelings..

as i said. he knows where to find me.

mashaAllaah!


inshaAllaah this good deed of yours will open doors for better prospects.

and sis we all fall , we're all in need of dua's.

tis the pre-marital fitnah.. may Allaah save this us from it.


Ameen


Assalamu Alaikum

ameen inshallah..thanks bro...

Many Egyptians have Turkish ancestry... maybe you should ask this guy to do DNA test....

his grandmother was turkish.she recently passed away...his greatgrandparents migrated to egypt and opened a general store and never went back

he is still very egyptian tho