Like salt to a wound...

[Ann]

So anyone who read my previous posts knows I was incredibly depressed for the last few months because my husband wanted a divorce. Well it happened...I am officially single again, and he ........he is officially married again. Wow...I didnt see that one coming! Dont I feel like a fool? I had no idea that men find it so easy to move on. I think trading in a car takes longer! Someone please tell me, do men have a heart at all or is just a big slab of ice in the middle of their chest? Are women so disposable? Im still having trouble accepting the fact that Im divorced yet he already has a new wife. I want to know the secret to having a heart so cold, apparently mine is just to sensitive. God I hate this!

 

[Pk_#2]

AsalamuAlaykum sis,

not for all men,

not for all women,

Make du'a, just remember Allah is testing you, and if you stay strong sis it means you are winning this test, also remember Allah (swt) removes the sins of believers when they are in pain or in a struggle.

Take care of yourself

 

[anonymous]

salams sis
May allah grant you patience and a better husband than the one who parted ameen.

sis i dont know too much about the background (And it's non of my business)... but i think one 2cents of advise dat might soften ur problem is to look at divorce the way the sahabah (both men and women) saw it... today we see it as the end of the world and it takes infinity to recover from the misery that comes with it. no doubt its the ugliest thing that can happen! but i think dwelling on it for too long will cause heart failiure....
mashalah i reeeallly admire your state of mind the way you had the clarity of vision in being able to compare your case with worse ones int he other thread. I think now that he's divorced and he's not a mahram, just treat it as if he isnt there.... and think of asking Allah for a better replacement inshaAllah


Umm salamah is a great story to read... similar to your case.. she thought it was the end of the world when her husband parted life and that no one could be a better replacement.. and subhanallah... along came the best of people who proposed to her

May Allah amke it the last time you ever experience divorce, and may he keep it away from all of us, ameeeeen

take care All the best sis!
salams

 

[Tania]

May be i am a bit cold :-[ but i wish to say only
CONGRATULATION to be single again
Its nothing more sad, i read this somewhere, to spend your whole life taking care of your beloved husband , and see his ingratitude when you are old.

In your situation his ingratitude happened in the right time, when you can re-build your life and find even another man which will love you

Don't loose your brain cells for a man which doesn't deserve it. And still from a book another saying "the old love can be replaced only by another one" - so you have to love again to can forget your ex.

 

[anonymous]

May be i am a bit cold :-[ but i wish to say only
CONGRATULATION to be single again
Its nothing more sad, i read this somewhere, to spend your whole life taking care of your beloved husband , and see his ingratitude when you are old.

In your situation his ingratitude happened in the right time, when you can re-build your life and find even another man which will love you

Don't loose your brain cells for a man which doesn't deserve it. And still from a book another saying "the old love can be replaced only by another one" - so you have to love again to can forget your ex.

erm mayb imbein colder... but umm... wats so wrong about sum1 gettin married agen after he divorced? does islam say dere has to be a period of mourning after divorce happens b4 re-marriage can take place?

dwelling on the past just makes mind-states worse.... i dont c the crime in remarrying the day after divorce happens... if the divorce happened over something silly on partof the husband... that's different story... but im not in a position 2 get involved in that :X

all the best 2 both of u.
salamz

 

[~Stranger~]

do men have a heart at all or is just a big slab of ice in the middle of their chest? Are women so disposable? Im still having trouble accepting the fact that Im divorced yet he already has a new wife.

aww id love to agree with this statement.....

u r divorced now, so what?? u have 3 jobs (as u mentioned earlier) and very independent. u know, id be more than happy to trade ur life with mine (think about it and tell me what u think )

Its nothing more sad, i read this somewhere, to spend your whole life taking care of your beloved husband , and see his ingratitude when you are old.

Don't loose your brain cells for a man which doesn't deserve it. And still from a book another saying "the old love can be replaced only by another one" - so you have to love again to can forget your ex.

anyways sis as tania said and she wasa more than right- if he got married that quickly without thinking about u then he isnt worth u being sad or down. i know its hard said than done to say forget about him. i know it hurts really bad but he just isnt worth ur precious brain cells

 

[F.Y.]

erm mayb imbein colder... but umm... wats so wrong about sum1 gettin married agen after he divorced? does islam say dere has to be a period of mourning after divorce happens b4 re-marriage can take place?

Aw Please, do realise that we are human. I dont think the sister is saying there is anything wrong with her husband marrying again - but I do believe she has every right to be upset. Its only natural - think about it, you'd feel dumped, like all you did amounted to nothing, that YOU meant nothing, that everything he said was a lie.....he broke her heart. Its not about the mourning over him exactly, its about how he treated her. Like "Whay, I'm so over her, I've got a brand new shiny wife now! Na naa na naa na, beat that you old wife who I dont need anymore!" - thats what she feels like he is doing to her.

