Assalamu Alaikum
Ook ...so
I sleep better on my LEFT side, knowing its sunnah on the right side, but still don't
I am missing fajr prayer most of the tym
I forget Isha prayer sometimes, then pray it waay after
I listen to music even after i listen to abu ali, thinkin " oh doesnt matter i been good all this day, once wont harm"
and
I feel my begging for forgivness is never good enough and Allah is either "not lissenin" or hatin on me.
omg did i just say that?! well i do feel that.
so is that even a single bit of faith in me?????!
a while ago when i was good, before i knew music is haram, and before i was listenin to it alot... i thought it would be better for me to die that tym so that i cant do sins, coz i was still ...sinless then... and now i kno why i thought that! its too late! what da hell do i dooo!!
EDIT: Oh also i don't hafaz the quran as much as i used to!! now i know juz 'amma and stopped at the next juz!
If you cannot stop sins right away, try instead finding ways of repenting, doing deeds, and purifying yourself. When I found myself preoccupied with school too much and felt I was behind on my iman because of studies and stuff, I started trying to find ways in which I could increase my iman, yet not have to give up time for it..if that makes sense? One example is that I fast every Monday and Thursday alhemdulilah. During that time, I try not to say anything wrong or do anything wrong, I refrain from being around people or hearing things that will allow me to forget the presence of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, my dhikr is there, I'm more concentrated on things so that I can get them done to have iftoor (iftoor around 8pm makes you wanna be as busy as you can!), and if you fast like even once a week or something, and try really hard to keep yourself purified (fasting doesn't take any time away from your day) by not listening to music, and speaking well, and seeking knowledge, I'm sure your iman will increase bi'idnillahi wa ta'ala. Even little things like helping out your parents with something, or spreading islamic knowledge to someone who doesn't have much, or teaching them something new, anything that you do with good intentions and sincerity for Allah is rewarded inshallah. Eventually, you'll forget about listening to music and you'll
want to wake up for fajr, and you'll remember to pray for 'isha and fajr. Remember your prayers at least, because our deeds aren't accepted without our prayers!
As for continuously asking for forgiveness, even the sinless Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) would ask for forgiveness. Humbleness is a characteristic of a Muslim that we should always try to pursue inshallah. Any sincere du'as that aren't answered in this world, will be granted in the hereafter in abundance to the extent that we'd be wishing none of our du'as in this world were answered! So keep asking for forgiveness and don't even once let the thought pass through your mind that Allah subhana wa ta'ala isn't listening to you or anything like that. There is a reason for our 5 obligatory prayers and the constant reminders to remember Him, it is so that we are forgiven for our sins, a chance to thank Allah subhanahu ta'la for every moment of life He has granted us to serve Him, and we should do so with the utmost integrity possible, without complaints, and He loves to hear us glorify and praise Him and for us to ask Him of all of our desires, so why not ask! Who else can grant us what we want without His will??
Every time you have the urge to listen to music or something, just say a'udhu billahi minashaytan ar rajeem, inshallah that will help.
fi aman Allah
w'salaam
kay: