Looking for advice

[muslimsister1]

Hope ur all in gud health by the Grace of Almighty Allah SWT, this is a bit of a long post so i must apologise before hand. I had/have a friend who ran away from home a good 9-10 yrs ago, she was due to get married and the next thing i know my dad was taking me to her house as she had ran away and her parnet thought i knew something about it, but i dint. Basicallay she was with a pakistani-christian lad and she ran away with him, the last i have heard she had a church wedding and also has a child with this lad. i know the lad had always refused to convert to islam and also his dad is a priest. Basically this week another friend i know who knows them the lad has been in contact woth them, iv alwasy wanted to get in contact with my freind and now i have her number and i have the oppurtunity to do so. I dont know how to talk to her as it has been such a long while, im scared she mite notbe the same person i knew back thne and i dont knw how to go about it all. Do i preach abput islam to her but i dnt want to scare her off or do i leave it and let her get on with her life as she has been doing? Please give me some advice and guidance, May Allah SWT reward you all for reading/replying to this post, sorry abot it being really long.

Jazakallah

:wa:

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam
-meet her but dont say anything about the situation...leave that alone for now and see what she wants. act and be how you used to be before she changed. once you speak to her, etc you can establish what the situation is and see what needs to be done but dont jump to conclusions and act on haste.

-once you have figured what the situation, once that trust and friendship has rebuilt then try approaching the situation but yes as i said dont jump to conclusions/act on haste...it could seriously backfire.

-dont brush her off-she may need help/advise/dawah. give her a chance first.

pray for her guidance.

 

[muslimsister1]

Jazakallah sister for you reply, as far as i know she is still happy and together with the same lad, i have wanted to get in contact with her for a while as she is/was my friend and just wanted to keep in touch. This is going to be the first time i will talk/txt her and i dont know how to start off. I know we will catch up and evrything but i think i will pick up wher we left off before she ran away, im scared of how she will be, has she changed? they was she see's things etc etc

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Hope ur all in gud health by the Grace of Almighty Allah SWT, this is a bit of a long post so i must apologise before hand. I had/have a friend who ran away from home a good 9-10 yrs ago, she was due to get married and the next thing i know my dad was taking me to her house as she had ran away and her parnet thought i knew something about it, but i dint. Basicallay she was with a pakistani-christian lad and she ran away with him, the last i have heard she had a church wedding and also has a child with this lad. i know the lad had always refused to convert to islam and also his dad is a priest. Basically this week another friend i know who knows them the lad has been in contact woth them, iv alwasy wanted to get in contact with my freind and now i have her number and i have the oppurtunity to do so. I dont know how to talk to her as it has been such a long while, im scared she mite notbe the same person i knew back thne and i dont knw how to go about it all. Do i preach abput islam to her but i dnt want to scare her off or do i leave it and let her get on with her life as she has been doing? Please give me some advice and guidance, May Allah SWT reward you all for reading/replying to this post, sorry abot it being really long.

Jazakallah

:wa:

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, jazakallau khayran for sharing this with us. My sister we must realise that unfortunatley many Muslim women have put themselves into the same sort of situation whereby they have run away from home to be with non Muslims and got married to them consequantley having sold their deen for a very cheap price. These are not valid and therefore not recognised in Islam therefore resulting in those women living like adulterers with their non Muslim partners.

I think sister that you should definatley speak to her but not as a friend and try to establish why she did this and to establish whether or not she still has a grain of faith in her. It may be that she has totally lost her faith or that she still has a little faith but is disillusioned and in need of help and dawah. Establish where she is at in regards to her faith.

Firstly talk to her to see how she is and to get her side of the story. Do most of the lsitening and try not to make any comment which may come across as being judgemental in her eyes as she may have her defence barriers up and she may become defensive very easily. If after talking to her you feel that it is appropriate to ask her where she is with her faith then do so using wisdom and tact.

On thing you have to realise is that things can never be the way they were before she ran away because a lot has changed since then and the decision she made to run away with a non Muslims is one which means she has cut off relations with her family and friends.

When talking to her never make it out that you are supportive of what she has done or give her any hint that you want to be friends with her like before because what she has done means you cannot be friends with her like before. The only reason you should have for getting in touch with her is to establish why she has done this and to give her dawah for the pleasure of Allah.

So if after talking to her you feel it is not the right time to ask her about her faith then you may ask in in the second conversation but if you feel there is not going to be a second conversation then bring it up before you end talking with her. When you get the best opportunity to speak to her about Islam and where she is with her faith then do so and give her the best dawah you can in a beautiful manner using wisdom and tact. This should be your only purpose of getting in touch with her. Make dua for her that Allah guide her but know that guidance is ONLY in the hands of Allah so bare this in mind so do the best you can then leave her and the rest to Allah.

and Allah knows best in all matters

 

[cat eyes]

the reason why people leave the fold of islam is because it all boils down to how they were raised by there parents in the beginning. i heard of many stories like this and the upbringing was always at the very end of it. i think sis just make dua for her guidance thats all you can do inshallah. give her dawah as much as possible. the poor girl probably don't even know anything about islam as is the case with a lot of born muslims or they have been told all there life incorrect information about islam.

 

[noorseeker]

just be a friend to her, and support her if she wants any

 

[muslimsister1]

Hope your all in gud health, iv had the number for over a week but i still havent had the courage to txt/call her, im jst thinking about what to text her n im scared of the response i will get, any tips? i would rather jst txt her first instead of ringing her.