Sis Ann, all I can say to you is that your husband has moved on and even though you havent got another husband, that makes you no way inferior to him. You are still human, you are a life, you are unique, you are still special and there is no one else like you. It must be so devastating, and you probably feel like you've been thrown away like garbage. My heart goes out to you. Remember, Allah is the mightiest Judge. Everyone will get what is coming to them. If he didnt treat you too well, Allah knows, and you will be compensated. If not in this world, then the next -and that is far far far more lasting.
I agree with stranger, if he got married so quickly then it seems plausible that he already had someone.
Sis, do you hate him - do you feel like punching his lights out? That anger is only a sign you are human. But you must tell yourself that no matter what happens, you will accept yourself. He has made you doubt yourself sis. Tell yourself, you are fine how you are, Allah has made you unique and wonderful and inshallah, you will work to honour Allah's laws. It is the month of ramadan, and as you know, dua at the time of breaking the fast is not rejected. Make dua to Allah to find you a pious and caring husband, inshallah.

All my love.
Take care of yourself sis.

 

[anonymous]

Aw Please, do realise that we are human. I dont think the sister is saying there is anything wrong with her husband marrying again - but I do believe she has every right to be upset.

yeh v tru sis... im not at all tryin 2 say its unnatural to feel upset... but what i'm sayin is.. dwelling on it for this long is really destructive. you can't lose hope in life over a divorce... lol srsly.. the sahabah never saw it that way, so why should we? With the sahabah... if the two weren't compatable with each other, they'd part... both the man and women would easily merge into a new family. You don't find any narrations of women spending weeks in agony that her husband remarried the day after the divorce... nor would you see a man who got divorced grumbling that his wife got married so soon after she got legal permission to divorce him.

Its only natural - think about it, you'd feel dumped, like all you did amounted to nothing, that YOU meant nothing, that everything he said was a lie.....he broke her heart. Its not about the mourning over him exactly, its about how he treated her. Like "Whay, I'm so over her, I've got a brand new shiny wife now! Na naa na naa na, beat that you old wife who I dont need anymore!" - thats what she feels like he is doing to her.

^ das xaclty the mentality that shaytan loves to instill in people..... baseless doubts, thoughts and suspicions.

as for sis stranger... as much as i agree with some of ur other male-bashing posts... i gotta say it's v wrong of you to start spreading baseless lies about her former husband (saying that he had a plan b4 he divorced her and stuff).....

at the end of the day, as much as sis Ann is honest... in Islam we have to listen to both sides of the story no matter how convincing one side may be...

recall that dawud was taught a lesson by Allah when the two people came to him.. one complaining that he had only one goat.. and his brother (who had 99 goats) took the goat off his brother so he can endup with 100.... dawud (after listening to the complainer with the former single goat) said "the one with 99 goats has opressed you"... and immediatley he realised his mistake ... which was that he didnt hear both sides of the story........... (even tho on the face value.. the one with 1 goat sounds unbelievably convincing)...


not at all tryin 2 say sis Ann is untruthful (she is honest, especially after seein her 'confession' thread..) but if we are to come with a judgement about the former husband.. we must hear his case from his own mouth too, lest there maybe some subtletees hwich Ann sincerely thought wheren't part of the problem or things like that.........

anyway.. my advise now.. sis Ann, just 4get it inshalha, he's done what he's done.. may Allah grant you a better husband, and may Allah guide him and bless both your family and his.

take care all the best

salams

 

[glo]

Hi Ann

I can understand that you are feeling hurt and rejected!
Were you still hoping for a reconciliation?

I pray that God will heal your hurts soon and give you a new focus. Who knows where is path will lead you?

In the meantime, what are your next plans?
Keep moving, sister ... don't let your ex-husband's actions stop you from living your own life.
You have put your life on hold for him for a while - now you are free to move on yourself!

All my love and good wishes to you.

 

[DigitalStorm82]

Asalamu Alaikum Sis,

I think you're probably the strongest in Imaan I've seen in quite some time... Being a new revert and having to deal with this so quickly right after marriage... wow! You've got guts! Mashallah.

Sis, you're a strong woman, and you know that so does everyone on this forum! You've already been through so much... I think it's time you forget about the past (not so easy... probably impossible too) and focus on the future.

Whatever experiences you've went through were really tough, but look at it this way... you've found path to Allah (swt).

I have no doubt you'll find someone better, for Allah replaces what you have lost with something greater than it.

Stay strong sis... we're always here for you!

May Allah grant you patience, Inshallah.

W'salaamz,
Hamid

 

[rania2820]

well i know some sisters that have dumped their husbands and as soon as the divorce was final they had a new husband. so men and women both can be cold hearted.not all men are like that.inshallah will find someone who will be sensitive and loving.

and may Allah give us all righteous spouses.ameen!

 

[anonymous]

well i know some sisters that have dumped their husbands and as soon as the divorce was final they had a new husband.

You mean they got a divorce for islamic reason, or they just decided to become the hubby n divorce the man? for the former case.. i dont c wats wrong if she found a new hubby so soon... for the latter, that's a crime scene.

so men and women both can be cold hearted.not all men are like that.inshallah will find someone who will be sensitive and loving.

ameen.

and may Allah give us all righteous spouses.ameen!

ameeeen.

salams

 

[Dhulqarnaeen]

So anyone who read my previous posts knows I was incredibly depressed for the last few months because my husband wanted a divorce. Well it happened...I am officially single again, and he ........he is officially married again. Wow...I didnt see that one coming! Dont I feel like a fool? I had no idea that men find it so easy to move on. I think trading in a car takes longer! Someone please tell me, do men have a heart at all or is just a big slab of ice in the middle of their chest? Are women so disposable? Im still having trouble accepting the fact that Im divorced yet he already has a new wife. I want to know the secret to having a heart so cold, apparently mine is just to sensitive. God I hate this!

FIRST, not all men are like that. I know men who have sensitive men and easily cried.
2. You cant do anything for what have happened, accept it and sabr for it. And pray to Allah to give you reward for this musibah and ask Him to give you better replacement.
3. Take the hikmah, theres a lot of hikmah behind everyhting sis. Maybe the hikmah from your problems are:
- Maybe you have somethings/ some attitudes that make your husband upset till he feel sick of you (sorry). I say that he feel sick cause he straight away marry again after divorce with you.
- Think deep about your characters that he doesnt like, that maybe wont be liked by anyother men too. Example: selfishness, rudeness, etc.
- Try to find out first wether he is a good muslim before you marry someone.
- try to be more patient in building your family life.

LAST...he is not the only men on earth and there are a lot of men who is better than him. So go on with your life, and while searching study your dien more, so you can be better wife in the future.

 

[akulion]

these things happen sis

i wont bore u with long words because truth is no amount of words can fix a broken heart - it only takes time

>> try to be near friends/family (they help heal)
>> pray to Allah to grant you a good hubbie
>> be patient and whatever comes yourway face with courage
>> move forward, dont hang in thoughts of the past - move forward insha'Allah

Salam alaikum,
may Allah swt help you through this ameen

 

[Ulysses]

So anyone who read my previous posts knows I was incredibly depressed for the last few months because my husband wanted a divorce. Well it happened...I am officially single again, and he ........he is officially married again. Wow...I didnt see that one coming! Dont I feel like a fool? I had no idea that men find it so easy to move on. I think trading in a car takes longer! Someone please tell me, do men have a heart at all or is just a big slab of ice in the middle of their chest? Are women so disposable? Im still having trouble accepting the fact that Im divorced yet he already has a new wife. I want to know the secret to having a heart so cold, apparently mine is just to sensitive. God I hate this!

[removed]

If I can offer a small piece of wisdom.

The key to happiness in a connubial partnership with another soul, is to first love yourself. Only then can you find the courage to love another.

 

[Ann]

Ok, ok... pls, no more arguing or harsh words. I started this thread because I was feeling a little depressed and broken hearted and just needed some encouraging words. I certainly never meant to open the door to bash my religion or even my ex husband. We may not have been able to make it work but I was just feeling hurt, I dont hate him, I hate the situation.

Thank you all for your help and your input.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

:salamext:


sry 4 the loss sis, inshaAllah you'll get someone better.

And no matter what try your best to remember that Allah does everything for the best, who knows you could end up with a much better husband with a ticket to jannatul firdaus

:wasalamex

 

[Ann]

:salamext:


who knows you could end up with a much better husband with a ticket to jannatul firdaud

:wasalamex

insha'allah!.. thanks!

 

[Malaikah]

Someone please tell me, do men have a heart at all or is just a big slab of ice in the middle of their chest? Are women so disposable?

im sure not all men are like that... its not like i actually know much about your case, but how do you know he doesnt feel a little sad about it on the inside too?

recall that sulaymaan was taught a lesson by Allah when the two people came to him..

i thought that was dawud? :?

 

[anonymous]

^ oop ya ur right! :hiding: (jazakilah khayr)

(38:21-26 Quran)
And has the news of the litigants reached you? When they climbed over the wall into (his) Mihrab (a praying place or a private room). When they entered in upon Dawud, he was terrified of them, they said: Fear not! (We are) two litigants, one of whom has wronged the other; therefore judge between us with truth, and treat us not with injustice, and guide us to the Right Way."

"Verily, this is my brother (in religion) has ninety nine ewes, while I have only one ewe, and he says: 'Hand it over to me,' and he overpowered me in speech."

Dawud said immediately without listening to the opponent: "He has wronged you in demanding your ewe in addition to his ewes. And, verily, many partners oppress one another, except those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and they are few."

And Dawud guessed that We have tried him and he sought Forgiveness of his Lord, and he fell down prostrate and turned to Allah in repentance. So We forgave him that, and verily, for him is a near access to Us, and as good place of final return Paradise.

O Dawud! Verily! We have placed you as a successor on earth, so judge you between men in truth and justice. And follow not your desire for it will mislead you from the Path of Allah. Verily! Those who wander astray from the Path of Allah shall have a severe torment, because they forgot the Day of Reckoning.

^ thx2sis cheese

And no matter what try your best to remember that Allah does everything for the best, who knows you could end up with a much better husband with a ticket to jannatul firdaus

innit
ameen

salams