:wa:

 

[Snowflake]

the reason why people leave the fold of islam is because it all boils down to how they were raised by there parents in the beginning. i heard of many stories like this and the upbringing was always at the very end of it. i think sis just make dua for her guidance thats all you can do inshallah. give her dawah as much as possible. the poor girl probably don't even know anything about islam as is the case with a lot of born muslims or they have been told all there life incorrect information about islam.

True. That is the biggest reason of all. I even heard one 'sufi' woman tell people that it is permissible for Muslim women to marry Christian men because Allah say we can marry people of the Book. :-\

May Allah protect us from misguidance. Ameen.

 

[muslimsister1]

Jazakallah for the reply but i dont thing the above is true, her family was not like dat, her dad i think taught kids at mosque and her mum used to go to bayaans etc regurarly.

:wa:

 

[muslimsister1]

Hope your all in gud health by the grace of Almighty Allah SWT, wel i thot i would give you all an update, i knw its very late and im sorry.

Wel i did txt her lst year jst to tel her it was me and how she ws doing... i dint get a reply so i deleted her number cuz i thot wel it looks as tho she doesnt wana knw.

Yesterday i found out that her youngest son passed away last week, i am sad and i would really really love to see her especially after this. I knw that she is classed as a non muslim but i cant hate her cuz i still remember her as she was before she ran away, as the girl that i went to school with.

I also found out that 2 of my other frend have been in contact with her anf also went down to see her but did not think to just tel me.

What do you think i should do? should i go and see her? i feel that if i take the frst step to go n see her then i will become questionalbe to Allah SWT as to y i dint bring her back to right path, i dont even knw hw i will fell after seeing her, i mite not like what i see and not want to sty in touch... im so confused, hrt and sad imsad

:wa:

 

[Alpha Dude]

Wa alaykum salam,

Perhaps have a few calls on the phone for the time being and once you get to know her again then you can set a date to meet up.

Make plenty of dua. May Alllah guide her back to Islam, aameen.

 

[Dagless]

Don't go to meet her just yet. Get your friends to tell her you've been asking after her. Maybe they can pass on your number. That way you'll know if she wants to talk.

If she doesn't want to talk to you that's the time you go to meet her. Start by "coincidentally" being at all the places she goes and take it from there. It gets dark quite early these days so it maybe worth investing in some night vision goggles. I'm joking. Don't do that.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Hope your all in gud health by the grace of Almighty Allah SWT, wel i thot i would give you all an update, i knw its very late and im sorry.

Wel i did txt her lst year jst to tel her it was me and how she ws doing... i dint get a reply so i deleted her number cuz i thot wel it looks as tho she doesnt wana knw.

Yesterday i found out that her youngest son passed away last week, i am sad and i would really really love to see her especially after this. I knw that she is classed as a non muslim but i cant hate her cuz i still remember her as she was before she ran away, as the girl that i went to school with.

I also found out that 2 of my other frend have been in contact with her anf also went down to see her but did not think to just tel me.

What do you think i should do? should i go and see her? i feel that if i take the frst step to go n see her then i will become questionalbe to Allah SWT as to y i dint bring her back to right path, i dont even knw hw i will fell after seeing her, i mite not like what i see and not want to sty in touch... im so confused, hrt and sad imsad

:wa:

Asalaamu Alaikum, i think you should certainly establish whether she wanst to see you or not. You should try to get in touch with her by phone first and tell her how sorry you are about the passing away of her son and just talk to her in a normal way and then ask her how she would feel if you were to meet up with her for to catch up with old times.

If she agrees to meet up with you then you should arrange to meet with her and start off by just talking to her in a general way catching up on old times. When you feel the time is right then using wisdom and tact ask her about why she left her marriage and married her current partner and also about what her thoughts are in terms of deen etc.

Then you can take things from there and if you feel it is worth staying in touch with her for dawah purposes then you should. If she has misconceptions about Islam or any matter then try to clarify things for her. It maybe that she does still have a little faith in her heart.

Talk to her as a friend so that she can open up about why she did what she did and why she sacrificed her faith etc and how she feels now about Islam etc and then see what happens after that. Once you have given her dawah then your work is done. If you think keeping in touch with her after that and continuing the dawah will be of benefit to her then you should do so.

If you need anymore help with this or anything else then please do not hesitate to ask.


And Allah knows best in all matters

 

[muslimsister1]

Jazakallah for all you replies brothers and sisters, it is very much appreciated.

the thing is when i did contact her lst year she dint reply so im guesing she dsnt wana knw, i dnt wnt to frce her to talk/txt me. The thing is if i do go and see her and i dnt like what i see, wht den? Allah SWT will ask me y i dint continue to keep in touch? also what if she dsnt wana knw bout islam anymre? is it still not my duty to keep on @ her?

I jst feel that i wana see purley because of what has happend, like i sed i cant hate her for what she has done as in my mind she is still teh person i knew 10-15 yrs ago, that is the image that i have in my mind.

I personaly think that i should jst lev things hw they are and just pry to Allah SWT to give her patience n guidance to islam through what must be a difficlut time for her and her fam.

Just think that it will open a can of worms if i do go and see her as i would feel guilty if i was to turn my back on her.

The frends who are in contact with her, i hve pased a message on and dey hve tld me she sed she will get in touch in her own time.

Jazakallah once again for all your replies and effort.

:wa: